The Guardian: Paranormal Fantasy New Adult Young Adult Angel Romance (A Fight for Light Novel Book 1) (15 page)

I was tired of telling everyone I was fine when inside I was not. Tired of the false front. Tired of pretending I was better when I was getting worse. Tired of everything…

I was angry. Furious actually. To be honest, I was pissed off. It was not fair. Gramps was a Guardian like Kellen. They lived for a long time, plenty of years longer than his sixty one. At least I thought so. Why did I have to lose the only father figure I had ever known? Why had he been taken from me so cruelly?
Why?

My responses and ability to handle the world around me were diminishing. With every passing moment and day I became bitterer, angrier. I withdrew from my friends and even Kellen. The only person I could hold a conversation with was Gran, even then it was stilted and short. I read the concern in her eyes but I found it hard to care. My anger was too hot, blazing high inside me, building to the point of desperation.

I paced in my room, chewing on a fingernail. The walls were closing in on me. The more I stared at those four walls, the angrier I became. Rage. I was definitely filled with it. Kellen was gone, out protecting or whatever occupied his days now that we were no longer in school. I wanted nothing to do with him, with Gran, or with anything that reminded me of life, certainly not of my dead grandfather.

I threw on a dark hoodie and pulled it low over my eyes. It suited my mood. Before my thoughts had finished in my head, I had walked out on the balcony, climbed the stone perimeter, and slid to the ground. I glanced in every direction, certain Kellen was nowhere to be found. Then I hit the ground running.

In my chaotic thoughts a destination never entered my mind, but I found myself running along a familiar path, veering off suddenly to the right, until I came to the same spot of forest that the witch and werewolves had found me. Nothing was there. I have no idea what I expected. I just know that in my anger, I was willing to confront anyone and anything that stood in my way.

“Where are you now?” I shouted, my arms flung wide, “I dare you.”

No answer came. No enemy ventured forth. I shook my head. Of course not.

“Coward,” I yelled.

I ran through the forest, not caring if I got lost, or ambushed, or even if I was coherent. Images kept flashing through my head. Camping and fishing with Gramps. Baiting my first hook. Catching my first real fish with a pole. Digging for worms in the mud. Hiking. Walking with Gramps while he held my hand, safe and secure, certain he would always be at my side.

“No!” I shrieked at the world, startling a few birds that chirped and flew by.

Faster and faster I ran, trying to outrun the pain in my chest. He lied. He said he would never leave me. He promised. I could still hear his words echo in my head. “I will always love you my little Rhiannon. I’m always here for you.” Liar. Gramps was gone.

“No!” I shouted again.

I ran until I could no longer breathe, until exhausted and out of breath, I bent over and rested my palms on my thighs. In anger I lifted my head, tears blurring my vision. I hastily brushed them away. I refused to cry anymore. Anger was easier. Rage I would hold onto. They fueled me, together, drove me, and made me strong. Anger replaced my pain. It occupied my thoughts. No room was left to dwell on the images that haunted me.

I stood at the base of a large tree. The trunk was easily the width of a door. In anger I raised my fist and punched it as hard as I could. Pain seared my hand. Blood dripped onto the ground, pooling between my knuckles. I punched again, and again, until the pain in my hand was so great that it replaced the anger, but only by a smidge. I wiped the blood on my sweatshirt.

Filled with anger and consumed by the pain in my heart and in my hand, I took off running again, until I was drenched in sweat underneath the sweatshirt. I yanked it over my head as I burst through a row of trees and recognized the cliff edge from before. The one where I saw the demon, the one who craved my flesh. Come on death. Where are you now? I taunted in my head. I was certain I could duel with him this day.

I wanted to fight someone, something,
anything
. I wanted to rip to shreds the pain that nearly choked my breath from my body. In frustration, I pulled on my hair and collapsed to my knees, tossing the bloody sweatshirt to the side.

“Oh God,” I cried out, “I can’t do this anymore.”

