The Good Life (50 page)

“I don't see what good it would do not to. He's very bright. Not easy to fool. And tough. He wouldn't like it if you were evasive. How long will—” Perry couldn't finish the question.

“How long does he have to live? It's the first question everybody asks, and it's all but impossible to answer. If I said a year, it wouldn't mean much. Each case is different. It all depends on how rapidly the disease advances. It could be much longer, but in a case like this it's just as well not to hope for it to be too long. Once the disease has a hold, the pain can be excruciating.”

Perry had had no experience with sickness. He was at a loss to imagine one that would lead to death in a matter of months, perhaps even weeks. Billy gone? It was inconceivable. Perhaps the doctor was wrong. New treatments were being discovered every day. His body stiffened with resentment at this man who was pronouncing Billy's death sentence. He'd get other doctors in. This couldn't be the last word.

As though reading his mind, Dr. Sansome said, “Of course, I've had one top specialist in already, and another is scheduled to come in later this morning.”

His resentment receded. “Can I see him?”

“I think it would be better if you wait until this evening. He's still drowsy and won't be making much sense.” Applying a slight pressure on his arm, the doctor stopped and faced Perry, still holding his arm. “Besides, I think you'd better have a little time to make sure you're over the initial shock. There's no need to subject him to emotional strain.” He squeezed Perry's arm and dropped his hand. “It isn't easy for either of you. Or his daughter. Will you talk to her? I'll leave it to you two to decide how best to handle it.” He looked down at the floor and back up at Perry. “You are friendly with her?”

Perry smiled for the first time. “Yes.” All resentment left him. This man was doing his best. He was treating him as though he knew and understood the relationship with Billy. The kept boy was finally respectable — or at least acceptable.

As he made his way back to the studio, he wondered how he would break the news to Bet and whether she would find it acceptable that he was virtually in charge of Billy. He had to remind himself that basically, in her eyes, he had been only a summer yachting guest. Good friends but hardly family.

Not for the first time he began to wonder what she really thought about his relationship with Billy. Did she have any suspicions? If Mrs. Dillingham knew about Billy, surely someone must have dropped hints in front of Bet. Arlene could easily have let slip innuendos when annoyed with Billy or just carefully placed little time bombs that all divorced parents used against each other in their battle for the affections of their children.

When he called Bet she was too shocked and upset to wonder why it was Perry who was the one to break the news. “I've got to see him,” she said immediately.

“He's still groggy, honey. They said to leave him alone until this evening. If we both go in looking hysterical, he'll get suspicious and upset. I'll go see him, and I'll meet you back here after visiting hours. About 8, okay?”

She agreed reluctantly and ended their conversation without her usual expressions of love or lovemaking.

“Well, my dearest, I'm not very pleased with this performance,” Billy told Perry after sending the nurse away.

“You're giving a beautiful performance, Billy. You look marvelous,” Perry lied.

“I don't mean me. I mean the supporting players. Or perhaps they are the leads.” His hands twitched and nervously tugged on the sheet. “Nobody seems to know their lines. I told Dr. Sansome to treat you like family, but I hardly expected him to dump the whole truth in your lap before talking to me.”

Perry's breath caught. Billy knew. He went to the edge of the bed and took his hand. Billy was agitated but didn't seem devastated by the hideous outcome of the exploratory operation. Perhaps the doctor had softened the truth for Billy. “What did he say?” Perry asked cautiously. He didn't want to blurt out anything that Billy wasn't aware of.

“Apparently just what he said he'd told you. Not very pretty. But I'm not dead yet.”

“Oh, Billy. Of course not. They don't always know what they're talking about.”

Billy looked up at Perry, and the corner of his mouth twitched. “Oh, yes, they do. Let's not be complete fools. They know, and I know. Does Bet know?”

“Yes.” Perry knew that now he had to be completely honest with Billy no matter what questions he asked. “Dr. Sansome asked me to contact her. She'll be by to see you whenever you feel up to it.”

