The Forest Ranger's Husband (7 page)

“And?”

She squirmed. “And I told him no, I wouldn’t go.”

“So he left you?”

“Not exactly. I told him to leave, and he did.”

“Is that what you really wanted? For him to leave?”

She brushed a strand of hair away from her eyes, an excuse to absorb the tears beading in the corners of her eyes. Hopefully the dim theater hid her expression. “Of course not. He should have known that. I still can’t believe he left without saying goodbye. Without talking it over some more.”

“How could he have known if you didn’t tell him?”

She realized the part she’d played in Matt leaving, and it wasn’t pretty. Knowing she was partly to blame in their separation didn’t make his return any easier. She thought she’d sorted all of this out. Apparently not. Old feelings of longing came crashing down on her, leaving her feeling more bereft and lonely inside. It’d been so easy to blame Matt for the rift in their marriage. To excuse her own part in his leaving. But if she were honest, she had to admit she’d pushed him
away. She could have called or gone to see him, to say she didn’t really mean it. And if her marriage was the most important thing to her, she should have gone with him, knowing it meant so much to him. Instead, she’d waited for him to make the first move. Finally he had, and still she pushed him away.

“It’s not too late, you know?” Brett interrupted her thoughts.

“It’s been more than five years, Brett.”

“So? He’s here now, you’re here, you’re still married and you created a beautiful little boy together. Matt obviously wants to make things right again. He made the first move to make things right. So what’s stopping you from telling him you never wanted him to leave?”

Fear! Distrust! She wanted to scream.

What if Matt changed his mind and decided to leave again? She couldn’t take that hurt and rejection all over. It was too late for her and Matt. But Davie adored his father. If Matt left again, her son would be devastated no matter what she did.

So would she.

So what should she do? Sue would tell her to avoid Matt at all costs, but that would do Davie no good.

Andie thought of confiding in God, but she didn’t know how anymore. It’d been so long since she’d prayed or let God into her life. So long since she’d felt the Comforter near. She’d blamed both Matt and God for the loss of her marriage. She’d blamed them for every problem and sadness in her life. Her anger had caused her to lose her trust in the Lord and in humanity. It’d taken the birth of her son to bring her joy again, and even that event had been bittersweet, knowing Matt wasn’t there to share it with her.

“Are you telling me I should make a go of my marriage to Matt?” she asked.

“I’m not telling you anything. I’m just suggesting that you
might give Matt a second chance.” Brett reached across the seats and squeezed her hand.

“Did he talk to you?”

“No, but he looks at you like a lovesick puppy dog.”

Andie laughed. The lovestruck look Brett claimed to see written across Matt’s face could be nothing more than indigestion.

“You’re a romantic, Brett.” Dear, gentle Brett. A large man filled with a big heart.

He shrugged one shoulder. “Guilty as accused. But don’t tell Sue. She doesn’t think I have a romantic bone in my body.”

Sue appeared at the bottom of the theater, holding Davie’s hand as they climbed the stairs up to their seats.

With his wife near, Brett clamped his mouth closed on this subject. Andie didn’t blame him. The topic of Matt made Susan furious. Andie was the eldest, but she’d come to depend on her baby sister since Matt had left. Sue meant well.

“What candy did you choose, champ?” Brett rested a large hand on Davie’s shoulder as the boy squeezed past his knees to reach his seat beside Andie.

“Goobers.” Davie held the package up for Brett’s inspection.

“Give me that. I want it.” When Brett made a playful grab for the candy, Davie squealed and dashed toward his mother.

Andie laughed as they settled down to watch the movie, a children’s flick that would undoubtedly put Brett to sleep within ten minutes.

As the movie commenced, she couldn’t help thinking Matt would love to be here with them. Discovering he was a father had changed him so much. He seemed such a natural dad with Davie. She longed to help Matt find peace of mind over
what had happened on the wildfire, and yet that effort seemed like the blind leading the blind.

Until she could accept God back into her life again, she realized she wouldn’t be able to heal or forgive Matt. Or herself. There would be no peace in her heart.

O
n Saturday, Andie had to do some quick maneuvering on the bleachers so Matt wouldn’t sit beside her during Davie’s T-ball game. She climbed up high where it would be difficult for Matt to follow on his bad leg. To her horror, her son came racing over just before the game started and greeted Matt at the top of his lungs.

