The Girls (9 page)

When I got to school, I saw the girls bunched together exactly where we met every morning. Luckily, they didn't see me. I sneaked the long way around them and slipped inside the building and into my homeroom. I no longer thought of them as individual girls. Now they were one big, ugly danger.

I got all the way to my first class and safely to my seat before I let myself breathe freely. While Ms. Kaye was scribbling on the board, I looked around the classroom wondering who knew. They'd know soon if they didn't already. They'd all know I'd been thrown out of the group, and everyone would wonder why. They'd all think I had done something bad. They'd be afraid to talk to me, to be seen with me.

How was I going to get through this day? I caught myself gnawing at my cuticles and shoved my hands into my pockets.

Then the bell rang and my heart started to hammer again. Here goes round two, I thought. Should I rush out, race to my next class, try to beat the crowds? Or wait until the halls were empty and make my break then? I decided to stall.

If I made it to my second class, I'd be safe. But my stomach lurched when I realized that after that came art, and Brianna was in my art class! We sat right next to each other.

Everyone from my class had left, and the room was filling with the next load of kids. Time to go. I took a deep breath and darted out the door. Head down, moving fast.

I made it past the library. Almost there! I quickened my pace, turned the corner—and there they were, dead ahead: Candace, Darcy, and a girl I didn't know with red hair. There was nowhere to hide, no crowd to get lost in. Why had I waited until the halls were empty? That was so stupid!

I heard Darcy's voice, like a knife through my skull. “Well, look who's here! It's Maya! Nicole, do you know Maya?”

I tried to scoot past but Darcy blocked me. “Something
wrong
, Maya?” she mocked.

I didn't answer, just kept my eyes down. All I could see were the girls' feet. I was sure they could hear my heart thumping. Darcy moved in closer, shoving her face right up to mine. I could feel her breath.

“Maya,” she said, “I asked you a question. Candace, didn't you hear me ask Maya if something was wrong?”

DO NOT CRY! DO NOT CRY! I told myself.

Then Candace said, “I gotta get to class.” Her feet moved away with the other girl's. I heard her say, “What do you have next, Nicole?” Candace's voice was normal and calm, as if nothing in particular had just happened—was happening.

“Social studies,” the girl said.

Darcy leaned even closer to me and whispered, “See you later, Maya. I promise.” Then she hurried after Candace.

I stood paralyzed for a second before I looked up. I was shaking all over and felt like I was going to pee on myself. But at least I hadn't cried. I glanced behind me in time to see Candace, Darcy, and the other girl turn the corner. Gone—for now.

I
WENT TO MY FIRST CLASS and sat down, but I couldn't pay attention. My skin felt crawly. I had to order myself to blink. Eyes felt jammed open, open, open. Was this how Maya felt? Was this God's punishment for my not sticking up for her? For being glad it was
her
and not
me
? Maybe God had been testing my loyalty as a friend, my worth as a person—and I'd failed!

Had it mattered to me at all that Maya must have been totally freaked out by Darcy's phone calls? Truthfully—no. Until Candace had turned against
me
, I'd felt nothing about Maya being dumped, except that it wasn't any of my business. Why had I thought that? Of course it was my business. I was supposed to be her friend! I could feel myself turning hot with shame. I hated people like me!

When Darcy called Friday to invite me to her sleep-over and told me that she wasn't inviting Maya, I'd just said, “Oh,” sticking my head in the sand like an ostrich, pretending the world wasn't out there. And later, when Renée called to talk about it, I'd just pushed my stupid head deeper underground. Now it was payback time.

I told Mr. Van Witter I had a headache, and he sent me to Nurse Edith. Walking to the health office I could practically feel the waves of gossip rippling from classroom to classroom. Me and Maya, the talk of the school. Both heaved out on the same weekend. Not together. Each alone.

Nurse Edith took my temperature and told me to lie down on the cot. She was going to call my parents but they both taught classes till noon. Then she pulled out my emergency card. I remembered that the name on it was Mrs. Newman, Candace's mom. Everyone had her on their cards because she didn't have a job, unless you call four kids a job.