“Good. Let's get it out in the open. No need to pretend. I hate it, but there it is.” He tugged at the sheet again and turned his head away from Perry. “You know what this means, of course. I'm not likely to outlive my mother.” He looked back at Perry with stricken eyes. “That means that after all my promises to you, I'm not going to be able to carry them through.” Perry looked puzzled. “I'm talking about the paper — your inheritance. It won't be valid anymore.”

“Oh, for God's sake, Billy. Don't think about things like that now.” Perry sat on the edge of the bed and took both Billy's hands. “What possible difference does that make? I'm fine. I'm going to be the new Steichen.”

Billy smiled weakly. “It was the first thing I thought about when I heard that I… I haven't been able to think about anything else. My word means everything to me. And in this case, a hell of a lot to you.” His smile widened. “I'll do what I can to keep my word. I'll speak to Mother about it and see if she'll observe my wishes. God knows it's a delicate subject to raise with her, but perhaps, under the circumstances, she'll allow me to speak more plainly than I could in the past. I have to remind myself that she's of a different time and will probably never understand, but I have to try.”

“Don't worry about it, Billy. Just look at me.” He stretched out his arms, showing his ring, watch, and beautifully cut clothes. “Just remember what I was when you found me.”

“All the more reason why you should be able to go on from here. It's all so damned unfair.” His fists hit the bed beside him. “You've given me two thrilling years, unquestionably the best years I've ever known.”

“But, Billy, think what you've done for me. That can't be counted in money.” He leaned carefully forward and took him gently in his arms and hugged him briefly before releasing him back on his pillows. “I'd kiss you, but I'm afraid of hurting you.”

“Oh, dearest boy,” his eyes twinkled at him. “In the past you've hurt me most deliciously.” Perry tried to smile, but reference to the whip under these sad circumstances was out of place and distasteful to him. He squeezed Billy's hand and looked away. “I can leave you so little,” Billy continued, “But I'll do everything possible. Bet will be the heir now. Are you planning to marry her?”

Perry was stunned into silence. Billy was still full of surprises. He studied Billy and found no trace of outrage or reproach. He squeezed his hand again. “I've been wanting to talk to you about it.”

“I understand. I've not made it easy for you. Of course, I guessed a great deal in Saint-Tropez.”

Guessed it or told by Sylvain?
Perry wondered.

“Try to understand it from my point of view,” Billy continued. He removed his hand from Perry's and smoothed the sheet. “I know you intimately, dearest boy, know your body intimately. Knowing that you were intimate with my daughter will make it difficult for me to see you together. I see you together in my mind, and that can be disturbing. Do you understand?”

Perry nodded.

“All I ask is to wait a little longer. She'll be twenty in a few months. That's quite old enough for a girl to get married. I might be able to stop treating her like a child.”

“We've no plans, Billy. We haven't dared.”

“Of course, when the time comes, I'll give her my parental consent if that will make it easier for you both.”

Billy was their greatest ally. Their only ally. What would they do without him? “You're quite a guy, Mr. Vernon.”

“I go on trying. I advise you to slip off and do it with as little fuss as possible before Arlene has a chance to draw her big guns. Does Bet know the whole truth? About me?”

“I told her what the doctor told me. She's very upset. She wants to see you.”

“Try to persuade her to wait a bit. I'll be out of here in a week or so. I loathe hospital visits. Depressing for everybody. I need a day or two to adopt the right style. It's too easy to become gallant or heroic. I want to be quite matter-of-fact about a very tiresome reality of life. I know you'll help me, my dearest. I want us to have a gay time as long as I'm able. It was clever of me to arrange for air-conditioning. You might check with Laszlo to make sure they're getting on with it. There we are. I hope we don't have to talk about it again.”

“It's a hell of a trick to play on me, Billy.”

“I quite agree. I'll have a few words to say to God when I get the chance.” He gripped Perry's hand for a moment. “We've grown very fond of each other, haven't we?”

“God, Billy. I love you.” The words caught in his throat, and his eyes misted with tears.

