The Healing Quilt (45 page)

“Oh, God.” Beth felt her heart thudding as if she'd been running. Garths car sat in the driveway. She stopped, set the brake and got out, her hands shaking so she could hardly hold her keys. She reached back in the car for her purse, slammed the door, and forced her feet to move her forward.
God, please help me. Father, I cannot do this.
She opened the door from the garage to the house and stepped into the kitchen.

Garth turned from the counter. “Beth, you re home early.”

“I have t-to tell you something. You better sit down.” She pointed to the chair.

“What's wrong? Honey, you're scaring me.” He sat on the chair, his gaze not leaving hers.

She clamped her fingers over the back of the chair in front of her. “I had an abortion when I was sixteen, and, Garth, I am so sorry.”
Please come take me in your arms. Garth, dont look at me that way!

But Garth just sat there, staring. Accusing. Then he got up and left the room.

“I can't believe you would do such a thing.”

Beth stood in the arch to the living room and stared at her husband. His clothes from the day before were rumpled, his face unshaven, his hair in pillow-tossed spikes. But his eyes—Beth knew they would haunt her. Desolate, dark, as though anger had come and gone, leaving ashes in its wake.
But, Lord, I have to hang on to you. I am forgiven
—
-you said so. Please, speak to Garth, heal his wounded heart.

“Me, either.” But that was then and now is now. “Can I fix you breakfast?”
You didnt eat dinner, and nothing around here shows you've even snacked.

He shook his head. “Think I'll go for a run.”

“Did you sleep?”

He halfway shrugged. “I was searching.” He nodded toward his Bible. “God says I have to forgive you, but right now, Beth, I can't. You lived a lie all these years. Do I even know who you are?”

She almost said, “I'm no different,” but she couldn't. For she was different. Inside, she knew freedom, for the first time in twelve years. It bubbled up like a clear mountain stream from under a storm-hewn rock. Water, life-giving water. The living water that washed her clean.

Garth had not started the coffee maker, had not had a glass of juice, nor eaten one of the cinnamon rolls she'd made the day before. She got out the filter, measured the grounds, and poured in the water. With each action, a prayer for Garth rose with the fragrance. She wiped down the counters, set his place at the table, and warmed a cinnamon roll in the microwave. When the coffee maker beeped, she took her roll and coffee mug outside on the back deck.

Dew coated the chairs and lounger. The cushions had been left out overnight. The cat jumped up on the deck and walked over to the dish, his tail straight in the air. He sniffed it, sat down, and looked at her as if to say, “Come on, get with the program. I'm hungry.”

“You before me, right?”

A mew answered her question. The cat yawned, barbed pink tongue curling between white teeth.

When she poured the kibbles into his dish, he crouched down, tail wrapped around his body as he crunched away. Beth flipped the cushion over on the lounger and moved her plate and mug from the round glass-topped table to the low one where a pot of bronze and gold marigolds bloomed. Another one of the little things Garth did to show his love, put pots of flowers where she could enjoy them. Could he…? Would he…? She sat down and swung her legs up on the lounger. When she tried to think what she would do if Garth couldn't forgive her, the thoughts wouldn't come, only
peace I leave with you, my peace I give you.
Peace, such a precious gift. She sipped her coffee and nibbled the edge of her roll. When the cat finished his meal, he strolled over, leaped up on the lounger and, sitting by her knees, began his morning ablutions. Lick the paw, scrub the face and ears. Lick the chest, go to the other paw for the other side of face and ears.

Slowly, afraid if she moved too fast, she reached out a finger and rubbed his head. When he stood and arched his back, she obliged and stroked his back. A purr rumbled in his throat and burst into fullblown kitty contentment. With two white front paws he kneaded her thigh, then hopped up in her lap to curl up and continued purring, his motor causing her and the entire lounger to vibrate.

Trust. She'd finally earned his trust.

Garth, freshly showered and shaved, poked his head out the door. “I have a meeting at church, but I'd appreciate it if you were here when I returned. Should be back in an hour or so.”

“Okay.”

“The cats in your lap.”

“I know.” Beth smiled at her husband. “Pretty amazing, huh?”

Beth stayed where she was, praying and listening. Praying for the right words to say to him, listening for what God had to say to her. His love songs flowed liquid joy like the
Song Sparrows
aria. One song pleased her ears. The other watered her heart so long dry and near parched to death.

Her eyes closed and she slept.

“Beth.” Garth touched her shoulder. “I'm home.”

“Oh, Garth, I had the most wonderful dream.” She paused. “At least I think it was a dream.”

“What?”

“I felt like I was being rocked in mighty arms, stronger than anything I've ever known, but so gentle, even more gentle than my mother's. I looked down to see a baby in my arms, a newborn so red of face but sleeping with long eyelashes on round cheeks. A fuzz of red crowned her perfect little head, two tiny fists, one by a cheek, the other under the dimpled chin. And is she mine?’ I asked. A deep voice rumbled in my ear, ‘No, mine, but safe from further harm.’ I dared to ask, ‘My first?’ My heart was about to leap out of my chest.” Beth put her hand to her ear. “Like I heard him through his chest, he said, ‘That one, I love with an eternal love, like I love you.’ ‘And will you trust me again?’ I asked. I felt a rumble in his mighty chest, and suddenly I was back in the lounger. And the cat was purring. And, Garth, it was so real.”

