The Half-Stitched Amish Quilting Club (36 page)

A
s Star sat at the kitchen table on Friday evening eating a ham sandwich, a sense of irritation welled in her soul. Mom still wasn’t home, and she hadn’t even bothered to call. Star didn’t have the number for Mike’s parents either, and since Mom didn’t have a cell phone and Star didn’t know Mike’s cell number, all she could do was sit here.

How could Mom be so inconsiderate? Star tapped her fingers along the edge of the table. I just wish she’d get here so I can tell her about Jan. I want to hear what she has to say about all of this. Better yet, I can’t wait to see her expression when she hears the big news. I’ll bet she’ll be as shocked as I was to know that her ex—my dad—has been attending Emma’s quilting classes with me for the last five weeks. She shuddered. And to think, I even had thoughts about what it would be like if he asked me out. Good grief … If Jan had been interested in me, I could have ended up dating my own dad!

Feeling as if she was about to be sick, Star set her sandwich aside and stood. She was just getting ready to clear the table when the back door swung open and Mom and Mike stepped in.
Oh, great! Now I can’t say anything to Mom about Jan until Mr. Wonderful leaves
.

“Where have you been, Mom?” Star asked, feeling as though she’d run out of patience. “I was beginning to think you weren’t coming home at all.”

Mom giggled like a silly schoolgirl and gave Star a hug. “I told you we’d be back on Thursday or Friday.”

“Yeah, but I was hoping it would be sooner, because I really needed to talk to you about—”

“Your mom and I were busy all week, looking at some condos and checking on the details for my new restaurant,” Mike said, cutting Star off in midsentence.

“Well, you could have at least called,” Star muttered, unable to hide her irritation.

“Sorry,” Mom said, “but we got so busy I just lost track of time.” She looked up at Mike with an adoring smile that made Star feel even sicker. “We’re real excited about his new business venture.”

“That’s right,” Mike agreed. “I’ll have to make a few renovations to the building I bought, but it should be ready to open for business by early fall—right after your mom and I get back from our honeymoon.”

“Where are you going for that?” Star questioned.

Mom’s eyes lit up like twinkling lights on a Christmas tree. “Mike’s taking me to Hawaii. Now isn’t that great?”

Star nodded, finding Mom’s chipper tone an annoyance. She knew it wasn’t right to feel this way, but it sickened her to see how happy Mom and Mike seemed to be. He stood close to Mom with his arm around her waist and a sappy-looking grin that stretched ear to ear.

“Then after our trip to Hawaii, your mom and I will be moving to Fort Wayne,” Mike said.

So Mom would be getting a trip to Hawaii. How nice for her. She’d said many times that she’d always wanted to go there. Star figured she would probably never make it to Hawaii—or for that matter, anyplace else exciting. Well, at least there’d been no mention of her moving to Fort Wayne with Mom and Mike. That much was good. She’d just have to look for an apartment, because Grandma had left this house to Mom, and Mom would probably sell it and use the money to help buy a condo for her and Mike in Fort Wayne. Star would miss this old house when she moved out, but at least she wouldn’t have to live with Mike and Mom and watch them gushing all over each other, while Mike, acting as if he were her father, told Star what she could and couldn’t do. She’d live on the street in a cardboard box before she’d put up with that!

“Well, Nancy, think I’ll head for home now and let you two visit.” Mike bent his head and gave Mom a noisy kiss. “See you tomorrow, sweetie.”

Star rubbed a tense spot on her neck and looked away in disgust. She hoped Mike was sincere and really did love Mom, but if he turned out to be anything like the other men Mom had been involved with, Star wouldn’t be shocked.

“There’s somethin’ I need to tell you,” Star said to Mom after Mike went out the door.

“Can it wait till tomorrow?” Mom yawned and stretched her arms over her head. “It’s been a long day, and I’m really tired, so I’d like to take a bath and go to bed.”

