The Future Homemakers of America (41 page)

‘People said he was trouble. Some people said he was born bad. But he wasn't, Peg. When we were nippers he was no more trouble than any other lad. It wasn't him that was bad, it was his blood, and I could have had it too, only I got a better roll of the dice. If I could have him back for five minutes, I would. Tell him I'm sorry I taunted him like that, about being put away. It didn't come to it, of course, because the pneumonia got him. One of the doctors said to me, if he'd been in the hospital, like everybody said, he could have had exercises, stop his chest filling up. He might have lived longer. But he slipped away peaceful and he did it in his own bed, so I've no regrets there. I just wish I'd had more patience with him before he went.

‘I used to feel that sorry for myself, I used to think if I was dead he'd be somebody else's worry and they probably wouldn't have it for long because he wouldn't last five minutes without me. I did think of it. He had these pills, meant to keep him calmed down. I'd look at them sometimes. Wonder how many it'd take. Only I didn't have the gumption. But I could understand anybody who did. It's a funny thing about human nature. Nobody ever wonders why they've got a healthy brother or a perfect kiddie. Anything goes wrong, though, we soon start asking why, oh why …’

We were both quiet for a while, but I knew she was still awake.

She said, ‘What happened? When the fishing shop sacked him?’

I said, ‘He started acting weird. Dropped his pants a couple of times.’

‘Oh, God help us,’ I heard her whisper.

I said, ‘Kath, I only got this from Vern. I don't know for sure,’

‘God help us all,’ she said. ‘He promised me, Peg. John promised me he'd be careful.’

I said, ‘Kath, do you think it would be really out of line for me to call Sandie?’

‘Well,’ she said, ‘I was hoping you'd offer.’

103

Sandie was married to Gerry Carroll. I got their number from information while Kath was having coffee and donuts in the lobby.

I was nervous. I used to push that kid’ around in her stroller, but my heart was pounding like I was calling up the president himself.

‘Aunty Peggy!’ she said. ‘I didn't know you were coming to town.’ I could hear her little one prattling in the background.

I said, ‘Sandie, I'm gonna cut to the chase. I'm here with English Kath, and your mom's real busy with work and going on vacation and everything …

She said, ‘Vacation? First I heard. Where are you?’

I said, ‘We're in a hotel, Midtown.’

She said, ‘Well come up and see me. And Dad too. He could use some company.’

I said, ‘Ain't he working?’

She didn't answer right away. Then she said, ‘He had to quit, stay home with Kirk. Well, somebody had to, and Mom was earning a lot more than Dad.’

I said, ‘I didn't know.’

‘Okay,’ she said. ‘So will you come and see my little boy? You can get the Liberty bus on Madison and I'll pick you up when you get to the end of the line.’

I said, ‘I don't want to make trouble between you and your mom.’

‘Aunty Peggy,’ she said, ‘we can make our own trouble. Makes no difference whether we get outside help or not. And you can't come to New York and not see me. Heck, I just wish I'd known you were coming. I'd have loved for you to meet my Gerry, but he's working.’

Kath hardly spoke, all the way up through Harlem and the Bronx. ‘This is a big place,’ she said. ‘That just goes on and on. And they've got every colour under the sun living here. We've got a few Pakistanis in Lynn, now, but they've got flavours here I've never seen. Look at that! Men with ringlets. Smart black overcoats, and yet they've got ringlets.’ We were passing a yeshiva.

I said, ‘They're a type of Hebrew, I believe.’

‘Well,’ she said, ‘they must be stifled, whoever they are, wearing big coats and hats, this time of year.’

I said, ‘Have you worked out what you're gonna say to Sandie?’

‘No,’ she said. ‘But I shall do what I have to do.’

Patrick was a darling child, never stopped smiling, just like I remembered Sandie. He took Kath's hand and toddled right along with her to the apartment.

Kath said, ‘I reckon I've got a new pal.’

Sandie had a fan going inside, just stirring the heat. She brung out iced coffee and we sat on lawn chairs in their little patch of back yard, watched Patrick playing with his pull-along train.

I said, ‘We didn't know Kirk was so sick.’

She said, ‘Mom doesn't care to talk about it. I mean, she loves him so. He always was the blue-eyed boy. But now he's sick, she can't stand being around him. She hates anything to do with disease. You could have knocked me down when she took off and visited Betty. But Kirk … Some days she doesn't even go in to see him. She gets home late, Dad's already put him to bed, and she's gone before he's up in the morning. I don't think she's feeling too proud of herself. And you know what she's like. If she's not happy, it's the end of the world. She's all for herself. Doesn't occur to her how Dad's struggling.’

