The Fireman's Secret (12 page)

The dim, pink line of sun on the horizon would disappear completely within the next fifteen minutes, but the glow from Goose Harbor provided enough light for them to navigate the beach. He steered her away from the patches of dune grass that grew next to the boardwalk and led her close to the waterline.

“I forgot how big of a temperature drop there is near the water when sun goes down. Do you want my coat?” He shrugged out of the fleece jacket he’d pulled on before they’d left.

Shelby shook her head. “No, thanks. I already have one of your coats hostage back at my place. If I take another, you’ll quickly find you have none left.”

“Are you sure?” He held it out to her. “I wouldn’t mind.”

“Positive. I have on two layers already and long sleeves. I’m fine. I just wasn’t expecting the sand to be so cold already after how warm it was out today.”

Long sleeves again, which worked well for their unplanned stroll, but she had to have been pretty warm while they had been setting up for the pancake breakfast. In fact, he’d noticed since returning to Goose Harbor she always wore long pants and long sleeves. That was her right, but the unexpected warm start to summer made him wonder if Shelby had a reason for wearing what she did.

“I’ve noticed...” Maybe it wasn’t for him to know.

“Yes?”

Joel cleared his throat. “You wear long sleeves all the time. I wondered why.”

Shelby stopped walking and faced the lake’s still water. She crossed her arms and rubbed her hands up and down her arms as if she was cold. The set of her shoulders told him she was upset. She tilted her head so she could look up at the stars. Was she trying to keep from crying?

He fought the urge to put his arms around her. Instead, he stepped so he was beside her and looked out at the lake. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, it’s okay. I just...” She palmed her cheek.

Seeing her cry hurt ten times worse than getting clocked in the jaw would have. He never again wanted to be the cause of her tears. “Forget my big mouth. You don’t have to say anything.”

She sucked in a shuttered breath. “I should tell you. It’ll come out eventually. Foolishly, I just hoped it wouldn’t be so soon.”

Stop her tears, dumb man
. He needed to help her by filling in the words so she wouldn’t have to.

“Is it a modesty thing? If so, I think that’s great. Too many women parade around with far too much skin showing.” He was rambling, which wasn’t like him, but he wanted to take away her pain. “Know what? I used to know someone who was allergic to sunlight. He had to wear a hat at all times to shade his face. Is it something medical like that?”

“A mix of both.” She shrugged and started walking again.

Joel fast-stepped to keep up with her pace. He decided to keep his mouth closed.

She stopped again and faced him. “We never talk about you.”

That escalated fast. “We talk about me all the time.”

“Not really.”

“What do you want to know?” Please ask about the fire department. Or Dante. Or motorcycles. Anything but—

“Tell me about your past.”

Buy time.

He swallowed hard as he turned and explored the beach for a stone. A pebble would have to do. Joel scooped it up and launched it into the lake. “Probably because there isn’t much to tell.”

“You know what?” She moved a couple of steps away and then studied him. “This is what Caleb was talking about. He’s right that we don’t know much about the person you are now.”

“What am I supposed to say?” He balled his hands. “Everything that’s happened to me isn’t worth repeating.”

“Trust me,” she whispered. “How come you won’t trust me?”

“Shelby, believe me when I say I’ve known you less than a month and I already trust you more than any other person in my life.”

“Then fill me in. I can only get as close to you as you’ll let me.”

Precisely the problem. Did he want a close relationship like she did? Sure, he enjoyed spending time with her, liked hearing her talk about her life and she made him smile like he hadn’t in a long time. But were those things worth the pain that more than likely would accompany the moment she decided she was done with him? It had never been worth it with any of his foster families. Not one.

Shelby looked like she was going to start crying again, and he’d just promised himself he wouldn’t be the cause of her tears anymore. He needed to say something.

He cleared his throat. It still felt as dry as the brush that started wildfires. Why was this so difficult? “I...I don’t want you to look at me differently.”

“I won’t.”