A sob broke free of my chest. I lowered my head in defeat. I could not fight death. And I could not save my grandfather. He was gone. Forever.

A part of me wanted to give in to the defeat. I might have. If I was stronger. Or more dedicated. Or if I just cared about anything right then. But I did not.

The gentle pressure of a hand lowered to my back. I knew who it was without raising my head. I was not foolish enough to believe that Kellen would not find me. He should have showed up a long time ago. Perhaps he followed me.

I stayed still for a few seconds and then I turned and let his hand fall away. “Leave me alone.”

“No,” he refused, his voice soft and low.

“Leave. Me. Alone.” I gritted between my teeth, accentuating every word.

He grabbed me by my shoulders and hauled me to my feet. “No.”

I smacked his hands away, fighting him. With surprise I was able to get free of him and I moved several paces back, closer and closer to the cliff edge. Fear filled his eyes.

“Don’t you dare.”

I raised my chin a notch. He was the last person to give me orders today. The closer I moved to the edge, the more panicked he became. I smiled wickedly.

“I will do whatever I want.”

“This defiance is not becoming. Come here,” he ordered, extending his hand.

I shook my head. “No.”

I made a dive for the edge when I felt his arms lock on to my waist. We landed with a thud, inches from the rocks that were giving way and falling to the ground far below. Angrily I fought him, unable to move him, even an inch.

Anger flashed in his green eyes. “Why are you angry with me?”

I turned my head, not wanting to meet the hurt in his eyes.

“Rhiannon.” He said my name in desperation. “Rhiannon, don’t be mad at me anymore. I can’t stand it.”

Before I could respond his lips met mine. I struggled against him, pushing on his chest, but he only held me tighter. Kellen refused to break the kiss. His mouth pressed even harder, fueled by frustration, until I started to weaken. His hands moved down to my waist and he rolled with me suspended above him. I straddled his torso as my hands slid up his chest and into his hair. I clung to him and thread my fingers through the dark strands, pulling lightly.

Kellen’s hands tightened their hold. I expected him to stop, at any minute to pull back and say we had gone far enough, but he did not. I pressed into him, riding the wave of passion that combined with my wild abandon of all thought and reason. My anger had lowered to a simmer but my refusal to succumb to my pain had not. I was lost, adrift on waves of helplessness.

Kellen rolled again, pinning me to the ground, his body holding mine close, as if he could drive all traces of my pain away. I felt his urgency. I felt his lack of control and his raw desire. They fought for space in his eyes. Above all was a tenderness that stole my breath. In his eyes I saw the mirror of my own soul, reflecting back a feeling so strong, so undeniable, that neither of us could look away. I saw love.

He pulled his lips from mine and in a single breath, my name tumbled forth in unparalleled passion. “Rhiannon.”

My eyes were locked with his, both of our chests rising and falling with the exertion of the last few minutes. His mouth lowered again. His kiss was gentle this time.

“Kellen,” I whispered, tears springing to my eyes.

“Go ahead. Cry. Weep. Shout. Hit me if you must.” He swallowed loudly. “But never push me away again.”

I could hold back no longer. A tidal wave of emotion rose up within me and crashed like stormy waves upon the sand. I wailed in my sorrow, the pain raw and agonizing, oozing from deep in my heart, bubbling to the surface, and erupting like a forgotten volcano. He held me in his arms until I cried my last tear, spent and left without strength, as his arms encircled my body. I had nothing left. No pain. No anger. No sorrow. Just release.

I barely noticed when he lifted me and cradled my body in his arms. In silence we walked back to the house, never uttering a word. I held onto him, my fingers clutching his shirt, knowing I would not be able to let go for some time. My head rested on his shoulder, buried into his neck. From time to time he would turn and nuzzle me, perhaps so that I knew he was not abandoning me.

He kicked the front door of the house open. It was dark, much later than I normally came home. Kellen started to climb the stairs when Gran’s voice halted him.

