The Golden Chalice (8 page)

“That would be cool.” He gave her a wan smile. She saw him sniff again and rub his nose. He reclined on the sofa in their room and picked up the remote. Sasha stood there for a moment before turning away. “Okay, I’ll make you a burger and some fries. Are you coming down with something?”

“Yeah, got the sniffles. Cold as hell out there.”

“Um…okay. Relax, I’ll be back in a bit.”

She headed for the door. The nervous energy stirring in her gut had her palms sweaty. She rubbed them at her sides.

“Sasha?”

“Yes?” she asked at the door.

“Hurry. I missed you today.”

His voice made her go weak with need for him. She smiled brightly and nodded, hurrying to fix her guy something to eat. He had a plan and that was good enough for her.

***

The plane coasted to a smooth landing, and Michelle set down the glass of vodka she’d been nursing since takeoff. She crossed and uncrossed her legs. Lee lowered his gaze to her swinging foot. His eyes made a slow climb before latching onto her face.

“You look beautiful.”

Michelle forced a smile but said nothing. Once they’d taxied to a stop, she sucked down a deep breath for whatever was to come next. She felt so empty when he was away from her, and even more empty when they were together. She couldn’t decide on the meaning of her numbed emotions.

They were ushered into a chauffeured car and whisked away to a marina with the most luxurious of liners. Yachts with sleek bodies, tinted windows, and personal crews bobbed in the dark waters, waiting for passengers. Most striking was the one Lee led her to, with the name ‘Chocolat’ written across the stern.

“It’s yours.” He smiled.

She looked at him before returning her gaze to the boat. He slipped his hand into hers and pulled her along, careful of her steps in her heels. She had no need of a coat. Though the wind was a force blowing in over the marina, there was still the noon sun, beaming down warmly. They were welcomed aboard, led inside by the captain to a sinful buffet.

Lee laughed with the captain. He asked that they set sail immediately. For her part, she walked around the spread, eating cheese cubes and grapes. Ignoring the stomach burn from the vodka she had earlier, she settled on a freshly poured glass of champagne.

“Do you like it?”

“Mmm,” she said, licking her lips and draining the glass.

“Do you?”

“Like what?” she asked dryly.

He stared hard at her. Nothing stopped the constant stares. Finally, she looked over to him and gave a one-shouldered shrug. “Boat’s beautiful, Lee. Just what I always wanted. A boat that I’ll never use or see unless you want me to.”

“I don’t know about that. After tonight, you might be surprised by all that you are welcome to.”

Michelle swallowed. “What?”

He held to his secret, extending his hand for her come and sit. Michelle approached him, holding tight to the flute of champagne. She lowered to the chair he’d pulled out from the table in a gentlemanly fashion. Lee took a seat across from her, his gaze again focused on only her. Silent crewmembers placed dishes of all her favorites. He’d clearly ordered it just so, and by the time she was halfway into her meal, she was laughing, talking to him again with ease.

“I like that.” The smoldering desire in his eyes made his statement profound.

“You like what?” She set her glass down and gave him her full attention.

“Your smile. I missed it the most when you were recovering.” He touched her chin and pinched it softly. She thought he’d kiss her, but instead he studied her.

“Yeah, well, it was hard to smile.”

“I know that’s my fault. I should have never let you do that job. Never treated you the way I have. Hindsight and all that.”

“It’s done, Lee.” Michelle turned away. She prayed he didn’t ruin the evening by picking at old wounds between them.

“Is it? My lies divide us now. I’m no fool. You lost the baby and you blame me. I blame me. It’s something I can’t fix. I can’t change it.”

“It’s not the baby, Lee. The baby I can deal with.
It’s you
.”

He stared on blankly, as if he didn’t understand. She knew he did. It was the one thing he hasn’t been so ready to discuss. He kept mentioning the baby and their loss. Well, fact was fact. There was never supposed to be an “us” when it came to them. Pops had warned them both. She first thought her father’s disapproval laughable. How could he deny her Lee when he’d been the one to expose her to all the wrong people and choices in life? Now she knew different. Pops loved them both, and he knew the pain they’d share if ever they crossed the line.

“Help me understand, Michelle. I need to.”

