The Hermit (11 page)

“Your
teeth really are the same.  I’m so happy for you, Daphne.  You look…amazing.” 
He cupped the back of her head, “But I saw so much more than the scars and damaged
teeth from the first day.  I saw a survivor, Daphne.  All the exterior stuff is
good for you, helps you fit back in your own skin again, but I certainly didn’t
need it to find you stunning.”

She
blinked back tears and hugged him hard again.  He could feel the warmth of her
breath beneath his ear and he relished the ability to simply hold her, to hug
her like this without scaring her.  “You’ve come so far.  Done so much to heal
yourself, Daphne.”

“It
started with you, Ryan.  You helped me not be afraid.”  Sitting up, her eyes
found his.  “As much as I love Janice and her big family, I don’t think I would
have made it back if I’d been found by them.  I needed the vibrations from what
I’d been through to fade a little.  I had that, here with you.”  One finger
traced his cheek.  “You were so quiet, so still.  Steady as a rock and intent
on not scaring me.  It allowed me to go do what I had to do; the surgeries, the
rehab, and wrapping up the life I used to live.”

She
returned to hugging him and he stroked his hand over her back, making small
circles that soothed.  “You’ve gained weight.  I’m so glad.  Any pain or
lingering health problems?” 

Ryan
could feel her smile against his neck.  “No, Dr. Wallace.  I get twinges in my
joints every so often.  Malnourishment hit my bones and cartilage hard.  I take
lots of vitamins to stop further damage.”  Lifting her head, she gave him a grin. 

“I
feel better than I ever have though, Ryan.  When I was in high school, I was
slender.  A cheerleader, if you can imagine.  Gag.  I was never cut.  Just built
narrow with a high metabolism.  Check this out,” she pushed her jacket and
flannel shirt aside and lifted the soft t-shirt she wore. 

He
stared at her sculpted abs and thought his mouth might be watering.  She lifted
his hand and put it on her warm skin, “Pinch me.”  He could find no give in her
at all and she smiled.  “I’m bad-assed now, Ryan.  Less girly than I used to be
and I really like that.  I’ve got a license to carry and I practice a few times
every week.  I’ve gotten to be a very good shot but I bet you could help me
make it perfect.”

Clearing
his throat, Ryan said, “Daphne, I
really
need to get you off my lap,
honey.”

She
rocked her pelvis against the hard ridge of his cock, sending shockwaves of
sensation over his body as she cupped his face in her hands.  “No, I don’t think
either of us wants me to do that.  You
do not
scare me, Ryan.  You
wouldn’t hurt me and I think you may be the only person who will ever be able
to touch me intimately again.” 

Cupping
his face in her hands, she kissed him again.  This time, her lips parted and
her silken tongue touched the seam of his lips.  He opened for her and she
deepened the kiss until both of them were breathing fast and Ryan swore she had
to hear the pounding of his heart. 

Daphne
broke the kiss but didn’t move back, whispering against his lips, “I want you
to try, Ryan.  I need you to try because if I can’t be with
you
then there
will never be any point.  Not to me.  The only place I ever felt safe, ever
felt somewhat normal since all this happened, was with you.  I don’t care what
brought us together.  I don’t care if you think you’re not right for me, I
know
you are.  I can talk to you.  I trust you to be painfully honest with me.”

She
stopped long enough to kiss him again and he realized one of his hands was
buried in her hair; the other was gripping her hip.  “The life I used to have is
gone.  I can never get it back; I can never go back to trying to fit into a
place where I no longer fit.  Strangely, I find that I don’t care because I
think you love me as much as I love you.  And I love you quite a lot, Ryan.”

He smoothed
his hand through her hair, feeling the silken strands beneath his fingers as he
gently cupped the back of her head.  “I
do
love you, Daphne.  It scares
me to love you because I want it so much.  More than anything I’ve ever
wanted.  I’m terrified of putting fear in your eyes.  You’ve had so much taken
from you, been through so much pain.”

“Then
give me something back, Ryan.  Something only you have the power to give me.  I
need you, all of you, and maybe I can find peace again.”

His
fingers massaged the back of her head as he stared into her expressive
chocolate eyes.  When he tugged her toward him, she came willingly and when his
lips touched hers, she opened for him.  They explored one another.  Her tongue stroking
over his, sucking against him as her teeth scraped him lightly.  Her fingers
went into his hair, gripping the length at the nape of his neck as she
tightened her legs around his waist. 

They
sat on his porch for a long time kissing; it could have been ten minutes or an
hour.  Daphne slid her hands inside his jacket and stroked over his chest and
shoulders, hugging him to her tightly, needing to be closer.  When his lips
left her mouth and kissed along her jaw, down her neck, she held him against
her. 

He
lifted his face and whispered, “You smell so good, Daphne.  It feels right to
hold you.”  Resting his forehead on her shoulder, he added, “I’ve been so
lonely without you here.  I missed you all the time.  I was never lonely in all
my life until the day I left you in McArthur.”  His arms tightened on her, “Let
me hold you.  Lay down with me and let me hold you, just hold you, Daphne. 
Let’s take it slow, I need that.  Days, not minutes, or hours.  I need to be
sure.  Scaring you would destroy me.”

She lifted
his head, “If you do that, I’m liable to fall asleep on you, Ryan.  Ohio to
Alaska is one hellish trip.”  Her smile was contagious and she had to kiss him
again. 

