The Good Girls (2 page)

I tossed and turned as I imagined cutting loose from everything I’d been told was right and finally began living my life and enjoying it. But even in my dreams I couldn’t imagine being able to be happy again, now that I’d lost my mother. My imagination was broken, like my heart.

CHAPTER TWO

Cara

M
y heart began to beat again on a Tuesday. Watching Ellie fall apart at the loss of her mother caused crippling pain to radiate through my chest. I pulled the picture of my mom from my top dresser drawer and ran my fingertips over her smiling face.
You’re a bigger liar than I am.
It had been months since I’d laid eyes on her, and it wasn’t because she’d passed away, it was because she chose to leave my life.

I wiped a stray tear from my cheek and shoved the picture back in its hiding spot before grabbing my phone and falling across my bed on my stomach. I typed a quick text to Tristan in hopes he could get me out of the house for a few hours. He responded after a minute that he would be by to pick me up in twenty minutes.

I tossed my phone on my pillow and freshened up my makeup, dabbing concealer under my eyes to hide the puffy redness, the truth of how I really felt inside. I felt guilty for leaving Ellie alone, but I didn’t know how I could help her deal with the pain when I still was unable to deal with my own. If I was honest, I had hugged her just to get a reaction from David. After he’d warned me to stay away from his daughter, it made me feel dirty, unwanted. I needed to show him that it was possible for someone to care about me. Who better than his precious Ellie? But one look into her sad eyes made me sick that I’d ever considered using her. I’d been like her when I showed up here, and I would have given anything for someone to show me some compassion.
I won’t let Ellie suffer like I did.

We were worlds apart, adjoined by a thin wall that allowed me to hear her quiet sobs. Even though David had taken me in, I was baggage dragged along by Dawn. His caring for me was a consolation prize for him to be able to take the next step with his girlfriend.

Dawn was a truly caring soul, so her disapproval of who I was as a person didn’t cause her to flinch when I needed a helping hand. “Love the sinner but hate the sin,” she used to say, as if that somehow would make me feel better. It didn’t. It only made me feel dirty and unwanted. I was a bad seed but a good deed, another check mark on her ticket to heaven. I snorted to myself—as if God judged you based on a point system, and I was failing simply by not understanding the questions he was asking of us. What does he want from me? I’m only human, created in his image and trying to live up to the standards of a God. His disappointment in me is his own failure, not mine. My free will is not freedom at all. I have to be a certain person, follow arbitrary rules set by his own creations, or be locked away in a cage like a circus animal, poked and prodded by society until I give in and become one of them.

But that was a different lifetime for me. I no longer believed in the childhood fairy tales of heaven and hell, good and evil. The lines were a blur of blood and tears. Now I was the girl who harbored secrets and regrets while smiling. I wished I could be more like Ellie, but I hated myself too much to ever have so much self-respect.

Changing into a short jean skirt and wedge sandals, I looked myself over in the full-length mirror that hung on the back of my door.
Good enough.

I snuck out of my room and carefully made my way to the darkened downstairs, feeling as if it was some metaphor of me slipping closer to hell. The house was eerily quiet, the world dreaming of a better tomorrow as I struggled to escape.

I made my way down the driveway, only illuminated by the dim lighting of a street lamp from the main road. Sinking down on the curb, I waited for my boyfriend to arrive.

He pulled up moments later with a bright grin on his handsome face, rubbing his fingers over the few days’ worth of stubble along his jaw. His blue eyes sparkled in the dim overhead lighting that popped on when I pulled open the passenger-side door. I slid across the seat and pulled the door closed, cloaking us in darkness.

“Everything all right?” he asked as we drove away.
Nothing is all right. It never has been.

“Perfect,” I purred as I began to undo the button to his jeans. He adjusted in his seat so I could lower his zipper.
I don’t want to think; I just want to forget.

“Yes, you are,” he said with a deep laugh as I felt the car swerve when I wrapped my fingers around his length, slowly stroking the smooth skin. I glanced up at his clenched jaw, the muscles ticking underneath his skin as he stared at the road ahead, struggling to concentrate. His long fingers slid into my hair, encouraging me to take it a step further. I smiled as I slid my tongue over his tip, coating my taste buds with his salty flavor. It was hard not to cringe.

