The Gryphon Project (8 page)

Phoenix sat beside her, Saul’s tremors on her mind. She’d never seen him like that, but then he rarely got caught in one of Gryph’s pranks. He was the one who held back, who played safe, who never took sides when any of the guys argued.

“His brave face is just for Gryph,” Phoenix said. “He wanted to stay with you. But you know how boys are. Especially those boys. It’s all about them. We’re never going to know what goes on with those guys. We can only hope—”

“That they don’t kill each other?” Nadia wiped her eyes with her sleeve. “That they don’t kill someone else? They’re all going to max out on their recons before they hit twenty! And then what?”

“Now you’re exaggerating, Nadia. None of them have ever gotten that seriously hurt.”

Nadia said nothing.

“I’m right,” Phee said gently. “Aren’t I? You’re exaggerating. None of them have ever even come close to needing a recon.”

“Not yet, maybe!”

“They take risks, but they’re smart. No one’s been hurt.” Phoenix found an old tissue in her pocket and dabbed Nadia’s tears away. “Gryph was timing it. He knew what he was doing. They’ve been friends forever, and not a single one of them has had a recon, right?”

Again Nadia said nothing.

“Right, Nadia?”

“Sometimes I really hate Gryphon,” Nadia replied. “Chrysalis’s golden boy. He thinks he’s immortal.”

“Well, we all are, in a way. To a point.”

“How can you say that?” Nadia blew her nose. “You, of all people. You should get what I’m talking about. Okay, so if Saul dies, he gets reconned, okay, so he lives. But what if something went wrong during the recon? What then? What if I lost him forever?”

“And how often does that happen? Next to never, in all reality.”

“Still, it could! And what if he lost his memory, like you?”

“Also highly unlikely.”

“But what if?”

What if, what if, what if?
Phee knew all too well the perils of letting her imagination run rampant. What if, indeed.

“He’d forget about me! He wouldn’t remember
us
. He’d come back and I’d be a stranger to him! Just some random girl. What if he didn’t fall in love with me again?” Nadia started bawling, her shoulders heaving the way they always did when she was gripped by a crying fit. “He wouldn’t even remember our first kiss!”

“But he’s okay, Nadia.” Phoenix patted Nadia’s back, her own thoughts spinning. “He’s okay.”

“You don’t understand, Phee.” Nadia gulped back a sob. “You’ve never been in love.”

And you wouldn’t understand either. You’ve never been reconned.
Phee thought it, but didn’t speak it. She had to bite her tongue, but she didn’t say it.

PHOENIX STAYED WITH NADIA
until she calmed down enough to go into class. She got late passes for the two of them and then saw Nadia to her room. On her way to her own room, Phoenix passed Clea, tall and lithe and the only girl who could make wearing glasses sexy. She didn’t even need them. They were strictly for show—she’d had laser surgery when she was five. But she thought they made her look especially hot. And she was right.

“Pass?” Clea held out a manicured hand, her long nails a slick luscious pink.

Phoenix flicked it at her. It landed on the floor.

Clea folded her arms over her already supplemented breasts (her daddy was plastic surgeon to the stars) and looked down her carefully crafted nose at Phoenix. “Cute.”

“You know, Clea.” Phoenix picked up the pass. “If you want Gryph so badly, you should try a little harder with me. He never dates anyone I don’t like.”

“Aw, Phee, you don’t like me?” Clea offered a practised little pout. “I’m devastated.”

“It’s true. I don’t particularly like you at all.”

“Maybe you should tell your brother that.” Clea shrugged.

“I already have. Many, many, many times.” Phoenix folded her own arms over her size-challenged chest. “Every chance I get, in fact.”

“Mm. Is that right.” Clea turned on her heel. “Maybe you should ask him why he let me go down on him in his dressing room at the snowboard championships, then?”

Phee’s face twisted with disgust. “He did not.” Phoenix glared at Clea’s back. “I was there.”

“So was I.” Clea stopped. “In the other room.”

“No way.”

“Very cute, reading to your sister like that.
The Velveteen Rabbit
was one of my favourites. On pod, mind you. What loser still reads from actual books?”

Phoenix sucked in her breath. “Well, you’d know all about fake, wouldn’t you?” With her hands, she bounced enormous imaginary breasts in front of her.

“And you’d know all about being brought to life by the magical nursery fairy, so to speak.” With that, Clea turned once again, giving Phoenix the back of her as if she were giving her the finger.

