The Heartbreak Cafe (42 page)

One was
from Erik, informing her that he was not impressed with her
behaviour and that she was treading very closely to being in breach
of contract with the TV studio if she didn’t get ‘her ass back to
the States pronto’.

Warning
bells went off in her head as she knew there would be
repercussions, most likely legally, with the decision that she
made. After all, there were shooting commitments and contracts she
would be held to for Glamazons as well as other promotional-related
stuff. She figured she would deal with all of that later, but now
it looked like she might have to deal with it sooner than she
thought. Ruth cringed at the idea of being sued.

The next
message was from Troy blasting her for being such a ‘dumbass
bitch.’

She shook
her head at his stupidity. The idiot really didn’t learn anything,
did he? She thought for sure after she’d threatened him with a
recording of the phone call he’d be more careful with his
communications to her. This message certainly didn’t make him come
across like an adoring father. She smiled and marked it ‘saved’ on
her phone.

Just in
case.

Finally,
she scrolled to Charlie’s name in her contacts to phone him
directly. This time the call went straight to voicemail without
even ringing. A niggling worry bubbled up inside her. Something was
wrong.

She
rushed from the plane, and this time didn’t give a second glance at
herself in any mirror, she was so intent on getting back to
Lakeview as quickly as possible. Going through to the arrivals
area, she rented a car and drove as fast as possible down the M50
towards Lakeview, her mind racing as she imagined her reunion with
Charlie. She was sure he’d be over the moon at her
decision.

In the
end, she made it there much faster than normal, and was impressed
with her driving ability and the fact that she didn’t get pulled
over for speeding on the way there. She drove through the centre
and finally turned off on the street that led to Charlie’s house.
Her heart was racing and the baby must have picked up on her mood
because it was moving around like mad.

Ruth
rubbed her stomach and got out of the car. ‘Shh, baby,’ she
whispered to her stomach, ‘I know, I’m excited to see him
too.’

She took
slow steps up to the front door, feeling as nervous as a bride. For
once in her life, the rest of her life was right in front of her,
her happiness there for the taking, and she couldn’t wait for it to
start.

She had a
key and could have just let herself in, but she really wanted
Charlie to come to the door, so she could see his face as he
welcomed her into his arms. She rang the doorbell and waited to
hear footsteps. Nothing.

She
turned around and looked at the car in the driveway; he must be
inside. Ruth knocked a little louder this time; maybe he hadn’t
heard her the first time. She realised she was holding her breath
as she waited to hear something, some kind of activity from inside,
but still there was nothing.

Finally
she reached into her bag and dug around until she found her
keys.

Stepping
gingerly into the hallway, she called out his name, but heard
nothing in return. Then she walked through to the living room and
straight away noticed that something was different.

Her gaze
zeroed in on the pile of baby things; a rocker and crib that was
still in the box waiting to be assembled, and some bags from
various baby stores – all the things they had bought together over
the past few weeks. They had all been stowed in Charlie’s spare
bedroom upstairs, which they’d planned to use as the nursery when
the baby was born. Ruth’s heart thudded nervously. Why were these
things now neatly arranged in a pile in the living room?

A tight
knot rose in her chest and again, she went back out to the hallway
and started to mount the stairs. ‘Charlie? Hon …are you
here?’

As she
reached the top of the stairs, finally she heard some sign of
activity; a low noise that sounded like the TV on with the volume
turned very low. Moving down the landing she saw a strip of light
under the bottom of the door to Charlie’s room. ‘Charlie?’ she
whispered, gently opening the door.

He was
sitting on the bed and staring blankly at the TV, the sound barely
audible, with a selection of newspapers splayed out in front of
him. When she saw his expression, so blank and devoid of animation,
she knew something was seriously wrong. She knocked on the
doorframe, trying to alert him to her presence.

‘
Hey, I’m back,’ she said, attempting a smile, but as he turned
to face her, that smile quickly faded.