I said, ‘And what exactly is wrong with Kirk?’

‘Well,’ she said, ‘it's a kinda nervous thing. It's a kinda degeneration of the brain.’

Kath was playing with the baby, but she was listening.

Sandie said, ‘He's seen nerve doctors. He's seen shrinks. All they do is give him pills, keep him tranquillised. They can't tell us if it's catching. They can't tell us if it's inherited. And you know … we waited so long to get Patrick … Anything ever happened to him … We don't let Patrick too near him any more. It's a pity. He doesn't see his own kid, and now we can't even let him be an uncle. But we daren't. Not till we know … Dad's good with Kirk. Plays him nice music and gets the dog to sit by him. He loves the dog. And I take a turn when I can. When Gerry can look after Patrick, I go over. Give Dad a break. But Mom …’

Kath stood up.

‘Sandie,’ she said, ‘your Kirk, does he go like this?’ And she started moving around the yard. One leg jolted and juddered. As her foot touched the ground it jerked up again. Her hands writhed and her face twitched. She was like a hanged man, dancing on a rope. Little Patrick was laughing. But all the colour had drained away from Sandie's rosy cheeks ‘How did you know?’ she whispered. ‘How did you know a thing like that?’

Kath said, ‘I know because I've seen it. I know what's wrong with him. And I can tell you something else. Your little un's all right. He won't get it. He's different blood from Kirk, bless his heart.’

She sat down again.

I said, ‘Kath. I know what you're saying, but Sandie don't. You can't start a story and not finish it. Tell her about John Pharaoh.’

‘I'm going to,’ she said. ‘But I got other fish to fry first. I've got to see Lois, and Herb. I've got to see Kirk. That's the main thing. I shall have to go round there now, see him for myself.’

Sandie hadn't moved.

Kath said, ‘We shall have to do it, Peg. That's what we're here for. Get Herb on the phone. Tell him I've got to go round there, get a few things straight.’

I said, ‘I can't do it, Kath. I can't go behind Lois's back.’

Sandie said, ‘Will you just tell me what's going on? I'll take you to Dad. If you know anything about what's wrong with Kirk, Dad'll want to hear it. But I have to know before I take you.’

I couldn't look at her. She started yelling, made the baby cry. ‘Tell me, damn it!’ she said. ‘Mom and Dad aren't the only ones suffering. I do my share.’

I said, ‘Kirk's not Herb's child.’

She picked up Patrick. Tried to soothe him.

I said, ‘Kath had a brother, John. Your mom went with him, and then she had Kirk. And John had this twitching and jerking. It's inherited. It's called Huntington's chorea.’

She said, ‘Never heard of it. Kirk's seen plenty of doctors. I never heard of that.’

Kath said, ‘Well, they're only doctors. If they don't know what they're looking for they don't always see it. We knew with John Pharaoh, see? We'd seen it in our mam and our Uncle Dancer.’

Sandie said, ‘You know for sure she went with him? How do you know?’

Neither of us answered.

She said, ‘Can they fix it? If that's what he has?’

Kath said, ‘No. They can't.’

‘So you're asking me,’ she said, ‘to take you to Dad. Walk in out of the blue and tell him there's nothing can be done for Kirk and oh, by the way, he's not even your kid. Is that right?’

I said, ‘Kath, we can't do it.’

Sandie said, ‘Why are you hitting us with this now? You don't have to do this to him. Mom's the one. If you're right, she's caused all this. Anyone has to tell Dad, it should be her.’

Kath's face was set hard. ‘She's had twenty-eight years to do that,’ she said. ‘And she knows I'm here. She knows why I've come, and still she won't do it. Telling us she's going on holiday. I'm not leaving, Sandie, not till I've done it. I should have spoke up years ago and look what's happened because I didn't. Now there's another little baby out there. Lois showing her photos around. “Look at my little grandson.” That little boy could have it. Nobody ever says anything, he'll grow up then
he
could pass it on. That'll go on and on, causing misery, all because Lois won't own up. Well, it's half out of the bag now, so let's get it over and done with. I dread it. I'm sick to my stomach thinking of it. Your poor dad. But I tell you what, he's suffering already and he's got worse to come. At least he'll know. At least he won't go around dreaming Kirk's going to get better.’

Sandie said, ‘I wish you'd never come.’

Kath said, ‘I know that.’

