The Haven: A Novel (6 page)

He said, “Glad you decided to join us, Shiloh.” He lifted his chin to me. His voice softened. “I didn’t think you’d show.”

“You asked me to come.”

“You’re right.” Gideon pulled out a chair and gestured for me to sit.

“The committee will be supportive. We needed someone to take Isaac’s place. Lots to do around here.”

“Wait. I’m Isaac’s replacement? I hadn’t realized that.” Did that mean he wasn’t coming back? The news made me uncomfortable. I wanted to leave.

Gideon didn’t stop talking. “As an introduction, there’s lots to get done for spring—planting seedlings and starts, fertilizing, working the grounds.”

My eye twitched. “I shouldn’t be here with you alone. It’s against the rules. I think I should go back.”

Gideon checked the chart. “And when I said you’re pretty, what I meant is, it’s nice to look at you. I like you, Shiloh.”

I wasn’t sure what to do, so I stood there, my weight on one foot. “I don’t think you should tell me that.”

“I know I shouldn’t. We’re not allowed.”

“Please,” I said. I should go. But the disobedient part of me wanted to hear more.

“Sorry.” Gideon dipped his head, looked up at me through his eyelashes. “I’ll do better.” His face colored, like maybe he had a fever. “You already know this, Shiloh, but many Terminals make light work.”

“I understand.” I didn’t need a reminder from a Terminal like Gideon. He didn’t follow rule one. Then he spoke inappropriate words, making me want to hear him say these things again.

“There are supposed to be Teachers here,” I said, raising my voice. My head pounded with the volume, so I lowered my tone. “We can’t be in here without direction.”

“I won’t tell you my feelings again. Unless you want me to.”

I took a step back and bumped into the doorjamb. “I’ll never want that,” I said. “Terminals spread Disease—”

We both stood quiet. Gideon pointed at the whiteboard. “There’s our direction. A list of things they want done. We won’t be alone. Ms. Iverson or Mr. Tremmel or someone else will come to the greenhouses to check on us. We don’t stay in here but work where we’re needed.”

“All right,” I said, unsure. I sat down. Did Gideon tell me the truth? There was dirt on the surface of the tabletop and I dusted a clean space to rest my hands.

The side door opened and Daniel wheeled himself over near Gideon. I could see rows upon rows of tiny plants in the huge room that he came from.

Daniel didn’t acknowledge me.
He
knew how Terminals should act. He tucked his hair behind his ears. There was grime under his nails.

I felt jittery. Lopsided almost, like I had after the operation. Now there were two males and only one me.

“We’re waiting for another,” Gideon said. He stared straight into my eyes. I looked away.
It’s nice to look at you.
What was it with this Terminal? “Daniel, you know Shiloh, right?”

“Sure,” Daniel said.

The door to outside burst open and cold air pushed into the room.

Abigail rushed in, head covered against the cold. “Sorry I’m late.”

I couldn’t think of anything to say, and then, “Abigail. Since when?”

She slipped into a chair and scooted up to the table in the seat next to mine. “Didn’t expect me, did you?” she asked.

“No.”

Why hadn’t she told me about Planting Committee? I thought we talked about everything. Would she read my thoughts and answer? But she just gazed at the tabletop once she settled in her seat.

“I wanted to talk about this spring’s planting,” Gideon said. “It’ll only take a couple of minutes. Then you can get on with whatever else you have to do.”

“I have to read
Lord of the Flies,
” Abigail said, like she didn’t owe me an explanation. “I still haven’t written that paper on why Piggy deserved to die.”

“Do you have the planting sheets, Daniel?” Gideon asked.

“Yes.” Daniel dug around in a bag attached to his wheelchair, then handed a thin folder to Gideon. “I’ve logged that we’ve put in peas and spinach and onions already. There are Terminals working with the cold frames. Seedlings have been planted, as you know, and the…”

Rubbing my palm in the bits of leftover soil, I wondered at Abigail. She gawked at Daniel. Her mouth looked funny. Her cheeks, rosy.

Too many pink-faced Terminals in this room.

What was so interesting about Daniel anyway? He looked like everyone else though he was big enough, I bet, to play soccer or football, or maybe even rugby, games we’ve seen the Whole play on
Incredible Sports Disasters.
Even with his legs missing, Daniel was wider than lots of the male Teachers. Strong arms, thick neck. If he lived long enough, he would be a huge adult.

