The First Last Boy (23 page)

“They never would have pinned it on him.”

“And you know this because of your days on the street, right? Good old, Ryan. Keeping everyone at arm’s length. You should have told me. How am I supposed to ever trust you again?”

I’d known the break between us had to happen but I hadn’t expected to feel like I was being ripped in two. “What do you want me to say, Tana?”

“You knew about it.” She said it like she was in shock, then captured a strand of hair and put it behind her ear. Her T-shirt raised a little and I could see the mark where my lips had been on her abdomen. “You have so many secrets, Ryan. I don’t think I can handle knowing that you kept information about my mom’s shooting from me.” I let her work though it in her mind for a few minutes, then she demanded, “I need some answers about everything from what happened with my mom to why you’re fighting for money.”

I debated for half a second then decided to at least give her this so that maybe someday she would realize that it wasn’t that I hadn’t cared. I didn’t ever want her to think she wasn’t enough. “It’s for your college tuition.”

“I don’t want it.”

I took another step closer. “I won’t let you give up on your dream.”

“I don’t want money you earned because you spilled someone else’s blood.”

“It’s not like that.” A customer pulled into the parking lot. I glanced at the truck and said, “We’ll finish talking about this tonight.” Tonight, I would tell her we were done, that I couldn’t even be her friend anymore. I would make it swift and I would make it brutal so that she never came around again.

“No. By not telling me what you knew about mom, you lied by omission and I can’t stand to even look at you. Your things will be on the porch when you pick up your car. Don’t bother to knock on the door and don’t call me.” She wouldn’t look at me as she climbed into the car and backed from the parking lot.

From behind me, Abraham said. “Ryan, can you file that paperwork on my desk? I’ll take care of this customer.”

My heart exploding, I went into the office and sat in his chair. There was no paperwork. That was simply a phrase Abraham used in front of a customer when he wanted to talk to me.

A few minutes later, he walked in, shut the door behind him and said, “I heard the conversation with her. Start from the beginning and tell me the whole story.”

I didn’t leave anything out and by the time I was through, Abraham was pacing the small space. He’d listened wordlessly until I was through.

“You think Chanos is going to keep his word to leave everyone alone?”

“As long as I’m in, he will because he knows I’ll be close enough to end him if he touches anyone.”

He stroked his goatee. “But it won’t hurt to be extra careful. Get them all out of your life. If you survive the jumping in, you’ve got to cut all your ties. Chanos might not be a threat to your loved ones after you’re back in but that’s not saying a rival gang won’t be.”

“I already thought about that.” The life I’d built after walking away from the gang was done. The hard sonofabitch I’d been on the streets was back.

When I walked to the door, ready to get the dismantling of my life over with, Abraham’s voice sounded as if it came from far away. “Hang on a second. There is something else you can do. My cousin owns a garage not far from the college where Tana’s planning on attending. He’s getting old and has been after me for years to buy him out. I can do that and let you work it until you can save up enough to buy me out.” He studied me. “You’d probably need to take some business management classes, but that’s an option for you.”

Before Chanos, I would have jumped at the chance. “Chanos is a vindictive bastard. He’d only follow me and having him that close to Tana is something I can’t risk.”

“I understand, but if anything changes, the offer stands.”

I nodded knowing that nothing would change.

Chapter Twenty-Four

TANA

A few minutes before seven, a car pulled into the driveway. I’d braced myself since leaving the garage, waiting for Ryan to knock on the door and explain why he’d done what he had. Waiting for my phone to ring. Both were silent. Then I heard the Charger fire up. The engine was strong and loud. I peeked out and saw that it was Ryan. He backed the car up, then the growls it emitted grew softer and softer until I couldn’t hear them.

Mark had seen me put Ryan’s things on the porch and had screamed at me, then cried. Now he was in his room refusing to eat and not speaking to me.

“Give Mark time,” Shelby said. She and Brooklyn had both arrived when I’d called, crying, nearly hysterical, and barely able to talk. We’d binge-watched Vampire Diaries followed by old episodes of Gossip Girl and now with the television off, the silence was too heavy.

Finally, Brooklyn said, “So that’s it?”

