The Godforsaken Daughter (14 page)

Chapter sixteen

O
h my good God!”

Ruby, preparing breakfast, hadn’t expected to hear her mother so early. She turned now from the stove, to see her standing, ashen-faced and staring at the spot where the picture of Michael the Archangel used to hang.

“Oh, that. It fell off the wall last night. I’ll clean it up in a minute.” She took two plates from the dresser and began setting the table. “It’s scrambled eggs. I thought I’d do it for a change.”

The mother didn’t move, just stood there staring at the wall, as if paralyzed.

“Mammy, are you all right?”

“That’s a sign!”

“What’s a sign? Here, sit down. You might as well have breakfast, now that you’re up.”

Ruby took her by the arm. Martha allowed herself to be guided into a chair at the table.

“Look, I can explain that. Last night I took that prayer off the wall to have a wee read at it. I mustn’t of put it back right and it fell. As I say, I’ll clean it up in a minute, so I will.”

The mother didn’t seem to hear. She sat, hands in her lap, her eyes rooted on the alcove where the picture used to hang.

“You didn’t burn that case, did you?”

Ruby paused before replying. “What case?”

“Don’t you play the innocent with me.”

Ruby avoided her eye, busied herself taking cutlery from a drawer.

“Where did you burn it?”

“I told you, Mammy. In the woods.”

“You’re lying! It’s in that bedroom of yours. That’s why you’ve started locking your door. You never did that before.”

Ruby dished out the scrambled eggs. Returned the skillet to the stove, her mind in a fever. What if her mother demanded to see the bedroom? What if she looked under the bed? What if she found the case? What would Ruby do then?

She took her seat at the table again.

Martha pushed the plate away. She got up.

“Give me the key! I want to see what’s in that bedroom this minute.”

Ruby pressed her thumb and forefinger together.
The Book of Light
had told her that it was a means by which she could bring calm, and summon the Goddess’s help. And she
really
needed Dana’s help now, to get her out of this one.

“I
TOLD YOU
I
BURNED THE CASE.
N
OW, IF YOU WANT,
I
CAN TAKE YOU DOWN TO THE WOODS AND SHOW YOU THE SPOT, RIGHT NOW.
”

Ruby hesitated. She looked up at her mother standing there with her hand out. She’d just have to trust the voice. There was no other way out of this.

“I told you I burned the case. Now, if you want, I can take you down to the woods and show you the spot, right now.”

It was Martha’s turn to hesitate. Ruby saw her quandary.

“
B
UT BE WARNED:
I
BURNED IT DEEP IN THE WOODS, SO THERE’LL BE LOTS OF BRIARS AND NETTLES TO GET THROUGH.
”

“But be warned: I burned it deep in the woods, so there’ll be lots of briars and nettles to get through.” Her confidence growing now, she added, just for good measure: “So maybe . . . maybe you should put your boots on.”

Martha looked out the window, down the field toward Beldam. Ruby knew what she was thinking: mist clouds hanging low spoke of a damp trudge through the forest . . . a chill in the air at this early hour, even though it was a June morning . . . scratches and stings from those nettles and briars . . . the danger of falling on the slippery earth.

No, she wouldn’t risk it.

“Do you want to go into town later?” Ruby, in her mind’s eye, slipping another slide into the projector machine. A brighter image, a more tantalizing prospect. “You wanted to buy walking shoes . . . and you have that bill to pay in Harvey’s.”

Martha looked back at her. “You’re . . . you’re not yourself,” she said.

“Y
OU MEAN
I’
M NOT THE PERSON YOU WANT ME TO BE.
I
SN’T THAT RIGHT
?
”

“You mean I’m not the person you want me to be. Isn’t that right?”

“Oh my God, there it is! The way you’re talking. That’s not you. That picture is a sign. Edna Clare . . . your grandmother. She started to talk like that. Before . . . before . . .”

A shiver ran through Ruby. She set her fork down.

“Before? Before what?”

The mother made no reply. She went to where the picture lay and picked it up. “I’ll get the glass replaced in this.”

“Before what?” Ruby persisted.

Martha studied the picture but said nothing.

“See? You can’t tell me, ’cos nothing happened. Edna died of a broken heart ’cos you didn’t want her in this house when you married Daddy. And that picture fell ’cos I took it down to have a look at it, and the nail fell out.”

Martha reached out and touched the nail. It was still firmly embedded in the wall. Hammered in there all those decades ago by Vinny, at her request. Oh, the wars that picture had caused between Edna and herself! And poor Vinny caught in the cross fire.

She placed it gently on the table. Turned back to Ruby.

“Harvey’s, you say? Yes . . . yes, we’ll go into town. I’ll . . . I’ll get dressed. A cup of tea . . . that’s all I want, Ruby.”

Each hour that passed was drawing Ruby closer to that great event: the enactment of the Goddess ritual at the summer solstice. There was much to prepare. In Harvey’s, Purveyors of Ladies’ and Gentlemen’s Fashions, there was an important item she had to buy: a robe. She took the opportunity to have a look in the lingerie department while her mother was engaged with Mr. Harvey.

“You mean a nightdress?” said Mildred Crink, the shop assistant, flipping through a rail of night attire. Like her sister at the post office, Mildred had been serving behind the ladies’ counter in Harvey’s for the best part of thirty years. Such a position had bestowed upon her an encyclopedic knowledge of the vital statistics of every woman in the locality, and so provided some interesting gossip with Doris of an evening, if a purchase had been made that did not chime with a body’s needs.

