The Go-Between (The Nilaruna Cycles Book 1) (16 page)

“Are you going to tell me of your conversation?” Nili asks.

“No.”

She frowns, and I smile. “No
sadness. No pouting. Not tonight. I have you to myself.”

Nili puts her arms around my neck
and purrs. “This is just the beginning. We have all the time in the world.”

I don’t reply.

I start by stripping the clothes
from her body. Then I worship her, every part.

It’s a perfect memory.

“Maja,” she says, as we lie spent
and damp in each other’s arms. “Can you do something for me?”

“Anything.”

“Make me the most beautiful woman
in the world. I want my outside to match how I feel in this moment on the
inside.”

I smile. “Done.”

“A mirror!” she says.

I conjure one in her hands. She
looks, breathless, and then thrusts the mirror back at me.

“You changed nothing! I look the
same!”

“Exactly,” I say. “Nili, you are
the most beautiful woman in the world.”

She rolls her eyes. “Only to
you.”

“Is that not enough?”

We gaze at one another. She
kisses me softly. “More than enough.”

We lie back and snuggle.

“When will you meet us at the
palace?” she asks. “Will you be traveling back with us?”

“No, I won’t be traveling with
you. I must visit the rest of the kingdom and see if I can find the source of
the treachery.”

“But when will I see you?”

I gulp. “Nili, we won’t be seeing
each other.”

She sits up suddenly and clutches
the blanket to her chest. “What do you mean?”

“I’m moving on,” I say. “It’s my
final gift to you, a happy life as a princess, and someday, as queen. There’s
no one more worthy of the position.”

Her eyes flood with tears.

“I love you. I will always love
you. But Kai will be a good husband. He’s more progressive than most. You are a
strong match.”

“But I don’t love him,” she says.
“I thought…I thought I could do this. I could put myself in the path of an
assassin, and I could feel mortal pain again…but only because I thought you would
be there. I thought I’d have you by my side. I cannot do it alone.”

I sit up and grip her arms. “You
can. You must. And know this: I will be watching over you. I will save your
life. You will never feel that kind of pain again, not while I still breathe.”

“You don’t need to breathe
anymore,” she whispers, and I scowl.

“You know what I mean. Please.
Take this gift. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and the easiest,
because I know it is the best thing for you. You will grow to love him. I know
you will.”

“But he will never love me,” she
says. “You’re dooming me to a half-life, of wanting and never receiving. You
are the only man who can love me.”

I raise her chin with my finger.
“Really? Do you think so little of yourself? And of the prince?”

She sniffs.

“I will be watching, my love,” I
say. “If you are in danger, I will be there.”

Father, where are you? Oh, please
come quickly!

My fingers are so cold they are
frozen into claws. I do not think I could row to shore if I had to.

The wind howls through me,
whipping my hair about my face, but I’m too cold to even brush it out of my
eyes. I huddle forward, burying my nose in my skirts. I start to shiver
violently.

“Saphala!”

My head jerks up. It sounded as
though someone called my name. But I see nothing, hear nothing else. I bend
back over to save myself from the wretched wind.

“Saphala!”

There it is again, a little
clearer. Someone is calling my name!

“Father!” I yell back, but my
voice is no more than a croak.

I rub my hands together briskly,
trying to bring back some feeling in them. Maybe I need to row a bit closer. I
finally get my stiff fingers moving again, and just as I pick up the oars, I
hear water splashing, the unmistakable sound of oars slapping the waves.

“Father!”
 
I scream again.

“Saphala!” a voice calls back.
“We are here to rescue you!”

We?

And though I haven’t heard my
father’s voice in six cycles, it doesn’t sound like him. It sounds like someone
young.

No one knows of our plan except
my father. He was supposed to come himself. Is this treachery? Has someone come
to kidnap me for real?

But they said they’re here to
rescue me. If my father couldn’t come himself, for whatever reason, this is
what I would expect to hear.

I’m torn.

I grab one of the oars and hold it
tight. It worked on Haady. No man would expect a retiring female to hit them
over the head, so if they try to get fresh or worse, I’ll at least go down
fighting.

“Saphala!” they scream again.
“Where are you?”

