The Heartbreakers (25 page)

Fred-Smiley shouted something I couldn’t hear, and Oliver swung back around to listen. Just like that, our moment ended, and all my senses flooded back to me. First was the sound of the crowd—so deafening that I could feel it thumping against my chest, like bass tones blasting from a speaker. Next came my smell as I caught a whiff of Drew’s cologne. Last, I felt Cara laughing next to me.

“What?”

“Remember that time in the hospital when I said you’d never go to a Heartbreakers concert?”

Her statement made me pause. Neither of us had ever imagined this moment, the two of us standing here together, but here we were. Cara had beaten her definites. My sister was right about so many things in our life, but she’d been wrong about never seeing the boys perform. If there was such a thing as fate, she’d changed it.

“Remember when you thought you’d never go to one either?” I asked, eyebrows raised.

Somehow my question was timed perfectly with the beginning of the show. A slow-growing smile stretched across Cara’s face, and I couldn’t tell if it was the result of my comment or because Oliver’s voice was suddenly echoing through the entire arena.

Cara answered by squeezing my hand, and then she turned back toward the stage and, for the first time, watched her favorite band perform.

• • •

The concert set list was the same as the one used during the boys’ tour, so by the time they reached the last song of the night, I’d completely forgotten about Oliver’s promise of something new.

“I hope everyone enjoyed themselves tonight! I want to thank you all for supporting a cause that’s very near to our hearts,” Oliver said, gesturing back at Xander, Alec, and JJ. “By purchasing a ticket tonight, you’ve helped in the fight against cancer. To show our gratitude, we’d like to share a track that will be on our new album. How does that sound?”

“Oooh, exciting,” Cara said, tugging on my arm.

Oliver waited for the cheers to die down before continuing. “This song is called ‘Astrophil,’” he said, and then he started to sing:

Sometimes the things left unsaid

Are deadly like bullets and knives.

Mine cut you deep, girl.

We had no chance to survive.

And there’s an unspoken truth in my eyes,

But the heart whispers words

That can’t be denied.

Mine’s telling you that I’m falling,

Falling apart ’cause I fell in love.

You settled into my lungs

And crawled into my heart.

You’re in every word I sing

And my star in the dark.

Early-morning coffee

The first time that we met:

Remember the picture you took of me?

That close-up-style vignette.

My world was blurry before you;

I was too scared to see.

But slowly the picture’s developing,

And I know what’s happening to me.

You settled into my lungs

And crawled into my heart.

You’re in every word I sing

And my star in the dark.

Girl, you might think that we fell,

Fell hard from the stars,

But my love’s untouched, unmarred.

And I’m telling you that I’m coming apart,

Coming apart ’cause I’m still in love.

You settled into my lungs.

You’re in every word I sing,

Every word I sing.

When the song finished, I wished I could hit a replay button like I was listening to my iPod. That way I could hear Oliver say that he loved me over and over again. I knew the instant he started singing that it wasn’t just a song but a message for me. It wasn’t the title or the lyrics that gave it away, but because I knew that the sound of Oliver’s voice—so gruff and broken and otherworldly—could only be the product of raw emotion, and that was something my heart recognized.

“That was beautiful,” Cara said, “but I don’t get it. Why’s the song called ‘Astrophil’? What does ‘astrophil’ even mean?”

I smiled to myself. “Star-lover,” I said.

And I was his star.

I remembered back to the conversation I’d had with Cara a month ago, when she’d said there are no guarantees in life. At the time, I didn’t hear what she was saying, but now I did. By not giving Oliver a second chance, I was playing it safe like when I deferred from NYU or almost gave up on photography. I’d made a decision to stop living in fear the day I read Beth’s letter, and now I needed to follow through.

As Oliver came offstage, his face was closed off and guarded. I completely understood why—if he’d come up to me tonight and told me he loved me, I never would have listened. So through his song, he told me the only way he could. It was a risk, and he’d just displayed his heart for the world to see without knowing if he’d get a response.

But I would give him one.

