The Gypsy Morph (47 page)

She nodded. “You were lucky.”

“Huh. Staying alive is always about luck. You didn’t know that?”

He flashed her a quick grin. “You taught me, remember? Back when we went looking to rescue Logan Tom from that other out-of-control Knight of Whatever-He-Thought-He-Was?”

“That was a long time ago,” she said, looking away again.

“Not so long. Hey, I missed you. Got no one else I can rag on like I can on you. I might have been jealous, too, you know. You choosing to stay with Logan instead of coming with me, I mean. ’Cept I’m not like that.”

She kept her gaze averted. “You don’t need to be jealous of me. There’s no reason for it. Now go to bed.”

“You think we’re getting any closer to where we’re supposed to go?” he asked, ignoring her.

“If I had any idea where it was we were going, I might be able to answer that. Go ask your friend Hawk.”

“Ah, Bird-Man won’t say anything. He’s not over our fight with the demon yet. Something happened to him out there. He won’t say what, but something. You could see it. He was all froze up when we found him. He couldn’t move, even to defend himself. Like he lost his nerve, something I didn’t think he would ever do. He was just standing there, waiting to die.” He paused. “I don’t know about him. Might be he can’t even find his way anymore. He’s got that look, as if everything’s a mystery and nothing he does will make it clearer.”

“Maybe you should try to help him out then. You and the other Ghosts. You’re his family, aren’t you?”

“Naw, he won’t listen to me. Never has. Never will.”

She glanced at him, irritation mirrored on her face. “Better that you go try to change the situation there than continue sitting around here annoying me. Okay?”

“Hey, I’m just trying to—”

“Panther, are you listening to me? Do you understand what I’m saying to you? I’m telling you I want to be alone. Got it?”

He went silent then, staring at her in confusion. His anger surfaced in a hot wave, but he tamped it down quickly. “Sure, I got it.” He gave her a nonchalant salute. “No problem, Kitty Cat. See you later.”

He got up and stalked off, stung by the rebuke. He hadn’t quite gotten to where he couldn’t look back and still see her when the last vestiges of his anger gave way to concern. Something was wrong. He almost turned back, wanting to know what it was and if he could help her deal with it.

But he knew what her response would be, how she would treat him, and he didn’t feel like he wanted to risk that. So he continued on.

He would try again tomorrow, he told himself.

W
HEN SUNRISE BROKE
and the camp began to stir, Panther went looking for Catalya once more, determined to get to the bottom of things. If there were something wrong, he would find out what it was and what he could do to make it better. He wasn’t entirely sure what motivated his thinking except that it bothered him when she was like this. He knew things had changed since she had first come into the camp and he had called her a Freak. He knew all that was behind him, and that he genuinely cared about her. What he didn’t know was why. It wasn’t as if they were all that much alike or anything. Really, they were about as different as you could get. But there was something between them. Sometimes he ached with knowing it, with wanting to be friends, needing her to realize that he cared and to respond to what he was offering. Maybe it was the admiration he felt for her, a girl with skills like that, with courage and composure and determination.

Any way you looked at it, she made him feel things that no one else did.

He took his time searching for her, not eager to rush this, but intent on doing it all the same. He didn’t like how they had left things last night. He didn’t like how it had made him feel. He hadn’t slept well, thinking about it, and he wasn’t going to spend the whole of the day brooding over the details. He would find her and work out what the problem was and things would go back to being the way they had been.

He walked the length of the caravan and back again and still didn’t find her. She was obviously hiding out somewhere, nursing her anger or frustration or whatever it was that was eating at her. It irritated him that she was making it so hard on him, and his face reflected this as he strode on, increasingly out of sorts. Those who encountered him saw the look on his face and moved quickly out of the way, and he found it hard to get anyone even to talk to him.

Finally, he went to find Owl. She would know where Cat was, if anyone did.

He found her sitting by the AV watching Sparrow and River packing up the last of the supplies and equipment in the bins and on the roof. Candle stood next to her, holding her hand.

“Hey, Mother Owl,” he greeted, walking up quickly, trying to sound nonchalant. “I need your help.”

Owl looked at him, saw his face, and turned to Candle. “I need to speak with Panther alone. Why don’t you help Sparrow and River, sweetie?”

