The Girl from Station X (11 page)

That evening, my grandmother and Peggie, who puts a photograph of
a youth called Gordon Douglas
out each night in her hotel bedroom, try to get Anne into the casino at
Monte Carlo. Anne, cross-questioned at the entrance about her age, pretends that she can’t understand French. They bring an interpreter
–
the game was up.
The
doorman concedes that ‘the young lady’ can wait in a room alone, while the others go in and gamble. My grandmother, drawing herself up, declares: ‘Do you think I would leave my
young daughter alone at a casino in Monte Carlo?’ and they leave, with much mirth. (Anne writes, presumably using an expression learned from her American relations,
Gee, we did
have some fun this evening!
) They proceed to Genoa, then Pisa, then Florence, where they receive a telegram – Grandmoods has died suddenly of a heart attack. They return to her
rented villa and Anne’s Aunt Lin, her husband, Suirdale, and Chow arrive from England. It is decided that Grandmoods will be cremated in Golders Green and her ashes scattered on her husband
Michael’s grave in the churchyard at Battle. Anne is allowed to choose whether to return home for the cremation with her mother or to resume the Italian holiday with Aunt Dita, Uncle Jay and
Peggie. (I imagine that Dita did not go to her mother’s cremation because, Peggie told me, her mother was always mean to her.) Not surprisingly, Anne chooses Italy. She does, however, write
in the diary that she is upset by her grandmother’s death, and by the idea of her household and staff being disbanded. She begins to feel ill and her mother tells her that she can still go
home if she wishes. Then, before her mother leaves with Chow, Lin and Lin’s husband, she tells Anne that she need never return to Queen’s Gate School.

I am furious when I read this. What did my grandmother think that she was doing? The diary had made it clear that Anne was doing well at the school, both in her lessons and at games, and had
made several friends. Perhaps it actually suited my grandmother
not
to have her at school; maybe the practicalities of having the child stay up in London five days a week were inconvenient.
Or possibly, like many women of her era, for whom marriage for a daughter was the ultimate aim, she simply did not see the point of Anne having any academic qualifications. Even so, the casualness
with which she delivered the news to Anne of her schooldays being truncated must have given the girl a skewed notion of commitment. Here is Anne’s diary again after Grandmoods’
death:

May 14th 1930. Rome.

Peggie’s very nice to me, I like her awfully. I had a letter from Mum, Yvonne and Nah today, Will has mumps, apparently he was quite ill and
Frank
[the chauffeur]
and all the children have it. Nah is in quarantine for them. The baby rabbit died and Jerry has bitten lots of people and it is very cold. I heard
today that a bomb big enough to blow the whole building to pieces was found concealed in a lavatory in the Casino at Monte Carlo with a fuse to it, it must have been there when we were there, it is
supposed to be someone inside the building who has done it as no one is allowed to go in with any sort of package and six men have been arrested, it is rather thrilling considering we were there
such a short time ago and it might have been blown up while we were there and our hotel was within a few yards of the Casino.

May 17th. Knowle. We had a lovely crossing and arrived at Folkestone at a quarter to nine, they were very good at the customs and opened nothing. The car met us and
we arrived home at 10.45, pretty good I think. I miss everyone awfully, especially Peggie as she was so awfully nice to me. The garden is lovely, it is being opened to the public on Wednesday next.
I am going in twice a week to Italian Lessons in Tunbridge Wells and a French woman is coming out twice a week to talk French to me, rather more work than I anticipated still never mind, we are
meeting Miss Houghton in London next Monday, what a pity. Everyone is well here which is good, no mumps in the house thank Goodness and the weather is quite warm.

Anne, no longer obliged to study with her peers, spends an enjoyable summer with tennis lessons, tennis tournaments, swimming in the Knowle pool, walks in the woods and excursions to London to
buy hats and to see the Trooping of the Colour – and does some lessons with her governess. But what of the school friends Anne has left behind, with whom she still exchanges letters? Did her
mother not realise that these friendships were important, particularly for an only child? Having Angela, who was two years older, come over to play at Knowle was not the same for Anne as spending
hours each day in class with other girls. I was sure that this rash decision of my grandmother’s to remove Anne from school had helped sow the seeds that made my mother feel so often that she
was a special case, that she was exempt from the boring duties of life, that she did not have to muck in.

