The Girl on the Outside (13 page)

“No. Where's Daddy?”

“At the wholesale house.”

“I'll help awhile. Maybe I'll go to Carver later.”

Eva stood for a minute listening to music on a small radio. “Any news?” she finally asked.

“Nothin' new. Crazy people still crowdin' round lookin' at the soldiers. They really mad. They don't like nothin' that might help us,” her mother said and sighed.

Her mother's tone increased Eva's fear that she wouldn't be going to school. She went in back and got busy. As she placed cans of tomato paste on the shelf she was glad she had decided to come to work. Time would go by faster this way.

She went on stacking cans, her mind wandering back and forth. She tried to forget the shame she felt about going to Carver. Did she really dislike Carver? Would she be unhappy if she had to go back? No. Suddenly she felt a pang of guilt for thinking such thoughts. She liked her school, had been happy there and was not anxious to leave. Then why be ashamed to go there? Forget it, she told herself. It's all crazy. Still she could not shake the feeling.

Then the news came on the radio.

The president of the local school board has called a meeting of its members to stand by for Judge Pomeroy's desegregation decision. That decision—to determine if the nine Negroes will enroll at Chatman High School tomorrow—should come at any moment now.

Eva's heart pounded as she hurried up front. “Mama, Mama,” she shouted, “did you hear that?”

Before her mother could answer, her father and Mrs. Floyd rushed into the store.

“Mis' Floyd,” Eva shouted.

Mrs. Floyd hugged Eva and choked up with tears. For a moment the silence was almost unbearable for Eva. Finally, Mrs. Floyd said, “We won, Eva.”

“Oh, no!” Eva screamed.

“Oh, yes, yes, yes!” Mrs. Floyd said. “You can go tomorrow. I'm making the rounds telling everybody. Just make sure now, you and Bobbie get together in the morning.”

“You say it's all go now, eh?” Eva's mother asked.

“Yes, when we were told Judge Pomeroy's Decision, we were assured that the soldiers will protect us as we uphold the law.”

Everybody was hugging each other, eyes were wet with tears of joy. Eva was so happy she couldn't contain herself. “Now that I'm going to Chatman, I'm going to Carver,” she said, and ran out the door.

On the way she felt her heart would burst with happiness. She wanted to shout out to everyone she met … to the whole world, we won! But she just went on her way smiling, radiating happiness.

She entered the campus grounds and realized it was well after four o'clock. No one was around. She hurried toward the football field. There was Cecil walking toward the gym, carrying his football helmet in his hand.

She started running toward him. “Cecil, Cecil, Cec',” she shouted. “We won, we won, we won!”

He met her and she fell into his arms. He whirled her around and around as she continued to cry, “We won.”

Finally they settled down. She was out of breath. “I'm going … tomorrow … to Chatman.”

He stood watching her, sweat pouring off his gritty face. His football outfit was wringing wet and his face showed mixed emotions. At last he said quietly, “Great, great, great!”

“You think so?” she asked, subdued by this response.

“Yeah, I really do.”

Then they were silent. Eva felt her heart race inside her chest, her breath coming too fast. She looked at Cecil. “Are you really glad I'm going?” Then she lowered her head.

“Oh, Eva, how could I not be happy? We really have a choice now. All before, I didn't really know whether or not my wanting to stay here was just sour grapes. Now I know. I can do what I please. I can go or I can stay.”

He took her chin in his hand and lifted her face so that she looked him in the eyes. “You're giving us that choice.” For a moment they were silent looking at each other. Finally he laughed, “Maybe I'm a little bit jealous. I would like to be giving that choice to you.”

Her mind flashed to her grandmother and the drugstore ice cream. Suddenly she knew why she had been ashamed to come to Carver before the Decision. She could not face being a symbol of their having lost the first round. In spite of the grime and the sweat, she reached up and embraced Cecil.

He held her close and whispered, “I'm glad but, you know, I can't believe we've won.”

“I'm so glad
you're
glad,” she said.