Candle moved away, giving Panther a curious look as she did so. Panther didn’t like that look, wasn’t sure what it meant. Owl waited until the little girl was out of sight, and then she motioned for Panther to come close.

“I already know what you’re going to ask me,” she said.

“You do?”

“You’re going to ask me about Cat.”

Panther knelt beside her, his lean face intense. “Yeah, that’s right. Where is she?”

“She’s gone.”

Panther stared at her. “What do you mean,
She’s gone
? She’s gone where? Where would she go?” He gestured angrily. “What are you talking about?”

Owl put a hand on his shoulder. “Calm down. She left during the night, not long after she talked to you. She came to me first and told me what she was going to do. I tried to talk her out of it, but she had her mind made up. I couldn’t change it.”

“She left? Just like that?” Panther was stunned. He gripped the arms of Owl’s wheelchair in frustration and dismay. “No reason for it? She just left?”

Owl furrowed her brow, and by doing so Panther could tell that he wasn’t going to like whatever she was about to say next. “She had a reason, Panther. A reason she felt strongly about, which is why I couldn’t change her mind.”

She glanced over at the three girls, who were still working, but who were trying hard, as well, to listen in on what she and Panther were saying. “She’s begun to mutate again. She’s changing into a Lizard.”

Panther shook his head. “What? That’s not true! Is it? She’s changing? When did this start to happen? Why didn’t she say anything to me about it?”

“She didn’t say anything to anyone. She could barely bring herself to tell me, but she didn’t want to leave without anyone knowing the reason. She was so unhappy, Panther. She just couldn’t face what it would mean once you found out.”

“Once
I
found out?”

“Once
anyone
found out. She was convinced it would change everything. That none of us would feel the same way about her. She believed we wouldn’t want to be with her anymore. Or if not that, that we would simply tolerate her because we wouldn’t want to tell her the truth. We would pretend to care, but really we would want her to go away.”

She held up her hands to stop him from saying what he was about to say. “Let me finish. I told her that was nonsense, that we loved her for who she was on the inside, not for what she looked like. I told her she was making a mistake, leaving like this without talking it out. I even asked her to wait until Logan Tom returned. But she refused. She said she had made up her mind, and there was nothing I could say or do to change it. She asked me to tell the rest of you, to tell you she was sorry but she couldn’t stay. Then she left.”

Panther was beside himself. “This is frickin’ bull! What is wrong with that girl! She don’t think much of us, does she? Doesn’t trust us enough to believe we care—”

“She’s afraid, Panther!” Owl cut him short. “She’s terrified! She’s discovered that the one thing she didn’t want to happen is happening, and she can’t do anything about it! Think about how life has been for her. Trapped with the Senator, a slave and maybe something much worse. Getting Logan to take her away was the first real freedom she’s known, and the Ghosts were her first real family. Now she thinks she’s going to lose all that, and she doesn’t want to stay around and watch it happen. So she’s doing the one thing she thinks will avoid that.”

“Well, she’s wrong!” He spat angrily. “She’s all wrong!”

“I know. I told her so.”

“You should have come and told me right then!”

She gave him a sad look. “I said I wouldn’t. I gave my word.”

They stared at each other for a moment. Behind them, Sparrow, River, and Candle were staring, too. No one moved.

Panther stood up. “I’m going after her.”

Owl shook her head. “She doesn’t want that. She specifically said that you were to let this be her decision.”

“Well, it ain’t!” He was so angry he could barely think straight, shouting now, fists clenched. “It ain’t just hers!” He didn’t know where to go from there. He glared at all of them, tried to say something more, found he couldn’t, and just wheeled away.

“Panther, wait!” Owl called after him.

He kept going, but then all at once Sparrow was right in front of him. “You sure about this?” Her face was right up against his, her features calm but determined, too. “Really sure?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I am. I got to do this.”

“She went north.” Sparrow tightened her lips, glanced quickly at Owl. “I overheard. I told the others earlier. We all know.” She kept her blue eyes fixed on him. “Will you bring her back?”

“I’ll try.”

She put her arms around him and hugged him close. “You do what you have to do, Panther Puss.”