“Where do I begin? You slept with Sasha. Even worse, you kept it from me. I had to hear it in a tunnel, knee-deep in shit. My life is no longer mine because you and Sasha decided to make that so. Why the hell do you think I would look at you with anything but contempt?”

“Because you love me. And you can’t let go.”

“It’s you that can’t let go.”

“Right. I can’t. I won’t. I know what I have in you. A partner, an equal, someone who gets me. Someone I can trust.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.”

“I would. First, I never slept with your sister—”

“Don’t deny it!”

“I never slept with her, Michelle. I admit things got out of hand with us, but I put an end to it, and this was before I even considered the possibility of falling in love with you. I should have told you. I was a coward.”

“You still are.”

Lee heaved a deep sigh. “When Cumminskey tried to cut a deal, you rejected him. You kept it straight with me. I don’t deserve your loyalty, babe, but I need it. You’re all I have. All I need.”

Michelle shifted in her seat, thinking of her bargain with Abahti. “Yeah, so you keep saying.”

“That’s why I have to know.”

She looked away. “Know what?”

A member of the staff came over and set a small dessert plate with a silver dome covering onto the small cube of a table in front of the sofa. He gave her a curt nod before he walked off. She stared at the dome cover and saw her reflection. Her heart stuttered in her chest, and the muscles lining her stomach constricted. Women’s intuition had the hairs on her nape standing on end. Michelle stroked the lid. She lifted the handle slowly without any encouragement from Lee.

The unveiling revealed a black velvet box with the hugest diamond set on a wedding band.

“Will you marry me?” Lee said.

It never dawned on her that he’d go this far. Never in her life did she believe him capable of a proposal. She remembered an older neighbor who used to sit in her window and watch the neighborhood when they’d lived in Brooklyn for a short time. Michelle was only eight and Sasha was barely walking. The woman had a strong distaste for some of the girls chasing the hustlers in the neighborhood. Always a cruel word of disgust for one or another. And when one showed up with a diamond band on her finger and a big smile over her engagement, Ms. Claudine scoffed. “
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk free
!” she said in a huff, shattering the girl’s happiness.

Michelle never understood the words, or thought much of them afterward. But now, they rang in her head, loud and clear. “Why buy the cow when you get the milk free,” she said softly.

“What did you say?” Lee frowned.

Michelle sighed. “What is this, Lee?”

“It’s me being as real with you as I can be. It’s me putting it all on the line because you mean that much to me. Will you marry me, Michelle?”

“I—” She stopped herself. She finally had him where she wanted him. She could have her revenge. She could break free of this world and start again. “You changed the rules, Lee,” Michelle said in a sad voice. “You don’t get to do that. I’m sorry, baby, but you don’t.”

She rose from the sofa and walked as fast as she could to the steps and the upper deck. She didn’t have to see the disappointed hurt on his face. If she looked back she’d weaken and pretend with him. They’d sail through the night and act as if their lives were their own, but it wasn’t true. She couldn’t play pretend with him anymore.

Chapter Six

After Michelle’s words of rejection, Lee felt the knifepoint of anguish puncture through his fragile heart. Tightening his hand into a fist, he focused on where she fled. It wasn’t just that she’d refused. He’d imagined it would take some convincing to get her to go against the grain that was
them
. He’d agonized over this for weeks. His business, lifestyle, temperament—none of it made room for a wife. But more than that, it was her cold detachment. That’s who she was now, hot and cold, and nothing like the young, vibrant woman he once knew. He thought the sex between them meant she’d softened her heart. He had to wonder if she only pacified him now for another agenda. If she left him or betrayed him, he wouldn’t be able to contain his anger.

With considerable mental effort, he cast aside his wounded pride, rose, and went after her. The irony of the role reversal in his life wasn’t lost on him. Since the shooting, her happiness, her health, all of it had consumed him.

Lee shoved his hands into his pockets, leaving dinner and the seduction behind. He walked through the cabin, climbed the cramped stairs, and went topside. The yacht bounced over the glistening sapphire blue waves. The sun felt like fire along his nape, but a cooling breeze swept along the ocean waves and soothed him. He inhaled the salty sea air and was stunned by the beauty of it all. Holding to the awning, he walked along the side of the boat.