“NO! Don't call Mrs. Newman!” I begged. “I feel better already. See?” I jumped up off the cot.

“How miraculous!” Nurse Edith said. “If only all illnesses were so easily cured.”

I looked at the floor tiles.

“Well, Brianna, then I guess you can return to class,” she said.

I glanced at the clock. Almost time for second period. Second period language arts meant waltzing into Candace's clutches. I sat back down on the cot and told myself to blink.

Nurse Edith reached over to pat my hand. “Why don't you just tell me about it, dear,” she said. She was round and sweet faced, like Cinderella's fairy god-mother. Her voice was kind. Next thing I knew, I was streaming tears. I told her the whole story. She never looked shocked, even when I told her what an ostrich I'd been about snubbing Maya.

Nurse Edith asked me what I thought I should do.

I didn't know.

“What do you think your parents would suggest?”

My parents? They wouldn't get it, I thought. They'd think it was stupid. They had no idea that there was more to school than schoolwork. I shook my head. “This isn't their thing,” I said.

Nurse Edith nodded as if she understood that too. “Well, Brianna, what do you think is the right thing to do?”

I thought a moment. “Be nice to Maya?” I asked.

“That sounds like a good place to start,” she said. Then she asked me if I was ready to return to class.

“No.”

She got up and walked across the room. “I have paperwork to do,” she said. Then she sat down at her desk without seeming to give me another thought. I watched her work. I watched the clock. A kid came in with a bloody gash in his arm from woodworking class, and Nurse Edith just snapped on gloves and cleaned it up without looking grossed out.

Second period ended, third period art began. Maya was in art. I bet she was totally, totally, totally relieved that I wasn't in class. Eric wouldn't notice. I watched the clock some more. The hands moved very, very slowly.

Maya wasn't hiding her head in the sand in Nurse Edith's office, I realized. She was out facing it. I could never, never do that—go through my day as if everything were okay, knowing Candace and Darcy were talking about me, hating me.

I moaned, remembering secrets I'd told them. Cringe. I'd told Darcy about kissing Dan O'Neill at Candace's Halloween party. I'd been sure that meant he was going to be my boyfriend. But that Monday morning at school he walked right by me without even saying hi, as if he didn't know who I was.

I'd freaked out, was a total, total, total humiliated mess. I'd pulled Darcy into the bathroom and told her everything. She was really sweet and swore she'd take my secret to the grave, but I bet she was blabbing the whole story right this second. By the end of the day Dan and everyone else in the whole school would be laughing at me. Oh no, I thought with a fresh wave of horror, I'd even told them I thought the new boy Eric was cute!

Right before lunch Nurse Edith looked up and said, “So, what do you think, Brianna?”

What did I think? I thought I was going to die, that's what. Candace and Darcy were out there, waiting to tear me to shreds. Maya would be there seething with hate for me too. Maybe she'd revert to the ways of her old neighborhood and shoot me!

“I think I should stay here a little longer,” I said.

Nurse Edith smiled at me. I could tell she did not agree. I gathered my stuff slowly, Renée-style, and thought about leaving school. I could sneak out the back door, hide in the bushes, somehow get out of here. And go where? And explain it to my parents how? And even if I got away with it today, what about tomorrow? I was doomed.

Nurse Edith patted my head on my way out. My feet weren't working right. I was sure my nose was bright red from crying. That always made it look about ten times bigger than it already was. I prayed I wouldn't run into that new boy Eric—or anyone else.

I
ADMIT, I DIDN'T RUSH to the cafeteria. I took maybe a little longer than necessary to put my stuff in my backpack. Then I walked the long way to my locker. I didn't absolutely have to stop at my locker, but I kind of had to.

As slowly as I was moving, though, I guess Maya was moving even slower, because she showed up at the cafeteria after me. I got out of the lunch line and went back to where she was. When she saw me coming, her shoulders hunched and she stared straight ahead. The expression “scared stiff” came to my mind.

