The Good Book (115 page)

24. He disputes with heat, and indiscriminately, mindless of the rank, character and situation of those with whom he disputes;

25. Absolutely ignorant of the several gradations of familiarity or respect, he is exactly the same to his superiors, his equals and his inferiors;

26. And therefore, by a necessary consequence, absurd to two of the three.

27. Is it possible to like such a man? No. The utmost I can do for him is to consider him as a respectable savage.

Epistle 19

  1. I mentioned to you some time ago a sentence which I would most earnestly wish you always to retain in your thoughts, and observe in your conduct.

  2. It is
suaviter in modo, fortiter in re
; ‘gentleness of manner, with firmness of mind’.

  3. I do not know any one rule so unexceptionably useful and necessary in every part of life.

  4. I shall therefore take it for my text today, and as old men love preaching, and I have some right to lecture to you, I here present you with my discourse upon these words.

  5. To proceed, then, regularly, I will first show you the necessary connection of the two parts of my text.

  6. Next, I shall set forth the advantages and utility resulting from a strict observance of the precept contained in my text;

  7. And conclude with an application of the whole. The
‘
gentleness of manner’ alone would degenerate into a mean, timid complaisance and passivity,

  8. If not supported and dignified by the ‘firmness of mind’, which in its turn would run into impetuosity and brutality, if not tempered and softened by the ‘gentleness of manner’:

  9.   Yet in the world these two qualities are seldom united.

10. The warm, choleric man, with strong animal appetites, despises the ‘gentleness of manner’,

11. And thinks to carry all before him by the ‘firmness of mind’. He may, possibly, now and then succeed, when he has only weak and timid people to deal with;

12. But his general fate will be to shock, offend, be disliked and fail.

13. On the other hand, the cunning, crafty man thinks to gain all his ends by the ‘gentleness of manner’ only;

14. He becomes all things to all men; he seems to have no opinion of his own, and servilely adopts the present opinion of the present person;

15. He insinuates himself only into the esteem of fools, but is soon detected, and surely despised by everybody else.

16. The wise man, who differs as much from the cunning as from the choleric man, alone joins the ‘gentleness of manner’ to the ‘firmness of mind’.

17. Now to the advantages arising from the strict observance of this precept.

18. If you are in authority, and have a right to command, your commands delivered in a gentle manner will be willingly, cheerfully, and therefore well obeyed;

19. Whereas, if given only with firmness, they will rather be interrupted than executed.

20. For my own part, if I bid the waiter bring me a glass of wine in a rough insulting manner, I should expect that, in obeying me, he would contrive to spill some of it upon me:

21. And I am sure I should deserve it. A cool, steady resolution should show that where you have a right to command you will be obeyed.

22. But at the same time, a gentleness in the manner of enforcing obedience should make that obedience a cheerful one, and soften as much as possible the mortifying consciousness of inferiority.

23. If you are to ask a favour, or even to solicit your due, you must do it with gentleness,

24. Or you will give those who have a mind to refuse you a pretence to do it by resenting the manner.

25. But, on the other hand, you must, by a steady perseverance and decent tenaciousness, show firmness of mind too.

26. The right motives are seldom the true ones of men’s actions, especially of people in positions of authority,

27. Who often give to importunity and fear what they would refuse to justice or to merit. By the gentle manner engage people’s hearts, if you can;

28. At least prevent the pretence of offence; but take care to show enough of the firmness of mind to extort from their love of ease, or their fear, what you might in vain hope from their justice or good nature.

29. People in high life are hardened to the wants and distresses of mankind, as surgeons are to their bodily pains;

30. They see and hear of them all day long, and even of so many simulated ones, that they do not know which are real, and which not.

31. Other sentiments are therefore to be applied to than those of mere justice and humanity; their favour must be captivated by the gentle manner;

32. Their love of ease disturbed by unwearied importunity, or their fears wrought upon by a decent intimation of implacable, cool resentment: this is the true firmness of mind.

33. This precept is the only way I know in the world of being loved without being despised, and feared without being hated.

34. It constitutes the dignity of character which every wise man must endeavour to establish.

Epistle 20

  1. My son, if you find that you have a hastiness in your temper, which unguardedly breaks out into indiscreet sallies or rough expressions,

  2. To either your superiors, your equals or your inferiors,

  3. Watch it narrowly, check it carefully, and call the gentleness of manner to your assistance:

  4. At the first impulse of passion, be silent till you can be soft.

  5. Labour even to get the command of your countenance so well, that those emotions may not be read in it; this is a most unspeakable advantage in business!

