The Four Swans (49 page)

`Everyone,’ Ross said, `seems a little less concerned than I do. Am I more tender-hearted for others or only tender-because of my own conscience?’

‘We are not untender,’ she said. `Not so. But maybe we are more-resigned. When a man is condemned to death we accept it, though it’s sad to do so. We know we cannot change it. You hoped to

change it so it’s more of a - a disappointment. You feel you have failed. We don’t feel that because we never hoped to succeed.’

Ross poured himself a stiff brandy. `I am less and less enamoured of my own part in the affair. It was ill done. And less and less happy at thinking I am fighting the French by commanding a troop of Volunteers. If the French come, well and fine, we may make some good use of ourselves. But if the French do not come we are more likely to be used to put down insurrection here!’

‘Are you in favour of insurrection, then?’

He made an impatient gesture. `How can I expect you to understand when I cannot clearly explain it to myself? My loyalties are hopelessly at cross-purposes one with another.’

‘Sometimes mine are too,’ said Demelza from the heart.

`And George becomes more impossible every time I meet him! A year or so ago I felt that our enmity was on the wane. Each year we got older and a little more tolerant, and it seemed to me that so long as we avoided each other, our indifference would gradually improve.’

`Isn’t that the trouble?’

`What?’

`Well, since you started knowing Lord de Dunstanville better it hasn’t been quite so easy to avoid each other.’

Ross finished his brandy and poured another-one. `It is possible I shall be seeing less of de Dunstanville in the future. That certainly would be my choice.’

`Can I have one?’

He looked up. `I’m sorry, my dear. I thought you preferred port.’ `Port is for parties,’ said Demelza. , `And when I’ve had one I badly want more. I don’t very much favour the taste of brandy, so it does no harm.’

He got her a glass and poured some for her. `It’s odd that by refusing Basset’s offer to fight Truro I have seen more of George and a very bumptious George - than I would otherwise ever have

done. Perhaps,’ he added satirically, `I should have become a Member of Parliament just to have seen less of him!’

Demelza made a face over the brandy. `Would not your loyalties have been even more at cross-purposes then?’

He looked at her, a little nettled that she had taken his sarcasm seriously. `You told me before that you, think I would, make a bad Member.’

`I didn’t say bad,’ she, said. `Uneasy.’

`Well, I am uneasy; now and have to live with it. You have to live with it too.’

`Do not tear yourself apart, Ross. You can’t remake the world.’ `You should say that to your brother, who thinks to redeem us all.’

She sipped again, thoughtful, herself on edge. `Yet he isn’t uneasy. It’s a difference in a person. He seem to have few doubts.’

`I wish he had not chosen to try to redeem George’s gamekeeper by wrestling with him. I’m committed to a hundred guineas on the result.’

‘Judas!; How did that happen?’ Ross told her.

`It’s not of course Tom Harry that Sam is trying to redeem,’ - said

Demelza.

`No, so I gather. Did you ever see Sam wrestle?’

`No, he was too young, when I left home. Eleven or twelve. But I hope now he win, if only to save our money!’

‘I hope he wins to spite George. And in any event Tom Harry is a loustering oaf.’ Sam seems to have no idea that he should make any sort of preparation for this event, so I have told him to take a few falls with me over the next days.’

`Ross ! You cannot!’

‘Why not?’

`When was the last time you wrestled?’

`You should know. When I threw your father through that window some while ago.’

`Some while ago! Thirteen years! It’s impossible, my love, you would injure yourself!’

Ross came as near as he could to a sneer. `You don’t think of injuries to Sam.’

`Well, he’s almost a boy! ‘ And he don’t matter so much to me. No, you must not. Promise me you will not!’

‘I cannot for I have promised him.’

Demelza went across and helped herself to a second tot of the drink she didn’t like. `Dear life, I don’t know what to do with you you’re always in trouble. Ross, don’t think I’m trying to coddle you, it is not that at all, you are fit and strong and have put on no weight, but have a thought, please, for the knowledge that you were about Sam’s age when you fought Father, and now are no longer so young.’

`I am about your father’s age when he fought me, and he was not easy to overcome. I am just the right sort of opposition for Sam.”