The thought that Maya was that scared of me was very embarrassing, but as I walked toward her I realized it was sort of thrilling too. I'd never had so much power before. I could go over there and make her happy, or I could go over there and make her absolutely miserable.

I said, “Hi, Maya,” and gave her what I hoped was an apologetic smile.

“Hi,” Maya said, nervously peeking at me sideways, her face still stiff.

I knew I was supposed to say something else, but what? The line moved up and I moved up with Maya.

“Hey! No cuts!” a boy behind us yelled.

I didn't respond. Neither I nor Maya said anything at all. Then someone tapped my shoulder. I looked around and Brianna was there. I was so glad to see her that it took me a second to notice that she looked awful, like she'd been crying.

“Hey! What's going on here?” the boy behind us complained again.

Maya didn't seem relieved to have me and Brianna there. She looked braced, trapped, like a deer surrounded by snarling wolves. She expected us to start nipping at her, I think.

“We, we come in peace,” I said, and smiled a bigger smile at Maya. She must have been holding her breath, because it came out in one big whoosh, and we all laughed a little.

N
ICOLE SAT WITH US at the lunch table under the window where Candace and I always sat. They traded sandwiches, both curling their lips at my tuna. Then Candace asked Nicole if she wanted to come to the mall with us after school and Nicole said, “Sure.” I knew that if she had any other plans, she'd break them.

Then I remembered I was grounded. It had slipped my mind entirely. “Hey, Candace,” I said, “I can't go to the mall today. I'm grounded, remember?”

Candace looked blank.

“Forever grounded,” I said. “Until I apologize to Maya
and
her mother. My mom is such a witch!”

I expected Candace to be sympathetic. To be horrified for me, or at least disappointed. But she just peered closer at me and said, “You plan to
apologize
?” as if that would be criminal, as if the very idea were entirely repulsive. Well, the idea
was
repulsive. I didn't have to mean it, though. I just had to do it, right?

Candace nodded toward the lunch line and said, “Now's your chance, Darcy.”

I looked over and saw Maya, Brianna, and Renée going through the line. Why was Renée with
them
? We weren't mad at Renée. And after the awful elephant thing Brianna had said about her—well, Renée just had no pride. It made perfect sense that Maya and Brianna would stick together, cry on each other's shoulders, start a rejects' club, but how entirely weird that Renée would contaminate herself like that.

I knew there was no way Candace would take Renée back now that she'd gone over to
them.
Candace would be like a mother bird, flicking its baby out of the nest after a human touched it and got human stink on it. I shook my head at Renée's stupidity.

Fine, I thought, let Renée starve like an abandoned chick. She's made her choice! At least I won't have to listen to her ummming anymore. But it did feel a little weird to be down to just C, Candace, D, Darcy, and now N, Nicole. Chicks Don't Need?

“Well?” Candace said, raising her eyebrows and interrupting my thoughts.

I looked at her, then at Nicole, then back at the girls in line. I was about to say that I'd dubbed Renée, Brianna, and Maya The Rejects' Club, but suddenly everything felt wrong. Candace's eyes were blank, and I could almost have sworn that Nicole was smirking.

Forget it, I thought. I'm not going to go apologize to anybody! I'm gonna sit right here. But then I can't go to the mall after school, and that means Candace and Nicole will go themselves—without me. It was only one little trip to the mall, but I felt—no, I
knew
—that I had to be there.

Couldn't I just tell my mother that I'd apologized to Maya? No, she was planning to call and check. Well, maybe I could do it later this afternoon, when no one was watching.

“Go on, Darcy,” Candace said. Then she waved her hand and said, “It doesn't matter. I'm tired of the whole thing, Brianna and them. It's all so boring.”

So maybe she didn't really care. Maybe she wouldn't actually mind if I just did this apology real quick. Then I could go to the mall with her. I'd just go and apologize to Maya and it wouldn't be a big deal. I didn't have to be friends with her or anything. I just had to say, “I'm sorry.” Just say the words, then come right back. No big stink. I got up.