“Hi, Dad. You made it. Hey, Brian! This is my dad. I told you I had a dad. This is him.” Davie pointed at Matt and everyone in the bleachers turned to stare.

Brian nodded, not looking too impressed.

Andie’s face burned with embarrassment as everyone then turned to look at her. Friends and associates. People from work and church. She could see the questions in their eyes as they whispered together about this revelation. Had she divorced Matt? Or conceived her son out of wedlock?

Turning away, she fumed silently to herself. Let them wonder. She didn’t care what people thought. She owed them no explanation. This wasn’t Matt’s fault, but she wished he hadn’t come today.

And then she felt guilty. Matt sat on the bottom bleacher, his back straight, smiling at his son. He looked lonely down
there, yet he didn’t seem to mind. She should go down and sit with him. She should be more charitable.

“You don’t look happy about Davie’s announcement. You okay?” Sue scooted in beside Andie, with little Rose and a fat diaper bag in her arms. The baby wore a warm cap and coat against the chilly breeze, though the sky above showed nothing but blue.

“Yeah, I’m just dandy.” Andie stared at Matt’s broad back as he leaned his cane against his leg. His presence here today felt like a sharp sliver in her foot. A painful annoyance.

“I didn’t know you were divorced.” Brian Phelps’s mother, Claudia, turned around and leaned toward Andie. “I thought you were a widow.”

Andie met the woman’s stare with cool disdain. Claudia taught Sunday school at church and was also the wife of Ted Phelps, the forest engineer. “I’m not a widow.”

“Then you’re still married? I had no idea Matt Cutter was your husband.” Claudia’s nasal voice sounded loud enough for many people around them to hear.

It was on the edge of Andie’s tongue to deny it. But why? She’d married the right man at the right time in the right place. She’d done nothing wrong. “Yes, we’re married.”

A Cheshire cat grin spread across Claudia’s face. “How interesting.”

The woman turned back around and Andie felt a sinking feeling of dread. Ted worked in the S.O.’s office. Andie wondered how long it would take for the Forest Supervisor to find out she and Matt were married. How could she explain to her boss that she and Matt were married in name only and no longer lived together? Would it matter?

Matt tossed a worried glance her way, and she realized he’d also heard Claudia’s comments. No doubt he didn’t want trouble, either. If they were lucky, the issue wouldn’t come up again.

“The old biddy. She should mind her own business,” Sue whispered beneath her breath.

Andie squeezed her sister’s hand before reaching to take Rose into her arms. For several moments, she kissed and snuggled the baby. How she wished she could have more children. Having Sue here to offer quiet support brought Andie more comfort than she could say. Even Sue’s dislike of Matt was only because Sue loved and wanted to protect Andie. Andie felt lucky to have a sister like Sue.

They watched the game for some time, cheering when one of the boys on Davie’s team stole a base. Then they yelled their displeasure when the ref made a bad call.

And then Andie got the startle of her life. The best player on the other team hit a long ball, and Davie caught it in midair.

“Yer out!” the umpire called as he dragged his thumb toward the dugouts.

Andie cheered her head off. Happy pleasure suffused her entire body. Davie had gotten an out. He’d caught the ball. Because his daddy had been practicing with him for two weeks.

Matt stood on his wobbly leg, his face beaming a wide smile. He clapped his hands and turned to look at her. She couldn’t help returning his smile. For the first time since he’d become aware that he had a son, Andie shared something special with him. They were both Davie’s parents and buoyantly pleased with their little boy’s accomplishment.

Davie’s team won by two points. Following the game, Davie ran immediately to his father, throwing his little arms around Matt’s neck and hugging tight. “I did it, Dad. Did you see me?”

“I did, son. You were great.”

Andie couldn’t help feeling a bit snubbed. In the past, it
had always been her that Davie ran to. And yet, she couldn’t begrudge Matt this honor.

“Hey, Mom! Aunt Sue! Did you see me catch that ball?” Davie waved at them.

“Yes, we saw you. Well done.”