Star shook her head determinedly. “No, Mom, it can’t wait. This is important, and we need to talk now.”

“Okay, but let’s make it quick. Like I said, I’m really tired.” Mom took a seat at the table, and Star did the same.

“I met my dad last Saturday,” Star blurted out.

“Hmm … what was that?” Mom asked as she picked at a piece of lint on the front of her blouse.

“I said I met my dad last Saturday.”

Mom jerked her head. “Huh? What did you just say?”

Star released an exasperated groan and repeated what she’d said for the third time.

“You … you met your dad?”

“Yeah—Jan Sweet.”

Mom jumped like she’d been hit by a bolt of lightning. “Oh brother! This is not what I needed to hear today!” She leaned forward and stared at Star, sweat beading on her forehead. “Have you been searching for him behind my back? You found him somehow and set up a meeting last Saturday—is that what happened?”

Star shook her head. “No, we—”

“Well then, how? Where exactly did you meet Jan, and what makes you think he’s your dad?”

Star quickly explained how Jan’s identity had been revealed last Saturday and ended by saying, “I can’t believe I sat there in Emma’s sewing room all that time, never knowing my dad was taking the class with me.” She groaned and slowly shook her head. “I think Jan and I had some kind of a connection, Mom. Up until last Saturday, when I found out who he was, I liked the guy, and we sort of seemed to be kindred spirits.” Star made no mention of her thoughts concerning the possibility of Jan asking her out. She just wanted to forget she’d ever had that silly notion.

“I can’t believe Jan’s been living so close to us. If I’d had any idea he lived in the area, I never would have moved here to Goshen.”

Star tensed. “Are you saying that if you’d known Jan lived in Shipshewana, you wouldn’t have come here to help Grandma when she was sick?”

Mom squirmed in her chair. “Well, I …”

“Were you that afraid of seeing him again?”

Mom nodded. “I’ve been afraid all these years that he’d find you.”

“Good grief, Mom, was Jan really that bad of a guy? ‘Cause if I’m bein’ honest here, he sure doesn’t seem that way now.”

“Well … umm … he was a biker and much too wild.”

“Did Grandma know about Jan?”

“She knew him when we all lived in Chicago, but when she moved to Indiana a few years after Jan and I split up, I don’t think she had any further contact with him. And I’m sure she had no idea he lived anywhere near here, because if she had, she would have said so.” Mom’s cheeks reddened. “Did Jan … uh … say anything about me?” she asked in a voice pitched higher than normal.

“Yeah, he had plenty to say.”

“Such as?”

“He said your nickname was Bunny. In fact, he has it tattooed on his right arm. Is it true, Mom? Did Jan used to call you Bunny?”

Mom gave a slow nod.

“How come you never told me about your nickname? I would think you would have since I changed my name from Beatrice to Star.”

“I didn’t think it was important, and since Jan was the only one who ever called me Bunny—”

“Jan said he didn’t bail out on us,” Star said, cutting Mom off. “Said it was you who left and that he’d tried to find us with no success.” Star looked her mother right in the eye. “It’s not true, is it, Mom? Jan was lying through his teeth about that, right?”

Mom sat staring at the table for the longest time. Then, with tears gathering in the corners of her eyes, she finally whispered, “No, Star, your dad was telling the truth. I lied to you about that. It was me who left, not him.”

Star groaned and leaned forward, until her forehead rested on the table. “Why, Mom?” she asked, nearly choking on the words. “Why’d you leave Jan, and how come you lied and told me it was him who’d run out on us?”

“Well, I …”

Star lifted her head and could see Mom was visibly shaken. “All these years, I’ve been thinking what a bum he must have been to leave us like that. And now, after so much time has gone by, you’re telling me different? Is lying what you do best?” Star’s tone was caustic, but she didn’t care. Mom had disappointed her plenty of times in the past but never more than she had right now.