“She will be fine. Time heals all wounds.”

Once we were in my room, he laid me down on the bed, climbing beside me. I felt his strong arms encircle me.

“Sleep my darling Rhiannon.” His voice was low but heavy with emotion. “Sleep my rose.”

“Don’t leave me,” I whispered, vulnerable now.

“You have my word.”

I let the darkness drift away, certain that Kellen loved me and just as certain that I loved him back.

We pulled up in front of Gran’s house and Kellen turned off the engine. He looked over at me and we smiled at each other. This was the third time we had gone out this week. Since prom and graduation, we had started to spend even more time together. We saw each other every day, almost every moment, unless Kellen was outside doing a “safety check” as he called it. It was starting to become routine.

We were together constantly. Everyone knew we were dating. Emily and Mariah were so excited for me, I was constantly bombarded with texts and phone calls. Gran set an extra place for dinner every night now without asking unless we were leaving. I knew she liked Kellen, perhaps as much as I did. He was always a perfect gentleman. Gran especially liked that about him. She knew he treated me nice and that went a long way in her book.

It was obvious to Gran that we were getting serious. She didn’t press me for too many details. More often than not, I came in with my eyes bright and dreamy. Too excited to sleep, I would tell her about our date. I filled her in on as many details as I was comfortable with sharing. She knew I was completely infatuated with him. It was pretty obvious that he liked me just as much. The two of us were inseparable. I oozed happiness from every fiber of my being.

Kellen got out and walked around to open my door for me. He extended his hand to help me out since I always had a hard time climbing out of the Hummer. The thing was huge. I took Kellen’s hand as he pulled me out of the car, pausing to look into his eyes. He ran his fingers along my cheek and held my hand as we walked up to the house.

We stopped at the bottom of the porch steps. I turned to look at him, gazing up at his handsome face, his eyes staring at me with that penetrating look again. My heart started to race as I anticipated what could be a goodnight kiss.

Kellen hadn’t kissed me since that day in the woods, weeks ago now. I wasn’t sure if it had something to do with his struggle against those restrictions he had told me about or not. I was hoping tonight might be different. We never discussed that day. Not even once. But it had been another pivotal moment for us, like prom night.

“I had a really great time with you this evening,” he told me.

I smiled. He sounded so formal. He told me the same thing every time he brought me home. It was sweet.

“Would you go out with me again sometime soon?” He asked.

How funny, like he had to ask. I would go anywhere with him. I was totally helpless.

“Yes,” I answered.

“How about tomorrow?”

“Sure,” I said.

“And the night after?” He pressed.

“Yes,” I said again.

“How about the rest of the month?”

I giggled. “Maybe we should go with the next six months.”

“If we are going to do that, we might as well go for the whole year,” he agreed.

I nodded my head in agreement. We were both laughing now.

Suddenly his face became very serious. “Why stop there? We should just make it…forever.” His eyes smoldered at me.

“Ok,” I said. My voice was barely a whisper.

“Good.”

His arms were around me and his lips were against mine before I could respond. I slid my hands around his neck and leaned into him, our bodies fusing together like iron and fire. I felt his hands tighten at my waist, pulling me close, his hard lean frame pinned against mine.

Our bodies tingled with electricity and sudden passion. I hardly knew what was happening. I just knew that it felt amazing. I gave in to the sensation. Let it burn inside me until my thoughts disappeared. It was only him, this moment, this kiss that mattered. My singular focus. His lips were strong, warmly moving against mine, dominating until I parted and met his tongue, shyly at first and then with matched ardor.

I don’t know how much time passed. All too soon he stopped. He pulled away slightly for a moment, both of us gasping for air. His lips were at my neck and then moving up to my ear. He kissed the spot just below it, the tender flesh exposed as he swept my hair aside.

“I think I’m falling in love with you,” he whispered, “does that frighten you?”