I smiled and placed my hand over my chest, right above where my own heart rested, so he’d know that this time I’d heard his message. Oliver stopped midstride. He stared at me as if I were a unicorn riding a rainbow, but then the realization snapped across his face and he strode toward me. He was a few yards away when an idea came to mind, so I held up a hand, signaling for him to stop. I pulled out my cell and started scrolling through my contacts. Oliver frowned as I listened to the ringer, but then he jerked and started digging at his pocket when he felt his own phone go off.

“Hello?” His tone was uncertain when he picked up.

“Remember when you gave me your number and made me promise to call?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said, his lips almost tweaking up into a grin. “You never did.”

“Well, I hope it’s not too late,” I said. “I know there’s usually a three-day rule, but I figured it was worth a shot.”

Only then did I see that real Oliver Perry smile. “Is this your way of asking me out on a date? ’Cause I’ll have to talk with my manager and see if I can fit you in.”

“Date? I never mentioned a date,” I said, but we were both grinning.

We didn’t get to talk long after that, because the boys were beckoned back onstage by chants for an encore. As I stood next to my siblings and watched, I was overwhelmed by such a foreign feeling that I didn’t know what to do with myself.

Cara bumped her hip against mine to grab my attention. “You okay?” she asked.

“Yeah,” I said, nodding once. “I think so.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Never mind,” I said and shrugged her off. “It’s going to sound stupid.”

Our conversation caught Drew’s attention. “Come on, Stella. What’s bothering you?”

“Nothing’s bothering me,” I said immediately. It was the truth, and to prove it, I offered them both a smile. Drew seemed to believe me, and he turned his attention back to the stage. Cara, on the other hand, wasn’t willing to let it go. I could tell from the look on her face that she thought I was lying, so I gave in. “Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy in my life.”

Cara’s forehead scrunched up at my response. “Then what’s your deal? Why are you acting so mopey?”

“Sorry,” I apologized. “I’m not trying to, but it just feels weird, you know? I can’t remember the last time that everything’s felt this…perfect.”

Finally, Cara seemed to understand what I was trying to explain. That empty void I’d been trying to fill since seeing Bianca’s picture of the little girl was finally overflowing again. “It does feel strange, doesn’t it?” she said. “But you have to stop thinking about it. Just enjoy the moment.”

I opened my mouth to respond—because I was totally enjoying the moment—but my words were drowned out by the cheers of the crowd as the boys stepped back onstage. Cara joined in with an ear-piercing screech.

I raised an eyebrow at her.

“What?” she said with a shrug. “I can’t help it. I just love the Heartbreakers!”

Her words made something inside me shift, and I surprised us both by letting out my own fan-girl scream. The truth was, I loved the Heartbreakers too. Maybe at one time I’d hated their music, but that was when I was a different girl. The Heartbreakers hadn’t just grown on me—they’d grown to be a
part
of me, one that I’d never be able to sever. These boys were like my second family, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Cara snorted. “Okay, what the hell was that?” she asked and put a hand on her hip.

“What?” I said. “I can’t show a little appreciation too?”

She narrowed her eyes for a moment as if considering my answer, and then she burst out laughing. It only took seconds before I was laughing along with her. For the next five minutes we stood backstage as the Heartbreakers sang their final song and laughed until our sides ached. Maybe it was the adrenaline from hearing Oliver’s song for me, or the electricity that always seemed to be in the air at concerts, the ebb and flow of energy that moved between the performers and the audience. Or maybe it was just the love from one sister to another. Whatever it was, it was making us giddy. We both felt the change. It was in the air and our hearts, and this time it was real. It made me feel like I was flying.

“I love you, loser,” Cara wheezed as we tried to catch our breath.

“Yeah,” I said back. “I love you too.”

There wasn’t a better moment than now. We were together. We were happy. We were free.

“Dang, Stella. Did you let Cara pack for you?” Drew asked, grunting as he set down another heavy box. Even though it was freezing outside, and I spotted a small ring of sweat around the collar of his T-shirt.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked from my spot on the floor. I’d opened one of my duffels in the middle of the room and was sorting through clothes.

“That you packed way too much,” he said before pressing a water bottle to his lips and chugging. The thin plastic crinkled up as he sucked down all its content, and when he finished, he gasped, “How does one person even have this much junk?”