  6. On the other hand, let no complaisance, no gentleness of temper, no weak desire of pleasing on your part,

  7. And no wheedling, coaxing, nor flattery, on other people’s part,

  8. Make you recede one jot from any point that reason and prudence have bid you pursue;

  9. But return to the charge, persist, persevere, and you will find most things attainable that are possible.

10. A yielding, timid meekness is always abused and insulted by the unjust and the unfeeling;

11. But when sustained by firmness of mind, is always respected, and commonly successful.

12. In your friendships and connections, as well as in your enmities, this rule is particularly useful;

13. Let your firmness and vigour preserve and invite attachments to you;

14. But, at the same time, let your manner hinder the enemies of your friends and dependants from becoming yours;

15. Let your enemies be disarmed by the gentleness of your manner, but let them feel, at the same time, the steadiness of your just resentment;

16. For there is a great difference between bearing malice, which is always ungenerous, and a resolute self-defence, which is always prudent and justifiable.

17. In negotiations remember the ‘firmness of mind’; give up no point, accept of no expedient, till the utmost necessity reduces you to it,

18. And even then, dispute the ground inch by inch; but then, while you are contending with firmness of mind,

19. Remember to gain your opponent by the gentleness of your manner.

20. If you engage his heart, you have a fair chance of gaining his mind.

21. Tell him, in a frank, gallant manner, that your wrangles do not lessen your personal regard for his merit;

22. But that, on the contrary, his zeal and ability in the service of his cause increase it;

23. And that, of all things, you desire to make a good friend of so good a person.

24. By these means you may, and very often will, be a gainer: you never can be a loser.

25. Some people cannot prevail upon themselves to be easy and civil to those who are either their rivals, competitors or opposers,

26. Though, independently of those accidental circumstances, they would like and esteem them. They betray a shyness and an awkwardness in company with them,

27. And catch at any little thing to expose them; and so, from temporary and only occasional opponents, make them their personal enemies.

28. This is exceedingly weak and detrimental, as indeed is all humour in business;

29. Which can only be carried on successfully by unadulterated good policy and right reasoning.

30. In such situations I would be more particularly civil, easy and frank with the man whose designs I traversed:

31. This is generosity and magnanimity, but is also, in truth, good sense and policy.

32. The manner is often as important as the matter, sometimes more so;

33. A favour may make an enemy, and an injury may make a friend, according to the different manner in which they are severally done.

34. The countenance, the address, the words, the enunciation, the graces,

35. All add great efficacy to the gentle manner and great dignity to the firm mind,

36. And consequently they deserve the utmost attention.

37. From what has been said, I conclude with this observation,

38. That gentleness of manners, with firmness of mind, is a short, but full description of human perfection.

Epistle 21

  1. My dear son, what a happy period of your life is this!

  2. Pleasure is now, and ought to be, your business when you are between school and life.

  3. While you were younger, dry rules, facts and examinations were the objects of your labours.

  4. When you grow older, the anxiety, vexations and disappointments inseparable from public business will require the greatest share of your time and attention;

  5. Your pleasures may, indeed, conduce to your business, and your business will quicken your pleasures; but still your time must, at least, be divided:

  6. Whereas now it is wholly your own, and cannot be so well employed as in the pleasures of a gentleman.

  7. The world is now your book, a necessary book that can only be read in company, in public places, at dinner, the theatre, at play.

  8. You must join in the pleasures of good company, in order to learn the manners of good company.

  9. In premeditated or formal business, people conceal, or at least endeavour to conceal, their characters:

10. Whereas pleasures uncover their characters, and the heart breaks out through the guard of the understanding.

11. Those are often propitious moments for forming friendships and connections;

12. And the knowledge of character thus acquired is useful in the windings and labyrinths of the world.

13. Discernment of character, a suppleness, versatility and firmness of mind, with gentleness of manners, are to the mind what neat dress is to the body.

14. Mere plain truth, sense and knowledge are great goods, but in the world of affairs are not yet enough;

15. Art and ornament must come to their assistance, to gain and engage the heart.

16. Mankind, as I have often told you, is more governed by appearances than by realities;

17. And with regard to opinion, people think they had better be really hard, with the appearance of softness, than the reverse.

18. They know that few have penetration enough to discover, attention enough to observe, or even concern enough to examine beyond the exterior;

19. They take their notions from the surface, and go no deeper: they commend, as the gentlest and best-natured man in the world,

20. That man who has the most engaging exterior manner, though possibly they have been but once in his company.

21. An air, a tone of voice, a com­­posure of countenance to mildness and softness, which are all easily acquired, do the business:

22. And without further examination, and possibly with the contrary qualities, that man is reckoned the gentlest, the best-natured man alive.

23. Happy the man who, with a certain fund of parts and know­ledge, gets acquainted with the world early enough to make it his property, at an age when most people are the property of the world!

24. For that is the common case of youth. They grow wiser when it is too late;

25. And, ashamed and vexed at having been owned so long, too often turn knaves at last.

26. Do not therefore trust to appearances and the outside of their behaviour to yourself;

27. You may be sure that nine in ten of mankind try this, and ever will trust to them.

Epistle 22

  1. My son, your heart, I know, is good, your sense is sound and your knowledge extensive. What then remains for you to do?

  2. Nothing, but to adorn those fundamental qualifications with such engaging manners as will endear you to those who are able to judge your real merit,

  3. And which always stand in the stead of merit with those who are not thus able to judge.