Sophia entered the coolness of her house feeling she had had a good day. It had started off bad with Ida, gone through a positive change when her mother had given her hope that Judge Pomeroy was an honest sensible man, and it had continued to improve with Arnold. Except for the thought that Arnold was leaving soon, she was happy.

She went through to the back of the house, feeling buoyant, calling, “Anybody home besides me?”

“We're back here, dear,” her mother called from outside.

The kitchen was filled with good odors. Ida was frying chicken to go with mashed rutabagas, collard greens, and golden-brown corn bread. Sophia rushed through to the backyard where her parents were sitting in the shade. A small radio was on the table beside a pitcher that held the last of the sarsaparilla. She poured what was left into a glass and said, “Saw Burt today. He introduced me to a friend of his all the way from Denmark.”

Before her news could be commented upon, more important information came on the radio:

Judge Pomeroy of the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals has just issued this statement to the press: Believing that the governor is sincere in calling out the National Guard to protect citizens in this state, I see no reason to issue a restraining order against integration at Chatman High. Therefore, I instruct the school board to carry through with plans to enroll nine Negro students on September 5, 1957.

“Daddy, you knew it. You knew it all the time and you wouldn't tell me,” Sophia screamed.

Her father and mother looked at her, startled by her outburst.

“I will not go to that school ever again. I refuse!” she shouted, feeling her heart pounding in her chest.

“Listen to me, young lady,” her father said, “if you remain in this household you'll obey the law.…”

“But Daddy.…”

“Now you listen. I promise you, I'll do all within my power to change that law. But as long as that
is
the law, you'll obey it. Is that clear?”

“You may make me go to that school, but, I tell you, I will see no
niggers
, hear no
niggers
, and I will speak to no
niggers
!” Her heart seemed hushed as the words found their mark. She saw the look on her father's face, and knew her world was shattered. She covered her face and ran from the backyard.

Chapter 15

The sun rose hot that September 5, 1957, a morning different from any morning Eva had known. Though she had not gone to bed until well after midnight, she was up early feeling the exciting pressures of the day ahead. At last she was going to Chatman.

All last evening sparked by TV cameras and newsmen around the store and at the house, neighbors and friends dropped in to celebrate the victory of the great Decision.

Eva's mother and Aunt Shirley had hurriedly prepared cookies and lemonade for the party that lasted on into the night. Those going and coming filled the small house with talk and laughter. The fears that had been so evident earlier that day seemed to have dissolved with the declaration of the judge that the soldiers were there to protect citizens. To Eva's neighbors and friends that meant
them
, too.

Eva had gone to bed happy, listening to Tanya's even breathing. She was pleased that her family was all together and had shared the loyalty of neighbors and friends.

Now, as she dressed carefully, she could hear voices and knew her neighbors were coming to see her off and wish her well on what they called her “historic mission.” She spread lotion over her body being especially careful to cover her exposed arms and legs. She must look her best when she walked on that campus this morning.

How pleased she was when she surveyed herself in the dress she had made. The new shoes and socks made her feel that she was very well dressed, indeed.

Finally, she walked into her living room. She was surprised to see so many of her neighbors gathered around waiting for her to come out. There were greetings and smiles and Eva knew they were as excited and as proud of her as her family.

“Now, I hope y' had a good breakfast,” Mr. Charles said.

“Ain't that the truth, 'cause she got a day comin' up,” another neighbor said.

“And she didn't half eat this morning,” her mother said.

“Too much else happenin' t' be thinkin' 'bout food,” Aunt Shirley said.

Her father quietly paced back and forth. Eva knew he was nervous thinking about that crowd that was still milling around Chatman.

Finally, it was time for her to go.

“Eva, I'm goin' take y',” her father said.

“No, Daddy. You don't need to go. I'm going to meet Bobbie on the bus. The bus will put us off right in front of the school. We'll be all right.”

“I know y' can git the bus, but I'll feel much better takin' y' up there m'self.”

“You really don't need to get in all that traffic, Daddy.”