“It’s not junk,” I responded. “And I’m going to be living here.”

“I get that,” Drew said, “but where are you going to put everything?”

“Let me worry about that,” I told him and pulled one of my favorite tops out of the bag. Quickly deciding that only my nicest clothes would get a hanger in the closet, I folded the shirt and put it in a pile destined for the dresser. “You finish unloading the car.”

We were in the process of moving me into my dorm at school in New York. Drew and I had arrived early this morning, pulling up in the family van just in time to see the sun’s first rays glimmer off the frozen snow as we carried a load of boxes across the lawn. For the past two hours, Drew had been running back and forth between my room and the van as he emptied the car of my luggage.

It was expensive to ship my belongings, so Drew had suggested we drive everything out. Even though it was almost an eighteen-hour drive, I’d eagerly agreed and packed the van with everything I owned. Our last road trip had been the start of an adventure for me, one that had shaped me into a new person. On the contrary, maybe my time with the Heartbreakers only opened my eyes to the person I already was. All I’d had to do was find the courage to peel off the layers I was hiding under and embrace myself. Either way, I was a different person, and I hoped this most recent trip would bring as many exciting experiences as the last one.

“Maybe if your lazy lump of a boyfriend helped me, I’d already be done.” Drew gave the stink eye to Oliver, who was lying on the futon, arms crossed over his chest and beanie pulled down over his eyes as he tried to nap.

“I’m way too pretty for manual labor,” he told Drew. “Besides, I’ve been working all week. I’m spent.”

And Oliver wasn’t joking, at least in regard to the working part. For the past two weeks the Heartbreakers had been in the studio recording their third studio album,
Light
Years
Away
.

Drew scoffed, and I was fairly positive I heard him grumble, “Pretty, my ass,” as he stalked out of the room.

“You know, helping him wouldn’t kill you,” I told Oliver. “The sooner I finish unpacking, the sooner we get to hang out.”

Oliver only had the weekend off, but he’d flown out from LA to see me. When Monday came, he’d be back on a plane to California to finish the album’s production process.

“I did help,” Oliver said. There was a crooked smile on his face. “I gave him a hand with the futon.”

“Yeah,” I said and rolled my eyes. “So you could sleep on it.”

Before Oliver could come up with another smart-ass comment, there was a knock on the door. Standing outside was a pretty girl with long legs and dark skin who was wearing an SVA sweatshirt.

“Hey,” she said when I looked up at her. “My name’s Lena. I’m your neighbor across the hall, so I thought I’d introduce myself.”

Standing up, I brushed myself off before holding out my hand. “Nice to meet you. I’m Stella.”

“Let me guess,” Lena said, gesturing her head in the direction of my dresser. The drawers were still empty, but resting on top was my camera. “Photography student?”

“Yup,” I said and offered her a smile. “You?”

“I’ve got my own camera,” she said, grinning at me, “but it’s for something a little different. I’m film and video.”

“Cool,” I said, genuinely excited to already be making new friends.

“So…the boy I saw in the hall who’s carrying all your stuff in—Mr. Hot and Sweaty,” Lena said. “He your boyfriend or something?”

I blinked at Lena, not sure who she was talking about, but then I remembered Drew. “Oh, God no!” I said, making a face. “He’s my brother.”

“Sorry.” Lena flinched, but the way she was biting her lip revealed that she was pleased with my answer. “That’s totally embarrassing.”

There was a groan of metal from the futon. “Don’t worry,” Oliver said as he stood up. “You’re not the only one who’s made
that
mistake before.”

Lena’s gaze flickered over to Oliver as she noticed him for the first time. He’d pushed his hat back so you could see his face, and Lena’s eyes grew huge. She glanced at me and then back at Oliver, and I pressed my lips together, trying to stifle my grin as she realized who he was.

“I don’t get it,” I joked, shrugging my shoulders. “We don’t act like a couple, and we look freaky similar.”

Oliver smirked and said, “Yeah, almost like twins.” Then he crossed the room and offered his hand to Lena. “I’m Oliver,” he told her. “Stella’s boyfriend.”

Well
, I thought to myself as Lena squeaked.
This
is
definitely
the
start
of
another
crazy
adventure.