The Five Stages of Falling in Love (28 page)

Chapter Twenty-Eight

I didn’t have to wait long to see Ben again. He came over that evening after he got home from work just like he’d said he would.

I was a little more put together than the last night. I had a plan for dinner, there were no surprise homework projects and Emma had stayed long enough for me to get a shower. My hair was fixed, I had makeup on and my kids were mostly taken care of.

He knocked politely and Abby ran to let him in. I forced myself to wait in the kitchen for him. I wanted to talk to him, but I didn’t want to do it in front of the kids.

We had things to say that they didn’t need to hear.

Still, I had softened to him so much that I couldn’t help but smile at him when he appeared in front of me.

He walked straight up to the counter where I stood chopping vegetables and greeted me first. I smiled at him, noticing that he had shaved and his clothes were more put together today.

He smiled back and said, “Hey.”

“Hey. Want to stay for dinner again?”

He tilted his head to the side and tried to figure me out. Good luck, buddy.

“Am I invited?”

I looked back down at my chopped carrots, “I just invited you.”

“Well, then I guess it depends on what we’re having.”

“Chicken pot pie.”

“Sounds better than takeout.”

“Depends.
What kind of takeout?”

He frowned, “China Garden.”

I made a face. “I don’t know if it competes with China Garden. They have egg rolls.”

He set his elbows on the counter and stole a slice of carrot. “That’s true,” he conceded. “But you have math homework and chocolate milk.”

I leaned forward, closing some of the space between us. “Math homework does trump most other things.”

“
Mmm
,” he agreed. “I should come over here more often.”

“You probably should.”

“Ben, I need your help!” Blake shouted before Ben could fully absorb those words.

We both moved into survival mode as the dinner hour grew closer. The kids kept us busy and occupied throughout the meal. There wasn’t any opportunity for us to speak to each other, but I could feel his eyes on me the entire time.

Ben could feel or see the change in me, but he didn’t know what it meant yet.

He entertained the kids while I cleaned up the kitchen and by then it was time for them to head to bed. I pulled out the one purchase I’d made in town today by myself and set it on the kitchen counter.

He and the kids had started a mean game of hangman at the craft table, but when the wine appeared, Ben’s focus immediately shifted.

“What’s that?” he demanded. The flirting tone he’d been using all night disappeared. He didn’t want to tease me anymore.

The wine signified too much.

“I thought maybe you wanted to stay for a bit?
After I get the kids to bed?”

He pushed back from the small table and jumped to his feet. His long legs ate up the space between us in a few elongated strides. He picked up the bottle and read the label before setting it back on the counter.

“When did you get this?”

“Emma watched the kids for me today. I had something I needed to do.”

“What was that?”

I looked up into his dark eyes and held his gaze with a confidence I had never felt around him before. “I went to talk to Grady. I had a few things to tell him.”

“Like?”

I smiled, “Don’t you want to wait until after I get the kids down? We could have privacy. It might be easier.”

His hand reached out to grip my waist; his other steadied himself on the counter. “Don’t make me wait, Liz. I don’t want to wait.”

My heart thumped frantically in my chest and my skin tingled where he touched me. “I told him that I fell in love with you. I asked him for his forgiveness, but then I realized I didn’t need it. You were right, Ben. I can love two men. I can love Grady without holding back anything from you. And I can love you without betraying him. I don’t want to be neighbors anymore. I don’t even want to be friends. I just want to love you. For as long as you’ll let me.”

He lunged for me, crushing me to his chest and wrapping his arms around me. “I want that too,” he breathed against my neck.

The kids erupted with grotesque sounds, not pleased with our public display of affection at all. He pulled back to give them some peace, but kept his hands on my back, holding onto me.

“You want to do this?” his eyebrows raised and his expression grew serious again. “You’re willing to fight for this? It’s not going to be easy.”

“I know it’s not,” I told him. “But I love you, Ben. I can’t stay away from you anymore. I don’t want to. I wondered for a long time how I would fit you into my life, into our life. I know now that you
are
my life… as much as the kids and Grady. You brought me back to life. You gave us a future to look forward to again. I already lost one man that I loved. I cannot lose another.”