“What?” I asked dazed. Did he just say what I thought he did?

“Silly girl,” he chided, “I’m falling in love with you.”

“That’s good,” I said breathlessly, “I think I already love you.”

He threw back his head and laughed. His eyes were shining when he looked back at me. I could tell it really pleased him. He picked me up and swirled me around, setting me gently on the ground again. Then he placed a quick kiss on my lips and I smiled up at him.

I knew my words were true as soon as I said them. I do love him. I think I’ve been in love with him for months. I suspected it that day in the forest but now I
knew
. Maybe I was just too afraid to admit it to myself before, some instinctive drive to hide myself from the pain of rejection. None of that really mattered though. I knew I wanted to be with him. Everything else seemed secondary.

Nothing was more important than this moment. My feelings for him were strong, stronger than anything I had ever known. I never felt this way before, the awareness seemed to resonate profoundly somewhere infinite in my core. I was in deep, and nothing could change that now.

The night was so perfect that I didn’t want it to end. It was late but I wasn’t tired. He smiled at me softly.

“Would you like to swing in the moonlight?” I asked.

I took his hand and led him quietly up the porch steps. We sat in the swing together, Kellen sliding next to me and pulling me close. I leaned against him with my head on his shoulder and we rocked in silence with only the stars above us. I yawned slightly and snuggled closer to him. The night had gotten a little cool. I shivered slightly. He took off his jacket and put it around me as I cradled myself back into him. We continued rocking again, slowly, back and forth.

I didn’t realize that I had fallen asleep until I felt him pick me up. I was vaguely aware of him cradling my body close, his soft nuzzle against my hair, bringing me into the house. He laid me down on the couch in the living room as I felt the warmth of a blanket float around me.

My eyes fluttered open and I looked up to see his face smiling gently down at mine. I tried to smile back but I was so tired. Light was coming from the kitchen. Was Gran awake? Kellen leaned down and pressed a kiss against my forehead.

“Go back to sleep, my darling. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

I wanted to respond but my eyes were so heavy I couldn’t keep them open. I mumbled something but I was back asleep before I knew what it was.

The sound of quiet voices awakened me. I could hear some kind of conversation going on. I didn’t know what time it was but it was dark outside. I tried to concentrate. It was Kellen and Gran. I wanted to hear what they were saying. I stayed very still on the couch and listened quietly.

“Does she know the truth?” I heard Kellen ask.

“Yes,” Gran responded, “a little bit. But not as much as she should.” I heard her pour liquid like tea into a cup. “She has her gift.”

“Ah, I suspected as much. Rhiannon’s been quiet about it but that doesn’t surprise me.”

“Yes, she is still trying to come to terms with it. She doesn’t like feeling like an outsider. She doesn’t like to be considered different. I think she will accept it with time…and with maturity.”

“Then she’s the right age. Does she understand the significance?” He asked.

“I was afraid to overwhelm her. She wears the vial around her neck on the chain you gave her for her birthday. I told her what is in it.”

“I was wondering about that. It’s a great way to hide it.” I heard him say.

“Yes, we thought it best. Kellen, I need to know…” I heard Gran hesitate.

A small silence followed. “I understand. Yes, I love her,” he confessed, “more deeply, more profoundly than I ever thought possible.”

“I know. I can see it when you look at her. She loves you too,” I heard Gran tell him.

“I tried to keep my distance. I never really had a chance, I guess. Her beauty took my breath away the day we met.”

“You know my concern. Her destiny was set long before she met you. This could complicate things…” Gran sighed. “Her fate is a difficult one.”

“I know,” he said, “she has free will. She has a choice. I will respect whatever decision she makes.”

“It may not be as easy as that, Kellen. Listen to yourself.” Gran sounded almost angry. “What about the restrictions?” She asked.

“I will deal with that when the time comes, if it does. I promise you…I will protect her. I will fulfill my duty by her. My feelings for her don’t change that.”