Laszlo had 66th Street in perfect order, the air-conditioning humming smoothly and effectively, and Billy was delighted with it. He hired a bustling little Filipino man called Jesus to help Laszlo. Jesus took over when Laszlo left in the afternoon. Jesus fixed dinner and spent the night. On his nights off Perry stayed over in his old room in case Billy needed him.

“Be careful of your language, Perry,” Billy said. “You mention the Lord's name in vain, and Jesus comes running. Terrifying. His hearing is extraordinary.”

“The perfect watchdog,” Perry said.

Billy rarely went out anymore. Occasionally he and Perry would go to the theater, but it tired him. He was at his best at home, playing cards or backgammon or just talking or quietly reading.

“Jesus isn't a bad cook,” Perry commented after one of his uninspired dinners.

“No, but not good either. Can't compare to the food on the
Belle Époque
. But then, so little does.” Billy sighed and smiled. “I wonder what will become of her? But we did have good times. Remember? Oh, what I wouldn't give for a couple of pipes.”

Billy was allowed to drink again, so why not opium? The doctor had said to let him do anything that gave him pleasure. Perry wondered aloud, “Why don't we get some? Can you get it here?”

“Here? Oh, dear. I've never tried. Too risky. And probably wildly expensive.”

“Surely there is somebody who could get you some. Should I ask around?”

“And get thrown in jail?”

“You can't go to jail for just asking a question. I could ask Johnny Jardine. He might know.”

“It's something I've never dared investigate here.”

“I would,” Perry said confidently.

“You'd go to jail for me?” Billy smiled at him.

“Of course.” He sounded insulted. “I'd do anything for you, Billy. You know that.”

Billy patted his hand. “You really are the dearest boy. But not that, please. Don't go to jail for anybody.”

Because of the drugs Billy was taking or possibly just because of his will and determination, he remained in relatively good shape throughout the summer and fall. Perry made a special effort to make his daily visits as festive as possible for Billy, and Billy's buoyant spirit matched his efforts. Perry wondered if he were doing it all for his own benefit, but Laszlo assured him that Billy really did seem to be feeling better.

Perry had a difficult time convincing Bet that they should not go see Billy together even though he was apparently reconciled to their getting married.

“He
is
reconciled,” Perry explained, “but not adjusted to the idea, if that makes any sense. You go see him during the day while I'm at work. Have lunch with him when you can, and then I'll take over in the evening while you're out husband-hunting with Arlene.”

“Oh, God, how I hate it. It's such a waste of time. All those boring dinners. At least she doesn't begrudge my visits to Daddy. Why don't we just go ahead and get married? At least Daddy's on our side.”

“He said he wished we'd wait a bit. I think we owe him that.”

“By waiting, you know what Mother is going to do, don't you? Whisk me away in August.”

“Oh, God. Here we go again. Lord knows I'm tempted, but I promised Billy. Besides, he has things he wants to work out with your grandmother. He knows what he's doing. It won't hurt us to let him choose the timing.”

“You're really very close, aren't you? Really close friends?”

“He's my only friend. I love him.”

“What about me,” she said, flinging herself into his arms.

“I love you too much to be your friend.”

“What a shitty thing to say.”

“Where did you pick up that cute expression? Doesn't sound a very debutante-on-the-marriage-market sort of word.”

“If we have to wait much longer, this debutante is going to start using language that'll curl your hair. I didn't go to an exclusive girls' school in Switzerland for nothing.”

Perry hugged her, and they laughed.

“No, seriously,” Bet went on. “It doesn't hurt you. You're on your own. Nobody's trying to run your life. I'm sick of Mummy carrying me off whenever she feels like it. I'm sick of my damn gadget. I want us to have children when we want to. I'm ready to live together in a place of our own.”

“What do you think I want? I adore you, sweetheart. Billy's warned me about Arlene's fireworks when she finds out.”

“She can't do anything,” Bet said. “She talked about stopping my money last year when she found out about my staying out all night, but I know that she can't. The terms of the trust say clearly that I have full control of the income at twenty. It's a little vague until then. The lawyers even say that I could probably break the trust entirely once I'm married.”