The Hellion and The Heartbreaker (25 page)

You will
marry someone who will never have the ability to break your heart, Scarlett
realized sadly, but didn’t say aloud.  She felt the tears stinging the
backs of her eyes.  She wasn’t sure how much longer she could sit there
without breaking down, sobbing and begging him to change his mind. 
Despite her anguish, she still had her pride.  She believed with all her
heart that she and Alec were meant to be together, but she couldn’t force Alec
to believe it too.  She couldn’t drag him to the altar, and there was no
way she could prove to him that they didn’t have to end up like so many other
couples, that what they had
could
defy the odds.
 
Unfortunately she couldn’t predict the
future, and she couldn’t offer any guarantees.  If Alec wasn’t willing to
take a risk, to take a chance on happily ever after, there was nothing she
could do about it.  She had given him all she could, her body as well as
her heart.  There was nothing left for her to give, nothing except the
last remaining shred of her pride, and that she would hold on to.
 
She had to, for it was all she had left.

Rising
from the sofa, she faced Alec, summoning every last ounce of her courage,
willing herself not to lose control in front of him.  “I should go.”

Alec rose
as well, reaching for her arm.  “Scarlett…”

She pulled
away.  “Please don’t.”  She couldn’t bear it.  She took a step
back, fearing for a moment that her legs would give way beneath her.

Scarlett’s
beautiful face, now anguished and grief-stricken was agonizing to behold, and
tore at his heart like a razor blade.
 
Unable to help himself, he leaned toward her, wishing there was
something, anything he could do to lessen her pain.

“No,”
Scarlett said, putting her hand up to keep him from drawing closer.  “I’ll
be fine.”  Turning toward the door, she took the few steps that would lead
her outside and out of Alec’s life.  Though they would surely see each
other from time to time, it would never be the same.  With her hand on the
doorknob, she turned and looked into the eyes of the man she loved, the man who
had just shattered her heart beyond repair.  “Goodbye Alec.”  Pulling
open the door she stepped out into the night, and as she heard the latch click
into place, the tears she’d fought so hard to hold back began to stream
unheeded down her cheeks. 

Alec
fought the insane urge to go after her, his conflicting emotions at odds with
the rational part of him that told him to let her go.   He stared at
the closed door for what seemed like an eternity, wondering if either of them
would ever be the same again. 

Scarlett
stumbled once, and then again a second time as she crossed the lawn, her legs
like jelly.  When she finally reached the garden gate her hands were
shaking so badly that she had difficulty opening the latch, and by the time she
reached her room she could no longer muffle the ragged sobs that tore through
her chest.  Collapsing onto her bed, she dragged a pillow to her face to
dampen the sound as she cried a seemingly endless river of tears.

As the
nighttime shadows that danced gracefully across the walls of her bedchamber
slowly gave way to the breaking light of dawn, Scarlett slipped from beneath
the covers and walked to the window, pushing the heavy drapes aside as she
looked out over the rear garden, her mood solemn.  Little over a month had
passed since she and her brothers had returned to Grey Oaks, but to her it felt
like a year, for each day was nearly as painful as the last.  Although she
tried not to dwell on the loss of Alec, it was difficult.  Despite her
best efforts he invaded her thoughts at every turn, and at night, when she
finally drifted into an exhausted slumber, he was a near-constant presence in
her dreams.  She could only hope that with time the pain would lessen, but
for now, the weight of it seemed to crush her very soul.

Although she
did her best to maintain a brave front around Tess and her brothers, they knew
her too well and clearly suspected something was wrong.  Rory and Gavin
teased her about missing London and her newfound notoriety, but Tess, Colin and
Conner were more observant and she could read the growing concern in their
eyes. 
Her
oft times red and puffy eyes, aching
and tender from a night of crying into her pillow were difficult to hide, as
was the sadness that clung to her like a heavy cloak.  To escape their
worried expressions and probing questions, she had begun spending less and less
time with the family and more and more time closeted in her room.  She had
been avoiding Bethany as well, for it was even more difficult to maintain the
false display of happiness around her friend.  She longed to confide in
her, but she couldn’t tell anyone about her affair with Alec, not even her
dearest friend.  It had almost been a relief when Bethany and her family
had left to spend Christmas with relatives, days earlier.