One by one, they came up to him and hugged him. He relented enough then to hug them back, to whisper a few words of apology, to hear a few words whispered back. Even Owl wheeled over and gave him a long embrace from the chair.

“We love you,” she told him. “We always will.”

He nodded into her shoulder. “Yeah, I know that.” He broke free. “Got to get some stuff together. You know.”

He was practically crying when he left them, but he did not look back. Looking back would destroy him.

He stuffed his backpack with food and water, tied on a blanket, pocketed a compass and a pack of viper-pricks, and strapped on his knife. He shouldered a Parkhan Spray, picked up a prod, and set out. He took a route through the camp that bypassed Owl and the girls and walked out into the flats beyond, heading north. He had gotten to where the caravan was just beginning to fade from view when he heard his name called.

He turned and found Hawk and Cheney approaching. “Wait, Panther.” Hawk trotted up to him, and they stood looking at each other for a moment. “I heard you were leaving. And why. I just wanted to say good-bye.”

Panther nodded. “You and me, we don’t need that. We’re brothers, Bird-Man. We don’t never need to say good-bye.”

Hawk nodded. “I suppose not. But still.”

“You got to be careful without me around to protect you. Can’t be worrying that you’ll do something stupid once I’m not here. Okay?”

“Okay. Anyway, you’ll be back.”

Panther nodded. “I’ll be back.”

“Take Cheney with you.” Hawk glanced down at the shaggy dog. “Keep him for as long as you need him.” He handed Panther a piece of clothing. “That belongs to Cat. Cheney can track her from the scent.”

Panther took the offering, a blouse, and held it woodenly. “Yeah, this is good. But I don’t know. Cheney belongs to you. He don’t even like me all that much.”

“He’ll stick with you long enough.” Hawk bent down to the big dog and whispered to him. Then he stood up again. “You come back.”

Panther nodded. Then, impulsively, he embraced the other boy, gripping him tightly. “You get them all to where they’ll be safe, Bird-Man. You can do it. Ain’t nuthin’ can stop you.”

Hawk hugged him back wordlessly.

“Frickin’ hell,” Panther muttered.

Then they broke the embrace, turned away from each other, and began walking. Neither looked back.

THIRTY-ONE

A
T DAYBREAK
, the caravan set out anew, continuing east toward the mountains. Most of the vehicles were still running, although several of the older ones had to be left behind because sand and grit had clogged their motors, and there wasn’t time to fix them. Those who needed to ride simply doubled up. Conditions were perfect for travel. The day was clear and bright, the storm a thing of the past. Even west, where it had raged on through much of the night, all traces had vanished. Angel Perez, knowing the weather would favor the demons and the once-men as much as it did them, asked Helen Rice to send scouts back the way they had come to see if there was any sign of pursuit. She didn’t have any illusions about the possibility of preventing their enemies from crossing the Columbia. Destroying the bridge would not stop them. Once-men lives were expendable. Whatever it took, the army would come after the caravan. If Angel and the other defenders were going to face another battle before reaching the promised safehold, they had better be ready.

She spoke briefly with Hawk, who was back in the lead, walking with a handful of his family members. She tried talking to him about their destination, to find out once again if he had any idea of how much farther they had to go. But the boy simply shook his head and said he didn’t know, and the other Ghosts closed about him protectively. When it was apparent that no one wanted her there, she let the matter drop and moved away.

She traveled alone for a time after that, lost in thoughts of expectations, good and bad. She had been plagued by a sense of foreboding since rising and setting out. She should not have felt that way; in fact, she should have felt renewed confidence following the destruction of the demon. The children were safe again, and the caravan was moving forward. But for reasons she could not explain, her mood was dark and uneasy.

Eventually, Kirisin Belloruus joined her and reiterated his growing concern over his missing sister. Even though a handful of Elves who had escaped the massacre in the Cintra had found their way to the caravan, his sister was not among them. Angel understood. She was worried about Simralin, as well, not to mention the absent and long-overdue Logan Tom. Like the Elven Tracker, he should have been back before this. It was a difficult situation, having both of them missing at the same time and not knowing where to look for either. Nevertheless, Angel promised the boy that a new set of scouts would be dispatched to see if any sign could be found.