The Gossamer Gate (3 page)

“I know, I know.” She felt
heat rush up from her stomach to her chest and sit there in a heavy ball. “You like the leggy brunettes in goth clothes and stiletto shoes; not the football-watching girl-pal who rolls twenty-sided dice, and cosplays at anime and comic-cons. Not the girl who shares all of your interests and tastes in books, music, and movies. Not the girl who can laugh at the same things as you, because genuinely appreciates the same humor. I know the whole Witch thing isn’t a problem. It’s just a matter of looks and all. I get that. I’m not a model. I’m not a tall Amazon woman. I’m just me.”

Khiara knew she was babbling, but she hardly cared. She reached up to dash the tears out of her eyes with her fingertips as she rambled on, powerless to stop.

“I definitely understand. You have a standard that I don’t meet. Every guy I’ve ever had a crush on seems to have that issue. And I know you’ll tell me that I’m intelligent and you have never sexualized me – you don’t see me like that. You respect me for my mind and my personality. I really do appreciate that.”

She back
ed up the walkway, fumbling for the house key in her bag.

“It’s all good, Sean. We’ve known each other for a long time. You’ve seen me date plenty of guys. Well, not recently because I haven’t been interested. But I probably should get back to it, huh?
It would be more productive than wanting something I can’t have.” She turned and inserted the key, then turned it in the lock. “Good night. I’ll see you next week, and I’ll be my normal self by then.”

Before he could respond, Khiara rushed into the house, shut
, and locked the door behind her, and then stomped upstairs to her room. Ignoring the insistent knocks at the door, she tossed her bag to the floor, flung herself on the bed and buried her face in her arms.
Real mature, high priestess
, she berated herself.

****

The dreams brought her to that night, when she had realized that what she was dealing with was far beyond her knowledge and abilities. He was stronger than her, and her only choice was to defend herself. The only way to do that was to use her athame. It was not meant for cutting something, and certainly not intended for causing harm to another person, but he would not take “no” for an answer.

“You need to come with me. You don’t belong in this place,” he said, still trying to convince her. “I need you. We all need you.”

“I don’t want to leave.” She gasped as he tried to pull her with him. There was a spark of energy and she watched it expand. That was it – the portal. Once he pulled her through, there would be no return.

“Don’t think of it as an end,” he said. “It’s a beginning for both of us.”

It was no use fighting him. As much as she hated to use a weapon, she did the only thing she could do – she slid the blade between them, pressing it into his flesh.

His breathing hitched. He coughed and let go of her. His sputtered “What have you done?” broke her heart. “Iron,” he choked. “Why would you do that?” His fierce gaze changed, sadness filling his eyes. “I was going to give you everything,” he whispered as
he faded from view. “Everything…”

The
moment he disappeared from sight, she did the only thing she could do.

She fled.

Chapter 3

She sat upright in bed, squinting in the shaft of sunlight that filtered through the curtains. This was the second night in a row she had dreamed about the horrific events of that night all those years ago.

Even though she had been trying to ignore the dreams, Khiara reached for the journal that she kept on the bedside table and wrote down the details. It usually did not take long for her to identify clairvoyant dreams. Even though these were dreams of the past, they were raising red flags for her. They felt far too real, and she was not sure if she was simply remembering things all too vividly, or if they were a warning of some sort. She reminded herself once again that it had been almost nine years to the day. With a shudder, she realized that something beyond her control was stirring in this world.

Could he possibly come back here?
Khiara asked herself, her hand pausing and pressing the pen against the pages of her journal as she gripped it. Swallowing her fear, she completed her journaling and threw back the covers of her bed. She would not allow this dread to keep her from living her life.

Between customers, Khiara was alone
with her jumble of thoughts. The dreams of the past two nights weighed on her mind, pushed aside at times with reminders of her embarrassment of the previous night. It was not a good combination. She felt like a complete fool every time she thought about her conversation with Sean. The impulse was to play the events of the evening over and over again in her head, to berate herself about what she had done wrong.

I did everything wrong. Duh
. I am such a mess this weekend
.

When the phone rang at lunchtime, Khiara glanced at the caller ID only to see that it was Sean. She ignored it. She was not ready to deal with her own feelings, let alone deal with him just yet.

She closed shop at two o'clock as usual for a Saturday. This was her day for visiting the library, and she hoped she might find a distraction there. With her messenger bag slung over her shoulder, filled with books to return, she locked the door and turned down the path.
I could use some laughs,
she thought with a sigh.
Maybe I’ll check out a movie for a change.