`I wish you would go and fight Tom Harry yourself!’ Demelza exclaimed in vexation. `Then you’d be happy, and I could nurse your broken-bones in a better cause!’

`Perhaps,’ said Ross, `we could have a father’s contest to follow between George and myself. That really would be worth a few broken bones.’

Demelza gulped her drink. `Well, look, now we have another small problem. Today Caroline called.

`Is that a problem? How is she?’

`Better. It was some stomach ailment. She stayed about an hour.’ Ross waited. He was aware now that something of importance to Demelza was afoot and that she had been wanting to speak of it ever

since he came home and that she was nervous about it. `So?’

‘Hugh Armitage is sick, and Lord Falmouth has written to Dwight asking him to make an examination. So he is going tomorrow and Caroline is going with him and they are dining there.’

`I’m sorry to hear it but how does it immediately affect us?’

`Well, Hugh enclosed a note to Caroline asking if she could persuade us - that is you and me - to accompany them. He says he has a special wish to see us both again if - if we’re not circumstanced with prior engagements - that’s how he put it. He says, can we not ride with the Enyses?’

‘I see.’

`Caroline and Dwight are leaving at ten tomorrow so that he can make his examination before dinner, and they should be back by six.’

A page of the Sherborne Mercury crackled as Ross turned it over.

`And what did you say?’

`I said I would ask you and leave her know.’

`What is wrong with Hugh? Is it his eyes?’

`Not that altogether. But he’s much troubled with headaches and a low fever.’

Ross stared at the close-printed newspaper. `I’m afraid we cannot go. I’ve meetings with Henshawe; and Bull is coming over. In any event I don’t want to go. My last meeting with George Falmouth was not of the easiest, and he expressly disobliged me by ignoring my request to put in a good word for Odgers.’

Demelza set down’ her glass and sucked one of her fingers. `Very well then. But I think I should send word to Caroline tonight. It would be more-polite’

`How have you left it?’

`I said. I would send a note if we were not going. Perhaps it doesn’t matter.’

Ross hesitated struggled with himself. `I suppose you could go.’

She looked at him and blinked. `How could I go without you? It would hardly be seemly.’

`There’d be nothing unseemly if you went with Dwight and Caroline. I suspect it is you that Armitage really wants to see again.’

Demelza shook her head. `I don’t know. I don’t know that I could go just with them.’

`Well, I see no reason, but it’s for you to decide.’

`No, Ross . really it’s for you to decide, not me. I don’t - I don’t know what to say.’

`Well,’ he made an. impatient gesture. `If I tell you to go it maybe incautious on my part. If I tell you not to go it will be unfeeling.’

`It need not be. I can well make some excuse. They would understand. But why would it be incautious of you to tell me to go?’

`I do not know how far your feelings have become involved.’

Demelza stared soberly out of the window. The summer sunburn had tinted her pale skin. `I don’t know myself, Ross, and that is ‘the honest truth. I only know…’

`Yes?’

`His feelings for me.’

‘And that matters?’

`It matters. How can it help but? … If he’s really ill, then it seems - perhaps there is reason to go. But I am your wife, Ross, to the - the last day. No other.’

After a moment Ross said : `There’s not really room for two men in a woman’s heart, is there?’ ‘Not in the way that counts.’ Demelza said : `Or room for two women in a man’s?’ `What makes you say that?’

`Isn’t it reasonable to ask?’

They were on the brink then of much more; but Jeremy’s arrival, flinging back the door and rushing into the room with some plan he had for Sawle Feast day, cut it off short. Nor was anything more said until they were, in bed that night, and by then the tension between them, while not disappearing, had eased.

Ross said : `You haven’t sent word to Caroline?’

`No. I didn’t know what to say.’

`I think you should go. Why ever not? If I cannot trust you now, when could I ever?’

Demelza winced: `Thank you, Ross. I shall be - be well chaperoned. Caroline is not of a mind to let me stray.’

`Be - not of a mind yourself. As you know, I think well of Hugh, and, can hardly dislike him for admiring you so long as that is all. No man wants his wife to be a woman that other men don’t desire.’

`No, Ross.’

`But every man wants his wife to be a woman that other men don’t get. Remember that, will you.’

`Yes, Ross.’

