The Heart is a Lonely Hunter (12 page)

While I was in there, I figured he’d probably slip out the door when he saw the check so I started lookin’ for my
Visa Card.
When I got back to the table, he was sittin’ there like nothing had happened and on the tray was a twenty-dollar tip. Now I know I’m in trouble. I was so scared of what he was gonna do to me that I forgot my damn doggy bag with the extra lobster. Anyway, by now I’m absolutely positive the nigga’s gonna’ whoop my ass. I’m thinkin’ he’s probably just waitin’ til we get in the car.

That’s when I thought about taking a cab home or callin’ one of my girlfriends to pick me up, you know, just to be on the safe side but I didn’t want it to appear like I was afraid or had done anything wrong so I got in the car and he took me home.”

“So, what happened then?”

“Well, when we got to my house the streets deserted. Half the street lights don’t work anyway ‘cause the drug boys bust them out and I’m thinkin’ this is what he was waitin’ for all along, some dark lonely stretch where he could bash my brains in with no one noticin’. But I didn’t get out. I couldn’t. I was frozen stiff. I just sat there, almost like I knew I had done wrong and was waitin’ for my punishment. Then he leaned over. Girl, I thought I was going to pee on myself right then and there. But all he wanted to know was if I was goin’ to invite him in. I kept thinkin’ about the headlines of the next day’s papers sayin’ something like,
Unidentified Woman, Murdered and Dismembered in Own

Townhouse,”
so I told him tonight isn’t a good night, but call me around the end of the week and we’ll get together. Then I thanked him for dinner, jumped out of the car and ran like hell up to the steps to let myself in.

Luckily, my next door neighbor was walkin’ his dog so by the time he opened the car door to get out I was already in the house with the bolt lock on the door, honey,” Laurie finished the cigarette and put it out in the ashtray, blew out the rest of the smoke and continued.

“All I wanted to do when I got in the house was kick back and relax. So, I grabbed a glass of wine, put on some Jaheim and called my girlfriend up to tell her about this crazy nigga I just went out with and I’m sittin’ there chillin’ sippin’ my wine waitin’ for her to pick up and fiddlin’ with the CD when I see big as day, ‘produced by Aaron Brown’.

Girlfriend, I dropped the wine and the phone. I just sat there and stared at the CD. I must have stared at it for about ten minutes until I heard my girl yelling over the phone, “Laurie? Laurie, are you there?” I picked up the phone. I don’t even know if I told her I was goin’ to call her back. I just hung it up. I had CD’s everywhere. And sure enough he was on the Keith Sweat, the Kelly Price, the Luther, all of the one’s he mentioned.”

“No.”

“Girl, I wanted to kick my own ass.” Laurie said.

“I’m feelin’ you there, girl. You run into a good man out here, you’d best scoop him up. What is it they say?” Sill asked.

“A good man is hard to find,” Laurie said.

“Ain’t that the truth. Either they’re married or dead,” Sill added.

“Shit, a few of the married ones I’ve dated seem like they’re
dead,”
Laurie said, smiling as she scrounged through her purse for another cigarette.

“Tell me you don’t date married men, Laurie. At least not
knowing
they’re married.”

“Baby girl, this is Atlanta. Do you know what the ratio of men to women is here? A thousand to one. Hell, if he’s married and looks in my direction and I like what I see, he’s mine. He could be walkin’ hand in hand in the mall with his wife and kids but the minute he glances in my direction then he’s fair game. His marital status is
his
business. And if he ends up out here with me then she ain’t doin’ somethin’ right at home. I’m not a home wrecker, Sill. I’m a home-maker. If he ain’t happy there, then I promise that I’ll make him a happy home here. She better just be glad that I’m not in the market for a full-time man. If I was I wouldn’t send him home when I got tired of him. I wouldn’t send him home at all. But honestly, I do try to stay away from married men but not because they’re married. I stay away from ‘em because I’m high maintenance and brothaman has got to be in great shape to keep up with me and ain’t too many married men that I know can satisfy wifey and me too. What about you, Sill? Have you been datin’?” Laurie said.

“No, not really. I’m still trying to get over my last relationship,” she confessed.

“Let me guess? Brotha either got locked up was gay or is messin’ with that shit,” Laurie speculated.

Sylvia dropped her head for a second. The thought of Peter was still painful and for some reason the memories and the hurt she felt seemed to be growing stronger instead of fading as time went on.

