The Good Mom (24 page)

“No,” she said quietly. “This is the first I've heard of it.”

Beside her, Aidan coughed. She glanced at him, remembering where she was. She did feel calmer in his presence. Stronger. She thought of some of the things he'd inadvertently taught her while he was tutoring her son.

She sat up straighter. “You and I will get through this,” she told Brandon. “We'll meet with everyone, and we'll talk about it. There's nothing to worry about, okay?” Her voice shook, because honestly, though, she
was
worrying. Even now she was mentally phoning her counselors. Where did a person even start in such a situation?

“Okay, Mom.” There was a pause. “I'm just glad you're safe. You're coming to get me now, right?”

“Yes, I am. I love you,” she told her son.

“I love you, too, Mom.” The connection clicked off.

She sat back again and closed her eyes.

“Everything okay?” Aidan asked.

She could only nod.

* * *

A
IDAN
PARKED
THE
rental car on the street before Ashley's apartment. She was still on the telephone with her sister, getting the details that she'd missed. She'd spent the entire drive on the telephone, but he didn't blame her for it. He understood that she was gathering all the information she needed in order to deal with the issues that Brandon had uncovered.

From what he could tell from what he'd overheard in the car, Brandon had figured out who his birth father was, and, evidently, it was because his nephew was one of Brandon's friends at school.

It didn't surprise Aidan all that much. The timing, yes. The fact of the discovery, no. Brandon had struck Aidan as being curious and open to it. Aidan hadn't been entirely comfortable that Ashley had put the boy off as she had. She'd always known that her secret would be uncovered. He ached for the pain she was in, but he had every confidence that she could handle the ordeal to come. Besides, he would stand by her. Truth be told, he was a bit hurt that she hadn't included him in her conversation yet, but he understood that she'd been taken off guard. He empathized. He could definitely cut her some slack.

While she continued listening to whatever Elizabeth—Lisbeth—was saying, Aidan got out and unloaded Ashley's suitcase. He accepted her house keys from her, and opened the door to her apartment. Then he brought in her bags as she walked into her bedroom and quickly changed her clothing.

He waited, his car keys in hand. He'd left the rental car parked illegally, with yellow flashers running.

She came out of her bedroom in a dressier outfit and with her hair combed and clipped back. She glanced at him and then ended her call.

“Sorry,” she said, pocketing the phone. “I have so much to absorb.” She sat on the sofa and placed her head in her hands.

“Would you like me to drive you over to pick up Brandon now?”

She lifted her head, alarm in her eyes. “Oh,” she said. “You don't need to do that. I'm calling a taxi.”

He jangled the car keys, alarmed himself. “You don't want me to go with you?”

She swallowed, then looked at him pleadingly, with genuine sorrow on her face. “I can't, Aidan. You know I have to deal with Brandon's issues right now.”

“Yes.” He nodded. “And you know that I want to be here for you. Don't cut me out, Ashley.”

“I'm not cutting you out. I just...I just can't
slip
again.”

“I don't understand what that means.”

Her eyes filled with tears. “I make so many mistakes. This time, I might lose him.”

He sat beside her. “You won't. He loves you.”

“If I'd been paying attention, it wouldn't have happened this way.”

“You think I'm bad for you?”

“I think I need to take care of this without distractions. I know what it looks like. It looks like I prioritized my weekend away with you over being responsible for my son.”

“This is about appearances?”

She nodded.

“What does your heart say?” he asked.

Tears were dripping down her face. “Oh, Aidan. My heart wants to be with both of you. But that isn't possible right now.”

“Are you asking me to wait?”

She nodded, her lips trembling. “Could you?”

He exhaled. “Until when?”

“Until... I don't know.”

They stared at each other for a moment. Ashley's hand went to her mouth. “Oh, God,” she murmured. “I understand, Aidan. You want to be a close team. You want to be how we were when you were tutoring Brandon. But this is different. It isn't the same.”

At another time, he might have gotten angry with her for putting words in his mouth, but he really couldn't. She was right. He did want to be a team.

“But I can't give that to you right now. I feel like I have to focus on Brandon above all,” Ashley continued, her voice shaking.

“Can't we both focus on Brandon?” Aidan asked.

Slowly she shook her head. “Aidan, I have to ask you—to beg you—please, please just give me some time to work through this.”

“A day? A week?”

She shook her head, feeling helpless. “I don't know how long!”

Aidan stared at her. “I wish I could agree to that limbo for you,” he said. “But I can't. I just can't.”