“I don't want nothin' t' happen t' you.”

“What can happen? We'll get off the bus and meet the others. The bus stops right in front of the school. The soldiers are right there.”

“Now Roger, y' know how it is when y' fifteen,” Aunt Shirley said. “Y' don't want y' papa takin' y' to school. She should be safe.”

“Lord, let's hope so,” a neighbor said. “Nobody would want to hurt a child.”

“Yeah, they'd be mo' 'en likely to git on you, Roger,” another neighbor said. “She'll be all right. Specially with them soldiers right there.”

“Eva, what if you miss Bobbie, though?” Aunt Shirley asked.

“Aw, please. Stop worrying! Anyway, the soldiers are there to protect us.”

Her mother looked at Eva as if she wanted to speak but she said nothing. She picked up her daughter's notebook and small purse and handed them to Eva.

Just as Eva started to go, her mother said, “Wait.” She put a hand on Eva's shoulder. “I want all y'all to join me in prayer for my child.”

Eva glanced around the room feeling the concern of all the bowed heads. She then bowed her head as her mother prayed: “God, our Father, kind and jus' who work y' ways through
us
, Father, let only good come to this child as she got out there t' do
your
will. Bless Eva.…” Her mother's voice choked with unshed tears.

Eva embraced her mother, trying hard to fight the choking in her own throat. “I'll be all right, Mama. I'll meet Bobbie. I'll be fine, you'll see.”

She waved good-bye to her family and neighbors and walked down the hot dusty road to catch the bus. She turned and looked back. Her father was standing with an arm around her mother's shoulder with Tanya in front of them. She had an urge to go back and embrace them all as her heart leaped up with love. But she went quickly on her way.

Chapter 16

The sun had burned all the blue out of the sky. It blazed hot and chose the town as its prey. The heat beat down as with a vengeance. But in spite of the heat, cars poured into the street. Horns blowing in the snarled traffic heightened the tension.

The best laid plans were mislaid. The whole town was off schedule.

Bobbie was warned to stay home by telephone, but when the traffic crawled to a halt, Mrs. Floyd was caught. She did not reach Eva in time, even though the Southend bus was forty minutes late.

Burt let Sophia off a block from the school. When she turned the corner, she was shocked at the number of people in the blazing heat. More than yesterday.

Angry men, women, and children faced the soldiers who stood in a line guarding the steps—like the lion. The soldiers stood with feet apart, holding their rifles with bayonets fixed at their sides. The people did not know why the soldiers were there at the foot of the steps, so they believed they were against them. The soldiers looked straight ahead as the crowd taunted, “Hey, y' skin might be white, but
y
' heart's yeller.”

Sophia looked up at her school. The three-story red brick building with massive white columns and long flight of steps leading up to its doors looked too grand to be part of this scene. But the stone lion at the foot of the steps seemed to assure Sophia that all would be well. She edged along the rear of the crowd, pausing when the heat and smell of stale sweat made her weak.

Finally she saw Marsha off in the direction of the bus stop. Sophia pushed along, sickened by the press of grubby hands and bodies. Still she felt a high excitement she could not define.

At last she reached Marsha. Meredith and Kim had gotten there, too.

“They're inside,” Meredith declared angrily. “They've invaded our school.”

Marsha stood absentmindedly tearing a dainty handkerchief to shreds. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. Sophia placed an arm around Marsha's shoulder and glared at the Guard, wishing some power would blow them away.

Suddenly there was a shout. “Here comes one of 'em.” An angry rumbling spread through the crowd. The mass seemed to move in a wave, pushing Sophia and her friends closer to the bus stop. Sophia saw the Southend bus pull away. Then she saw the Negro. How dare she come here, Sophia thought.
And alone!
She trembled with anger.

The crowd parted to let the girl through. She moved with her head slightly lowered. Carrying a notebook and a small purse in her arms, she walked confidently toward the soldiers.

For a moment all was quiet. The waiting silence made Sophia feel that, in that moment, the girl held the crowd's destiny in her dark hands.