The Guide to Getting It On (34 page)

“There’s no point in approaching my vulva and clit unless I’m aroused. Touching me there is not the way to arouse me.”
female age 23

“Always get your fingers wet before touching where there isn’t thick hair. Never, ever touch my clit dry. It hurts! Go ahead and play with my pubic hair. I keep it trimmed, but it means that every time you brush it, it sends a ripple of sensation through me. When I start arching up towards you, slip your finger just inside my outer lips and press gently, with a little circling motion. If I spread my legs more, please touch me! You should probably re-wet your fingers, either at my vagina (if I’m wet enough), or with some lube, or with your own saliva. I love being teased. Run your fingers along the edge of the inner lips, with just a little pressure. When I start moving against your fingers, caress my clit. Just barely touch me, that feels best. Again, that finger has to be very, very wet. In a very short while I’ll be calling your name and God’s!”
female age 20

“The key word is GENTLE. At least in the beginning. Caress the pubic hair, then you could slightly penetrate with a finger near the vaginal opening. Gently move your hand forward till you find the clitoris. Never directly stimulate the clitoris, it’s way too sensitive. Instead, position your finger(s) on top of the hood and gently manipulate it side to side. Be sure no matter what you are doing that there is plenty of lubrication, either from my natural supply or from a bottle.”
female age 35

“Before you even think about coming near me with your fingers, please make sure that they are smooth. Long nails aren’t fun, neither are sandpaper hands. I know that many men are very rough with their own members, but I do not need that. You’d be surprised what the lightest touch can accomplish. There is no need to “grind” your fingers into me. And please, when you find a pace that has me moaning, don’t decide to switch to a different pace. That gets annoying.
female age 20

Reader’s Advice on Fingers in Their Vaginas

“I like a finger in there, but please, don’t dig for China.”
female age 48

“I like it if he inserts one finger until the opening relaxes, then adds a second finger. When I begin to breathe faster, he should start flexing his fingers.”
female age 32

“When I am sufficiently wet, I enjoy two fingers. I like it when he puts them in gradually and ‘fucks’ me with them gently. But no fingernails and no rushing!”
female age 35

“Start with one finger, then go up from there. To find the G-spot, put your thumb over my clitoris, then insert your first finger into my vagina and feel for the rough spot on the upper wall. Rub this spot!!!”
female age 26

“I don’t necessarily care for fingers in my vagina. I’d rather have a penis in there.”
female age 43

“I like him to rub the entrance of my vagina in a circular fashion, but don’t like a finger all of the way inside.”
female age 30

“I like to wait until I can’t stand it and beg him to put his fingers inside of me.”
female age 25

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED:
The Pleasure Mechanics DVD:
Guide To Fingering: How to Touch a Woman for Fabulous Foreplay & Powerful Orgasms
. This could be the most productive twenty minutes anyone who hopes to please a woman with his or her fingers could ever spend. There is nothing pornographic about the DVDs from The Pleasure Mechanics, but what you’ll learn from their videos will make women think you’re the hottest lover on the planet. Also, excellent for couples to watch together. You can order this from The Pleasure Mechanics:
www.PleasureMechanics.com
.

A solid resource on erotic massage is
www.erospirit.org
. This site is dedicated to different ways of stimulating and massaging people’s genitals and rear ends. It is not porn, but there is full nudity. It has many streaming videos on vulva and penis massage.

Here’s a finger-fucking resource that the author of
The Guide
found fascinating, but a female reviewer who he asked to look it over hated it (to put it mildly).

This DVD series appears to have been made by a pod of mostly humorless persons, consisting of five or six women and one man. Even their name is a bit unusual: “The Welcomed Consensus.” They have devoted years to learning how to stimulate the clitoris, seemingly with the one man’s finger. Their website is
www.Welcomed.com
. In the first DVD of their
Deliberate Orgasm Collection
, the members appear to be wearing uniforms from the original
Star Trek.
The fourth tape has the stiffest, slowest, and perhaps most awkward introduction of any how-to video in history. And if a bikini shaver ever got close to these womens’ abundant mountains of
au natural
crotch hair, its bearings would cease in horror. When one of the women said, “Can you move your finger up just a hair?” the possibilities boggled the mind. What Paul found fascinating was purely anatomical—how these women’s vulvas changed with arousal, and how they pulsed for twenty minutes at a time. He thought it showed something that might be highly instructive. The finger-under-the-clitoral-hood illustration from earlier in this chapter shows what The Welcomed Consensus does.

CHAPTER

16

Nipples, Nipples, Nipples

W
hile the title of this chapter is fun, it should have been “breasts, breasts, breasts,” or “nipples/breasts, nipples/breasts, nipples/breasts.” That’s because for many women, the part of their breast that they prefer having kissed and caressed is between the neck and nipples as opposed to just the nipples themselves. Plastic surgeons discovered this when they were doing studies of sensation in women’s breasts.