Why would Abigail concentrate on a male like that?

“Is there something you want to add to the list, Shiloh?” Daniel asked.

What did he want to know? I cleared my throat.

“If there’s anyone who knows about food,” Abigail said, “it’s Shiloh. Don’t you?”

A heater kicked on and warm air pushed the cold away.

“I love to eat, if that’s what you mean.”

“All Terminals do,” Gideon said.

Now Gideon, Daniel,
and
Abigail waited for me to answer. My stomach turned. I pushed away from the table. “I like everything.”

“How are the dreams?” Gideon asked.

It felt like the world rotated in slow motion. Abigail’s eyebrows were raised.

It’s inappropriate to mention the dreams. They’re private.

“I don’t dream that often.” The lie coursed through me, large enough it could have filled the room. I racked my brain for food references from
Of Mice and Men,
the book I had just read. All I could think of was rabbits. “I’ve heard of blue potatoes. They’re native to South America. Could we try that? Or amaranth? It’s a grain.”

Daniel wrote.

“Jicama?” I said. “Tomatillos?”

Something touched my ankle and I jumped, my stomach flipping.

“Excuse me,” Gideon said. “What about tangelos? We have the tangerine trees already, and the orange and grapefruit trees. We could start something new.” He scooted closer to the table, bumping into me again. Why was he such a klutz? I wanted him to stop. Now. He made me sick.

Again the outside door opened and this time Ms. Iverson came into the room. “It’s freezing out there. Sorry to be late.” She hurried to the desk. Relief flooded my body. It seemed my lung trembled as I pulled oxygen in. All I needed was to be obedient, I thought, licking my lips. “You finishing up the lists?” Ms. Iverson asked.

Gideon nodded.

“Dr. King wants something floral-ish. Maybe edible flowers? That’s what he says in a note he sent me today.” She addressed me. “Dr. King keeps the flowers in abundance here as a memory of his wife and child.”

“Put that on the list,” Gideon said, and Daniel wrote it down.

“Miss Maria said food with color. Like chocolate peppers and purple cabbage, things like that. Anyway, I’m here to send you back to the building for dinner. And to collect the paperwork, so get going—”

A bell sounded from across campus. “See?” she said, like Ms. Iverson had made the bell ring. “I’ll get the rest of the Terminals from the greenhouses and send them in. You run along.”

Good. I wanted to get out of here as fast as possible. But Gideon was quicker, pushing Daniel ahead of me.

“Shiloh, wait,” Abigail said, but I didn’t slow my step.

She came up next to me just as Daniel peered over his shoulder to where I walked and then back again to Gideon. Daniel seemed different, though I couldn’t say why. His mouth turned down and his eyebrows were knit together. He acted as though
I
had done something offensive.

“Leave her alone, Daniel,” Abigail said. She walked close to me. Her mouth moved in that upward curve, and it spread across her face, making her eyes shine even though there wasn’t much light left in the graying sky.

Now
she
was doing it. That unnatural look. When had she started contorting her face in that terrible way? What was it with everyone? “I’m so glad you’re here, Shiloh,” Abigail said. “I hoped you’d say yes.”

While the stretched-out lips and the teeth showing in such a big way was uncomfortable to see on Abigail, when she spoke, the voice was her voice and it calmed me.

“You should have told me,” I said, pulling in tight under my jacket. “You know we shouldn’t meet with males alone. And who keeps track of us? The whole thing makes me nervous.”

Evening settled over the grounds, making the world glow-in-the-dark blue. Ahead of us the Main Building lights twinkled in the early dusk.

“When I thought you’d be ready, I invited you,” Abigail said.

I stopped in the cold, shivering. “No. You sent Gideon.” She was silent. “You didn’t tell me, Abigail. And we always do things together.”

There was that mouth thing. “Will you forgive me? Now that we’re on the same team?”

I shook my head. “Stop with the face contortions.”

“Oh, the smiling? I’ll work on it. But when it’s just you and me or you and me and Daniel and Gideon, well, I may not be able to stop. Now, let’s go. I’m starving.” Abigail’s words were a whispery cloud. She tossed her hair over her shoulder.