“Here!” I yell, praying I’m doing
the right thing. And then I see it, a small fishing boat, carrying two figures.
“I’m here!”

They finally pull up beside me,
and before I can question them, the larger of the two leaps into my boat and
grabs me.

“Hold tight, my lady,” he says in
a beguiling voice. “We’re here. You are safe.”

He picks me up like I weigh no
more than a rose petal, and without so much as rocking my meager vessel,
deposits me in the fishing boat.

“Who are you?” I whisper.

“Faaris, Captain of the Guard,
and Manoj, Chief Advisor to the prince, at your service,” he says, climbing
back aboard. He whips the cloak off his back and settles it over my shoulders
before I can blink.

“Faaris and Manoj?” I say. I know
both names well. Most of the noble girls in Bhutan had hopes that if their
courting visits with Prince Kai didn’t go well, they’d at least have a shot at
his handsome sidekicks. The tales of these sidekicks, however, do not do them
justice.
Handsome
is much too
primitive a word to describe either of them. “How?”

“Your father broke his leg
today,” Faaris says. “We happened to be visiting Dabani on state business, and
we agreed to find you.”

“But my father is an
untouchable,” I say. I almost add, “And so am I,” but I don’t want them to dump
me overboard.

“You are one of our citizens,” he
says, “and that is enough.”

Manoj takes up the oars and
begins to row. The wind whooshes through me again, and I moan at the bitter
sting and hunch my shoulders under the cloak.

“You must be frozen through,”
Faaris says. “Here.” He grips my arm gently and tugs. “Settle here against me
and I’ll keep you warm.”

He doesn’t have to ask twice. I
sit in the bottom of the boat with my back to his front, and he rubs my arms up
and down through the cloak.

“Better?” he asks.

“Yes, thank you,” I say.

“No need to thank us. We are
grateful we were able to help.”

I cannot even process this
moment. I was expecting an uncomfortable reunion with my father, and now I’m
being rescued by two of the most eligible bachelors in the kingdom, who also
have a direct line to the prince! The gods are indeed watching out for me!

“May I ask a question, my lord?”
I say.

He leans his head down until our
cheeks are brushing. He smells of sweet sweat and pine.

“Of course. Ask me anything you’d
like.”

“How was my father able to
contact you?”

“He actually contacted the
current Go-Between, who used to be a friend of yours. She contacted us.”

I cannot imagine any of my
friends being chosen as the Go-Between. Occasionally an untouchable is picked,
but only when there are no other options. And all my friends — and their
parents — would have wanted the chance to meet Prince Kai.

“Which friend?” I ask.

“Nilaruna Nandal,” Faaris says.

“Nilaruna,” I whisper. Of course.
It makes sense. She wouldn’t have gone to the barracks — no one would
allow it, surely. “You know Nilaruna?”

“We do now,” he says. “We came to
speak with the Protector, and we met her. You’re very lucky to have such a
friend.”

“You’ve met her?” I say. “I mean,
you’ve seen her?”

Faaris wraps his arms around me and
hugs me tight. Ahhh. “We have. To live through such a horrendous ordeal…we have
great respect for her. I think the entire kingdom will have great respect for
her.”

“What do you mean, the entire
kingdom?”

Faaris leans close. “Let me be
the first to give you the good news: Nilaruna is betrothed to the prince! Your
friend is going to be the princess.”

My mouth falls open. For the
first time in my life, I am speechless.

It’s still dark when Maja comes out of the cave and squats beside me.

“I’m off,” he says.

I nod. “Does Nilaruna know you’re
not coming back?”

“She does, but she doesn’t know
I’ve left. She’s still asleep. You’re going to catch hell for that, and I
apologize, but we’ve said our goodbyes. I do not wish to prolong the agony.”

I nod again.

“My first priority is to find
evidence of magic or the dragons and follow the human trail from there. I’ll
visit you whenever I have information. And if you need to speak to me, just
call. Especially if something comes up with Nili…please call.”

“I think you’ll find that your
powers are going to grow,” I say. “You won’t need me to call. You’ll know if
you’re needed.”

“All the same, it would put my
mind at ease to know you
will
call,”
he says.

“If you are needed,” I say, “I
will call.”

He nods once and stands.

Then he walks down the mountain.