Mom pushed her chair aside and went to the sink for a glass of water. After she drank it, she returned to the table and sank into her chair with a pathetic little squeak. “Jan and I rode with a motorcycle club, but he took it more seriously than I did. He wanted to ride nearly every weekend, which I was okay with at first.” Mom swished her hand from side to side, as though hoping to emphasize her point. “Even after I got pregnant with you, I rode with Jan on a few short trips. But once you were born, I realized it was time to settle down and make a home for my baby.”

“Jan said he wanted to marry you and make a home for both of us,” Star said.

“Puh! That’s what he told me, too, but he was wild and free—not the kind of guy who’d ever settle down. At least that’s what I thought at the time.” Mom drew in a deep breath and released it with a lingering sigh. “Honestly, Star, by the time you were born, I really didn’t care about Jan anymore. It had been fun while it lasted, but I was tired of his biker buddies and sick of riding miles and miles on the back of a stupid motorcycle.”

Star listened with interest as Mom continued. “Even on the weekends that Jan decided to stay home with me, someone from the gang always hung around our place.” She clutched Star’s arm. “Don’t you see? I just wanted some peace and quiet in my life. I wanted that for you, too, but I didn’t think we’d ever have it if I stayed with Jan. So I took off without telling anyone where I was going, not even my mom. I didn’t have any contact with her until two years later—once she’d moved from Chicago and I knew Jan was out of the picture.”

Star sat for a while, letting everything Mom said sink in. It was a lot to comprehend, and between what both Jan and Mom had told her, she had a lot to think about. “So what was the reason for you letting me think my dad had left us in the lurch?” she asked. “Why couldn’t you have just been honest and told me that you’d run away from him?”

A few tears slipped out of Mom’s eyes and splashed onto her crimson cheeks. “I … I didn’t want you to think ill of me for taking you away from your dad.”

“Oh, you’d rather that I thought ill of him?”

Mom slowly nodded. “I’m the one who had to raise you, so—”

“Had to raise me?” Star’s voice rose as she clenched her fingers. “Like it was some heavy burden instead of a joy to raise your daughter? Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?”

“I didn’t see it as a burden, really. I mean, it was hard being on my own and all, but I loved you and wanted your respect, so I just couldn’t tell you that I left your dad.”

“Like you’ve ever really cared about having my respect,” Star muttered, feeling even more confused and upset.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Since Star had started telling Mom the way she felt, she figured she might as well say everything that was on her mind. “It means, with the exception of Grandma, I’ve never felt loved. You always seemed to care more about whatever boyfriend you were with than you did me.”

“That’s not true, Star. I worked hard so I could give you everything you needed.”

“Giving a person what you think they need is not the same as making them feel loved and good about themselves.” Star’s knuckles turned white as she clenched her fingers even tighter. “You’ve never encouraged me to sing or write songs; you’ve never said I was pretty or smart; and whenever you came home with some creep of a boyfriend, you never cared whether I liked him or not!”

“I … I guess you’re right about that, and unfortunately, most of them were losers. I just didn’t make good decisions.” Mom’s lips quivered as she spoke. “But I think I’ve finally found the right one this time. Mike really does care about me, and he wants to give me good things.”

“Yeah,
you
, Mom—not me. Mike doesn’t want to give me anything but a hard time.”

“Oh, come on, Star. You know that’s not true.”

“Isn’t it? All the guy’s ever done is criticize my clothes, my music, and anything else he can think of to pick at. Never once has he said anything nice about me.”

“I’ll speak to Mike about that. If he apologizes, will it make you happy?”

“An apology would be nice if it was heartfelt, but since you and Mike will be movin’ to Fort Wayne and I’ll be looking for an apartment here, I won’t have to be around him much, so I don’t really care whether he apologizes or not.”

Mom sat quietly, rubbing at a stain on the kitchen table.

“So now I know why you lied about my dad leaving,” Star said, moving their conversation back to Jan. “What I don’t know is why you refused to let me see pictures of him or even tell me his name.”