“I’m out of here. I’d rather not make chitchat with your rotten husband.” Sue spoke to Andie as she gathered Rose into her arms and stepped past on the bleachers.

“See you tomorrow.” Andie kissed her sister on the cheek, then went to join Davie and Matt.

“I did just like you told me and kept my eye on the ball,” Davie said to his father.

“I know. You tried very hard. And then you got a home run. You were great today.”

Oh, no. Andie inhaled sharply. All this time, she’d been worried about Davie falling in love with his daddy. But when she looked at Matt and saw the warm devotion glittering in his eyes, she realized she hadn’t contemplated Matt loving Davie. Yeah, most parents loved their kids. But for a long time, she had been the focus of Davie’s life. Now someone else in this world adored her son and would do anything for him. This seemed to bring Matt and Andie even closer. Their son was a bond they shared with no one else and could not deny.

“You want to come to church with us tomorrow?” Davie asked Matt.

“Davie, no. Your dad doesn’t go to church.” Her son seemed to have developed a habit of inviting Matt to anything and everything in their life.

“Actually, I’d like that.” Matt looked at her with deep honesty.

“You would?” How many shocks could she absorb?

“Yes, I would.”

How could she tell her husband that she felt unworthy of
God? She hadn’t really lost her faith in the Lord, but somehow over the past few years, she’d become apathetic. God hadn’t been there for her when Matt left and Davie was born, nor when she’d gotten her new promotion. As a busy career woman, she’d let life crowd out the Lord. It’d been so long since she’d prayed with earnestness. But she needed to teach Davie about God. There might come a day when her son needed Him in his life, and if she didn’t teach Davie, who would? People who didn’t believe in the Lord?

“But you never used to believe in God. Or at least you had no use for Him. I always had to go to church alone when we were…” She left that thought hanging.

“That’s changed,” Matt said.

Hmm. Andie had missed quite a bit of church. She definitely believed in God, but she figured she couldn’t harbor hate in her heart toward her husband and still have room for the Lord. She wasn’t sure she was ready to let it go.

“We’ll see you there, then. Come on, Davie. We need to get home.” She took the boy by the hand.

“But what about pizza? You promised we’d get pizza after the game.”

Andie almost groaned out loud. How she wished Davie had forgotten about that. Now he’d probably invite Matt along, and she didn’t want to appear rude when she told him no.

“You two have fun,” Matt said.

“You can come with us, can’t he, Mom?”

Yep, just as she’d predicted. She shifted her weight, trying to think of a polite way to say no.

“Sorry, hotshot, but I can’t.” Matt smiled down at Davie.

“Ah, how come?”

“I’ve got work to do. But maybe another time, okay?”

“Okay,” Davie grumbled.

Andie met Matt’s gaze, realizing he’d made this easier
on her. Worse than inviting him along for dinner, she now felt grateful to him. She shouldn’t feel grumpy about it, but she’d been on her own with Davie for so long. She admitted silently to herself that she felt threatened by Matt. She didn’t like competing for her son’s affection.

Oh, that was silly. Matt was Davie’s father. She shouldn’t begrudge the two of them spending time together and having a good time. She was being foolish.

Matt smiled and winked at her. “See you two later.”

Turning, he hobbled off, and a feeling of compassion almost overwhelmed Andie. Watching her previously strong husband now crippled and stumbling with a cane almost broke her heart. It made her want to call him back and ask him to eat pizza and laugh with them. But she didn’t want to. She didn’t want this man back in her life, attending Davie’s T-ball games. How could she remain angry at Matt while feeling grateful to him?

Without loving him?

She couldn’t. And that bothered her most of all. She refused to love any man. Ever again.

Matt locked his truck, then turned and faced the redbrick church house. The wide double doors beckoned to him, the sounds of two little girls’ laughter filling the air as they raced ahead of their mother. They each wore a dainty sweater that matched their blue dresses. The warm March weather had brought forth a plethora of tulips, daffodils and green sprouts in the flower beds lining the building.

“Children, it’s time to be reverent,” the mother called to them.

They stood holding the door wide while she carried a toddler and a bag of books inside.

Matt hesitated, feeling nervous and out of place. An odd emotion for him. No matter the situation, he’d always been
confident and in control. But not in church and not since the wildfire. Now the only thing he felt certain of was his desire to be a better husband and father and earn Andie’s love again.