“Are you certain?” Gran asked. “The council will not go easy on you when they find out.”

“I know. I can’t stop the way I feel about her.
I love her.
I’ll love her until the day I die.” His voice broke off. “I will accept my fate, whatever that is. She is worth any suffering I may have to endure.”

There was a long pause. I thought maybe I was dreaming the whole conversation. Then I heard the voices again.

“Have you considered what that will do to her if you are punished?” Gran asked quietly.

“Yes, and I am going to do everything in my power to stop that from happening. If I see that possibility coming, I will leave her. I can be strong enough. I have to be. I won’t deny that it will cause me great pain to do so. It wouldn’t be easy.” His voice sounded strained.

“Yes, but is she strong enough to let you go? I’m not sure. In fact, I’m certain she will react badly. She is very attached to you,” Gran replied, “Rhiannon latches onto the people she loves. Loss is very difficult for her.”

“I don’t know how she will react,” he said honestly, “part of me wonders if I should pull back from her now, save her the pain of deeper suffering later on. I tried, again and again to keep my distance. But I love her too deeply to do that.”

“Kellen…I’m concerned about distracting her from her true course. She has an important job to do. I understand how you feel but is this best? Are you fulfilling your duty by her if you keep her to yourself?” I heard him object but Gran interrupted him. “I have my doubts.”

“Our connection to each other is strong. Much stronger than I could have anticipated. When we are together…time ceases to exist. It sounds cliché but I have never experienced anything like it before. I don’t think we can stay apart from each other.”

“I have been thinking about that too. The strength of your feelings for each other has surprised me. I am concerned about a relationship that could compromise her.” Kellen objected again but Gran must have silenced him. “You must understand her purpose. It is greater than your affection and desire.”

“Yes, I know,” he conceded.

“You seem destined to be in each other’s lives. She’s very young and innocent, pure and unblemished by the harshness of the world. Perhaps I have sheltered her too much. You know she is a very constant and loyal girl,” Gran told him. Her voice wavered.

“Yes, I know. I would never hurt her like that or betray her trust with someone else. I value her purity and innocence. I don’t give my heart easily…or lightly.” I heard him clear his throat. “But, as you know, I may not be her final choice. Her destiny is her own. We don’t know how it will turn out.” His voice faltered slightly and I heard him sigh.

“Kellen…what if he comes back for her?” I heard the catch in her voice. She sounded serious.

“He won’t. He’s gone.” I heard Kellen’s voice sound bitter.

“He’s meant for her,” She whispered, “he always has been. You need to remember that. There’s a very good chance he will return one day.”

“I know,” he moaned, “I don’t know what will happen if he does. It hardly matters now. Not with everything happening so fast.”

Silence filled the room again. Were they still speaking? I fought sleep as I listened and waited, the seconds ticking by slowly. I didn’t want to miss anything interesting.

“Is the danger close now?” I finally heard Gran say something.

“Yes, she needs to be told everything. It will no longer help her to be ignorant. Keeping her in the dark could endanger her now. She needs to understand what she risks and why.”

“I know,” Gran replied, “I have been waiting a long time for this day. Her grandfather and I have kept her secluded for so long. Hidden away so many years…she knows nothing of her history or where she comes from. I fear this will be a very great shock to her.”

“She is strong, stronger than we give her credit for. I have seen a fierce determination in her, a queenly grace that surpasses all of our hopes.” He took a deep breath. “We all have been waiting. She is eagerly anticipated in our world. The stars are watched for signs, the old runes are consulted, and even the ancient ones have foretold of her coming for years now. Your bloodline is strong. Rhiannon will fulfill her destiny.”

“Yes, I believe that. Everything I have taught her has been in preparation for this time. She is strong in character. Her moral compass is true and unbreakable. She is good, loving, and kind. All the attributes she needs. She will be an excellent leader. But…I will miss her terribly.” Gran’s voice wavered a little at the end.