PHOENIX FUMED ALL MORNING
, searching for Gryph between classes. She could stand a lot of shit from Gryph, but not Clea. Doing Clea, or getting done by Clea, was in direct violation of the sibling code of ethics. Do not hook up with the other’s version of evil incarnate. Simple rule, and Gryph had blatantly broken it.

He was nowhere to be seen. At lunch, Phoenix found Nadia, and the two of them went outside to the field to watch Saul’s practice, even though Nadia was still sore at him for the morning.

“Then let’s not go out there,” Phoenix suggested. “If you’re so mad at him.”

“I still love him,” Nadia said as they pushed out into the daylight. “Like I said, you don’t understand, Phee.”

ONCE OUTSIDE
, Nadia flung her backpack to the ground and glared across the field to where Clea was leaning on Saul while she pulled on one of her cheerleader sneakers. Saul, dressed in his catcher padding, just stood there.

“What the hell is she doing?”

“Don’t worry.” Phoenix rescued the backpack before the contents spilled out. “She’s into Gryph.”

“Then why is she pawing Saul?”

“She’s not pawing him.” Phee couldn’t believe she was defending Clea. “She’s leaning on him. Trust me, Clea is into Gryph.” Phoenix told her about Clea’s earlier claim.

“Maybe so.” Nadia kept her eyes on Clea. “But she used to be into Saul.”

“Way before you,” Phoenix said. “Get over it.”

Gryph emerged from the locker room, a bouquet of baseball bats over his shoulder. Clea ran for him, practically bouncing. She threw herself on him, and he lifted her right up off her feet and kissed her.

“Fair enough,” Nadia mumbled. “But just let me have my catty attitude today, okay?”

Saul was heading their way now, with a slow sort of waddle because of his padding. Nadia stood up with a flourish. “I can’t talk to him right now. I’m still upset.”

“Come on, Nad. Why don’t you see what he has to say?”

“Tell him to call me.” Nadia stood and grabbed her bag. “I’m going inside.”

“Nadia—”

“Later, Phee.” Nadia stalked off toward the school.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Phoenix called over her shoulder.

“No,” Nadia stopped. “No, actually. I don’t.”

Phoenix turned her eyes up to the sky. “God? Oscar’s daughter here. Help?”

Saul saw her leave, so he stopped to pull off his leg pads and then sprinted across the rest of the distance, leaving Clea and Gryph in a make-out knot behind him.

“Where’d Nadia go?”

“Inside.”

“Is she still mad at me or something?”

“Yeah.” Phoenix laughed. “Or something.”

“Look, I couldn’t stay with Nadia this morning.” Saul sat beside her, toying with his catcher’s mask, which rested on his lap. “You know that, right?”

“I know you chose the guys over Nadia. You always do. Even though she’s been your girlfriend for almost two years.”

“It’s not like that!” Saul growled again. “I love Nadia, but my buddies are just as important. I’d be
nothing
without them. It’s not a matter of either or. I have to have both. Nadia and the guys. Got it?”

“Got it,” Phoenix said.

“But you don’t really. You don’t understand.”

“Seems to be what everyone thinks of me today.”

“But you don’t.” Saul let his catcher’s mask roll off his lap. “Gryph and Huy and Tariq, and even Neko now … we’re more than friends. We’re
brothers
. It’s different from you and Nadia being best friends. That whole BFF crap is for girls. It’s different for guys.”

“Oh, really? How about you enlighten me?”

“It’s just … I don’t know.” Saul shrugged. “It’s just different. You wouldn’t understand.”

“I have an idea.” Phoenix shielded her eyes against the sun and looked at Saul. “How about you don’t presume to know me, and I don’t presume to know you. Sound fair?”

“Sure.” Saul gave her a sardonic smile and stood. “That’s a great idea.” He started to walk away, but Phee called his name. He turned.

“What?”

“This morning,” Phee said, “you were shaking really hard. I’ve never seen you like that before. Are you okay?”

“I came pretty close to having my head ripped off by a brick wall. You’d be shaking too.”

“I guess.”

“Right.” Saul was looking everywhere except at Phoenix.

“But still, I’ve never seen you like that before. You’re sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.” Saul sighed. “I haven’t been feeling so great lately, that’s all.”

“Maybe you should have my mom check you out.”

“No!” Across the field, the coach called for Saul. “I mean, no thanks. I can’t.”

