The Hell of It All (52 page)

Read The Hell of It All Online

Authors: Charlie Brooker

Tags: #Humor, #Form, #Jokes & Riddles, #Civilization; Modern

BOOK: The Hell of It All
5.57Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
  • ears, losing,
    1
  • Edge Media TV,
    1
  • Edmonds, Noel,
    1
  • eighty-second page,
    1
  • Elite
    ,
    1
  • ejaculatory anhedonia,
    1
  • elections: local,
    1
    : mayoral,
    2
    ,
    3
    ;
    • presidential,
      1
      ,
      2
      ,
      3
  • electronic surveillance,
    1
    ,
    2
  • elephants,
    1
  • emetophobia,
    1
  • emotionless bukkake,
    see
    ejaculatory anhedonia
  • end of the world, the,
    1
    ,
    2
  • ’Enery the Eighth,
    see
    Henry VIII
  • Euro Truck Simulator
    ,
    1
  • Eva Herzigova’s breasts,
    1
  • Evening Standard
    ,
    1
  • excuses for murdering people,
    see
    ‘Dead Parrot’ defence
  • Extreme Male Beauty
    ,
    1
  • Finding Nemo
    ,
    1
  • firing liquid from penis with terrifyingly impassive expression on face,
    1
  • Firmin, Peter,
    1
  • Fissions of the Vulture, see Visions of
    the Future
    although it’s not clear how you made such a weird mistake in the first place
  • Flash Louis,
    see
    Louis, Flash
  • flirting,
    1
  • Food Poker
    ,
    1
  • food stylists,
    1
  • forgetfulness of author,
    1
    ,
    2
  • Fray Bentos pies,
    1
  • Freedom of Choice Permit,
    1
  • fried onion rings (will it be?),
    1
  • frozen peas (will it be?),
    1
  • Fry, Stephen,
    1
    ,
    2
  • Gall, Sandy,
    1
  • gender stereotypes,
    1
    ,
    2
    ,
    3
    ,
    4
    ,
    5
  • The Genius of Darwin
    ,
    1
  • Gladiators
    ,
    1
  • glossary of media terms invented by author,
    1
  • Gormley, Antony,
    1
  • Grand Theft Auto
    ,
    1
    ,
    2
  • Greggs the Bakers,
    1
    ,
    2
  • grinning homunculus,
    see
    Miliband, David
  • Guilty Pleasures
    ,
    1
  • Halifax playing silly buggers,
    1
  • Hammond, Richard,
    1
  • hats, author’s absurd hatred of,
    1
  • Heat
    (magazine): serves as semiotic key for unlocking esoteric ITV2 Andre/Price mystery,
    1
    ;
    • inexplicably mocks blameless child on novelty sticker,
      1
      ;
    • purveyor of pictorial lunchtime brainfood for unhappy underachievers,
      1
      ;
    • notional desperation of notional reader,
      1
  • Help Me Anthea, I’m Infested!
    ,
    1
  • Henry VIII,
    1
  • Heroes
    ,
    1
    ,
    2
  • Herzigova, Eva,
    1
  • Heston Blumenthal: In Search of
    Perfection
    ,
    1
    ,
    2
  • Heston Blumenthal’s Feast
    ,
    1
  • Hilton, Paris,
    1
  • Hitchcock, Alfred,
    1
  • The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the
    Galaxy
    ,
    1
  • Hitler, snoozing in bed,
    1
  • hobbies,
    1
    ,
    2
  • Hole in the Wall
    ,
    1
  • holidays,
    1
    ,
    2
    ,
    3
    ,
    4
    ,
    5
  • Hollyoaks
    ,
    1
    ,
    2
    ,
    3
    ,
    4
    ,
    5
  • Hollywood movies (not yet made),
    1
  • hope, expressed musically,
    1
  • Hopkins, Katie,
    1
    ,
    2
    ,
    3
    ,
    4
  • Horgan-Wallace, Aisleyne,
    1
    ;
    • dissuaded from assaulting racist sunbather,
      1
  • Horizon
    ,
    1
    ,
    2
  • hot glue spluttering from sociopath’s funpole,
    1
  • How can you sleep at night?,
    1
  • I can’t take much more of this,
    1
  • I’m a Celebrity … Get Me Out of
    Here!;
    • the one with Cerys Matthews,
      1
      ,
      2
      ;
    • the one with Timmy Mallett,
      1
      ,
      2
      ,
      3
  • inaugural paragraph,
    1
  • infestation,
    see
    Turner, Anthea
  • Inside Nature’s Giants
    ,
    1
  • iPhone users, mocked during
    Knight Rider
    review,
    1
  • Iraq,
    1
    ,
    2
  • It isn’t really working,
    1
  • It’s a Knockout
    ,
    1
  • Ivor the Engine, see
    Postgate, Oliver
  • jacket spuds (will it be?),
    1
  • Jackson, Michael: used as edit-suite boobytrap for
    X-Factor
    contestants,
    1
    ;
    • covered by Supergrass,
      1
      ;
    • dies and becomes Glastonbury t-shirt slogan,
      1
  • James, Alex,
    1
  • Jamie at Home
    ,
    1
  • Jamie Oliver’s Cookin’,
    1
  • jamminess of author,
    1
    ,
    2
    ,
    3
  • Jet Set Willy
    ,
    1