“
God, d’you know, Doris, that young one of Peggy Noone’s has put on a whole lotta weight in just six months. Belly on her like a Cooney porker. Buyin’ size sixteen knickers and a D-cup front-fastener, and her not long outta school. She wouldn’t be pregnant, would she?
”

“
Well, that wouldn’t surprise me, Mildred. Didn’t her mother
have to
get married and her not long outta school uniform, either?
”

Ruby hesitated. She was taking a risk with her mother at such close quarters. So the transaction needed to be done as covertly and quickly as possible. She stole a glance up the shop. Mr. Harvey and Martha were still engrossed.

“No, not a nightdress, Mildred. More a
. . .
more a thing that goes
over
a nightdress.”

Miss Crink ceased her flipping and looked over her spectacles. “You mean a bed jacket?”

“Aye, but
. . .
a bit longer than that. The thing that goes over it and ties at the front.”

“A dressing gown, then? Well, we don’t sell many of
them
.” Mil
dred’s brow creased with concern. She removed her glasses. “My goodness, you’re not going into hospital, Ruby, are you? ’Cos that’s usually the reason women in these parts buy the like of them. I hope you’re not poorly, ’cos I thought you’d lost a bit.”

“Oh no, nothing like that, Mildred. I just want it for—”

“Goin’ away for a wee break. It’s always nice to get away. Me and Doris always go to the Ocean Spray in Portaluce. Have you ever been?”

Ruby threw a fearful look in her mother’s direction. “No, but I’ve heard it’s a nice place. Would you have one in green?”

She’d settled on green, it being the color of the Goddess. Also, since she’d be attuning to Dana in her natural environment by immersing in Beldam Lake, it seemed the most appropriate choice.

“. . . you know, you should take your mother away,” Mildred was saying. “Do you both good to get away for a bit, after what you’ve come through. Green, you say?”

Finally, a garment was plucked from the rail and laid out on the counter. It was just what Ruby wanted: a beautiful oceanic green with velvet trim at collar and cuffs. “Now, that’s the only green we have in your size. Lovely cotton-polyester mix, so it won’t shrink in the wash. Do you want to slip behind the curtain there and give it a wee go?”

“No
. . .
no. That’s lovely. Do you have one with a hood?”

“A hood?” Mildred looked perplexed. “Oh no, they don’t come with hoods. Why would you want a hood on a nightgown? It’s hardly gonna rain in the bedroom.”

But Ruby was thinking back to what she’d read. “
A hooded robe is preferable, since it will shut off outside disturbances and control sensory input during ritual
.”

“What’s going on here?”

Ruby froze at the sound of her mother’s voice behind her.

“Och, how are you, Martha?” Mildred said. “Ruby was just sayin’ that yins might go away for a day or two.”

“That’s news to me, Mildred. But then, Ruby doesn’t tell me much.” Mrs. Clare stared at the nightgown spread out on the counter, then at Ruby, her look a mixture of fear and accusation. “And what’s
that
for?”

Ruby’s face reddened. She struggled. It was time to invoke the Goddess. Curling the thumb and forefinger of her left hand into a representation of the crescent moon, she said, “At night, when I get up to go to the bathroom, I’m cold.”

“How could you be cold in this weather? Anyway, who’s going to be seeing you in the middle of the night?”

“T
HAT’S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE.
I
LIKE IT.
I
WANT IT, THEREFORE
I
AM BUYING IT.
I
DO NOT NEED YOUR OPINION OR APPROVAL.
”

“That’s neither here nor there. I like it. I want it, therefore I am buying it. I do not need your opinion or approval.”

Ruby’s delivery had been firm and confident. She drew herself up to her full height and smiled at Mildred, not really caring about her mother’s reaction.

Mildred looked from mother to daughter, antennae quivering, mouth an O of astonishment. This was not the shy, quiet Ruby she knew. What would Doris have to say about this? There was an awkward pause that needed filling. Mildred found her voice at last.

“You’re just right, Ruby. It’s nice
. . .
it’s nice to treat yourself now and again. I’ll wrap it up.”

Martha Clare stood rigid, lips clamped together, holding in the torrent of abuse that would be unleashed out of earshot of the shop assistant and Mr. Harvey. It was bad enough for her daughter to act like that at home; in public it was appalling. Being humiliated in front of Father Kelly, and now Mildred Crink, was a breach too far. It would
not
be happening again.

“I’ll wait for you in the car,” she said, before turning on her heel and marching outside.

“That’ll be ten pounds and fifty pence,” Mildred said, tearing off a sheet of tissue paper from a roll.

“Oh, just put it on Mammy’s tab,” Ruby said breezily.

“Are you sure?”

“Y
ES.
W
HY WOULD
I
NOT BE SURE
?
M
Y MOTHER SPENDS A LOT OF MONEY IN THIS SHOP.
A
RE YOU IMPLYING YOU WON’T GET PAID
?
”

“Yes. Why would I not be sure? My mother spends a lot of money in this shop. Are you implying you won’t get paid?”

Now it was Mildred’s turn to grow flustered.

“Oh no, I-I didn’t mean that at all, Ruby
. . .
not for a minute.”

Ruby signed the chit. The robe was expensive, but she didn’t care. It was going to be used for a very good cause. It didn’t have a hood, but no matter. She’d improvise, and make herself a garland of wild flowers, which would be a good alternative.

Satisfied, she left the shop.

Martha Clare erupted the minute her daughter had resumed the driver’s seat.

“How
dare
you speak to me like that in front of people! There’s something very wrong with you. You’re not yourself. I want to see Father Kelly this minute. Take me to the parochial house.”

“But I’ve more shopping to do.”

“Doesn’t matter.” She slapped the dashboard hard. “You’ll take me to the priest this minute or I’ll
. . .”

“Or you’ll what?”

Ruby gunned the engine, reversed out of her parking space, and roared away.