Ryan
stood and set her on her feet, going to grab her pack before grasping her hand
and tugging her into the cabin.  He set her bag down in the living room and
locked the front door before heading to the bedroom, pushing her gently to sit
on the edge of the bed.  He pulled off her boots, watching as she shrugged out
of her coat.  Daphne took off the flannel shirt and climbed deeper into the bed
in her jeans and t-shirt.  He kicked off his jacket and boots and joined her,
pulling her into the circle of his arms.  For almost an hour, he held her,
stroking her hair while they talked to one another. 

Neither
knew who fell asleep first. 

Over
the next few days, they settled into a routine.  A routine that had become
familiar to her before she’d gone to McArthur and one she had missed.  They
hiked each morning after breakfast and Ryan was happy to see Daphne had brought
art supplies with her.  While he fished or examined local flora, she sketched
animals, birds, scenery…, and him. 

After
lunch, he would read while she worked on her drawings or knitted.  She admitted
to being very “Martha Stewart-esque” and informed him that a box was being
shipped with sculpting equipment, a quilting frame, yarns and fabrics of every
color, and canning supplies.  Ryan liked that she had hobbies she loved.  He
could tell she enjoyed their time together but she was self-reliant, able to
keep her mind occupied without constant outside stimulation. 

For a
man who’d lived without human contact for the better portion of five years, he
appreciated this aspect of her personality more than any other.

They
would make dinner together and talk but neither of them felt uncomfortable when
they lapsed into silence.  Ryan had never felt so comfortable with a woman
before and Daphne admitted she’d never had male friends.  They were undeniably
attracted to one another but genuinely enjoying each other’s company made
things so much better.

When
they finished dishes, they would sit in front of the fire and listen to music. 
Sometimes they talked but usually they were quiet.  After a few minutes she
would climb on his lap and he’d hold her until they went to bed.  She touched
him often and encouraged him to do the same. 

Ryan
was in heaven and hell when they went to bed.  Fully dressed t-shirts and sleep
pants, they would snuggle beneath the blankets and talk until one of them fell
asleep.  Holding her was magic, his perpetual erection was agony.  He didn’t
mind.  They’d been separated for so long.  He needed her to become accustomed
to his presence again…to be comfortable with his touch.  He could wait – he
would
wait – until both of them knew she was ready for deeper intimacy. 

She
occasionally had nightmares but she told him the after-effects were lessened by
sleeping beside him.  He would hug her tight, talking her down from the terror
until she stopped shaking.  Sometimes she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep
and he would give her a low-dose pill to help her.  Other nights, they would
get up and watch the sun rise over the mountains from the front porch, holding
one another and wrapped up in quilts. 

Almost
a week after her return, Ryan opened his eyes and found he was alone in bed. 
For one heart-stopping moment, he wondered if he’d imagined Daphne coming back
to him.  Then he heard the sound of the shower running and he smiled. 

By the
time Daphne emerged from the bathroom, he’d made coffee and French toast. 
Turning to greet her, he almost dropped the plates.  She was wearing a thin
tank top and flannel sleep pants.  Her hair fell loose and wavy around her
upper body and her eyes were sparkling. 

“You’re…so
beautiful, Daphne,” he whispered. 

“Thank
you, Ryan.”  She took a seat beside him at the table and they laughed while
they ate.  After a long silence, she asked a question he somehow knew had been
coming.  “Will you take me there?”

He
stared at her, assessing the possible outcome, before finally nodding.  “I
will.”

Her
smile was tight, “I need to see it.  To know it was all real, to have the ability
to walk in and walk back out.  I want to put it behind me once and for all.” 
He certainly understood closure and what it was like when you didn’t get it. 

“When
the weather stabilizes in the spring, I’ll take you.”

Daphne’s
eyes took on a warm glow he was becoming familiar with.  “On the way back, you
can show me all the things I’ve missed in Alaska.”  She rose from her own chair
and moved to straddle his lap.  “You can make love to me in the woods,
replacing my bad memories with good ones.”

Ryan
stroked his hands along the tops of her thighs, over her hips, up her sides
until his thumbs were cupping the underside of her breasts, his fingers wrapped
gently around the back of her ribcage.  She was compact and he was not a small
man.  “I want you to have good memories, Daphne.  You deserve a thousand good
memories to replace each bad one.”

She
lowered her hands to the hem of his t-shirt and tugged it up and over his head,
his hands going back to their original position when his arms were freed.  She
took her time exploring his upper body, her fingers like butterflies over the
skin of his chest and shoulders. 

“I
want to see you.  I need to touch you, Ryan.”

Ryan
scooped her into his arms and her legs wrapped around his waist as he carried
her to the bedroom.  Setting Daphne on her feet beside the bed, he spent a long
time kissing her, letting her know how much he felt for her.  She ran her hands
along the waist of his sleep pants, tugging them away and laying her palms flat
against the upper slope of his ass. 

When
she brought them forward, over his hips and along the vee of his pelvis, he
lifted his head, “Daphne, let me take care of you.  I don’t need anything right
now.  I want to make you happy.  To make you feel good.”

He pulled
her hands from him and lifted her tank top over her head.  The shock at the
changes to her body sent him to his knees in front of her.  “You’re so healthy,
Daphne.”  He stroked his hands over her torso, massaging skin that had once
been lax and gray.  “So beautiful.”  He kissed her stomach, laying his cheek
there and wrapping his arms around her hips.  “Please don’t let me hurt you…I
don’t want to scare you.”  It was whispered as a prayer and she dropped her
hands into his hair, stroking it back from his face.