On her return from that holiday with her American relations, she misses her older cousin.

May 18th. I
do
miss Peggie so much I think she was awfully nice to me considering I am seven years younger than she
is, she must consider me a mere babe, I adore her and I would do anything for her and all I have succeeded in doing is forgetting to bring her statues home, oh dear life is really too hard. My
silver pencil is lost, I hope we find it soon.

The American relations seemed to be always changing their plans:

May 22nd. I don’t know where Aunt Dita is or anything, Uncle Jay is supposed to be sailing on the 24th, heaven only knows if he is or not. Jerry killed a
large mouse this evening. Mum comes home tomorrow anyhow and I shall know everything then thank goodness. I think I shall go up early on Monday and have my hair permanently waved and buy a
hat.

May 24th. Mum has heard from Aunt Dita, she arrives at the Ritz tomorrow. I am having my hair permanently waved for the first time next Monday, I am thrilled about
it. We are going to the Trooping of the Colour Tuesday week Admiral Rushton has sent us 3 tickets for his room at the Admiralty, it ought to be rather fun, I went last year and sat in the Horse
Guards Balcony.

May 25th. We played Tennis most of the day and Billy came to lunch . . . This morning I was going to drive the car to take Aunt Kathleen to church but unfortunately
we met that damned Martinet Chownie in the stable yard and he wouldn’t let me go, he is a fool, and Clancy contradicted me when I said that people under age could get a driving licence by
passing a test, he is a fool too. Aunt Dita is not arriving in London now until Monday.

I noted the entry about Anne’s conflict with her stepfather. She does appear self-willed, and a bit spoilt, but does not actually get her own way.

May 26th.

I went up to London on the 9.50 today and was 10 minutes late for the Hairdresser’s appointment, I had a man called Mr John and a woman. First of all they
washed my hair and dried it, then they twisted it into long things and tied it with string, then they twisted it up in blue papers which smelt of ammonia, this process hurt most terribly, it was
agony and I felt like screaming with pain, after that they fixed the papers to a machine and steamed it for 5 or 6 minutes and then the papers and ******* were taken off and the hair washed again
dried and set, it was rather a hateful process really but well worth the trouble as the hair looks very nice.

Mum rang up to say would I like to spend the night at the flat and see Aunt Dita, but I said no as I shouldn’t see much of her, and she would be tired after the journey and my
dear Peggie wouldn’t be there anyway and I am glad to be away from Chownie too as I hate the blinking Martinet, I don’t think Peggie likes him at all either I am sure she thinks him a
perfect fool by the way she behaves, I don’t know if Aunt Dita likes him or not, I don’t think she does much, Uncle Jay is indifferent I think. I am going to back Lansdowne in the Derby
if it runs as I landed on that with a pin 3 times tonight.

May 27th. Mr Mears gave me the tip of ‘Knight of Lorn’for the Derby, I am going to back that, Lansdowne and Ballyferis all ‘To Win’. My
French Lady came today, I did not see her but Mr Mears says she is old but very nice, quite a different type to ‘Inkey’. I wrote to Noreen telling her to send me the books I want from
school. Mr Mears played Tennis with me and Miss H this afternoon.

Mr Mears, I gathered, was the Knowle butler then. I noticed that Anne’s ‘playmates’ were now Mr Mears and Miss Houghton, her governess, instead of her teenage contemporaries
who were still at Queen’s Gate School.

May 28th. Noreen rang me up tonight, Gwyneth has got measles, Zoe is coming down to her Grandmother’s two weekends after half term and lots of people are
asking when I am coming back. I wonder if Aunt Dita will come down here, I
do
hope she does. I rode again this morning. I think I have found the
Turtle Dove’s nest, it is in one of those two firs on the drive where the white gate used to be, we found a sweet little nest in the broomy field. I am sending five Doves to London, and I am
trying to mate Micky with Boy Blue. Miss H has calmly ordered the car to take her to the Station and to meet her in the evening, she has
no
business
to order
our
car to meet her whenever she wants, the bus is quite good enough for her. We saw a fox quite close this afternoon. I wish Peggie would
come down and stay with us here but I am afraid she won’t.