Turning from
the window, she moved to the vanity and reached for the ivory-handled brush
that lay on top.  It was Christmas morning, and Christmas mornings at Grey
Oaks had always been special.  Running the brush through her long curls,
she tried to summon the festive spirit of the holiday.  Today of all days,
she didn’t want her lingering sorrow to dampen the joyful atmosphere that was
certain to pervade the entire household.  It was a day for celebration, not
sadness.

When she
arrived downstairs, Scarlett stood for a moment in the foyer, scanning her
surroundings and smiling in appreciation.  Brightly colored decorations
adorned every nook and cranny of the house, mistletoe hung from the rafters,
and a huge tree was set up in the front parlor, displaying a wide array of
ornaments, some new and some passed on from previous generations, and numerous
packages wrapped in paper and adorned with vibrantly hued ribbons and bows,
were strewn beneath.  As always, the sight brought forth fond memories of
Christmases past.

 In
previous years, Scarlett had done her gift shopping in the local village, but
this year, she’d spent several hours scouring the numerous shops and markets
that lined the London streets and she was eager to give her brothers their
presents.  She had already given Tess her gift, an exquisitely carved
cherry-inlayed music box that played Tess’ favorite lullaby from
childhood.  She had purchased a gift for Alec as well, a beautifully
engraved, antique pocket watch, which she’d intended to surprise him with
before leaving London.  Now, however, it remained hidden amongst her
things. 

“Merry
Christmas, Minx,” Colin called cheerfully, striding toward her from the parlor.

“Merry
Christmas, Colin.”  Stepping forward, she walked eagerly into Colin’s
outstretched arms.  Enfolded in her brother’s loving embrace she felt her
spirits lift.  Though she might not have Alec, she had the love of her
family, and for that she was exceptionally blessed and would be forever thankful.

When they
separated, Colin grabbed her hand and began towing her in the direction of the
breakfast room.  “Let’s hurry and get you fed.  We don’t want to be
late for mass.”

Attending
mass at the village church on Christmas morning was something their family had
done for as long as Scarlett could remember, and she had been looking forward
to it for days.  Father Michael was a kind and caring man, and always
delivered the most beautiful and heartwarming sermons.  In past years, his
sermons had always left her feeling joyful and uplifted.  She could only
hope that today would be the same, for now more than ever, she would certainly
welcome a bit of joy into her life.

When they
arrived back home later that morning, Scarlett
was
feeling better. 
Father Michael’s sermon had reinforced her appreciation for all of the
wonderful blessings in her life and strengthened her resolve to focus on what
she had, rather than what she’d lost.  It was a time for happiness and
celebration, not sorrow. 

That
afternoon, she and her brothers enjoyed a wonderful feast, which they shared
with all of their employees and their families, and then distributed gifts and
monetary bonuses to each member of their staff.  She determinedly set
aside her melancholy and embraced the spirit of the season, smiling, laughing,
and singing festive carols with her family and friends.  She also joined
in on the annual snowball fight between the adults and the children, and didn’t
even mind too much when the children informed her that she was too old to play
on their side and would have to play with the adults from then on.

By the end
of the day, she along with everyone else, was worn out and ready to spend the
rest of the evening quietly at home, surrounded by loved ones. 

After she
and her brothers had exchanged their gifts, Conner suggested a game of cards,
and while Gavin and Rory busied themselves with setting up the card table,
Scarlett went to stand by the tree.  Reaching out her hand, she lightly
touched a hand-carved wooden angel, one that had been a favorite of her
mother’s.  As she stood admiring the intricate carving, Colin came up
behind her.  Placing his arm across her shoulders, he pulled her to his
side.