“Fuck,” he groaned. His grip on my hair tightened, and I took him deep into my throat. He pulled off to the side of the road into the darkness and put the car in park, killing the headlights. Slow classic rock played in the background, muffling his quiet moans as I continued to tease him with my tongue.

“Jesus, what’s gotten into you tonight?”

I glanced up at him and continued to stroke with my hand. “I was hoping you,” I replied coyly.

He nodded his head. “Then get over here.”

I sat up, tucking my hair behind my ear before sliding one of my legs over him, hiking my skirt up around my waist.

Sliding my panties to the side, I rubbed his head against my entrance.

“Baby, fuck,” he groaned, his fingers gripping my hips. “I need to put on a condom.”

“I’m on the pill. I want to feel you.” I panted as I lowered myself slowly onto him. His eyes fell closed. I closed mine as well, getting lost in the sensation and letting my mind empty all of today’s worries. My hips rose and fell, torturously slow as my mouth hovered over Tristan’s, inhaling his minty air.

“You are so fucking sexy.” Tristan’s hands pulled down on my hips, causing me to whimper as he impaled me on his thickness before his fingers slid under my shirt and over my breast. Tristan was the first boy I’d ever slept with. We’d only been dating a couple of months, but I was desperate to move on with my life as soon as possible and forget my ex.

His hands roamed over my skin as if he couldn’t get close enough to me. I looped my arms around his neck as his teeth tugged at my earlobe. I felt him grow harder and moved faster, helping him find his release, his body jerking below me with a guttural groan.

As he released into me, my body began to tighten around him, shuddering as I came undone in his arms, my brief escape from reality over.

He kissed my cheek and nose before his lips were on mine.

“That was amazing.” He pulled back to look me in the eye as he tucked my hair behind my ears.

I slid off his lap, adjusted my clothing, and pulled my skirt back over my hips.

“Where do you want to go?” I asked, hoping he wanted to hang out for a while before I’d have to go back home.
I don’t ever want to go back.

“Something going on at home?” he asked as we pulled back out onto the street.

Shrugging, I chewed on my thumb as I stared out of the passenger window, the houses blurring by. “David’s daughter came to stay with us.”

“You don’t like her?”

I shrugged again. “She’s all right. We’re the same age.”

“Why didn’t you invite her out with us?”
Because you’d take one look at her and realize she is so much better than I am.

“I just met her, Tristan. What if she goes running back to her daddy and tells him I sneak out with you every night? David already hates me. I couldn’t survive in this place if I didn’t have you.”

Tristan reached over and took my hand in his, pulling it up to his mouth and placing a kiss on the back of it. “Nothing would stop me from seeing you—not even that fucking asshole.” His gaze was cold, almost frightening.

I nodded, but I knew that wasn’t true. I’d been abandoned before, and one of those people happened to be my own mother. I smiled weakly back at him, trying my best to convince him that I believed his words.
You’ll get tired of me or find someone else.

“Can we just drive around for a little while? I really don’t feel like partying.”

“Whatever you want, babe.”

For the next two hours, I sang along to songs from the nineties as we made our way down nearly every street in town and got high. I let the world evaporate around me as I heard a small giggle in the back of my mind. It was the same sound that haunted my dreams, and I struggled to suppress the memories and enjoy the high, but it became overbearing.

I traced Tristan’s bicep with the pad of my finger, laughing when he looked over at me, shaking his head.

“What?” he asked as he turned down another dark road.

“I dunno.” I pulled my feet up onto the dashboard, dragging my hands down my thighs.

“Again?” His eyebrow shot up as he glanced over at my legs. “Babe, I’m tired, and I got to get you back home.”

I groaned, jutting my bottom lip out in a pout as we turned around and headed back toward my house.

“You know we can’t keep this pace up when we both have classes, right?”

“Then why waste the little bit of time we have now?” I asked as I leaned over and ran my palm against his jeans, his cock hardening under my touch.

“I have stuff to do tomorrow. My mom is coming out to visit.”

“Am I going to get to meet her?” I was shocked. This was the first I was hearing that his family would be visiting. Tristan was raised here, but his family moved away when his father got offered a job in Chicago.

“Not tomorrow.” He dismissed the idea and turned up the radio. I stared at him for a moment before turning the volume back down.

“Why not?”
Why am I not good enough?

“Come on, Cara. It’s just a bad time.”