‘
So?’ he replied coldly and Ruth’s heart sank. She supposed she
couldn’t blame him for still being upset with her for taking off so
quickly but …

‘
I mean I’m back. I’m finished with LA.’

‘
Yeah. For how long?’

‘
For good.’ Ruth smiled; it actually felt good to say the words
out loud. ‘I told them all to shove it, the studio, my agent, even
Chloe. I’m probably going to get sued by every lawyer in Hollywood
but what the hell.’ She shrugged, trying to make light of the
situation, but found it was impossible when faced with such a wall
of indifference. She was desperate for him to say something
encouraging, something to show her he was happy to see her. Yet
still his expression didn’t change. ‘Aren’t you happy to see
me?’

‘
How can I be happy?’ he grunted. ‘It’s only a matter of time
before you change your mind again, isn’t it?’

‘
What? No, you don’t understand. This time, I’m here to stay. I
told everyone that I was finished, that I didn’t want any of it,
that I –’

‘
Really. Then what the hell is this?’ He grabbed one of the
newspapers and threw it in her direction. The pages flitted to the
floor and Ruth reached down to pick it up, realising that yet again
she was in trouble, although for what she didn’t know.

Opening
out the page she was confronted with a huge picture of her and Troy
kissing at the airport. The headline above it read ‘Celebrity
Reunion! Ruth and Troy’s Love-Fest with Their New Baby!’

She
sighed loudly. ‘Oh come on honey, this is nothing. You know by now
how these things work.’

‘
How can you say that?’ he cried, his voice shaking. ‘How can
you just … dismiss it like that?’

Ruth was
genuinely shocked at his reaction. Surely he knew that this was
just the paparazzi and their usual garbage, a dressed-up photo-op
designed to sell copies.

‘
No really Charlie, he ambushed me,’ she said, trying to
explain. ‘I was walking along in the airport with Chloe and all of
a sudden I turn around and Troy was there. He was doing it for the
cameras. He practically knocked me over. I was so
shocked.’

‘
Yes, you look very…shocked all right.’

She
looked at the picture again, trying to see it from his point of
view. Troy had an arm wrapped around her and his other hand was
resting on her belly. His mouth was on hers and her eyes were
closed, her hand on Troy’s chest. The picture reflected passion and
contentment, when Ruth knew that in reality they were squeezed shut
out of distaste, and her hand was on his chest in an attempt to
push him off of her. But without knowing that, Charlie was right;
this picture did look like two lovers being reunited after a long
and painful separation.

She
groaned internally, unable to believe this was happening. ‘No
sweetheart, you have this all wrong. If you could have only
seen…’

‘
Oh I see, is that what you want me to do? Follow you around
like a good little nobody playing second fiddle to this idiot? That
sounds like a great life.’

‘
Charlie honestly, please. I pushed him away, I didn’t kiss him
back; he wasn’t even supposed to be there! He was just using it to
get press.’

‘
You see, that’s the difference between you and me Ruth, what
you use to market yourself and to grab some time with cameras is
something I see as a non-negotiable piece of life.’ His eyes rested
on her stomach. ‘You can use whatever you want to further your
career, but don’t expect me to be a part of it.’

‘
No!’ Ruth cried, stung at the implication. ‘I would never use
the baby like that! Look, I know what it looks like, but if you
would just believe me when I tell you that I realised all that, I
realised I didn’t want to be a part of that, and didn’t want the
baby to be a part of it either. I’d barely set foot in LA when I
told the driver to turn around and take me back to the airport –
back to you. I thought you’d be proud of me, that you’d be happy
I’m giving it all up, for us, for the baby. Don’t you see?’ She
felt the sob building in her throat, almost as if she was
choking.

Charlie
looked at her dully. ‘I don’t believe you.’

‘
You don’t believe me? Well, do you want me to call a witness,
Charlie? Because I told them all to get stuffed! There was a driver
there, he can tell you….’