“
You will.
Everyone does.” Once people heard about sad little Joel Palermo, they all got the same look: that cartoon-eyes-welling-up-with-tears face, their expressions a clear mix of wondering if they should hug him or step away slowly.

“Maybe we should go back.”

He caught her arm. “Stay. Please.” Joel’s eyes searched hers.

She licked her lips. “Give me a reason to stay.”

Joel automatically leaned closer. The lights from town made Shelby’s pale skin almost glow in the darkness. She was such an amazing woman, and he wanted her to know how much he cherished spending time with her, but he’d never been good with words.

Testing the waters, he let go of her arm and brought his hand to cradle the back of her head. His thumb lightly brushed the soft skin where her neck and jaw met. Shelby tilted her head up, and their noses grazed. Their lips met, softly and for only a few seconds, but that’s all it took to feel as if someone had lit off a firework in Joel’s stomach.

He broke contact with her. What was he doing? She’d just asked for something personal from him. A shared kiss might appease her tonight, but later on when she thought back over the evening, it would appear to be a distraction to throw her off of her original desire—knowing his heart.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” Joel paced away, wondering if her heart was pounding as hard as his.

“You...you didn’t like that?” Shelby tugged at her sleeves.

Joel rushed back to her and clasped both her hands. “I liked it. More than I can say. But you asked me to talk about myself, and I don’t want you to think I kissed you to avoid that. What do you want to know about my past?” As long as she didn’t ask why he left town.

“Whatever you want to share.”

“I’m going to be honest with you. Because I never had a home or a family, I have a really hard time talking about personal stuff—the deeper stuff. I just...I don’t know, it probably sounds stupid, but I always feel like people are going to leave me soon anyway, so way waste time and emotions digging up my past.”

“Do you think I’m going to leave?”

“Nothing’s ever certain.”

She squeezed his hands and smiled up at him. “Some things are.”

He turned her back in the direction of the firehouse. “Name them. But I’m taking Jesus off the table right now because I know He’s the only certain thing in this life. We’re talking earthly things.”

“That’s hard for me to answer, too,” she said softly. “My parents divorced, so I can’t say marriage is a sure thing, but I still believe in love that can last a lifetime because I’ve seen it. Here in town there is Ida Ashby. She’s still devoted to her husband and he’s been dead for years. Then I have Caleb and Paige.”

“They’re not even married yet, so we don’t know what might happen.”

“Oh, I do. Caleb and Paige are both committed to each other for life. There’s no question about that.”

“You’re right. Some people do find friends who will stick by them no matter what. But I never have, and I probably don’t deserve that anyway.”

“Everyone deserves to be loved and cherished as is.”

“Everyone? Do you really think that?”

“Everyone.”

“So now I’m making you the doctor. Give me my diagnosis. How do we cure my inclination toward not trusting people or telling them about myself?”

“Each day you see me you have to tell me one personal thing about yourself.”

“Only one?”

“That’s all I’m asking for.”

“One a day could take a really long time.”

She bumped her shoulder against his. “I’m kind of hoping it does.”

“Can I do my first one now?”

“I’m taking you telling me you don’t like to open up as your one for the day, but you’re always allowed to tell me as many as you want.”

“Here goes. I like you Shelby Beck. I like you a lot.”

* * *

Shelby’s mind swirled as she tried to make sense of Joel’s words and behavior. He was treating her like a girlfriend—and she was treating him like she wanted to start a relationship with him. And he’d kissed her. It hadn’t been like any kiss she’d ever had. Joel’s touch had made the rest of the world melt away. She had never experienced a moment like that. Ever.

Oh, no. What had she done?

She could never have a romantic relationship with Joel. His questioning her about her long sleeves only minutes ago confirmed it. It was only a matter of time before he found out about her scars.

And what had made her make him promise to tell her something deep about himself every day? Then tell him she hoped they’d share a close relationship long-term.

Shelby dragged her hands through her hair.

She was walking a dangerous line, because she also didn’t want him to feel as if she was abandoning him the way he thought everyone else had.