We walked on, snow quiet.

“How long have you been coming out here?”

“A couple months. You were working kitchen duty.”

“Okay.”
Okay
was the wrong word. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Abigail stopped, kicked at the ground, then said, “Gideon asked when Isaac left who I would choose. I said you.” The cold bit at my face. “Listen to him, Shiloh. He can save us. I know it.”

Her lips didn’t move. Her words were a dream. Another dream I shouldn’t have.

Then she was off, leaving me in the yard. I stood there, frozen from more than the weather. Watched her stop to say something to Gideon, who appeared in the doorway and looked over to where I stood. A wind came from the south, a little warmer. I trudged on, closer and closer to where Gideon waited with the door open. A few Terminals walked from other parts of outside into the building for dinner. There was little noise other than the wind.

Why was I so unsettled? Why did I feel so left out?

I slowed, leaving dragging footprints behind in the snow.

“Are you coming?” Gideon asked, his voice hushed. I couldn’t see his expression. The hall light spilled out around him. Making him a shadow. Haloing his head.

A black shadow. Hunched over. Running to the gazebo.

My heart quickened. “Yes,” I said.

My face felt like plastic, fake, as though it wasn’t my own. As though it belonged to someone else.

Gideon swung the door wide. I passed him and hurried into the stone entry. He brushed close enough for me to feel his breath, warm, on my skin.

“Sorry about Daniel. He’s moody.”

Moody?

What was this with everyone in this group? What was wrong with them all? I wanted to run. To leap away. All my nerves screamed for me to go.

Gideon held me back, grabbing for my arm, then clasping his cold hand on mine. For a second I thought I might vomit. I jerked away, clamped a hand over my mouth.

“Meet me tonight, Shiloh,” he said, his voice low. “Meet me right here. We have things to talk about.”

“What are you doing?” I pulled in the cold outside air, trying to quiet my nausea. Then I got right in Gideon’s face even though the nearness made me gag. “Every time you touch me, I get sick to my stomach. You say things that are wrong. At least keep your hands off me.”

He nodded. “I can take care of that,” he said. “The nausea. The dreams. The obedience. I can tell you how to feel human. Meet me here, tonight. Midnight.”

The desire to run slammed through me. It was a part of my cells. I must be a good Terminal. An obedient Terminal.

“I’m not listening to you,” I said, and pushed past him, doing all I could not to shake as I walked away.

I am not even asleep when I see him.

He slinks in the room, slides across the floor, nothing but a shadow.

Come on, Shiloh.

Come with me.

You’re nice to look at and I can help you with this.

He sweeps his hand around and I see all my roommates. They are quiet. Dreamless.

Only Abigail’s eyes are open. Unblinking.

She watches from her bed. Not moving. Eyes glittering.

Come on.

We’ll leave.

Cure the Terminals.

Give our lives.

Take your breath.

He leans over my bed. His mouth is on mine. Soft. Warm. My stomach twists. He presses closer.

Is all over me. Then sucks the air out of my lung and I am empty of my life.

8

I awoke, heart slamming against my ribs. It felt as though someone still pressed against me. I was sure I would die. Only the early-morning light seeping through the window convinced me I might be all right. My mouth was too dry. All the females slept. Abigail’s hair snaked off her pillow.

I lay in bed for a long time. The next time I opened my eyes, Abigail was gone, Elizabeth was getting up, and Mary had gone in to shower. My dream stayed with me, a haunting.

In the dining room, I reasoned there are worse ways to die than having your breath sucked from you. Like being eaten away until there was nothing left. Dying like many of the Terminals did, piece by piece.

Abigail’s chair was empty.

I sat down. Lined up the large spoon, small spoon, fork, and knife. Setting out my plate of food. Where was she?

Being assaulted by Gideon? Maybe he made it a habit to attack females, leaping out of curtains. No, he was here, across the room. He sent me a slight nod, one I almost couldn’t see.

Instead of acknowledging him, I set to eating my whole-wheat pancakes with mango sauce and fresh strawberries. I’d taken extra turkey bacon. Eating more might ease the queasiness in my stomach. I drank some cranberry juice and was contemplating seconds when Abigail came into the dining room, head bent, hair forward.