There’s also the implication that nipple stimulation is only for women. However, a 2006 study on nipple/breast stimulation found that 52% of males enjoy tender kisses and caresses of their nipples. There was probably another 25% of the males who were too manly to admit they enjoyed it, or unable to allow themselves to ask a partner to do it. Men seem to have similar variations in nipple and chest sensitivity as women do. Some men get an erection and nearly come when their nipples are caressed. Some find it enhances their orgasm if a partner sucks on or caresses a nipple at the same time that they are coming.

One woman might find it heavenly when a lover barely breathes on her nipples, but convulses in pain if he is the slightest bit rough. So her partner learns to traverse her tender nipples like a butterfly and becomes a master at the art of subtle stimulation. Another woman wants her lover to handle her nipples with authority and doesn’t find it erotic until his lips latch on like an industrial vacuum cleaner. Also, some women’s breasts become more sensitive during certain stages of their menstrual cycle, especially if they are taking birth-control pills. Know your lover’s body and be sensitive to the ebb and flow of what feels good and when. And don’t assume it’s the nipple that does the trick when it might be the area a couple of inches above or to the side of the nipple.

Another thing to consider has to do with deeper meanings. To some women, whenever lips go near their nipples they automatically feel maternal. Every sparkle of sexuality drains out their toes. So be sure to talk to your partner about whether she gets turned on or off by nipple and breast play.

Six Facts about Breasts

In case you were wondering how much women’s breasts weigh, the answer is approximately half a pound for each cup size. So if a woman has a B cup, each breast will weight a pound, for a C cup, it’s a pound and a half, and for a D cup, the breast will weigh close to two pounds. Most women’s breasts weigh between 2 and 4 pounds total.

The breasts of younger women are primarily made up of glandular tissue and not much fat. That’s why they tend to be so firm. As women get older, the breast lobes are replaced by more and more fat, and so the breasts become softer.

A woman’s hormones influence almost every aspect of her breasts, especially the glands inside. This is why it’s perfectly normal for women’s breasts to change in consistency and sensitivity from week to week.

More than 90% of women have breasts that are asymmetrical, which means one is different from the other in size, shape or position on the chest. It’s usually the left breast that’s larger, and in almost 25% of women, larger breast is at least one cup size bigger than the other.

Over the course of a woman’s lifetime, her breast size will change up to six or seven times.

And last but not least, if you are interested in inter-species breast trivia, the rabbit has 8 nipples and the rat has 12 nipples.

A Fascinating Take on Breasts

Here are some women’s perspectives on their breasts as reported to Meema Spadola in her wonderful book,
Breasts—Our Most Public Private Parts,
Wildcat Canyon Press:

From Elaine: “My preferences vary constantly. What feels pleasurable one moment can feel annoying the next. Sometimes I hit sensory overload and can barely stand to have my breasts touched.”

Cecilia says, “My nipples are very sensitive and I could be aroused almost to the point of orgasm just by touching them, but only very gently, almost not at all.” At the other end of the spectrum is Heather, who prefers a firm touch that includes clothespins and biting.

Then there is Carrie, who was known as the girl with the big boobs. “Guys were sometimes more attracted to my boobs than to me.” One day when Carrie was wearing a large rain slicker which hid her breasts behind a wall of thick yellow plastic, she met a man from out of town, and they seemed to hit it off. They talked on the phone and wrote letters for the first year of their relationship, with him never knowing that her bras were the size of saddlebags. Assured that he liked all of her and not just her mammaries, Carrie eventually married the man.

One woman reports, “When a man touches my breasts, I feel a little removed from the whole experience—as if he’s on a date with my breasts.” Another woman says, “My boyfriend loves to suck on my nipples, but sometimes I get this sense that he is focusing on them and tuning me out, and I can feel a wave of resentment, almost jealousy, when he latches onto my breasts.” A third woman says, “I would feel like I had this 180-pound baby in my arms, and occasionally he’d fall asleep there sucking my breasts. I’m sure he thought he was giving me great pleasure, but it just didn’t do it for me.”

On the other hand, there are women who describe their breasts as being “a place of warmth and love,” and “without breast stimulation, sex is purely physical with no emotional component.” Another perspective comes from Scarlet, with 38DD breasts, who says, “I can’t wait to take my clothes off in bed because I know that men will get excited; they always want to suck on my breasts. They think that I get incredibly turned on by it, but my breasts aren’t as sensitive as men expect. Honestly, I could be balancing my checkbook while they’re doing it. It’s really not a big deal. But I do get turned on seeing them getting very turned on.”