Michelle stood at the bow. Her hair blew out behind her, her dress pressed to her curves. He watched for a second and considered his offer. It wasn’t just marriage. He needed to explain their position now. The Chalice was the biggest score they’d ever done. He could take her anywhere in the world and they could start over. She couldn’t be a doctor, and he couldn’t be
just
a businessman but they could definitely have the life they deserved. Together they’d be unstoppable.

“I brought you out to sea so you couldn’t run from me. Looks like you still find a way to do so.”

She didn’t bother to turn. Instead she held herself against the push of the breeze, the sound of his voice. She held firm. “I told you
no
and I meant it. I won’t marry you.
Ever
.”

“What are you afraid of?”

Michelle did turn and squinted at him. The sun in her face made her smooth, brown skin glisten like warmed honey. Her hair blew forward, almost covering her eyes. “Fear? Oh, it’s not fear. I simply hate myself when I’m with you.”

“No you don’t.”

“Fine. I want to hate you.”

“That’s more like it.”

“A word of advice, Lee. Let’s not do this. I don’t want to hurt you, I never wanted to.” She swayed a bit because of the motion of the sea.

Lee looked up and behind him, and threw up his hand, signaling to the captain. The yacht slowed. He took a step toward her and she wobbled a bit, reaching for the edge of the boat to steady herself as she retreated.

“I have no illusions about our life. I don’t want the loss of our child to give you any. I’m here, Lee, and I will try to accept it. But I won’t marry you.”

“I understand.”

“Do you?”

He stopped his approach. “I do. But I’m not giving up because you have. I want to make it different for us both. Give me that chance. We can have it all. Together. We can do this.”

“My wants aren’t the same as yours,” she said bitterly. “You never understood my wants.”

Lee walked toward her. She tried to turn away from him, move away from him, but his hand went out to prevent that escape. “There is nowhere to run to now, sweetheart.”

“I know.”

“Stop pretending that part of you doesn’t want to stay with me, and I’ll stop pretending that I’m the man who deserves your forgiveness.” He slipped his arm around her waist and drew her around, so her backside was pressed into him. “I’m lonely for you, baby, and it’s not sex. I miss you. Do you understand?”

“Yes.” She sighed.

He held her and stared out at the sea. His arms circled her tightly, and her cheek touched his. “The life you think you’re missing, it’s a fantasy. I have them, too, Michelle. We have to get strong again, deal with our reality. We can do it together. Let me in again, just one more time, and I promise you won’t regret it.”

“You have the Chalice. There’s nothing out there I can steal for you that is worth more than the Chalice.” She softened in his arms, and he felt the tension in her body lessen. Lee closed his eyes and groaned deep in his throat.

“I don’t have your heart, and that’s worth much more.”

Lee kissed her cheek and held her to him. They swayed a bit but his determination to have her kept them solid to the front of the yacht. At sea, there was such tranquility; he honestly felt better. He rubbed his nose over the side of her jaw, and her head dropped over to her left shoulder, revealing the slender stretch of her neck.

“Michelle Dixon, you’re so damn addictive,” he breathed through kisses along her neck. He stopped and pressed a tender kiss to the pulsing hollow at the base of her throat. Her fragrance mixed with the sea made his knees weak. And he could feel her struggle with her pride, her anger, and her unwillingness to bend even a little. It only made his obsession deepen and his desire to posses her even stronger. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Lee.” Michelle spoke at last, her voice beguilingly hoarse.

He turned her so she faced him, moved her hair from her face, and tilted her chin with the push of his thumb. With a charge of satisfaction, he saw his own fire reflected in her shadow-darkened eyes. Yes, it was a gamble to put his heart in it. He knew the risk. But his life was always about risk. Why not
take
this one?

Lee’s lips recaptured hers in a demanding kiss. She nearly felt crushed against him he held her so tightly. The kiss became slow and thoughtful, with such uncompromising passion her head spun and her feet felt light. His roving tongue continued to please her, and she moaned her submission. How could one love and loathe a man with both halves of the same heart? She held to his shoulders, seeking to deepen their kiss. He eased to her neck; she angled her head and softened. She smothered his lips, demanding, refusing him any release. She told herself she could release a little, give in just a little, and still do what must be done in the end. She lied to herself, and it felt so good.