“It’s good
to see you smiling, Minx,” he said.  “I haven’t seen nearly enough of
those since we’ve been home.”

Scarlett
leaned her head against his shoulder and looked up at her brother.  “I
know.  I haven’t been myself lately, have I?”

“Is there
anything you would like to talk about?”

She heard
the concern in his voice and sought to reassure him.  “I am fine Colin,
really.  You needn’t worry about me so.”

“Conner
thinks that perhaps you developed a fondness for one of your suitors, and that
you are longing to return to London.”  He raised his eyebrows
questioningly, waiting for her to confirm or deny the theory.

Leave it to
Conner to recognize that her emotional state was due to matters of the
heart.  It wasn’t surprising; he had always been perceptive.  “No,
it’s nothing like that.”  In a sense what she said was true, for Alec
could hardly be considered a suitor.  “But I have been thinking about our
return to London.”

“I hadn’t
planned on returning to the city until Parliament reopens, but I suppose we
could return a bit sooner if you’d like.”

“Actually, I
was thinking that I might not wish to return to London at all, at least not
right away that is.”  Colin looked more than a little surprised, and she
could hardly blame him.

“You don’t
want to finish the Season?”

“Not
really,” she said, shaking her head slightly back and forth.

“But why?”
he asked.  “Is it because of the papers, because of all the attention and
everyone’s fascination with the
Scarlett Angel
?  I know it’s a bit
overwhelming, but all the fuss is bound to die down eventually, Minx, if that’s
what you’re worried about.”

How could
she explain to her brother the real reason she didn’t want to return to
London?  How could she tell him that she couldn’t bear to see Alec and
know that they couldn’t be together?  How could she attend the theater and
chance seeing him there, sitting in his box with another woman?  How could
she attend another ball, knowing he might be there, holding another woman in
his arms as he moved across the dance floor?  How could she bear to hear
the rumors regarding the Duke of Worthe’s latest love interest, knowing that it
wasn’t her?  Just thinking of Alec with another woman made her feel sick;
to see it firsthand would surely be more than she could bear.

“It’s not
just the attention.  It’s more than that.  It’s just that I…,” she
hesitated, grasping for the right words.  “I think perhaps I would like to
wait, that’s all, perhaps until next Season.”

“Did
something happen, something you’re not telling me?”  Colin cocked his head
to the side, eyeing her speculatively.

“No, no, it
isn’t anything like that Colin, honestly, it’s just me.  I would simply
prefer to stay home for the time being.”  She hated lying to her brother,
but what choice did she have?  She certainly couldn’t tell him the
truth.  Silently, she prayed that he wouldn’t see through her as he
studied her closely, looking it seemed for any outward sign of what might truly
be amiss.

“Are you
certain this is what you want, Scarlett?”

Nodding her
head, she met Colin’s steady regard, her expression remorseful.  “I’m
sorry Colin.  I know you spent a small fortune on all of my new gowns, and
of course there’s Georgie, she’s bound to be disappointed.”

Colin waved
his hand dismissively.  “You needn’t worry about any of that Scarlett, the
money isn’t important, and as for Georgie, well, I am quite certain that she
will understand if you choose to postpone your return to Town.”  He gave
her a squeeze, pulling her close.  “We all just want you to be happy,
Minx, you know that don’t you?”

“I
know.  I love you, Colin.”  Scarlett wrapped her arms around her
brother’s waist and hugged him tight.

As she
fought against the rolling wave of nausea, Scarlett could no longer deny what
she had suspected for the past several weeks.  Besides the nausea, she had
been feeling overly fatigued of late, and had begun taking secret afternoon
naps whenever she was able.  She also hadn’t had her monthly inconvenience
since she’d returned home from London.  There was no longer any question
in her mind; she was going to have a baby, Alec’s baby.  Instead of
filling her with dread, the knowledge filled her with an overwhelming sense of
joy.  She supposed she should feel terrified and even ashamed, and to a
certain extent, she did.  But for the first time in months, she also felt
genuinely happy.