“Well”—Phoenix tried to meet his eyes, but he shifted his glance back across the field and rubbed his face again—“maybe get your own doctor to check you out.”

“Mind your own business, Phee.”

“Saul!” the coach hollered. “Get over here or get out of here!”

“Thanks for your concern and everything.” Saul backed away, clutching his helmet. “But don’t worry about me. Just go find Nadia and tell her that I love her. Try to make her understand.”

“You just told me I didn’t understand.” Phoenix laughed. “So how can I make her understand? I’m just a girl, after all.”

“I’m sorry I said that. I know you get it.” Saul held up a hand, half wave, half dismissive gesture. “Just talk to her for me.” He turned and sprinted across the field to his team.

NADIA CAME HOME
with Phee after school and cried on her bed for several hours. In the brief moments when she wasn’t crying, she was gripped by anger. At Saul, mostly, but Gryph too. When she finally had to go home, Phoenix steered a still-weepy Nadia toward the train station. They didn’t talk much as they crossed the green. They climbed the stairs to the platform, and Phoenix turned to hug Nadia goodbye when she spotted Saul sitting on a bench down at the end. He stood when he noticed them. He lifted a hand in half a wave. Nadia took a couple of steps toward him, but then changed her mind and turned on her heel.

“What do I do?”

Phoenix gave her a little push. “Go talk to him.”

“What do I say?”

“You’ve been together forever, so I think you can probably come up with something.”

“No.” Nadia emphatically shook her head. The gesture was not lost on Saul. With his arms open, he started in their direction. “You stop right there, mister!” Nadia pointed a finger at him. He did as he was told, standing still and jamming his hands into his pockets.

“You go talk to him first,” Nadia whispered to Phoenix. “You go tell him how fragile I am and how badly he hurt me today. I want him to get it for once, you know? I want him to realize how his choices hurt me.”

“And you think your theatrics will make him change his mind?”

Nadia shrugged. She pulled out a tissue, and after checking to ensure that Saul was still watching, she dabbed her tears and sucked back a loud sob. “Go. Tell him.”

This time it was Nadia who gave the shove and Phoenix who stumbled forward. She went up to Saul and spoke before he could start. “Look, she loves you, blah, blah, blah. She sent me over here”— she gestured back at Nadia, who was watching while trying to look as if she wasn’t—“so I could tell you a load of crap to make you think she’s still mad at you, even though she’s not. Not mad, anyway. Hurt and sad, yes. Proof in point: she spent the whole afternoon in tears on my bed. Or the bed at my grandma’s, if we’re being specific.”

“Your grandma’s?”

“Gryph hasn’t said anything?”

Saul shook his head, eyebrows lifting into a question.

“Don’t ask. Long story. Back to Nadia.”

Saul shoved his hands deeper into his pockets and stared at his feet. His shoulders slumped forward. “I feel like a complete ass.”

“Okay. Good start.”

“Truth is …” Saul glanced up at her, almost shyly. “I spent the afternoon crying too.”

“What?” Phoenix glanced back at Nadia, who was churning the air with her hand, gesturing for her to speed it up. “You? Crying? I don’t believe it.”

“Look, there’s something that I want to tell you. Something big. But you have to promise not to tell anyone. And I mean it. No one.”

“Why me?”

“Because …” He glanced at Nadia, then again at his feet. “Because I think you’ll understand.”

Phoenix laughed. “That’s a first.”

Saul stared at her, in no joking mood.

“Okay, why me? Why not Nadia?”

“I can’t tell Nadia.”

“Why not?”

“It’ll make sense when I tell you. I can trust you—”

“But not Nadia?”

Saul ignored the comment. “You’re a true friend, Phoenix. And I hope you still will be after I tell you.”

“I will, Saul. Of course I will.”

“You might. You might not. You won’t know until after you hear what I have to say.”

“Then say it, already.” The conversation was going around in a frustrating little circle, one that made her stomach clench. Clearly, he had a secret. A big secret. Phee wanted to know it, of course, but there was a part of her that cautioned against her curiosity.

“I will. First, though”—Saul’s eyes pleaded with her—“you have to promise not to tell Nadia.”

“I can’t promise that. She’s my best friend. I’d be lying to your face if I told you I wouldn’t tell her. You know all about best friends. You pick yours over your girlfriend all the time.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t.”

“Exactly.”

“And maybe, just this once, you can promise to keep something from her.”