The Governor's Sons (14 page)

Ash turned pale upon hearing this.
 
“Russell?” he said quietly.
 
“Why are you thinking about him?”

“Oh--it’s not that I’m thinking about him, not really.
 
But what would—what would
anyone
like him think?”

“Like him?”

“Yes!
 
Anyone
respectable
—like him—is going to think I’m nothing but a tramp!”

“But you’re not! And why does it matter what other men think—when you’re mine?”

Kitty said nothing while she wiped away her tears with a handkerchief. “Ash—I—I love you—but I can’t have a baby now.”

He was silent for a moment.
 
“Will you ever want my children?”

Kitty hadn’t really thought beyond their “marriage.”
 
They’d worked out the logistics for the fall, though she still hadn’t told her mother, or Betty Jean, about her upcoming living arrangements.

Ash had purchased some investment property with his teaching salary.
 
One piece was a two-family house in a Negro neighborhood.
 
From that building’s location, it was fifteen minutes south to Cherywood, where Maretta University was, and fifteen minutes north to Ash’s law school, Simpson Leggett, located in Clarkstown.

The second floor unit, now vacant—waited just for Kitty—so she could be easily accessible to Ash.
 
He’d told her that he’d even buy her a car so she wouldn’t have to depend on the bus to get to and from campus.
 
But she preferred the bus, even though she’d have to ride in the back.
 
With her own apartment
and
a car, she feared rumors would fly about her being a kept woman.

This whole arrangement was spiraling out of control.
 
School would be starting in less than a month—and here she was pregnant.
 
Even if she got rid of it—what if it happened again?
 
She didn’t want children now.
 
She had to finish school.
 
Then she’d become a teacher.
 
Then—maybe after a few years—she’d want children.
 
And then, maybe then—she’d be willing to live exclusively as his mistress/kept woman/or what some would call a whore.
 
And after seven years, perhaps, she’d be considered his common-law wife.
 
She wondered if common law would apply to them since so-called traditional law wouldn’t.

“I’ll—I’ll want us to have children—someday—but—just not now,” she said.

“Kitty—we can get through this, and—”

“You mean
you
can get through this!
 
No matter what—
you’ll
come out smelling like a rose!
 
You won’t have to carry the shame and become an outcast!
 
Your life won’t come to a halt because of this, but mine will!
 
I’m not having a baby now and you can’t make me!”

Ash gripped her firmly by the shoulders and shook her. “Listen to yourself, Kitty!
 
We’re not playing a child’s game! We’re talking about a child’s life—our child!
 
Look, you can go away and have the baby.
 
Maybe someone else in your family could raise it while you finish school.

“You could even—give it up for adoption.
 
I—I wouldn’t want that,” he said sadly, “but I’d rather see us do that than kill it!
 
Kitty—I love our baby already, and I want a chance to know him—or her.”
 
Ash loosened his grasp, while looking deeply into her eyes. “Don’t you have any compassion?”

Kitty burst into tears again and began sobbing.
 
“Don’t talk to me about compassion!
 
My life’s falling apart and I don’t know what to do!”

Ash held her as she cried.
 
“Kitty, don’t cry.”

“Don’t tell me not to cry!
 
What good’ll that do?
 
I just want my life back to normal!”

“Look, we need to tell Mother.”

“Your—your m--mother?”
 
Kitty asked through her sobs. She didn’t want to lose Miss Joan’s respect. “No!
 
She’ll think I’m just another common Negro!”

“But she can help.”

“I don’t want her to know!”
 
Kitty recoiled from his arms.
 
“I don’t want anyone to know!
 
That’s why I can’t have it!”

“Kitty, you’re talking crazy!”

“I
am
not!”

“Listen, Mother—knows people.”

“People?”
 
Kitty wiped her eyes again and tried to stop crying.

“They’re not strangers, I know them, too.”

“Then who are they?”

“Two colored ladies.
 
And they don’t live too far away—but they’re far enough away–and isolated enough—so that no one would--know anything.”

“You mean--if I keep it?”

“Let’s not even think about
not
keeping it!
 
I mean--our baby.”

“That’s easy for you to say!”

“Kitty, stop it!”

Kitty sighed and crossed her arms tightly.
 
“Fine then, go on.
 
Tell me more about these colored ladies. ”

“They’re two widows, a mother and a daughter.
 
Esther must be around 80, and her daughter’s name is Seletha.
 
They’re related to slaves that Mother’s family owned.
 
They live on about 20 acres up in that little town called 86.”

“How’d they get so much land?”

“My great-grandfather gave it to Esther.”
 
Ash paused for a moment.
 
“Esther’s really my great-grandfather’s daughter—by a slave woman.”
 
When Kitty looked surprised, Ash said, “Mother let that slip out when she was a little tipsy one time.”

“So—why would they be willing to help me?”

“Because they help girls in trouble.
 
Seletha’s daughter died from a botched abortion.
 
They call what they do a ministry.
 
They want to help the girls—and save the babies.
 
Now look, Kitty, my family can pay for room and board and medical expenses.”

“And when it’s born?”

“I don’t want us to give up the baby—but they do work with some agency that arranges colored adoptions.”

Kitty didn’t say anything as she mulled over her options.
 
Keeping it and raising it herself, keeping it and letting a family member raise it, keeping it and giving it up for adoption—or just getting rid of it.
 