She nodded, miserable. She completely understood. “I know you love me. You want us to work on things together as a team.”

He nodded. He knew she understood. He wanted her to give him what Fleur could never give.

Ashley wanted to give it to him, but she couldn't, either. At least not as long as she had this problem.

And there was nothing either of them could say to change each other's mind.

She knew what came next. She knew it, and she dreaded it.

He took out the car keys. “Please, Ashley,” he said, his gaze laid bare. “I love you, and I want to help you through this.”

Her heart seemed to rip in two.

But all she could do was shake her head. “Not now,” she whispered. “I can't be with you now.”

“That makes no sense! What are you afraid of? We've been working together with Brandon for weeks. Have I hurt him? Have I hurt you?”

“You don't understand,” she said.

“Tell me!”

A sigh shuddered out of her. “Because now, the truth is out. And I'm being looked at and I'm being judged by a lot of different people, including my son. And I have to be above reproach. And to be above reproach, I can't have a man in my life right now. I was once in Brandon's shoes, and I know what I have to do to make it safe for him.”

She squared her shoulders. “I can't risk losing him to have a relationship with you.”

* * *

T
HERE
WAS
NOTHING
Aidan could say to that. In his opinion, these weeks of keeping their relationship secret from Brandon had taken its toll. Now it was a wedge between them that couldn't be overcome.

There was nothing left to do but return to his default mode. Escape. What he'd planned to begin with, all those weeks ago when he'd returned to Boston, not sure where his life was headed.

But this time, when Aidan returned to his condo that night, he didn't recognize the place. True, he'd gotten used to the new, gleaming kitchen. The completely updated bathroom. And the rooms fully furnished.

But while he'd been gone, his real estate agent had also staged the place.

She'd also left a message on his voice mail. “Aidan. Gin here. We got two solid offers at the open house this afternoon. Call me when you get in.”

He tossed the phone on the counter. Then he went into the bedroom and lay down on the new, hard mattress.

He liked his bed better when he shared it with Ashley, but what could he do?

There was only one thing left to do. He dragged out his laptop and bought a plane ticket. He was hiking the easiest part of the Appalachian Trail that a beginner like him could hike in October.

He was leaving tomorrow. There was nothing more he could do here.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

One Month Later

A
SHLEY
ENTERED
THE
counseling center, where she met with a family therapist each week. Navigating these confusing waters hadn't been easy for her. She'd sought out the best advice that she could find.

Luckily, James and Maria had been accommodating. Brandon's well-being really did seem to be their top priority. Honestly, they hadn't judged her harshly. All in all, they'd told Ashley they were thrilled to have discovered a grandson they'd never known about. As it turned out, other members of their family had known about Doug and Ashley's brief relationship but hadn't realized that there had been a child. Once they'd met Brandon, they'd immediately accepted him, much to Brandon's delight. He relished having more people in his family than he'd had before.

The hardest thing for Ashley had been to keep her jealousy in check. Brandon wasn't just her son anymore. He wasn't just a LaValley. He was also part of another tribe, and for the first time in nearly thirteen years, he had a family that she wasn't related to.

Ashley drew in a breath and watched her son through the window into the teen rec room. Brandon and his friend—cousin—Douglas were firing Ping-Pong balls at each other, as fast as they could.

Cho had joined them—it was Saturday after all—and the result was chaos. But they were laughing and happy, still kids in most ways, really. They didn't see all the complications that the adults focused on.

Sighing, she pushed herself away from the window.

“Brandon's wrist seems to be doing better,” her counselor remarked.

“Yes,” she agreed. The black cast had come off several weeks ago. “The doctor doesn't think there will be any lasting effects. Kids' bones are much more resilient than adults'.”

“How did his party go with the Captains last night?”

She smiled. “He was disappointed they didn't make the play-offs, of course, but Vivian made a fuss about him and gave him an award for excellence in fundraising, so he was pretty happy about that.”

“Wonderful. Are you happy?”

Ashley nodded. She had a newfound belief that the worst was over. She had Brandon, who was happy and healthy. She had more confidence in herself. And she was particularly proud that she hadn't slipped or succumbed to her old temptations with alcohol, despite the stress she'd been under.

But otherwise...

She wasn't truly happy. Something large and all-encompassing, the foundation and the spice to all these other areas of her life, was missing.

She missed Aidan with a fierceness that had stunned her. She knew that she loved him. She'd known it for a long time. What she hadn't realized was how vital his presence had become to her wellbeing. That part she'd only realized once he was gone.