As she walked down the sidewalk, she felt
that cold, prickly feeling between her shoulders once more. Her steps faltered and she glanced around, surprised to see that nobody else was out walking, and confirming that nobody was behind her. With a slow look around the area, she kept moving in the direction of the public library.

As soon as
she returned the books and checked out a small pile of DVDs, Khiara stepped outdoors again and scanned the street. The icy feeling had not subsided, and now it came back stronger than before, causing a shudder to ripple through her. The fine hairs on the backs of her arms stood on end, even though she tried to shrug off the sensation. As she stared at the familiar surroundings, she saw Sean’s car pass her, heading toward downtown.

Turning on her heel and striding in the opposite direction, she shook her head. She was not w
illing to chance a meeting with Sean. The last thing she needed was to run into him when last night’s humiliation was so fresh in both their minds, not to mention the dreams wreaking havoc on her emotional state.

Once she was back at the house, she resolved to put everything that had been bothering her behind her for the rest of the weekend. Both the disturbing dreams and the mortifying Friday night were keeping her from functioning
like a normal person. Khiara dumped the pile of DVDs on the sofa in the family room, then curled up on the cushions and sorted through the movies.
Maybe it’s a side effect of stress. I’m not going to work at all for the rest of the weekend. Everything will be better on Monday.

****

The quiet weekend of watching comedies led to a blissfully uneventful week, during which she immersed herself in work and teaching. By Friday, the universe seemed to have gotten the memo to back off, but…

Khiara glanced up from her calculator to glare at the calendar. It was another Friday night. The last one seemed so long ago and yet far too clear in her mind. She had to admit to herself that she dreaded the inevitability of facing Sean tonight.

“Why do you look so worried?” Cate asked as she shelved books. “You’ve been quiet all week, and I gave you the space you needed to do your work. But today you look downright nauseated.”

“I told Sean,”
Khiara groaned as she let her head smack against the counter.

“Told Sean what?”

“That I have a crush on him,” she mumbled against the glass.

Cate stopped what she was doing, the latest Silver Ravenwolf book dangling from her fingers. “You didn’t.”

“I did.” She straightened and rubbed at her forehead.

“Oh my Goddess.” She put the book in its proper place and hurried to pull a stool up to the front counter,
facing Khiara. “Why didn’t you tell me about it this week? What did he say when you told him? Are you alright?”

“Um, I was too angry at myself to really say anything to anybody, even you. I did it last Friday night. He offered to walk me home and…” Khiara shrugged as she shook her head, exhaling through pursed lips. “I couldn’t help it. It was a beautiful summer night and we were alone together in the dark. Part of me hoped he would say that was just the moment he was waiting for
. I hoped he might grab me and kiss me.”

“How very
Some Kind of Wonderful
of you,” Cate teased without a trace of humor in her voice.

Khiara sighed and said, “And then the logical, intelligent, not-insane part of me told me that I was just setting myself up for a huge letdown. But I just blathered on anyhow, telling him how I’ve been in love with him for a few years now.”

Cate canted her head to one side at her friend’s words. “Well, since you pretty much always listen to that not-insane part of you, I don’t think it’s so bad that you gave in to the emotional side for once. You’re only human.”

“
Maybe, and he rejected me for certain but, shit, I can’t stop thinking about him!” Khiara cried, letting the calculator clatter to the counter. “I want him so much, I’m not sure I can be in the same room as him. I thought saying something would actually help me start to get over him. I knew that I couldn’t have him, and I thought that if he confirmed it, my feelings would start to change.”

“Well, sweetie, it takes more than a week to get over somebody.” It was one of those rare moments of clarity that the usually
mischievous Cate had.

“Yes, and I know that. It also takes more than a week to stop feeling like such a complete fool.” Khiara
picked up the calculator and shoved it in a drawer, which she slammed shut. “Do I avoid gaming tonight and leave more questions than answers, or just get back on the horse?”

“Go to Sean’s tonight. Face your emotions now and get it over with,” Cate advised. “Otherwise, you’ll wallow in the whole thing and draw it out longer than necessary. The not-insane part of you knows that.”

“Yes, it does.” Khiara bent her head to the counter once more. “But the humiliated part of me says that it would be easier to just stay home and pretend Sean doesn’t exist.”

“It would be easier,” Cate agreed. “And the following week, it would be easier to stay home, rather than face first the question of whether or not you’re doing
okay after admitting that you’re in love with him
and
the question of why you’re avoiding him. And every week you hide out will just make it more difficult for you to face him, and for your friendship to continue as normal.”

“I know that
.” Khiara could not seem to stop herself from groaning every time she spoke.