“My mom was shot because of Ryan.”

“Your mom was shot because someone’s an asshole,” Shelby spoke up in a sharp tone, uncharacteristic of the way she usually spoke. “I’m not trying to be a bitch here and I’d be hurt and all kinds of mad if he’d kept it from me, but he didn’t cause it to happen.”

“I feel so guilty for saying anything.” Brooklyn slouched back on the sofa. “Gabe told me that Ryan’s got ties to some bad shit and that flared up. That’s why her mom was shot.”

“Did Ryan stir it up?” Shelby demanded.

“When I was at the garage and Chanos came by before my mom was shot, he said something about Ryan’s brothers and drugs.”

“Well that figures. I’ll bet it was Clarke and Roman. How can you hold Ryan responsible for something those idiots did?” Shelby said.

“Because he could have told me the truth about it when it happened and he didn’t. He could have steered the police in the right direction and then the person who did it would have to pay and wouldn’t still be walking around free,” I said.

Shelby sighed. “I can’t figure out shit in my own head much less Ryan’s, so I don’t know why he didn’t tell you the truth. As for the person paying for it, you don’t know that. People get away with stuff all the time. But you and Ryan have been friends for so long that maybe you should just ask him why he didn’t tell you.”

“She’s right. Maybe he has a good reason,” Brooklyn said.

“There’s no good reason for what happened or for him not telling me.” I left the two of them sitting in the living room and went to check on Mark. Maybe I could entice him to eat something if I bribed him with what he really liked. I knocked and opened his door. He was stretched out on his bed, his chin jutting out. “Go away.”

The bedroom window was open, the curtain blowing inward gently from the breeze.

His backpack rested against his bed and overflowed with his favorite toys and books. “Going somewhere?”

“I’m running away.”

“I see. Okay. I’ll pack my backpack and come with you.”

He twisted his head around to look and scowled up at me. “You’re not invited.”

“You can’t run away alone. It’s a rule.”

“I never heard that.”

“It’s true.” I nodded. “It’s in the health book you get in high school.”

He crossed his arms. “It doesn’t matter. I won’t be alone.”

“Are you taking one of your friends with you?”

He nodded. “Ryan.”

The sound of the Charger revved in the driveway. Then the horn blew. Mark grabbed his backpack and marched toward the window. I raced from his room and was outside at the driver’s side of the car before Mark could finish climbing out of the house.

Ryan lowered the window.

My heart lurched when his eyes met mine. “What the hell do you think you’re doing, Ryan?”

“He called me and said he was running away. I talked him into waiting for me.”

“He’s not leaving with you.”

“Could you stop the pissing contest for one second and think? If he doesn’t feel like he accomplished running away, he’ll try again and next time he might succeed. Without someone to watch over him.”

Mark reached the side of the Charger and opened the passenger door. He put his bag in, then followed it, fastening his seatbelt and staring through the windshield.

I nodded and leaned in. “I love you, Creature.”

Mark jutted out his chin and wouldn’t answer.

Ryan rolled the window up and backed from the driveway. I watched as the two guys I loved most in the world drove away.

*

RYAN

“Why didn’t you answer Tana when she said she loved you?”

Mark gave me a sideways glance. “Because I’m mad at her.”

“A man never misses a chance to tell his family he loves them even if he’s mad at them.”

“Oh. Is that in the health book, too?”

“What?” I shook my head, wondering what the hell he was talking about. “Why are you mad at her?”

“Because she kicked you out.”

“That’s not Tana’s fault. I had to leave. We needed to make room for your Mom to come back.”

“You could stay until she came home.”

“Tell you what. Why don’t we go see your mom right now and you can talk to her about all this.”

“Cool.” Mark bounced in the seat.

When we arrived at the hospital, Mama Leena was standing beside the hospital bed. Tana’s mom was awake and talking but still tired and a little groggy. The second she saw me, Mama Leena motioned me from the room.

“Stay in the room with your mom,” I told Mark.

Mama Leena led the way to the waiting room. She searched my face. “Abraham called. He told me what’s going on in your life.”

“Yeah.”

“I love you, Ryan. I love you as much as if I’d given birth to you and you will always be my son. Don’t do what you’re about to do. Please. For me.”