Shelby, wake up!

Plain and simple, she was leading him on. Not in the way a girl did when she flirted with a guy she wasn’t interested in. She would never do something like that. Every part of her desperately wanted a relationship with Joel. But who was she kidding? He would reject her the first time he saw her scars. And he would see them or find out about them eventually.

Was it possible to at least be good friends even after a kiss like the one they had shared? Hopefully.

Thankfully, they didn’t talk on the way up the steep steps.

When they arrived at the top, she stepped out of his reach—just in case.

“I want you to know I’m happy for our friendship, too.” There. That sounded like a civil, nonromantic statement. “We should head back. It’s getting late and we both have to get up early tomorrow for the pancake breakfast.”

Joel nodded. “Now that you’ve seen the finances in Mr. Ashby’s account, do you think we’ll raise enough tomorrow to fill the gap that you need?”

“I have faith the money will come through.”

“Do you have more events planned in case you have to raise extra money? I’m not trying to be a downer, but sometimes you can have all the faith in the world and the thing you want to happen still doesn’t.”

Story of her life.

“It has to. We break ground on the church on Monday.”

“Already?”

“I don’t see a reason to delay.”

“Have you checked into the company and contractor you’re using?”

“They all seem nice enough.”

“Would you mind if I stopped by the site and checked up on them? It’s not that I don’t think you can handle it, but I know a little about construction.”

“I wouldn’t mind at all. Will you be there Monday?”

“If I can make it there during a break, I will. I’m on shift then.” They walked up the driveway to the station and the motion-sensor lights switched on. He stopped near her truck. “From what you’ve said, so much of your life is wrapped up in building the church. What will you do when it’s done?”

Move on. Heal. Live. “Focus on something else.”

“Now I’m the one asking for you to open up.” He smiled. “I’ve listened to you talk about staying near Caleb in your life up until now, choosing not to go to college to stay in Goose Harbor, and about this church. But Caleb’s getting married, Goose Harbor is changing and the church will be rebuilt. What then? You must have dreams.”

“I’m not sure. I love working with dogs, but you’re right. I’ve realized I probably shouldn’t count on it forever if something as small as a car wreck can ruin my business. I guess...I don’t know. Is that terrible?”

“Not terrible. Not at all. But it’s something you need to start thinking about.”

“I know.” She scuffed her foot on the ground. “It’s just...I’m having trouble knowing where to even start in the thinking process.”

“God has given you a lot of talents. You’re compassionate, loyal and you believe the best about people. But I think about the verse in the Bible where it says that to the person God gives a lot, a lot is required.” He put his hand on her shoulder. “I’m encouraging you to spend some time with the Lord and search out what serving Him with your talents looks like in the future. That’s all.”

“You’re a good man, Joel Palermo.”

He gave her a half smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Drive safe and sleep well.”

“You, too.” She climbed into the truck and headed off. In the rearview mirror, she saw Joel framed in the front door of the fire station, watching her drive away.

They could never be only friends, could they? Shelby’s heart told her no, but her heart would just have to learn how to deal with it.

Chapter Ten

“I
have a request for chocolate chip pancakes at table seven. Hold the sausage.” Joel leaned against the counter and smiled at Maggie, who manned the stove top. Joel was relieved to have an excuse to sneak into the kitchen for a few minutes and duck away from the crowd. Sure, he was happy for Shelby. The room was packed, and there were even people who couldn’t find seats. Her event would raise all the money she needed. But being in a large crowd would never make it on to his top-ten-favorite-things list. Not even close.

He glanced through the doorway and saw Shelby and one of the older firefighters trying to get the attention of the crowd so they could announce the winners of the silent auction.

Conversation mixed in a steady hum in the room behind him, and in the kitchen the sound of grease frying was only slightly louder than the four women who rushed around making food.

Maggie used the back of her hand to shove her big, curly hair behind her ear, leaving a splotch of pancake batter on her cheek. “Table seven? If I’m not mistaken, that’s where the Holdens are sitting.”