‘
I’m not talking about what you said to who when you had this
sudden epiphany or whatever the hell it was,’ he said nastily. ‘I’m
talking about the fact that I don’t believe you’ve made such a
choice. It will be only a matter of time before you change your
mind again, resent me, resent the baby, and frankly Ruth, I can’t
take it. You’ve walked out on me twice now, I can’t do it a third
time.’

‘
I didn’t walk out on you this time! I said I would be back,
and now I am like I told you I would.’

‘
Yes, but it’s always your interests, it’s always about you and
what you want, what you decide. You just trample the people who
love you because you feel like you can, but Ruth, you can’t with me
– not anymore. I can’t be another sideshow for you until something
better comes along.’

‘
No, no Charlie, you have to listen to me … I want this life. I
want what we have….’ She was crying now, full on crying. She was
one step away from throwing herself at his feet and begging, and
would do it too, if it meant that he would listen to
her.

‘
Maybe you do think you want this life, at least for the
moment, but Ruth, you’re fickle, you know that. The moment you get
bored, the moment that life seems too steady, too normal, is the
moment I’m going to wake up and find myself alone again. We’re too
different, this can’t work and I’m trying to save us both the
misery by putting an end to it right now. Can’t you accept that?’
His voice had softened just a touch and Ruth realised that he truly
did believe what he was saying. ‘I just wish that … oh, I don’t
know … I wish when that phone call had come through the other day
from your assistant that you could have let it ring. That you could
have seen through it all. That you could have seen how they were
manipulating you. I saw it and I told you and you still went. But
you didn’t even consider what I thought because it was all about
you.’

‘
That’s not fair, I had to see for myself, and now I know I
made the right choice – ’

‘
You made it too late, Ruth. As I said, I can’t live like this,
can’t live not knowing how your mood is going to change from one
day to the next.’

Ruth
didn’t know what else to say. She didn’t know how she could
convince him. It seemed as if his mind was made up. He didn’t want
her.

‘
What about the baby?’ she asked feebly, her voice barely
audible.

Charlie
looked at her for a long moment before finally uttering words that
cut her like a knife.

‘
Ruth it’s not even mine.’

Much
later that day, she stood looking out the window of her bedroom,
tears streaming down her cheeks. Sleep had evaded her and a low
level panic made every nerve in her body stand on end. It was over.
Charlie didn’t want her. He didn’t want the baby either.

She had
cut herself off from her career, had smashed her life in L.A. into
a million pieces, all for a life here that rejected her. She had
nothing, she was starting from scratch again and now she was going
to be saddled with a baby on top of it.

So she
was selfish. A fickle person, always changing her mind.

Sudden
bitterness towards Charlie and his words flooded her heart. She
loved him, had given up everything for him. She had only considered
him and her baby had done everything for them. And where had it got
her?

She
gritted her teeth. Maybe Charlie was right; maybe she was just like
the rest of them. Her thoughts drifted through the faces that she
knew in L.A., Chloe, Troy, Erik. Maybe her mistake wasn’t just
giving up everything for Charlie, but actually thinking that she
could have a normal life, be a normal person when she’d spent most
of her life pretending to be someone else.

It was
ironic. To think that Ruth Seymour had spent five years in
Hollywood trying to get to the top and now she was willing to throw
it all away to become Mrs Nobody Single Mom.

Ruth’s
heart raced. Charlie was right – what had she been
thinking?

At that
moment, her BlackBerry buzzed and she picked up the device and
looked at the screen, seeing that it was an email from
Erik.

Maybe
there was hope, Ruth thought, maybe she wasn’t entirely cut off and
more importantly, maybe it wasn’t too late to make amends. Now that
she knew for certain that things were over with Charlie, she might
as well go back to LA and try and get things settled with her
contracts. She could meet with the studio and see if they could
work something out about the scheduling for The Soldier’s Daughter,
something that would work around the baby.