“Why? Are you not as serious about us as I am?”

“It’s not that.” He shook his head as he took my hand in his. “My mom is just really conservative. I told you about how I was raised.”
Like I was raised, and even my own mother couldn’t find it in her heart to love me.

“And?” I pulled my hand free and crossed my arms over my chest.

“Well, you’re just kind of…I dunno…”
Worthless.

“What?” My voice rose as I stared daggers into the side of his face. “I’m what?”
Say it. Look me in the eye and tell me what you really think of me.

“She just wouldn’t approve of us.” He bit this out as he gave me a sympathetic glance, but I could see his knuckles whiten as he gripped the wheel tighter. He was struggling to control his temper, and I was pushing him too far, but I didn’t care.

“Oh, really? Would she approve of her son who gets his girlfriend high and fucks her in his car along the road?”

“Are you fucking serious?” He pulled up to the curb just outside of my driveway and turned off the engine, turning to face me.

“What do you care what she thinks?”
It’s because this is about what you think of me. Just say it.

“I don’t.” He ran his hands roughly through his hair.

“It’s you.” My voice was barely audible. “You’re ashamed of me. You’re embarrassed.”

I opened my door as he reached over and grabbed my wrist so tightly it felt as if the bones would crumble beneath his fingers.

“Don’t walk away from me, Cara.”

“It’s late. I have to go.”

His fingers loosened slightly, and I pulled my hand free as I got out of the car, bending down to look him in the eye. “I’m embarrassed to be dating you right now, too.” With that I slammed the door and took off down the road, stumbling on the gravel under my feet.

CHAPTER THREE

Ellie

W
hen I awoke the sun was blinding me, and I stretched, my entire body aching from the sadness of the night before. I glanced to the alarm clock on the stand beside the bed and jumped when I noticed it was nearly eleven. It took me a moment to remember I didn’t need to be at the bakery to help Mom, and the dread settled back into my chest. My eyes fell to the electronic reader, and I wanted to disappear into my beige blanket. I was raised to be proper and presentable, and I’d already lost it on my first night.
Cara must think I’m pathetic.

I pulled open a box labeled
Clothing
and grabbed a nice blue sundress that I had gotten a few months ago, along with my undies. I hurried down the hall to the bathroom and turned on the shower. I usually had to let it run a few minutes for it to get warm at my old home, but here it was nearly instantaneous.
At least there’s one bright side to living here
, I thought as I pulled off my clothing and dropped it to the floor.

As I dragged back the floral curtain, my eyes danced over the many different bottles of shampoos and conditioners. I’d always used the ninety-nine-cent kind from the local supermarket. I stepped under the warm spray and began picking up the different bottles, flipping open the lids, and smelling them. I smiled as I recognized the lilac scent of Cara.

I poured the creamy liquid into my hand and massaged it in my hair, the warm water making me feel more awake.

I rushed through my normal shower routine, not wanting to waste the hot water, even if they had it in abundance here. Dressing quickly, I combed my fingers through my damp hair to make sure it wasn’t tangled. I glanced over my appearance in the mirror. My eyes were no longer swollen and puffy, and I could pass for presentable. That would have to do.

I made my way downstairs to find Cara flipping through the channels in the family room, wearing jeans and a T-shirt, making me feel overdressed for the day. Her face lit up when she noticed me, and she patted the cushion beside her. I sat down, still embarrassed by her witnessing my breakdown last night. “I…ugh…wanted to thank you for last night.”

“What happened last night?” My father was standing in the doorway in a crisp, white button-down shirt and dark-gray slacks. He was fumbling with his cuff link, but his gaze was on us.

“I just lent Ellie my e-reader. She’s a book nerd like me,” Cara replied, her eyes coming to me before she plastered on her perfect smile. The tension between them was palpable.

“Oh, that’s wonderful. What book are you reading?” he asked dryly.

I cleared my throat, surprised Cara had kept my breakdown a secret, but it felt as though she had her own reasons for the omission. “
Pride and Prejudice
. It was Mom’s favorite.”
You remember the woman you abandoned, don’t you?

He nodded, looking uncomfortable at the mention of my mother. “I’m heading back to the office. I have a late meeting with another accountant, and Dawn is working a double shift, so I won’t see you until late. If you need anything just call my cell.”
I’d made it this long without you, I think I can manage.