`I trust Dwight will be of aid to him. I shall hope for good news.’ `Jane can see for your dinner, I suppose,” Demelza said, still doubtful, though not altogether for the right reasons.

`She has before. Bull will share it with me, by the way.’ `There is that special pie I made. Don’t forget that.’

Silence fell. The evenings had drawn in and the luminous lights of June had left the sky.

`On that question that you put too me before, Jeremy exploded on us,’ he said suddenly.

`Which one?’

`Is there room for two women in a man’s heart? The answer is no - not in the exclusive way I meant it. I never told you … a year or so ago I was up at Sawle Church about Agatha’s stone and I met Elizabeth returning from the Odgers. I walked as far as Trenwith with her and we talked of things.’

`What things?’

`No matter. What we talked of doesn’t affect what I have to say now, It was the first time I’d seen her alone since - well, for years. I think at the end of the meeting we had come a little nearer accord than since - since she married George. She’s still a beautiful creature, a woman of a sweet nature, kind and honest and far too good for that fellow she has married. I say all this to you deliberately, for it is my view of her.’

`I’m pleased to hear it.’

`No, you are not; but no matter. What I want to say is I came away from that meeting with the renewed conviction that she no longer meant anything to me - that is, in the way you do. I loved her once - as you know too; well - and idealized her. 1 shall always think of her with admiration and affection. But … she won’t ever be central to me as you are preoccupying, all-important, indispensable, both as a person and a woman…’

He, was aware as he spoke that he had hesitated too long to say this and now had chosen the worst possible moment, when there was a half-animosity stirring between them. The circumstances of her affection for Hugh Armitage left him off balance, and his suppressed resentment had made him say, the true, the reassuring things in a stiff manner that made them sound pompous and without warmth. It seemed like the beginning of a repeat of. that Christmas Eve when, in trying to tell her much the same thing, he had touched off such a spring of perversity in her that she had turned all his reasonings upside down and inside out, every kindness into a condescension, every compliment into an insult, every proof a disproof and every assertion an assertion of its opposite. He had never known such gifted malevolence. Now he waited angrily for its return.

But instead she sighed and said in a muffled voice:- `Oh, Ross, it is a strange world.’

‘I’d not argue with that.’

`Words never say quite what we want them to say, do they?’

`Mine certainly never do. I’m glad you appreciate it’

`No, I didn’t mean that. Not you - not just what: you say – but all. Everyone. And even where there is love there is misunderstanding. Weary to speak to each other like through a glass, all of us.

But thank you,, Ross How can I answer what you’ve just said?’ `Can you not?’

`Not quite. I think to speak now wouldn’t help - it would - it might create more misdeeming than it cleared away.’ `On whose side?’

`Maybe on both .. My dear, I have no reply just at present. D’you mind?’

`Should I?’

‘I think I must lie quiet,’ she said. `I feel rather alone.’

He put his hand on her hair and felt it between his fingers. So the battle was not to be. His explanation of his own feelings was to be accepted without question. Even his meeting with Elizabeth. It was good that she took this attitude. But how good? And for what reason? He felt, perhaps illogically, no happier for her quiet reply. It seemed to him that it boded less well for their marriage than an outburst would. have done.

II

They were at Tregothnan at twelve, and were greeted at the door by Lieutenant Armitage looking, no different at all., He kissed Demelza’s hand and stared searchingly and lovingly into her face with eyes that seemed to have no shadow on them. He dismissed his recent illness lightly and said he was quite better and that it had all been a ruse on his part to entice them over to relieve the monotony of civilian life. Lord Falmouth did not appear, and while Dwight and Hugh went upstairs to his bedroom the girls were left to be entertained by Mrs Gower and her own three children, who showed them a walk down to the river and a view of the tall ships anchored in the pool.

At dinner Lord Falmouth-joined them,’ accompanied by Frances Gower’s husband, Captain the Hon. John Leveson Gower, who was the other member for Truro and who, because of the electoral upset of last year, had been the ,uneasy yoke fellow of George Warleggan since. Not that they had apparently seen much; of each other except in the House, and that little had been unfavourable. Anything else was hardly to be expected, though the policies of the two gentlemen had seldom been greatly at odds. No mention was made for a while about the medical inquiry which had been going on upstairs until Lord Falmouth said