Sandie said, ‘What's gonna happen, when Dad finds out? What's gonna happen if he walks out on Mom? She won't stay home with Kirk. Who does that leave? Me. I can see it. My own baby taking a back seat so I can nurse Mom's … bastard. I hate him. I always hated him. I hate her. She never does the right thing. Never.’

We just stood there. Little Patrick checking out our faces, trying to work out what was going on. Like we knew.

Eventually Kath said, ‘I'll go, Peg. You don't have to come. If you can put me in a taxi, set me right. I'll go. I should have done that anyway.’

‘Aunty Kath?’ Sandie said. ‘I'm sorry.’

Kath gave her a funny old smile.

‘So am I, sweetheart,’ she said. ‘Sorry I've dithered all this time. Sorry I didn't keep John Pharaoh on a shorter rope.’

Sandie said, ‘Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna call Mom. Give her one more chance. If she doesn't cancel her appointments, come home right away, I'm taking to you to Dad.’

104

Lois hung up on Sandie.

I said, ‘What does that mean?’

She said, ‘It means we're going to see Dad.’

Kath sat in the back of the station-wagon, next to the baby. I rode up front with Sandie.

She said, ‘It's only ten minutes.’

I said, ‘I haven't seen Herb since we left McConnell.’

She said, ‘You think he's
my
Dad?’

I said, ‘Sure I do.’ What did I know?

It was a nice building, nothing fancy.

Sandie said, ‘I'm going up, tell Dad you're here. I'll leave Patrick here with you. If there's gonna be a scene, I don't want him around.’

We sat in the parking lot. Had the doors open, try and get a breath of air. Kath was playing Incey Spider with the baby. Sandie was gone a while. Then I saw Herb.

He didn't have much hair left. Was wearing one of those knit T-shirts. He always did love the louder shades of green.

I climbed out of the car. Back of my shirt was stuck to me with sweat. ‘Peggy?’ he said. He darned near lifted me off my feet. Then he ducked inside the car, to give his little grandbaby a kiss.

Kath climbed out. She said, ‘You won't remember me.’

‘Oh, but I do,’ he said. ‘Fourth of July, 1952. You hit a home run first time you ever faced a ball.’

She said, ‘I'm here about your boy, Herb.’

‘Yeah,’ he said. ‘I guess you heard, he's not well?’

Kath said, ‘Can I come and see him?’

‘Kinda question is that?’ he said. ‘Come right up, get a cold beer.’

I said, ‘You want me to stay here? Mind the baby?’

But he was already unstrapping Patrick from his little car seat. ‘I do not,’ he said. ‘You're all to come right on in. I have to warn you, though, place is a mess. I wasn't expecting company.’

Sandie was rinsing off a few dishes when we walked in. Herb wasn't wrong about the mess. He hurried around, though, trying to find glasses and potato chips and a cookie for Patrick. There was no sign of Kirk.

‘Dad,’ Sandie said. ‘Quit flapping around. Sit down. Kath wants to talk to you.’

He looked so tired. He looked an old man compared to Vern. I spotted Lo's old Hawaiian hula doll on the shelf.

Kath said, ‘I had a brother, you know? John. Now, when he was twenty, he started up with the twitching. He didn't get it all the time. Only if he got worked up over something. After the big flood, though, he was never the same. The twitching got worse, and his mind started to go. He'd shout out bad words. He'd fall over. Everybody thought he was drunk, but he never took drink. Well, we knew what was wrong, because it was in the family. Our mam had had it the very same. Only time she didn't twitch was when she fell asleep. But later on it did stop, and then she seized up. She couldn't move about nor even talk properly. Then she couldn't swallow. And that's how she went. She choked. All we were giving her was porridge or mash, but her throat was all seized up, and the reason I'm telling you all this is I think your lad has the same thing …’

I heard a cry from somewhere in the apartment. Sounded like a baying creature.

‘… and the reason is, Lois used to drive out and see my John sometimes. It was one of them daft things. Looking for a bit of excitement I suppose. She was only young …’

An old spaniel came padding in, went straight to Herb.

Kath said, ‘I'm sorry, Herb. I think your boy has John Pharoah's blood.’

‘Okay,’ Herb said to the dog. ‘Tell him I'm coming.’ He looked at Kath. Then he reached over and patted her hand. He couldn't seem to say anything.

She said, ‘Can I see him?’

Herb said to the dog, ‘Tell him he has a visitor.’ And the mutt padded back where it'd come from.