“Bye,” we both called back in unison. We waited to hear the front door click shut before we looked at each other.

“Thank you for not telling him. I don’t really know him enough yet to want to talk about my mom to him. It’s still too…new.”

“If you do want someone to talk about it with, I meant what I said last night.”

“I appreciate that. Speaking of last night, I wanted to thank you, but when I went to your room, you weren’t there.”

“Oh, I just went for a walk to clear my head.” She looked down at the remote in her hand. My gaze followed hers as I took in the purpling bruise on her wrist.
How would someone get a bruise like that?

“Oh,” I replied, not certain I believed her. Maybe there was more to Cara than the perfect layer I’d seen, and I wished I’d pushed my father to tell me more about her on the drive here, but my mind was elsewhere.

Her eyes narrowed as she tilted her head slightly. “
Pride and Prejudice
, huh?” The corners of her mouth turned up into a grin.

“It’s a classic.” I cleared my throat and turned my attention to the television.

“Mm-hmm…” She turned up the volume, and we both relaxed against the back of the couch. Cara clicked on the On Demand on her cable and hit play on a movie called
Closer
. “Speaking of classics.” I settled in, smiling when it started off as what looked like your standard love story, but as the movie continued on, I realized it was more about lies and lust than love. Still, I was entranced by the characters and their desperate need to feel wanted.

No one was who they said they were and while I could never imagine my life as a stripper, I could relate to the feeling of never revealing who you truly are.

“What did you think?” Cara turned to me.

I scrunched up my nose. “It was…interesting.”
And incredibly awkward to watch a girl strip on screen next to someone I barely know.

“Interesting,” she repeated. “I think it’s sad. There is no point to love if it doesn’t last forever.”

Her words struck me. I hadn’t expected such a deep statement coming from her. As the credits rolled on the screen Cara stood and set the remote on the coffee table.

“You want to get some lunch? I’d love to see a little bit of the town,” I suggested as I stood up.
I need out of this place before I go insane.

Cara eyed me for a moment and shook her head. “I have some stuff I need to do, but maybe some other time.”

“Oh…okay,” I replied as she gave me a quick smile before leaving the room. I’d thought maybe I’d finally made a friend, but it occurred to me that I had just lost my mother; she was being nice to me, as anyone would in her situation.

Not wanting to figure out my way on my own and not feeling comfortable enough to rummage through their kitchen, I headed back to my room instead.

I cleaned up the paper mess on my floor, tossing all of the scraps back into the box the notebook had come from before deciding to read a few chapters. With the e-reader in my hand, I hit the main menu and clicked on the search bar. Typing in
Pride and Prejudice
, I waited for the cover to pop up, but instead I got a message that the book was not on this device.
Shit.

Cara knew I was lying to her, but she didn’t call me out on it. I pulled back up the book I had been reading and let myself get lost in the story, desperate to escape reality if even for a few hours.

The heroine, Claire, was now daydreaming she was at a bar with a fake ID as she flirted unabashedly with a handsome stranger a few stools down from her, not even batting an eye that he was already there with another woman. Within minutes she had him begging for the opportunity to take her back to his place so he could watch her with his girlfriend. I’d read a lot of romance novels, but most glossed over the sexual encounters. This book gave step-by-step detail for every move that they had made, from the man stroking himself to Claire having her legs splayed as the girlfriend’s head dipped between them.

I locked the screen and tossed the device beside me on the bed. This was not the kind of book I’d pictured Cara reading, and it made me even more curious about her. There was something hidden behind her smirk, a secret that I just couldn’t read, and I wanted to know what it was.

My stomach was panging with hunger from missing the first two meals of the day, but with no other options, I headed to the bathroom and filled up a glass with water.

I gulped it down and refilled it, taking smaller sips this time, when I heard Cara’s muffled voice coming from her room. She sounded angry, but she was trying to keep herself quiet. Dawn and David were both at work, so I knew it was me she was trying to keep quiet for.

With my glass of water in hand, I quietly made my way toward my bedroom, pausing at the entrance as I strained to listen to her words.

“No. You know that’s wrong!” There was a pause, and I realized she must have been on a phone. “Fine. Whatever!”

Just then her bedroom door opened, and I was so startled the glass of water slipped from my hand, shattering as it hit the wooden floor.
Shit. Busted.