“I'm glad. Beth, I think I need you to tell me the whole story.”

“Are you sure?”

“I'm sure.” He rubbed his forehead. When she finished, he leaned back in the chair he'd moved to during her telling and closed his eyes. “I have to believe you had no idea what you were really doing.

“Garth, I can remember the terror. I was frightened out of my mind. I think of all the ? should haves’, and I go crazy.”

“Like you have been lately?”

“Yes. But no longer. I know Jesus forgave me. I believe it now.”

“As do 1.1 fought and wrestled with the Lord all night. I know how Jacob felt, and I know I must forgive you or be in direct opposition to God myself, where I really don't want to be. I want to be in his perfect will. But I tell you, I've never struggled with anything so hard in my entire life.”

“I love you, Garth Donnelly.”

“And I you. No more secrets, okay?”

“Right.” A thought hit her so hard she blinked. “Uh, there is one more thing.”

Garth stopped in his reaching for her and sat back in his chair. “What?”

“I, uh, I've been talking with the quilters about starting a sewing business so that I could help with the money coming in. It may not be much, but you know how I love to sew, and, well, who knows if it will do anything or not. Do you mind?”

“When were you planning on telling me about it?” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“When I knew more about what I had to do.”

“Beth, I don't mind if you start a business like this, but no more secrets. If either of us has an idea, we talk it over, up front not later.”

“Yes, I promise.”

“You're sure there's nothing else?” When she shook her head, he stood and reached for her hand. “Good. Let's see if we can do some serious damage to those cinnamon rolls.”

“Anybody heard from Beth?” Teza asked.

Sue and Kit shook their heads. “No news is good news? If she needed something, she would call, right?”

“Or else she's in such deep depression she can't call.” Sue laid out her needle case and sat down to begin threading. “How are you doing, Teza?”

“Fair to middling. I'd be home working, but Kit there said I was needed more here today.”

“Knock, knock.” Elsie Mae pushed open the door with a canvas-covered cooler swinging from one arm and her bag on the other. “I brought lunch.”

“Do you need refrigerator space?”

“No, this will stay cold that long. Ill just set it in the kitchen.”

“I could have helped you, you know, if you'd waited only a moment more.” Elaine breezed in behind Elsie Mae. “Anyone heard from our child bride?”

“If she doesn't show up pretty soon, I'm calling over there to check.” Kit set a plate of cookies on the coffee table. “Coffee's ready if anyone wants some. Tea's in the fridge.”

“How come you two are back already? Or didn't you have radiation?” Elaine directed her question toward Teza.

“I have an earlier time now. We go at eight instead of nine-thirty.”

“That gives you even less time at home in the morning.”

“I know. Thank God for Ryan and Vinnie. They've been selling peaches like crazy, and the Gravenstien apples are especially good this year. I have a box out in the kitchen for you to all help yourselves.”

About the time they all got sat down, Beth burst in the door. “Sorry I'm late, I overslept.” She stopped and looked around the group. “What's wrong, is my dress inside out or something? My makeup smeared?”

“Were just makin sure you are still in one piece, darlin. You know you left here in a real hurry.”

“Well, all through Monday night when Garth never came to bed or spoke to me or anything, I wasn't sure what was going to happen, but Tuesday morning we talked it out, and he said he forgives me.” She sagged against a chair. “What a relief.”

“You notice anything different about her?” Elaine asked.

“I do.” Teza held out a hand for Beth to take. “She was pretty before, but now she is radiantly beautiful.”

“That's for sure.” Sue patted Beth's arm. “She's wearing the look of love.”

Beth's cheeks turned a bright pink. “Is it that obvious?”

“Well, I wasn't talking about that kind of love, but we'll take whatever kind we can get.”

When the laughter receded, Beth fanned her face. “Teach me to come late.” She took out her needles, already threaded, then clasped her hands on the quilt frame. “I just want to thank all of you for being the kind of friends who…who…” She took in a deep breath and started again, her voice cracking. “Who knew how to be there to help me through this. Whoever dreamed that working on a quilt would change my whole life?”

“Perhaps we should quit thinking of this as the cancer quilt and call it the healing quilt instead.” Sue smiled at Beth across the frame. “Who knows what else will happen?”

“I know something that will happen.” Elaine stuck her needle in the quilt. “Ladies, on three. One, two, three.” All but Teza reached down in their bags, pulled out a hat, and put it on. “Teza Dennison, in honor of your presence, we call this the hat day, and all of these fine creations are for you, so that while you may go hairless for a time, you will never go hatless.”

“Oh… I don't know what to say.” One by one, each woman stood, took off her hat, and placed it on Teza's head. A denim with sunflower from Kit, wild floral from Sue, blue and white gingham from Beth, red-and-white crocheted cap from Elsie Mae, and two turbans from Elaine, one in black silk with beads, bangles, and a feather, the other in red with white trim. “The black is for things like the gala, when you need to be dressed up.”