His palm cupped my jaw and his thumb brushed over my cheek bone. “I love you, Elizabeth Carlson. As difficult and aggravating as you may be, I love you more than I have loved anything or anyone. I am with you in this. I am with you forever.”

He leaned down and kissed me on the lips, slow and leisurely. The kids broke out with more disapproval and raucous laughter. I pulled away from him reluctantly to give them all the evil eye.

He pressed his forehead to my temple and whispered, “Let’s get these kids to bed. We have more making up to do.”

I made a needy sound I wasn’t proud of and that was maybe highly inappropriate in front of my children.

“Mommy, do we get to keep Ben now that you love him again?”

I looked down at Lucy and felt my heart fill up to the top with love and affection for all of the people in this room. I hadn’t been this filled with love in so very long. My grief and pain took a backseat to these beautiful feelings brimming at the top.

“Yes,
Luce
, we get to keep Ben. Ben might just keep us too.” He squeezed my side to assure me that he would. I looked over at Blake, noticing that he had stayed silent. “Blake, how are you doing, Buddy?
You up for this.”

His cheeks heated with embarrassment, but he lifted his chin and gave us a brave look. “You’re happy again, Mom. Ben can stay for as long as you want him to.”

Ben chuckled, “That is a good answer from a good man. I might be able to learn a thing or two from you, kid.”

Ben helped me take the kids upstairs and get them ready for bed. He stayed the night with me, in my bed. It took some mental adjusting, but… I didn’t vomit.

And we didn’t have sex.

He held me through the night and I adapted to a body beside me.
A body that wasn’t Grady’s.
I knew this would take time. I was okay with that. And Ben was okay with that.

It would be another year before he asked me to marry him. He would wait until the kids were asleep and then one warm fall night, he would lead me to my backyard where the Adirondack chairs still sat, and he would kneel before me and ask me to be his wife.

I would be ready by then. I would still cry and later that night I would cry again and say goodbye to Grady again, but I would also say yes to Ben.

By then he would know my parents and my in-laws and my sister so well that they would be his family too. And I would know his parents and my kids would know his parents and learn to call them Grandma and Grandpa.

Actually, they would call Sharon and Mark their grandparents long before they called Ben dad.

We would get married in my backyard in a small wedding with only our closest friends and family. I would move Grady’s ring to a necklace that I never took off and Ben would place his diamond on my ring finger as my husband.

I would trade my married name for Ben’s name and I would be proud to be Mrs. Tyler, even though my kids all kept Carlson.

We would put Ben’s house for sale soon after that because he had always planned to move in with us.

Like he said, my house had always felt like a home to him. His house was just a house.

We decided to keep his bed though.

It was important that we didn’t keep everything exactly the way it was in my house.

Ben would be the father that watched my kids grow up and the husband that would grow old with me. He would help me drop my children off at college and walk my daughters down the aisle when they got married. He would be the one that held my grandchildren and watched as my already big family expanded. He would be my second chance at love and happiness and a sequel to my happily ever after.

But most importantly, he would always be the man that gave me life after death.

The man that helped me through the five stages of grief.

I would always love Grady.

But I would always love Ben too.

Sometimes love didn’t make sense. And that was okay. It was far better to know love and accept love than try to understand it.

I truly hope you enjoyed Liz and Ben’s love story. Look for me on Facebook so we can recover together! The Five Stages of Falling in Love was my debut adult novel. While I have many young adult and new adult books already available, look for my next adult contemporary, Every Wrong Reason, September, 2015.

Acknowledgments

To God, always the first portion.

And then to Zach.
Thank you for enduring my endless tears and for teasing me constantly. You are it for me.
In every way.
I love you more than life.
More than anything.
You have made this life beautiful for me and for our kids. Without you, I would be a fraction of the person I am. Thank you for always supporting me, for always loving me and for always putting up with me.

Mom, thanks for loving even this one. The five stages suck. I’m blessed to know such a strong, faithful woman. You’re my hero.

To Carolyn, thank you for all of your hard work and sharp eye.
Thank you for homophones and sentence fragments and for always being right.

To
Caedus
Design Co., thank you for the incredible cover! I am in awe of your talent. Cannot wait until you make me another one!

