The Governess of Highland Hall (45 page)

He led the way into the library, shut the door, and motioned toward the chair. “Please sit down.”

She averted her eyes. “I prefer to stand.”

The muscles in his shoulders tensed. “Very well.”

She raised her chin and fastened her blue gaze on him. “I must give you my notice.”

“What?” He stared at her, stunned.

“I’m resigning my position. I would like to leave as soon as possible.”

His mind spun. “Has something happened to your family?”

“No sir.”

“Then what is it?”

“I’m sorry, sir. I cannot say.”

“You cannot say?” He strode to the fireplace, heat flushing his face as he turned to her. “Do you have another offer? Someone willing to pay you more?”

Hurt filled her eyes. “No sir.”

“Then I don’t understand.” Pain pierced his heart, but he pushed it away and let his anger build to cover it. “You told me if you were leaving, you would give me several months’ notice. How can you walk in here and tell me that you want to leave as soon as possible?”

“I’m sorry. I know it’s … inconvenient.”

“Inconvenient? No, it’s uncaring toward the children and disloyal to me.” He lifted his hand. “How can you give me no warning—no time to find a replacement?”

She looked down, and her silence hung between them like a heavy curtain.

“Why?” His voice rose. “Why would you do this?”

She lifted her face, her eyes pleading with him. “Please, sir. I cannot say.”

“So that’s it?” He shook his head as painful memories washed over him. What a fool he’d been to think that she was different. “Once again I have been deceived by someone I trusted.”

She clasped her hands. “I would never deceive you, sir.”

“Well, that’s exactly what you’ve done. You made me believe I could count on you for loyalty and support. But I see I was wrong.” He set his jaw and nodded toward the door. “If that’s what you want, you may go.”

She lowered her head again, her shoulders sagging.

His heart wavered, but he steeled himself against it. “Collect your pay from Mrs. Emmitt on your way out, then do not return to Highland. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes sir.” She looked up, and this time, her face was set like stone. She turned away and strode out the door.

Tears blurred Julia’s eyes as she left the library. Sarah’s and Katherine’s voices floated out from the drawing room. Penny’s merry laughter followed. Julia pressed her lips together, fighting back her tears as she passed the open doorway. She could not say good-bye. Not to them, and not to the children. Doing so would only make a scene and cause more hurt.

Her stomach swirled at the thought of facing Mrs. Emmitt, so she slipped through the music room and out the side door, even though it meant she would leave behind her final month’s pay.

The icy wind stung her hot cheeks and nearly jerked the door from her
hand, but she managed to push it closed. Wrapping her arms around herself, she started down the gravel path. Dark clouds scuttled past overhead, and she hurried around the corner of the house.

Clark walked toward her across the back courtyard. He smiled and lifted his hand, but as he drew closer, his expression sobered. “Miss Foster, where are you going?”

“I’m leaving.” She could barely force the words past her tight throat.

“To visit your family?”

“No. I’ve given my notice. I’m leaving Highland … and once I walk out the gate, I’ll not be allowed to come back.”

His eyes darkened, and concern lined his face. “You must be freezing. Come with me.” He nodded toward the greenhouse.

A cold shiver raced up her back. She had no coat, and she was in need of the kindness of a friend. She nodded and walked across the courtyard and past the greenhouse with him. He ushered her into his office and gave her a chair by the wood stove.

“Now tell me, why would you leave us when you know we all love you?”

His gentle tone and kind words brought a fresh wave of tears to her eyes. “I don’t want to go, but I must.”

He shook his head. “I’m sure Sarah won’t agree, and neither will the children.”

She bit her lip. “I wasn’t able to say good-bye, not to Sarah, or the children, or anyone. Will you do that for me?”

“Yes, of course, but …” His face suddenly darkened and he leaned toward her. “Has Sir William done something improper? Has he hurt you?”

She pulled in a sharp breath. “Oh no! Please, you mustn’t think that. He has always been a gentleman and treated me with kindness and respect.” Her eyes filled. “This is my decision, not his.”

Clark’s gaze softened and he nodded. “You love him, don’t you?”

Her gaze darted to meet his. How had Clark discovered her secret?

“Does he feel the same about you?”

“No, and you must promise not to tell him about my feelings for him.”

“But if he knew, perhaps he would—”

“No. Trust me. If I don’t go, everyone on staff will lose their jobs, and Sir William will lose his home and his position in society.”

Doubt filled Clark’s expression. “How could your staying on at Highland make all that happen?”

“I am a distraction.” She had to swallow hard to get past that bitter word. “But if I go, and he forms an attachment with Miss Drexel, they can marry. Then his financial problems will be solved, and he won’t lose the estate.”

“So you love him, but you’re leaving so he can marry Miss Drexel and with the hope he can hold on to Highland?”

She sat up straighter and nodded. “Yes. Sometimes love demands a sacrifice.”