Anne here again seems spoilt and unpleasantly stuck up in her remark about Miss H and the car. I could not help thinking once more that she should have stayed at that school.

May 29th. Miss H left for London this morning and returned this evening + 13 shillings for doves. I sunbathed this morning and swam in the pool, the water was much
warmer than I thought it would be. I played Tennis with Mr Mears this afternoon and played disgracefully. Knight of Lorn is scratched from the Derby, so I shall back Ballyferis 2/- to
win.

May 30th. Mum came home last night, Glorious news!! Aunt Dita and Peggie are meeting us at 3 Bridges this morning if it is fine, we are going to see dogs and have a
picnic lunch and then go on to Leonard’s Lee, won’t it be just too glorious, I
do
hope it doesn’t rain, it has been nearly all day.
Aunt Dita may come on here afterwards but Peggie leaves for Ireland tonight, she didn’t go to Germany after all. I don’t know whether Uncle Jay is coming tomorrow or not, I hope not
though I do like him but men are always in the way, they are so stupid . . . Uncle Jay sails on Saturday but Aunt Dita is staying on to be near Peggie. I learnt the truth about her and Gordon
today, here it is:– Gordon is younger than her and Peggie herself is
not
in love with him but she is bored and all her friends are married so
she says if she doesn’t fall in love with somebody she will marry Gordon, of course it would be a great mistake to marry him it obviously wouldn’t be a success, so I am glad she has
gone to Ireland otherwise she might have gone straight back and married him. I think she’s being too silly, it would be madness to marry anyone she’s not in love with marriage is enough
of a gamble even if you are in love with the man I think, so I hope she gives up the idea. Aunt Kata
[Anne’s Peruvian godmother, mother of Meg]
has sent the most
lovely green silk shawl, she really is most awfully nice to me and is always giving me the most lovely presents.

In late June, Anne was deprived of her little dog. He had been missing all night after running off to chase rabbits in the Knowle woods.
Could not write before, too upset. Jerry is
dead he was found the next day but died after, I pray to God that he is free of all pain now and happy but I am miserable.
She was so unhappy that she had not written her diary for
eleven days. I felt very sorry for her when I read this. I had loved my own dog, given to me shortly after Raymond died. Jerry’s death just before Anne’s sixteenth birthday, and her
reaction, made me remorseful over my dismissive attitude to each of the deaths of her three basset hounds when she was old. When the first one died, a strange patch shaped like an ugly flower
appeared on my right breast, long before I had breast cancer, which my GP said was due to ‘stress’. I had guessed even then that it sprang from empathy with my mother. I had tried to
brush aside her anguish about the dog, but my body had stubbornly reflected it. Again, I was closer to her, in certain ways, than I wished to be. But this was not acknowledged by either of us.

On 1 July 1930, Anne celebrated her sixteenth birthday at Hope Cove with her mother, Nah, Gig and Angela. Her mother gave her a long evening dress. However, Anne was more interested in another
type of apparel:

two girls went on the cliffs dressed in long white trousers, everyone was shocked. When they saw everyone staring they ran for shelter to a hedge and once behind it
ran on till they reached the garden of ‘the Hope Cove Hotel’, we saw them bathing, the smaller one has a very nice figure and wears a silver cap in the sea, we watch for them every day
now. We could not make out who they were, we thought of Chorus Girls, Typists and Oxford Students . . . but have now decided that they are the proprietor’s daughters. We saw them go out with
two young men one night. When we moved their bathing wraps out of reach of the incoming tide the youngest did not even say ‘Thank you’ which I think was very rude.

I just long to have a beach suit now, like ‘The Trouser Girls’ were wearing, they looked awfully smart.