“Besides, it’s not like he went out on one date with you and never called you again, like Barden.” Cate walked back to the bookshelf.

“What?” Khiara responded incredulously, lifting her gaze to her friend.

“That’s right. I thought we had a great time together, and he never called.” Cate shrugged and finished shelving the books. “I should have known he was too good to be true. He was everything I ever wanted in a man. But that’s life, and life goes on, regardless of whether or not the man of our dreams is a part of it. Understand?”

Khiara nodded and said, “Yes, you’re right. I’m going to get ready to go now. Besides, I do have to leave the game early tonight and I have a very good excuse for it.”

“Oh? And what excuse is that?”

“I have a date.” Khiara did not sound quite as excited as Cate would have, and she realized that the way she phrased the remark made it sound more like a question.

Cate’s smile brightened. “You haven’t gone on one in a while, so, this is a good thing for you! Try to have fun and just focus on the game, and then all the fun things that might happen on your date tonight.”

“Alright.” Khiara rose from behind the counter to give one of her rare hugs to Cate. “Thank you for being right,” she said as she flashed her first real smile in a week.

“No problem. I don’t mind being right every so often, but only for my best friends.” Cate went back to the bookshelves to finish her task, while Khiara ran upstairs to freshen up for the evening.

After a shower, Khiara went to the closet to pull out an outfit that she rarely wore. She had to admit to herself that she liked having a good reason for wearing a dress. The short, red and black plaid dress was a departure from her usual jeans and t-shirts. She knew it was a bit over the top for ice cream, but since she finally accepted Matt’s invitation, she thought they both deserved a real date. So she would treat it like one.

“That is how you get back on the horse,” she told her reflection in the mirror
as she ran her brush through her hair one last time.

With a toss of her head and a mischievous grin, she turned on her heel, grabbed her messenger bag, and walked downstairs. Cate had already finished her work of tidying the shop and departed for the weekend. Khiara double-checked that the shop and the house were clean, and then headed out the front door.

As she walked down the street, she felt the sinister chill blossom between her shoulders. “Oh no, no, no,” she whispered, spinning on her heel to look around the area. “Not tonight!”

Khiara’s senses told her she was getting more than the random ogle. Her skin tingled with a sense of remembered, and a
ll-too-familiar, danger. Her apprehension about seeing Sean again was miniscule in comparison to the fear now radiating through her.

She quickened her pace and breathed a sigh of relief when she entered Sean’s home. In a moment, her anxiety about
someone or something watching her had faded. Unfortunately, nervousness took its place, leaving her with a heavy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She had gone from one uncomfortable situation into another, and she was almost tempted to go back outside to face the unknown threat. “What the hell is going on with weekends?” she snarled under her breath.

“Do you always talk to yourself?”

She whirled around and tried to smile at Sean, who stood in the doorway between the living room and the dining room. His eyes widened when she faced him and she felt somewhat mollified by his expression.

“Sometimes it’s the only way I get interesting conversation,” she quipped, then tossed her head in her effort to feign nonchalance. “
Are we ready to play?”

When she strode past him into the dining room, i
t was hard to ignore the fact that the other guys stopped speaking and actually stared at her, just like Sean. It was even harder to ignore their reactions when Josh handed her a soda and said, “You look hot!”

“Good. That was the intention,” she responded with a flirtatious smile.

One of the other guys said, “Oh my gosh Khiara, you have legs!”

“And very nice ones at that,” Josh said, his appreciative glance lingering on her legs so long, it made her skin tingle. “
Who’s the lucky guy?”

“One of my students.” Khiara dug into her bag for her book and dice.

“Well, damn, girl.”

“
Are you leaving early?” Sean asked as he sank down into his chair.

“Yeah
, but not too early,” she answered. “He’s picking me up at eight o’clock or so. I hope you don’t kill my character off while I’m gone.”

“
I’ll try to control myself,” Sean said wryly, his gaze on Khiara.

Khiara was trying to simultaneously ignore him and gauge his reaction. She had not accepted the date with
Matt in hopes of making Sean jealous. She was too practical for that, and certainly not desperate or shallow enough to try to incite envy in anybody for any reason. However, she would have been lying to herself if she did not admit that she hoped for some sort of reaction akin to protectiveness from him.

With a toss of her head, she laid her character sheet and dice on the table, and said, “Let’s do this.”

As the game progressed, Josh’s flirtation with her became bolder. He was the group’s token womanizer, and she knew better than to encourage his attentions. The air was heavy with tension throughout the night, until a knock at the door made Khiara leap off the bench, knocking her book, papers, and dice everywhere.