“It’s already done.”

She put a pleading hand on my arm. “You know my rules. You can’t stay in my house and be part of that world. It’s dangerous for you. I will not watch you self-destruct.”

“I already know that.”

Tears welled up in her eyes as she searched my face. “Where are you going to stay?”

Like Abraham had said, I knew what I had to do. Push the people that I cared about away from me to keep them safe. I put a sneer on my lips. “Hell, if you’re kicking me out, what the fuck does it matter where I stay? I’ll get Juvante to pack up my stuff.”

I expected her to stiffen up and get mad but instead, she asked softly, “Why’d you give Ms. Shaw your mother’s necklace?”

“It doesn’t mean anything to me.”

Mama Leena’s eyes saw past the smokescreen. “I don’t believe you.”

I shrugged. “You’re good at believing in lost causes so that doesn’t surprise me.”

“Does she know you were the one who gave it to her?”

“No.”

The tears slipped down her face. “Okay, Ryan. If you change your mind about the direction that you’re heading in, come home.”

I forced a laugh, hating myself for what I had to do “I’ve never had a fucking home. I’m not your son and you sure as hell aren’t my mother.”

Her face paled and her lips trembled before she tightened them. “Okay, Ryan.”

I had to work to keep from hitting my knees at the ripped apart expression on her face. I had to fight to keep from telling her that I was sorry and hadn’t meant what I’d said.

“Goodbye, son.”

She left me standing in the waiting room. One down. I blinked a few times and then went back to Mark. Pulling a few dollars from my wallet, I handed them to him and told him to get a drink and a snack. He took the money and ran off toward the vending machines.

“Ryan,” Ms. Shaw smiled weakly at me. “Mark told me you’ve been helping.”

I pulled the chair up close to her bed. “I have to tell you something before he returns. Tana spent her college money to pay the hospital. I’m getting it back for her but she won’t take it from me so I’m going to pay it directly to the college for her tuition. That’ll cover her first year. If you’re well enough by then, I need you to make sure she goes in September like she planned. I’ll make sure there’s enough to pay her second year, too.”

“Oh, Ryan.”

She was looking at me like I was a savior. “It was my fault you were shot. Someone from my past was sending a message to me. Don’t worry. I’m going to stay away from all of you and I’ll make sure it never happens again.”

Mark came back into the room with a soda and a pack of candy before Ms. Shaw could respond to that. He offered me some and when I shook my head, he said, “Mom says I’m not allowed to run away until I’m an adult.”

“I’m afraid that’s true,” I said.

“That sucks.”

“Your mom needs to rest, so tell her goodnight and I’ll take you home.”

Mark climbed up on the bed and kissed his mom on the cheek, then scrambled down.

Ms. Shaw looked at me a little less friendly now but I’d expected that. “Thank you, Ryan.”

“See ya.”

Mark’s step was lighter as he walked along beside me. “Mom said when she comes home we’ll make a tent in the living room and camp out.”

“That’ll be fun,” I said.

“Can you come too?”

“My life is going to be crazy, so probably not. But tell you what, you can call me or text me any time you want to.”

“Yeah. Cause we’re buddies,” Mark said as he hopped back into the Charger.

He chatted all the way back to his house about all the fun things he was going to do once his mom came home and how he was going to keep his room clean before she even asked.

I pulled into the driveway and Mark wrested his bag up. “Are you coming in?”

“No, I need to go.”

Tana was waiting on the porch. She hurried to the Charger and opened the passenger door.

“Mom says I can’t run away until I’m adult,” Mark announced. He rooted through his pack and offered me a Spiderman figurine. “It’s my favorite.”

“It’s nice.” I tried to hand it back to him, but he wouldn’t take it.

“You can play with it,” he said.

Tana ruffled his hair. “Go inside and eat. Brooklyn fixed hamburgers.”

She slid into the spot on the front seat that Mark had vacated before I could stop her. “I’ve gone over and over it in my head what happened with my Mom. I’m really upset that you didn’t tell me but—”

“Tana?”

“What?”

Needing to make her hate me, I said, “I’m done with this fucking soap opera. Get out of my car.”