Laurie, sensing her cousin’s turmoil interjected: “Okay Sylvia, here’s the bottom line. It’s something my daddy used to tell me before he passed on, God bless his soul. Daddy used to tell me to, ‘never ever let another person live rent free in your mind for more than a minute’. I never understood what he was sayin’ at the time but after meetin’ my fair share of men, excuse me
dogs
that were pretending to be men and after being in a fair amount of relationships, I think I understand what he was tryin’ to tell me.

You see, life is hard enough without lettin’ someone else bring chaos and confusion into it and before you let that happen, you let them go. Life is just too short, girlfriend. And never but
never
dwell on the fact that this person had that much effect on your life that you’re still thinkin’ about a situation that’s long gone. That’s why I don’t really have relationships anymore. What I have that serves me just as well is a good doctor who keeps me supplied with penicillin. See, the only thing I need from a man right through here is a good workout every now and then. And hell, I’d rather buy it straight up than to deal with all the bullshit of a relationship. Shoot, I give them a hundred dollars, check their health card, make ‘em whisper they love me in my ear three or four times while they’re sexing me and I’m good to go. And I’m not chinchy either. If a multiple orgasm comes into play, I just might tip ‘em. But please don’t call me afterwards. I’ll call you in a month or so if I need some more. And that way, I don’t have to entertain the silly games and constant bullshit. Now what’s your story, Sill? C’mon, you can tell me. We’re family. Besides, I’m nosy as hell and the suspense is drivin’ me crazy.”

“There’s really nothing to tell, Laurie,” Sill lied.

“Okay, well, at least tell me this. Was he messin’ with drugs?”

“No, not that I know of but then there was a lot I didn’t know. No, he was a professor of Civil Engineering at Morehouse,” she replied.

“Then, he must have been married,” Laurie concluded.

“No, he wasn’t married,” Sill said wishing the guessing game would stop.

“Then, he
had
to be gay,” Laurie ventured, finally.

Sill dropped her head. They had been sitting in front of the apartment for a good twenty minutes and Sill saw no better time to get out than now.

“Help me grab the bags,” she said as she popped the trunk. “I’ll tell you about it later.”

“That bad?” Laurie infused.

“That bad,” Sill replied.

Laurie helped Sill grab the shopping bags and made their way into the apartment.

“Ooh girl, this is nice. I love the skylight and it’s
so
spacious. You should see mine. If you hold your arms out and turn around, you can hit all four walls,” Laurie said as she walked from room to room. “So, go ahead, tell me about Mr. Softee.”

“There’s really nothing to tell, Laurie. We dated for a year, maybe a year and a half and I found out he was gay. That’s about it,” Sill said.

“Did you love him?” Laurie asked.

Sylvia hesitated. “I’m not sure. You know I never really thought about it. He was just there and I pretty much figured he would always be there but I never really asked myself that question. And, when I found out he was sleeping with a man, I was so angry that I still didn’t ask myself if I loved him. I do miss him, though.”

“Well, did you sleep with him?” Laurie probed.

“No, we never slept together. Matter of fact, I was trying to seduce him one night and that’s when I discovered it.”

“So, you mean to tell me that you spent a year and a half with this fool and you never slept with him? C’mon Sill, fess up.” Laurie couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“It wasn’t like that, Laurie. The two of us did everything together. I mean everything. We just enjoyed being around each other,” Sill said in her own defense.

“So, what you’re tellin’ me is that you broke up with him because he wouldn’t sleep with you but he was your best friend,” Laurie asked, incredulously.

“Yeah, I guess you could say he was my best friend. Do we have to talk about this?”

“No, not really. I can see it’s still pretty painful but can I say one last thing?” Laurie asked. “Girlfriend, I’m not tryin’ to sound like white people, tryin’ to cover up their own prejudice when they say one of my best friends is Black. And I don’t have a whole lot of gay friends so I really can’t generalize but I have one friend who just so happens to prefer men over women and he’s probably the best friend I’ve got. He’s the sweetest person in the world and I’m not being factious when I say
sweet.
So, I could care less about what kind of sex he prefers ‘cause Lord knows I got some kinky shit in me but I wouldn’t trade his friendship for anything in the world. I’m sure it’s probably different when you’re in a relationship and tryin’ to get your sex on but girl, good friends are hard to find and if you find one good friend in a lifetime you can count yourself lucky. Now, with that said, are you ready to go? I know momma’s got the food on the table and I’m about starved.”

Sylvia thought about what her cousin had said later as she showered and packed her overnight bag. Good friends
were
hard to come by. Again, her thoughts returned to Peter. Lord knows she had never had a better friend. She even considered calling Dr. Marchus under the pretense that her mother was in town and wanted to see Peter. Marchus would surely know his whereabouts and he would surely come then and perhaps they could resolve the problem. On second thought, maybe it would be better they wait until they were home before inviting him over.