She put her hands in her pockets and walked to the library on the other side of the building. Inside were lounge chairs overlooking the brown park. The trees were bare, now that they were well into November. She took comfort in sitting here, lost in contemplation in the private corner, away from other people.

Her time with Aidan had given her a new perspective. She now saw that while Brandon would always be her son, he would also, as he grew, begin new, healthy relationships with people that didn't necessarily include her. And these people might even judge her, whether she wished it or not.

But did it have any bearing on whether she was a good mother or not?

Tears stung her eyelids. She'd wanted to be a good mom to Brandon. Until recently, she'd defined that as being selfless. And perfect. Maybe too perfect. Too giving. And unable to forgive herself when she made a mistake.

She hadn't been able to see it before. She saw it more clearly now as she'd had to learn to work with Maria and James and their big, unfamiliar brood.

Maria had said something that had triggered her realizations. “You've raised a wonderfully giving, self-sufficient and personable young man. You should be proud of what a good mother you've been.”

Ashley had been shaken. It was true. It was also true that Maria's definition of success was much better than her own had been.

Ashley had been at her best—in how she felt, in how Brandon had grown—when she'd been with Aidan. She just hadn't realized it until she'd lost him.

She wanted to be with Aidan again.
And
she wanted to be a good mom. Until recently, she thought they were mutually exclusive states. But having calmed down, and realizing that the new self-sufficiency that Brandon was demonstrating was in part due to Aidan's influence, she no longer thought this was true.

She picked up her phone and dialed his cell number. Her hands were a bit unsteady, but from excitement rather than fear.

She wanted to hear his voice. She wanted to see him, desperately.

A computer-generated voice answered, the standard service recording. She debated whether to leave a message or to try again later, but she didn't want to wait any longer.

“This is Ashley.” She hesitated. “Please call me.” She hesitated again. “I miss you,” she whispered.

Then she bit her lip, wondering whether to admit anything more on the recording.

She did. She wanted to give herself the best possible chance. Taking a deep breath, she said, “I've found that I can be a good mom and still let go of my fears enough to have my own life, too.”

She ended the call, then sat still for a long time, watching the wind in the trees. She could only hope that he would call back.

But she had to face facts: what if he didn't want her anymore?

* * *

T
WO
DAYS
LATER
, Ashley still hadn't heard from Aidan. She took a walk to his condominium on the waterfront and headed over to chat with Bill.

Bill smiled as she approached. “I haven't seen you since Dr. Lowe sold his unit and moved out of Boston.”

Her smile threatened to waver. Her knees felt as if they might give out. But she swallowed back her disappointment. She had known this could happen.

“Did Dr. Lowe leave a forwarding address?” Ashley asked.

“Certainly,” Bill replied. “Mrs. Sharpe is receiving his mail, as before.”

Ashley clasped her hands over her stomach.
He's hiking the Appalachian Trail, just as he'd planned.
She knew it in her bones.

“Thank you,” she said to Bill.
Now what?

Aidan could be in the wilderness anywhere from Georgia to Maine. She had no idea of knowing.

There was one woman who did. Ashley groaned to herself.

She didn't have Vivian Sharpe's private phone number. The best chance she had of finding the elderly lady on short notice was to go to her home and throw herself on her mercy.

Gritting her teeth, she headed for the street. She would do it. She would do whatever it took to have one more chance with Aidan.

She went outside and caught a taxi to Beacon Hill. Mrs. Sharpe's townhome was located on an exclusive cul-de-sac. She had as much security as the governor.

This was scary, but she would do it for herself. She was worth it.

Ashley presented herself to the guard who answered the door.

“Please tell Mrs. Sharpe that Ashley LaValley is here to see her about her grandson Aidan.”

The guard placed a call and in a murmur, relayed her message.

“You may wait here,” he informed her.

Ashley sat on a chair in a grand hallway. She fixed her gaze on a curving staircase, wondering if Vivian herself would descend.

“I wondered when you would come see me,” Vivian said.

Ashley jumped in her seat. The lady had appeared from a side room.

“Oh!” she said. “Mrs. Sharpe!”

“Are you looking for my grandson or for me?”

“For Aidan,” Ashley admitted. She swallowed. “I'd like to go see him.”

Vivian looked at her with clear blue eyes. Then she felt in her sweater pocket and took out a little gold pen. “He has a resupply stop scheduled for next Tuesday in Virginia.”