I watch him until he’s out of
sight.

***

At the cave entrance, I pause.

The firelight dances merrily over
Nilaruna’s face. Her scarred half is taunting me, like a hideous mask the
actors sometimes wear in the playhouse. I long to rip the mask off and expose
her true self.

But I cannot. She wears no mask.

For the rest of my life, I will
wake up to a monster in my bed. If we ever make love, I will be bedding a
creature of nightmares.

I close my eyes. I think about
Nilaruna’s throaty laughter. About her witty jabs. About her passion and love
for Maja, and her absolute care for a friend she hasn’t seen in years.

I think about the person I am
marrying, not about the shell of her human body.

And that makes me think of my
mother. The shell of her human body.

My mother would now be considered
an untouchable — the same status as Nilaruna — by most of the
people of our kingdom.

She used to play games with me.

“Close your eyes, Kai,” she would
say. “No, you don’t need to hold my hand. There’s nothing to fear in the dark.
Now, remember the room, exactly as it was. I’m going to hide one object. No! No
peeking! And when I tell you to open your eyes, you will look around and tell
me what I’ve hidden.”

When I was little, maybe three or
four, the game scared me. I didn’t like to close my eyes. I would insist that
she continue speaking so that I was comforted by the sound of her voice.

But that gave the game away
— I knew where in the room she was, and what objects she most likely hid.

The last time we played the game,
a few weeks before her accident, she introduced a twist.

“Open your eyes and tell me what
I’ve hidden,” she said.

I looked. I’d gotten to be quite
an expert at noticing my surroundings. But I looked and looked and couldn’t
find one thing out of place.

She finally laughed and waved me
over to sit on her lap. I was ten cycles old, and I would have let someone flay
me before I’d let them catch me on Mother’s lap, but in private, I couldn’t get
close enough to her.

“Look at me,” she said, quite
obviously running her hands through her hair. And then I noticed it —
she’d removed the wedding band from her thumb and placed it on a chain around
her neck.

“Your ring!” I said, triumphant,
and she smiled.

“When you have a wife, and
children, and a busy life running the kingdom, you must still pay attention to
the most important things,” she said. “Women can become invisible to their
husbands. They might change their hairstyle, or wear a pretty new sari, all in
an effort to please the one they love, and because you will take a vow to love
and protect your wife, you must take the time to notice her. She will be the
most important person in your world, your touchstone when life is chaotic and
messy. Do not forget about her.”

I remember lifting the ring from
her chest and examining it closely. “How long have you worn your ring about
your neck?” I asked her.

“Twelve days,” she replied.

“Father hasn’t noticed, has he?”

She hugged me. “We can but learn
from those who come before us. Remember this lesson well, Kai. Paying attention
to the details gives a ruler his humanity. A nod of greeting to a servant
bolsters loyalty. A compliment can brighten someone’s day. The people around
you are not window dressing. They are the reason for your existence.”

My mother had wisdom. She was so
full of life. What she became, the untouchable most would not even spare a
glance for, was not who she was.

I think about Nilaruna, the wise
and gentle soul that she is. And I am humbled, perhaps for the first time in my
life.

A woman with intelligence and
fire and zest and wit has chosen me. I believe that if Nilaruna weren’t
scarred, I would have been drawn to her. I am drawn to her.

I wonder what’s hiding beneath
her clothes. I wonder how much of her body is scarred.

What if her breasts…I mean, what
would they even look like? How would they feel? And what about her…womanly
parts?

My manhood stirs. I cannot
explain it, but there’s something quite erotic about the possibility of certain
parts being scarred and rough instead of smooth and silken.

Except, what if she experiences
pain?

My erection deflates.

Causing a woman pain, especially
when I intend the opposite and wish to drown her in pleasure, does not excite
me.

Argh, why must everything be so
infernally complicated?

Nilaruna stirs on her pallet, and
I lower myself to the ground beside her.

“How’d you sleep?” I ask.

She stares at me. There are tears
in her eyes.

“He’s gone, isn’t he?”

I nod.

A sob breaks from her throat, and
she buries her head in her pillow.

“Come here,” I say, tugging on
her gently until she’s in my arms.

Nili sobs into my chest, and I
hold her.

I just hold her.