“What are you doing out here?” she snapped. Cara looked angry and caught off-guard as I took a step forward, searing pain traveling from my heel and up my calf. I cried out in shock as she rushed over to me, grabbing my sides and helping to guide me into my room. I sat down on the edge of my bed as she lifted my foot in her hand, examining the damage.

“How is it?”
Do you hate me yet?

She looked at me, her eyebrows pulled together before she looked back at my foot, clearly not pleased with finding me in the hall. “It’s just a little piece of glass. Wait here, I’ll grab the tweezers and a Band-Aid.” She went to the bathroom and retrieved the supplies along with a brown bottle of peroxide.

“Everything okay?” I asked, and she just shook her head in frustration as she pulled the glass from my foot. “Ouch!” This was a side to Cara that I hadn’t seen, another layer unraveling the mystery. Her fingers slid soothingly against the base of my foot.

“Everything is fine. Why do you ask?” Her tone was sharp, but she was gentle as she worked on my injury.

“I just heard you, and you sounded upset.”

“When you were eavesdropping?” Her gaze flicked to mine, eyebrow arched. She dumped peroxide onto a cotton ball and rubbed it over my cut.

“I wasn’t…I was getting a drink from the bathroom; hence, the broken glass.”

“You’re not a good liar. But I did hear you crying last night, and that’s why I came to bring you the e-reader. So I guess we’re even.” She sighed loudly as she put the Band-Aid in place and stood. “Everything is fine. I just had a disagreement with someone…a friend.”

“At least you have friends,” I mumbled, and Cara’s expression softened.

“I think you’re going to live, but you may just want to drink the bottled water in the fridge from now on. It’s less dangerous.” Her tone was less hostile and more sarcastic. I relaxed, thankful she didn’t hate me already.

“I didn’t want to just take anything without asking. I didn’t know you were even here until I heard you talking.”

“You live here, Ellie. If you seriously wait for permission for every little thing in life, you will never be happy. If you want something, take it.”

She turned to leave the room, hopping over the mess I’d made. “I’ll grab the broom and dustpan from the laundry room.”

Cara returned a few minutes later with the broom. I slipped on my sandals and walked to my door.

“I can get that. It’s my mess.” I reached for the dustpan, but she pulled her arm back.

“It’s not a big deal. Besides, you’d probably just cut yourself again,” she said with a small laugh. “Where did you go for lunch?” She looked up when I didn’t respond. “You wouldn’t even take a water from the fridge. If you didn’t go out, what have you eaten all day?”

“I’m fine. I wasn’t really that hungry anyway.” I shook my head but my stomach panged again at just the mention of food. Cara finished sliding the glass onto the pan and stood.

“Come on. I’ll make us something. Dawn and David won’t be home until late, and I don’t want to get blamed for letting you wither away.”

“Thank you.” I followed her down to the kitchen, settling into one of the chairs at the table as she searched the fridge for something to eat.

She sat a head of lettuce on the table along with a box of cherry tomatoes and other salad supplies. “What dressing do you like?” she called over her shoulder.

“French.”

She turned to look at me, eyes narrowed. I held her gaze, my face impassive.

She shook her head slowly as she tried to suppress a smile. “You’re lying again.”

“How can you tell?”

She shrugged as she continued to get more supplies from the fridge. “It’s a gift…and a curse. You show your emotions on your face, dummy. It’s not that hard to tell.” She glanced back to me. “So what do you
really
want?”

“Ranch, if you have it.”

She stood up smiling, shaking the bottle. “I eat it on nearly everything.” Kicking the fridge closed with her foot, she grabbed us each a bowl from the cupboard and began to make our salads.

“What are the schools like here?” I asked, feeling like a child for not preparing my own food.

Cara shrugged as she popped a tiny tomato in her mouth. “It’s high school. Pure hell.” she wrinkled her nose. “I was only here for a few months of this last year, so it wasn’t that great, but this year I’ll be a senior, so it should be fun.”

I almost asked her if she had lived with her father before ending up here, but I knew I’d be expected to talk about my mom, and I wasn’t ready for that yet. “At least I’ll know you. I hope we have a few classes together.” I grabbed one of the tomatoes and popped it in my mouth.

“You’re seventeen, right?”

“Until March,” I replied with a groan. I reached for a mushroom, and Cara smacked my hand lightly. We both laughed.