In the mass of flame and smoke, he’d prayed for the first time in his life. Survival was a natural instinct. He’d lived and he couldn’t understand why he’d been pulled to safety while Jim had died. In his darkest hour of pain, Matt had promised the Lord he’d make everything right again, with Andie and with his faith. He just didn’t know how to go about it. He’d never believed in God, but a miracle had been worked on his behalf and now he found himself wanting to believe. Andie might not give him a second chance, but he had to try.

He didn’t know anyone at church. Maybe Andie and Davie were inside already. But that wouldn’t help. Andie obviously wanted as little to do with Matt as possible. Still, he had to try.

He limped down the sidewalk edging the green lawn, determined to go inside. Determined to be a better man. His promise to God wasn’t contingent upon feeling comfortable in a new congregation. He wasn’t here to win a popularity contest, but to be near his family and learn about the Lord. Then he could decide if he believed or not.

Matt lengthened his stride, glad the physical therapy and exercises were strengthening his legs. In the main foyer, he found himself surrounded by happy people greeting one another. Parents bustled their children into the chapel. Two women chatted together as they made last-minute arrangements for an upcoming activity. The air smelled of furniture polish, the gray carpets showing vacuum streaks from a recent cleaning.

Matt followed the soft sounds of organ music coming from the chapel. Inside, an elderly woman smiled and nodded at him, but didn’t speak as she sat down.

Matt’s gaze automatically scanned the pews, looking for
Andie and Davie, or another friendly face. There they were, his wife and son. Sitting toward the front with Sue and a man Matt assumed must be Brett. They sat with their backs to him, but Matt recognized the slim column of Andie’s graceful neck. She’d pulled her hair up in loose curls and wore a white dress with pink rosebuds edging the dainty collar. She looked so beautiful today.

Davie sat between Andie and Sue, playing with Sue’s baby daughter. The boy saw Matt and waved.

“Hi, Dad!”

Matt tightened his lips. His son certainly was not a quiet child. Several people turned to look at him and he shifted his weight on the cane, feeling uncomfortable with this new attention. Not because he was embarrassed to be Davie’s father, but because he knew his presence upset Andie.

She turned her head and looked at him from over her shoulder, her eyes filled with alarm. Susan glared for several seconds, then turned around and completely ignored him. Her husband leaned near, listening as she whispered something to him. From her severe expression, Matt could tell she spoke harsh words. The man glanced at Matt, frowned, then responded to Sue. She shook her head, her shoulders stiff. No doubt they were discussing him.

The black sheep returned to the flock.

What should Matt do? He couldn’t stand here all day. His leg pounded like a bass drum, and the service would begin soon. He needed to find a place to sit.

He longed to join his family, but the perturbed glint in Andie’s eyes warned him to stay away. It seemed like everyone in the chapel was staring at him with disapproval. His wife and sister-in-law hated him. This was a mistake.

He didn’t belong here.

As he turned to leave, Sue’s husband stood and walked down the aisle to greet him. Dressed in a dark suit with a
white shirt and tie, the man held out his hand, and Matt met his gaze with surprise.

“Hi, Matt. I’m Brett Osborn, Sue’s husband. I believe we’re brothers-in-law.”

Although Matt stood six feet and three inches, Brett towered over him with beefy arms and hands that spoke of great strength. Matt shook Brett’s hand, stunned by his warm greeting. “I guess so.”

“Won’t you come and sit with your family?” Brett stood back, holding an arm out to indicate he expected Matt to precede him up the aisle.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” Out of his peripheral vision, Matt saw Andie facing forward and wrestling with Davie to get him to do the same.

Brett lowered his head and whispered for Matt’s ears alone. “You’re not gonna let those two women scare you off, are you? Whether she admits it or not, Andie needs you as much as Davie does. Badly. Come on.”

Laughter filled Brett’s eyes, and Matt realized he had an ally. As he accompanied Brett up the aisle, Matt hoped he didn’t regret this later on.

Andie threw him a scowl and forced Sue and the children to scoot down to make room for him on the bench. Matt tried to slide into his seat, but he wasn’t limber enough and ended up bumping against Andie.