  • joghexiness,
    1
  • Johnson, Boris,
    1
    ,
    2
  • Jordan,
    1
    ,
    2
  • Kaku, Dr Michio,
    1
  • Katie & Peter Unleashed
    ,
    1
  • Kato-Chan and Ken-Chan
    ,
    1
  • Katona, Kerry,
    1
    ,
    2
  • Kay, Vernon,
    1
    ,
    2
    ,
    3
    ,
    4
  • Kemp, Ross,
    1
  • The Kids Are Alright
    ,
    1
  • Kilroy-Silk, Robert,
    1
    ;
    • performing hideous acts in author’s imagi nation,
      1
  • Kinder Eggs,
    1
  • King Henry the Wifekiller,
    see
    Henry VIII
  • Knight Rider
    ,
    1
  • Lapland New Forest,
    1
  • Lawson, Mark,
    1
  • Le Grand, Julian,
    1
  • Ledger, Heath,
    1
  • letters of the alphabet, variously configured,
    1
  • Life in Cold Blood
    ,
    1
  • life, ruined by you,
    1
  • The Listener
    ,
    1
  • Livingstone, Ken,
    1
  • Louis, Flash,
    1
  • lying,
    1
    ,
    2
    ,
    3
    ,
    4
    ,
    5
    • (one of these is a lie)
  • McCann, Madeleine,
    1
  • McCain, John,
    1
    ,
    2
  • McClaren, Malcolm,
    1
  • McDowell, Malcolm,
    1
  • Make Me a Christian
    ,
    1
    ,
    2
  • marketing,
    1
    ,
    2
    ,
    3
    ,
    4
  • Marks and Spencers,
    1
  • marriage arrangements,
    1
    ,
    2
  • mass suicide,
    1
    ,
    2
  • meaninglessness,
    see
    pointlessness of everything
  • Meet the Natives
    ,
    1
  • MILF,
    see
    Vice-President MILF
  • ‘
    might as well
    …’;
    • grin and get on with things,
      1
      ;
    • construct a nuclear device,
      1
      ;
    • play heads or tails with
      Apprentice
      candidates,
      1
      ;
    • nihilistically scrawl an ‘X’ beside the name of a bumbling shaggy-haired pratfalling ex-Bullingdon shittleboob,
      1
      ;
    • elect Mr Philip Mitchell of Albert Square,
      1
      ;
    • parse clouds for coherence,
      1
      ;
    • sit alone in a shed counting numbers,
      1
      ;
    • (of a glamour model) ooze dogfood through unspecified holes,
      1
      ;
    • curtail diners’ ardour with chilled fluid,
      1
      ;
    • turn Chris Tarrant’s neck into a sort of Captain Pugwash cartoon character thing,
      1
      ;
    • excrete typewritten predictions,
      1
      ;
    • rebrand a blameless fitness magazine with a sarcastically direct title,
      1
      ;
    • loudly describe phantoms to confuse potential suitors,
      1
      ;
    • salute the British curtain rod industry,
      1
      ;
    • develop an intense interest in respiration,
      1
  • Miliband, David,
    1
  • misery,
    see
    other people’s misery
  • monsters,
    see
    beasties
  • Monty Python
    ,
    1
    ,
    2
  • Morgan, Piers,
    1
    ,
    2
    ,
    3
    ;
    • has word named after him,
      1
  • mornings,
    1
  • MRI scans,
    1
  • mushroom clouds,
    1
    ,
    2
    ,
    3
  • mushrooms (will it be?),
    1
  • Naked
    ,
    1
  • The Naked Civil Servant
    ,
    1
  • nasties,
    see
    really nasties
  • neighbours: complaining to,
    1
    ;
    • sharing a bath with,
      1
  • Neuman, Alfred E.,
    1
    ,
    2
  • Nescafe,
    1
  • Network, see
    Noel’s HQ
  • New Year resolutions,
    1
  • New York,
    1
  • News at Ten
    ,
    1
    ,
    2
  • Newton, Sir Isaac,
    1
  • nightclubs,
    1
    ,
    2
  • Nineteen Eighty-Four
    ,
    1
  • Nineteen Hundred and Ninety-
    Nine: Portillo Abuse
    ,
    1
  • Noel’s HQ
    ,
    1
  • Noggin the Nog, see
    Postgate, Oliver
  • NSFW phraseology gliding into Portillo’s ear as taxi trundles by,
    1
  • numbered pages,
    1
  • Nuts TV
    ,
    1
  • Obama, Barack,
    1
    ,
    2
    ,
    3
    ,
    4
    ,
    5
  • Oddie, Bill,
    1
  • Ofcom,
    1
    ,
    2
  • ‘Oh yes’,
    see
    Churchill the Nodding Dog
  • Oliver, Jamie,
    1
    ,
    2
  • Olympic games,
    1
  • Omaar, Rageh;
    • creates quietly angry war documentary,
      1
      ;
    • tucks into Heston Blumenthal
      concoction, says yum a lot, forgets about war for a while and let’s face it who can blame him,
      1
  • orange bibs,
    1
  • The Orange Box
    ,
    1
  • other people’s misery,
    1

Other books

The First Law of Love by Abbie Williams
The Rembrandt Secret by Alex Connor
Rigged by Jon Grilz
Blades of the Old Empire by Anna Kashina
Wicked Angel by London, Julia
Grounds for Divorce by Helena Maeve