Virginia? Ashley's strength faltered. She would have to leave Brandon with someone else as she flew to meet Aidan.

Swallowing, she thought of everything she stood to gain.

“Very well. Thank you, Mrs. Sharpe.” She pocketed the slip of paper.

Vivian nodded. “Will you go to him, dear?”

“Yes.”

“Good for you.” The woman turned and walked away, her cane thumping softly.

Back home, Ashley borrowed Brandon's laptop to go online and purchase a single airline ticket. Then she picked up her phone and called Maria to see if Brandon could stay with them while Ashley was gone.

* * *

A
IDAN
SAT
IN
a remote shelter with a group of hikers he'd met on the trail and watched the sun set over the Blue Ridge Mountains. Truly one of the most beautiful sights he'd ever seen.

But try as he might, he hadn't been able to get Ashley out of his mind.

For the hundredth time that day, he wondered what she was doing now. He wondered how Brandon was doing. The baseball season was over, and he'd surely be out of the cast by now. Maybe he'd be preparing for ski season. St. Bartholomew's School had a great beginner's ski program.

The phone rang from another hiker's backpack. Privately, Aidan appreciated the irony. He'd gone on this trip looking for solitude, hoping to be completely alone and cut off from civilization. The thought made him laugh now.

What Aidan had found instead was that he naturally gravitated to people. And people hiked with their cell phones. Even on the trail, they were never long out of cell phone range.

“Yeah,” the hiker he'd been sharing the trail with said. Aidan only knew him by his handle, Wanderer. “Sure, Mrs. Sharpe, your grandson is right here.”

Aidan chuckled to himself. His wily, meddling “spider” grandmother never gave up, and he'd come to find that he especially loved that about her. She must have even saved this phone number from the one time he'd borrowed Wanderer's phone to call her about his condo closing.

“Yeah, Gram,” he said to her when he took the phone. “What's up?”

“Ashley LaValley came here looking for you today.”

Aidan jumped from the rock he'd been sitting on and stood at attention. “What did she want?”

“I told you. You.”

“Me?” He shook his head in wonderment. “What made her change her mind?”

“Does that matter? I gave her the town and date for your next scheduled stop, and she said she was buying a plane ticket.”

“A...” He was so flabbergasted he couldn't get the words out of his mouth. “I have to go.” He handed the phone back to Wanderer.

Then he picked up his knapsack. “Goodbye!” he called. “I have to run!”

* * *

A
SHLEY
SHOWED
UP
for work to find Kylie pinning Christmas decorations on the lobby wall. “Christmas?” she exclaimed. “It's not even Thanksgiving yet!”

“I know.” Kylie smiled. “But I asked Ilana, and she agreed. Don't you think it just makes Christmas last longer?” She sighed happily. “It's my favorite holiday.”

Ashley wasn't sure. What she most wanted for Christmas was Aidan Lowe, but she wouldn't have a chance to go find him until next week. Even then, she had no idea how he would react to seeing her.

She went back to her workstation and began to arrange her things for tomorrow. The light outside was fading, and it was getting darker earlier. Almost time to go home and meet Brandon for dinner.

“Um...” Kylie came around the corner, sheepishly shuffling her feet.

“What is it, Kylie?”

“You have a walk-in client. A man is here to see you.”

“But we don't take walk-ins.”

“I know, Ashley, but he insisted. And his grandmother is a very important client of ours.”

Ashley gasped. Kylie broke her acting face and began to giggle.

As if in a dream, Ashley walked to the waiting area.

Aidan was there. He looked thinner than the last time she'd seen him, and his hair was long and wild again. He definitely needed a haircut. But he looked wonderful to her, just as he always had. She ran into his arms, sobbing with happiness. “Aidan, you came!”

“All you had to do was call me when you were ready, Cinderella.” He scooped her into his arms and kissed her as if he never wanted to let her go.

“I'm home, Ashley,” he murmured, brushing back her hair. “Do you have a place for me in your family?”

“I do. I always will.” Tears were running down her face. “I realized so many things after you left. I was my best self when I was with you. Brandon was at his best, too. We both...” She nearly faltered, but gathered her courage.

“I love you, Aidan Lowe. I don't care what anyone else thinks of us, I just care that we're together. Please, I'd like us to be a team. You and me. No matter what.”

“You got it,” he said, and then he grinned at her. “Whatever crazy thing comes along—and with us, it'll always be something—then you know you can count on me.”