Forty-five minutes later, Laurie and Sill pulled up at her aunt’s home outside of Atlanta. Sylvia had never been to their new home and didn’t know what her uncle had done for a living but he sure had provided nicely for his family before he died.

The house which sat back on several acres of land was palatial. Marble floors and crystal chandeliers met Sylvia as she entered the spacious home. A young, Hispanic woman about Sylvia’s age answered the door, welcomed them and led them to the dining room where Mrs. Shipp and her sister were already dining.

“Well, nice of you two to finally join us,” Sill’s aunt said. “I hope Laurie hasn’t been too bad of an influence on you.”

“Not at all, we were just reminiscing, getting caught up,” Sill replied.

Laurie kissed her mom and her aunt.

“What’s for dinner? I’m starved,” she confessed.

The evening turned out to be far more fun than Sylvia could ever have imagined. After a dinner in which Sylvia ate far too much, the four ladies played
Guesstures
and chatted until the wee hours of the morning. It seemed to

Sylvia that no sooner had she closed her eyes than the warm smell of bacon singed her nose. Laurie was already up and in the shower and Sylvia had all she could do to drag herself out of bed and into the bathroom when she heard her aunt’s voice. “Church starts in thirty minutes. You ladies need to get a move on, if you expect to get breakfast and a good seat. Hurry up now. Laurie, you know how I hate to be late.”

Sylvia finally found the main bathroom after opening what seemed like a thousand doors. There were rooms and more rooms. She hadn’t seen the house in its entirety the night before but soon realized that she was in a mansion if there ever was one. Donning the navy blue
Christian Dior
suit she had purchased a few weeks ago with the hope of impressing Peter, Sylvia made her way down the stairs and met the approving eye of everyone there. Her mom and aunt were already at the door while Laurie waited impatiently in the car. Five minutes later, the four women arrived at John Wesley A.M.E. Zion Church’s parking lot. She never imagined a church of this size and magnitude. There must have been a thousand cars in the parking lot alone. Once inside, she found there to be even more people than there had been cars. The church was enormous and Sill just hoped, no, she
knew
that this many people couldn’t be coming to hear some illiterate jack-legged preacher hoopin’ and hollerin’ as she was so used to.

To her surprise, the minister was no more than thirty or so and not only was he eloquent in his delivery he was quite handsome as well. No one turned to see the newcomers; there were no hostile stares, no routine genuflecting, no hoopin’ and hollerin’. There was nothing but a simple well thought out message on loving thy neighbor which not only addressed the congregation but spoke in terms of American as a country, a superpower and a leader being more tolerant of others in spite of their differences.

The young minister addressed the escalating violence in the Middle East and the war in Iraq. He questioned patriotism and religion and sought to ask the tough questions.

He asked the congregation if we were as a nation unpatriotic because we did not support the war in Iraq. He questioned the war fitting into the Judeo-Christian doctrine which this country was founded on. He concluded by asking the congregation, “If Jesus were alive today, would he be considered treasonous or unpatriotic for not supporting military intervention in Afghanistan or Iraq? For not supporting war?

And then he went on, “I have the Good Book right here in front of me. And in this book which governs most of our lives I am unable to find one passage, not one single reference, where it says that out Lord and Savior Jesus Christ condoned war. I can find passages where he grew angry. I’m okay with that. We all grow angry at times. After the initial shock of 9/11 I grew angry too. How many of you out there were angry and felt like your privacy had been invaded? Sure, you were angry. But let me digress for a minute. How many of you have ever been to the doctors and he tells you to jump up onto the examination table. After you get up on the table, the doctor takes this little hammer with a rubber tip and
pow,
he bangs you on the knee with it and your knee shoots straight out. No matter what you do to keep that leg from moving when the doctor hits that one spot there’s nothing you can do to stop that leg from jumping out, from reacting. That’s a natural reaction. I believe they call that a knee-jerk reaction. It’s natural and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. That’s how anger is. It’s a natural reaction to something or someone that offends us in some way. Many times we can’t stop it. It’s a natural reaction. But we do have the ability to think and reason and we must use these capabilities to determine how to react after the initial anger has subsided. It is at these times when we must ask ourselves, what would Jesus do? Now, my friends, I didn’t want to steer you wrong so I spent the week searching the Good Book. And again, I cannot find one passage where our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ said it was alright to go to war and kill another man.