Clark rubbed his chin and nodded. “That may be true, but is the Lord calling you to make that sacrifice?”

She closed her eyes, her heart lifting the same question in a silent prayer. She waited and the answer settled over her with a painful but calm assurance. “Yes, I believe He is, and I am willing, though it breaks my heart to do it.”

He pondered that for a moment. “Very well, then. If He’s called you to it, I won’t try to dissuade you.”

She rose from the chair. “I should go before the rain starts.”

He glanced toward the window. “I can give you a ride in the wagon.”

“No, I can walk. I’ll be fine.”

Concern filled his eyes. “Then take this.” He shrugged off his jacket and handed it to her. “At least it will keep you warm.”

She hesitated, then allowed him to help her slip it on. “Thank you.” She started to say she would return it, but that was not possible. “I’ll send it back.”

He gave her a sad half-smile. “I’ll explain things to Sarah, and we’ll pray for you.”

“And I will pray for you and everyone at Highland.” With that she turned away and walked out into the cold morning.

TWENTY-EIGHT

William could not stand being indoors one more moment. He rose from the card table and strode out of the drawing room.

Alice hurried after him. “William, wait. We haven’t finished our game.” He clenched his jaw, holding back the retort rising in his throat. He’d had quite enough of silly card games and boring conversations about who would be going to London for the season and what parties and events they would attend. The rain had passed, and the temperature was rising. Perhaps a walk would clear his head and lift his sorry mood.

Lawrence approached.

“Please bring me my coat and hat. I’m going for a walk.”

“Very good, sir.” Lawrence nodded and set off to retrieve them.

Alice’s golden-brown eyebrows dipped as she glanced toward the front door. “I suppose I could join you. But it looks awfully cold.”

He wanted some peace and quiet, not a companion. “You’re right. It’s much too cold. There’s no need for you to go with me.”

“But I can tell you’re upset. Wouldn’t you like a friend to come along?”

“Alice, I know you mean well, but there are times a man needs room to think and breathe.”

A wounded look filled her eyes. “I didn’t realize I was preventing you from breathing.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be rude.” He glanced away, trying to come up with an explanation. “Everything has been in an upheaval since the fire. I’m just not in the mood to socialize.”

It was more than that, much more, and he knew it. Miss Foster’s leaving
had shaken him deeply. Nothing had been the same since she had walked out the door five days ago.

Sarah had been hurt and hinted he was to blame. Katherine and Penelope, who had never wanted a governess, were now complaining that they would not be ready for the season without Miss Foster’s help. Andrew had gotten into mischief several times and driven the poor nursery maid to tears. Millie had woken up with nightmares twice, and today she had a stomachache and was not able to eat anything. As for William himself, he had a nagging headache that would not leave, and he could barely force down his meals.

The only one who seemed unaffected was Mrs. Emmitt, who assured him they would find a new governess within the week, though she had not brought him one candidate.

But Miss Foster’s departure was not his only problem. Time was running out to resolve his financial issues. With his brother’s refusal to buy out his interest in the London house and the need to repair the fire-ravaged east wing, there seemed little choice but to at least consider the possibility of marriage to Alice Drexel. There might be no other way to save Highland. He clenched his jaw and tried to push away the uneasy feeling tightening his chest.

Lawrence returned with William’s coat and helped him put it on. Then he handed William his hat and gloves. “Will there be anything else, sir?”

Alice looked at William with a slight smile and a question in her eyes. She would be leaving for Bristol in a week and half. Was that enough time to make such an important decision? He’d never know unless he opened himself up to the possibility. He tugged on his glove and nodded. “Please bring Miss Drexel’s coat as well.”

Her smile warmed. “Thank you, William. I’m sure a brisk walk is just what we need.”

William swallowed a sigh. It would take more than a jaunt across the park with Alice Drexel to ease his troubled mind.

Julia dipped her hands in the hot, soapy water and wiped the mixing bowl clean. A crackling fire burned in the wood stove, sending cheerful warmth into her parents’ cozy kitchen. The tempting scent of meat pies and steaming applesauce hung in the air, promising a good supper.

Her father stepped into the kitchen. “I’m sorry, but here’s another cup to wash.”

“I don’t mind.” She looked over her shoulder, and her heart lifted. His color had improved, and his face looked fuller under his neatly clipped silver beard. “How are you feeling, Father?”

“Better all the time.” His eyes shone as he handed her the cup.

“I’m so glad.” Julia had slipped back into her role as dutiful daughter, assisting her mother with cooking and cleaning as well as answering correspondence and discussing Scripture with her father. It was as if nothing had changed, and yet everything was different.

Her time at Highland and, more important, her love for William and the children had changed everything.

She forced those thoughts away and focused on scrubbing the tea stains from the cup. If she wanted her wounded heart to heal, then she must keep a check on her thoughts and emotions. But that was not an easy task.