To Candice, thank you for reading this book as I wrote it. You put up with missing words and entire paragraphs that didn’t make sense. But you fell in the love with the characters anyway. Thank you for your amazing friendship and for always wanting to read what I write.

To Sam, Shelly, Lila and Diana, thank you for reading about Liz and Ben before anyone else and for putting up with my panic and obnoxious questions. You girls are the best friends and I am so blessed to have you in my life. Thank you for encouraging me and pushing me to get over myself.

To my Hellcats, Samantha Young, Shelly Crane, Lila Felix, Amy
Bartol
, Georgia Cates, Angeline
Kace
and Quinn Loftis, thank you for your constant support and friendship. Thank you for being my safe place and the place I want to hang out at the most. Thank you for getting me. You are my tribe and I love you all to pieces.

To Rachel Marks of Mark My Words Book Publicity, thank you for your general awesomeness. You are incredible. My inbox and my To Do List love you dearly.

To my Rebel Panel.
Girls.
You have become a community of friends that I am so blessed to know. Thank you so much for your support, opinions and encouragement. I can count on you for so much and that means everything to me.
Especially to Lenore,
Caylie
, Jocelyn, Amy and April for all of your extra work and insightful eyes.
You made all the difference. Thank you so much.

To the Reckless Rebels, you girls are one kickass street team! Thank you so much for all of your hard work and endless hours of support. You make this fun and I love each and every one of you.

And lastly, to the readers.
Thank you so much for reading and surviving this one. I know that it’s so different from what I usually do, but I am so thankful you took a chance and tried something different from me! I am so grateful for each and every download. Thank you for taking the time to spend a few hours in Liz and Ben’s world.
 
 

About the Author

Rachel Higginson was born and raised in Nebraska, but spent her college years traveling the world. She fell in love with Eastern Europe, Paris, Indian Food and the beautiful beaches of Sri Lanka, but came back home to marry her high school sweetheart. Now she spends her days raising their growing family. She is obsessed with bad reality TV and any and all Young Adult Fiction.

Look for more from Rachel in 2015.

Other books by Rachel to be released early 2015 are The Heart, the third and final installment of The Siren Series, Bet on Me, an NA contemporary romance and Every Wrong Reason, an adult contemporary romance.

Other Books
Out
Now by Rachel Higginson:

Love and Decay, Season One

Love and Decay, Volume One (Episodes One-Six, Season One)

Love and Decay, Volume Two (Episodes Seven-Twelve, Season One)

Love and Decay, Season Two

Love and Decay, Volume Three (Episodes One-Four, Season Two)

Love and Decay, Volume Four (Episodes Five-Eight, Season Two)

Love and Decay, Volume Five (Episodes Nine-Twelve, Season Two)

Love and Decay, Volume Six (Episodes One-Four, Season Three)

Reckless Magic (The Star-Crossed Series, Book 1)

Hopeless Magic (The Star-Crossed Series, Book 2)

Fearless Magic (The Star-Crossed Series, Book 3)

Endless Magic (The Star-Crossed Series, Book 4)

The Reluctant King (The Star-Crossed Series, Book 5)

The Relentless Warrior (The Star-Crossed Series, Book 6)

Breathless Magic (The Star-Crossed Series, Book 6.5)

The Redeemable Prince (The Star-Crossed Series, Book 7)

Heir of Skies (The
Starbright
Series, Book 1)

Heir of Darkness (The
Starbright
Series, Book 2)

Heir of Secrets (The
Starbright
Series, Book 3)

The Rush (The Siren Series, Book 1)

The
Fall
(The Siren Series, Book 2)

The Heart (The Siren Series, Book 3) coming February, 2015

Bet on Us (An NA Contemporary Romance)

Bet on Me (An NA Contemporary Romance) coming April, 2015

Every Wrong Reason coming September, 2015

Connect with Rachel on her blog at:

www.rachelhigginson.com

Or on Twitter:

@
mywritesdntbite

Or on her Facebook page:

Rachel Higginson

Keep reading for an excerpt from Rachel’s New Adult Contemporary, Bet on
Us
and

Impulsion by Jamie Magee.