Getting rid of it seemed like the easiest, least complicated and least life altering decision.

“I’m getting rid of it.”

“But, Kitty—what if they botch it, and you can never have children—or what if you die?”
 
Ash sounded desperate.
 
“Heath’s told me all kinds of horror stories!
 
He’s tried to fix things after the damage is done by some back alley jackass trying to pass himself off as a doctor.
 
He’s seen girls white as sheets, almost dead from losing so much blood, by the time they end up at the hospital!

“I’m not going to some back alley abortionist; I’m going to Dr. Cutter.”

“Cutter?
 
Sounds like a damn butcher!”

“He’s a real doctor.
 
He’s Negro, but everybody knows he does abortions.
 
It’s mostly the white girls that use him. The colored ones can’t afford it.
 
But,” Kitty’s voice broke as she began crying again, “I have money from working here, so I can afford it, too.
 
Just like the white girls.
 
And now I won’t have to go off and live in shame because of a baby!”

“Kitty, there’s still a chance that something bad could happen.”

Although she tried to sound stoic, Kitty continued crying.
 
“Then that’s a chance I’ll have to take.”

“Kitty—please don’t do it.
 
I don’t want to live with our baby’s death on my conscience.”

“
You
don’t want to!
 
It’s always about you, isn’t it?”
 
She yelled, finally able to stop her tears.

“Not this time!
 
It’s about our baby.”
 
Ash dropped to his knees in front of her.
 
“Kitty—I’m begging you.
 
Please—please—don’t do it.”

“Get up, Ash.
 
You look like a blame fool.”
 
She turned and walked away from him, then removed her apron and hung it inside the pantry door.
 
Picking up her pocketbook from the counter, she said, “My appointment’s in two hours.
 
Tell your mother and Aunt Izolla I went home sick.
 
Depending on how I feel, I might be back tomorrow.”
 

Ash sank completely to the floor and dropped his head.
 
“Kitty—you can’t do this to me.”

She sighed, exasperated by his attitude.
 
“I’m not doing
anything
to you.”

“That baby’s a part of me,” he said softly.

“Ash--I’m sorry.
 
I just can’t have a child now—I can’t.” She walked past him to the door and slowly pulled it open.

“Kitty—don’t do it—please.”
 
She stood immobilized, not wanting to turn toward him.
 
“Look at me,” he pleaded.
 
But she still couldn’t bring herself to face him.
 
From his voice, Kitty knew there’d be tears in his eyes.
 
“Damn it!
 
How can you be so cold?” Ash yelled.

Kitty finally stepped from the house and closed the door, leaving him alone.
 
But moments later she heard him sprint down the back steps.
 
As she approached the front yard, he quickly caught up.
 
Grabbing her arm tightly he said, “I’m not gonna let you do this!”

She yanked free from his hold.
 
“The only way I’d keep this baby was if we moved!
 
If you love me like you say you do—then move for me!
 
Make an honest woman of me and marry me someplace where we
can
be married—legally!”

For a moment Ash couldn’t speak.
 
Perhaps, Kitty thought, he’d see things her way and seriously consider what she’d said.
 
He was silent as more seconds passed.
 
She felt a glimmer of hope.
 
Did he love her that much?

“Kitty—I—I can’t,” he said almost helplessly.

“I knew it!”
 
She wanted to cry again.
 
He wouldn’t risk losing his political future.
 
“It’s not that you can’t—you won’t!”

“Kitty, aren’t you willing—”

“I’ve already been
too
willing!
 
Now, just keep away—or I’ll--” She looked down the sloping hill toward the boxy white milk truck approaching the house.
 
“I’ll create a scene.
 
And I know
you
don’t want that!”
 
The vehicle parked out front.
 
Both watched as the milkman climbed out.
 
Then Kitty quickly started to walk away.

Moments later, the milkman smiled as he walked toward her in his white uniform and cap.
 
“Good morning, Catherine.” Four glass bottles rattled gently in the milk basket he carried.

“Good morning, sir.” Kitty tried to look and sound cheerful as she briskly strode by him.
 
As the milkman made his way to the milk chute, she heard him greet Ash, but Ash didn’t respond.
 
However, in seconds she heard Ash’s rapid footsteps as he began to follow her.

Kitty spun around sharply.
 
“Another step—and I’ll scream,” she hissed.

Ash stood dead in his tracks as she quickly walked away.

Kitty sat draped in a sterile white gown on an examining table that was more firm than soft.
Dr. Cutter’s office was in a red brick building located in the colored business district of downtown Joy Hope.
 
The procedure would be done in one of his examining rooms.
 
She inhaled smelling alcohol and antiseptic around her, then looked at the cold metal stirrups and envisioned what would soon occur.

Kitty heard a knock, then a young colored nurse in a starched white uniform and stiff ruffled cap opened the door.
 
“The doctor will be here in a few minutes.” She smiled.
 
“You’ll be relieved when this is over.
 
Then you can forget all about it and start fresh.”

Apparently, this pretty light skinned nurse was a worldly woman, Kitty thought.
 
Perhaps she’d been in the same predicament herself to show such empathy.
 
When she’d first arrived, Kitty heard an older nurse grumble that she was sick of seeing so many unmarried girls do all their thinking between their legs.