The Fire Still Burns (17 page)

“What is it?” she asked, her hands shaking.

“Do you still love me?”

Brynn gasped.  She'd been expecting another interrogation into the awful event that had nearly destroyed them both over a decade ago, not such a straight-forward question about her current feelings.  What could she say? Where would this lead if she answered truthfully?  If she lied or glossed over the issue?

“I still love you, Brynn.  I wasn't going to let you know.  I wasn't going to let you know how badly I was hurt when you left me, how many sleepless nights I suffered through, how I didn't want to even get out of bed.”

“Adam, please…”

“I can't do it.  I can't deny what I feel.  I love you.  Do you love me?  Did you love me?”

“Adam…”

“If you don't, I'll accept it.  I know you don't want to stay here.  I know you're going to leave me again.  I just need to know if—”

“I love you,” Brynn blurted as tears inched down the sides of her face.

Her heart ached from his pain-filled confession, how much it must have cost him.  “I've always loved you, but that doesn't matter now.  It's not going to change anything.”

Because I love you I can’t tell you what happened to me.  It’ll hang over us like a dark cloud.  And you can never meet my son
. 
You’ll never forgive yourself for not being there.

“It changes everything,” he said, his tone ominous.  “Get some rest.  We'll talk more tomorrow.  I just had to get that question answered before I could sleep.”

“Adam—”

“Good night, sweetheart.  We have a lot to talk about tomorrow.”

Brynn held the phone long after the line had been disconnected, resting her weary head against her headboard as she gazed at the foot of the bed, where Nate had fallen asleep earlier.  “What have I just done?” 

Chapter Eleven

Brynn closed Rachel Wood's diary with a heartfelt sigh of regret and looked toward her bedroom window, noting the light shades of dawn coloring the sky.  Another sleepless night had come and gone.

“At least I got some work done,” she murmured to herself and placed the diary beside her on the bed.  She'd read through the entire book, desperate to keep her mind busy, to keep it from wondering about Adam and his late night call.

For all the good it did.  Now, she had to worry about how Adam would take the news his brother had been the equivalent of a drug-pushing pimp. 

Nathaniel stirred at her feet, mumbled a few incoherent words and rolled to his side, looking like an angel in sleep.  Brynn gently stroked his blond hair back from his brow and wished she could tell the boy the truth about his paternity.  Wishing she could tell everyone the truth.  Unfortunately, the truth would hurt everyone—her son most of all.

She slowly eased herself off the bed and quietly rummaged through her dresser for clothes.  A new day had begun, it was too late for sleep now, but she didn't want to deprive her son of a few extra winks.  He'd been deprived of so much already.

After a light breakfast of toast and coffee, Brynn's first stop was to the sheriff's department where she checked on the status of Nellie Barton.  Fortunately, the woman hadn't killed her husband.  She had given him a concussion courtesy of a frying pan, though, so she was still in a holding cell.

Either way, Brynn doubted she would get paid.  She could take the proper legal steps to collect what she was owed but decided against it.  Nellie Barton had deep troubles, squabbling over a bill seemed petty.

Brynn would just have to stay in Black Bear Gorge a little longer.  The thought caused her stomach to do a little flip-flop, and she quickly frowned in response.

You don't belong here anymore
, she reminded herself.
You should not be the least bit excited to spend more time with Adam.  Especially when the more time you spend with him, the harder it will be to keep your secrets.

Secrets which could destroy him as they have already destroyed you
.

With the bitter reminder of why she had to get out of town as soon as possible forefront in her mind, Brynn stepped out of the sheriff's department and walked toward her car.  Her cell phone vibrated in her pocket and she groaned when she saw the name displayed on Caller ID.  Adam.

Good night, sweetheart. 
She heard the words he’d said the night before clearly in her head.
  We have a lot to talk about tomorrow.

“Not right now, we don't,” she grumbled, despising the fear she heard in her voice as she re-pocketed the phone.  Why had she told him she still loved him?

It was like teasing a baby with a toy, then, quickly, snatching it out of his grasp.  She and Adam could never rekindle their relationship, not as long as she had Nathaniel.  Her mother was right.  One look at the boy and Adam would realize Nate was his own flesh and blood.  He would hate her for what she'd done.

Even worse, so would Nathaniel.

“Well, my goodness, if it isn't Black Bear Gorge's original good girl gone bad.”

Brynn tensed at the familiar sound of her high school rival's nauseatingly sweet voice.  Turning slowly, her hands instinctively clutched into fists.  One of the women she most dreaded seeing upon her return home approached her.

Stacy Willinger had tried her best to steal Adam away from her in high school, and, from the sneer spreading across the woman's pink glossed lips, she knew the rivalry was still going strong.  The woman had probably done cartwheels when she'd found out about Brynn leaving town with Adam's friend all those years ago.

“Stacy.”  

“Mrs. Wylie,” the platinum blond stopped before her.  She wore a white low-cut ribbed top and a denim mini-skirt with high-heeled sandals.  She still looked like the perfect Playboy cover girl.

“It's Harlow,” Brynn corrected her, although she figured the woman already knew her name.

Stacy Willinger was just a first class bitch, always looking for a way to irritate Brynn and anyone else who stood in the way of something or someone she wanted. 

“Ah, that's right.  My mistake.”  Stacy smiled sweetly, running a perfectly manicured hand through her long tresses.  “I still can't believe you had the nerve to come back here after what you did.  I didn't think you'd have the guts.”

“Say what you want about me, Stacy, but my bedpost doesn't have an eighth of the amount of notches on it that yours does,” Brynn replied calmly and refused to let the woman provoke her.

Stacy had been Zeke's girlfriend, but she'd only dated him to gain access to Adam, and, as if that behavior wasn't bad enough, she was known to sleep with other men to make Zeke jealous.

Instead of taking the insult for what it was, Stacy smiled proudly as though she'd been complimented.  “You speak the truth, Brynn, but you see, the difference between you and I is that I don't hide what I am, and I'm not ashamed to give into my needs.  If I want a man, I get him, and do whatever I want to do with him.”

“Is there a point to this conversation, Stacy?”  Brynn pretended to study her stubby nails.  “I've got a busy day ahead of me.”

“Trying to get back into Adam's good graces.”

Brynn laughed, unable to stop herself, and looked at the pathetic woman.  “Are you seriously still competing with me for Adam's attention after all these years?  High school ended years ago.  It's time to move on.”

“Oh, I've already received Adam's attention,” the voluptuous blond said slyly, “his undivided attention.”

Brynn's blood grew cold in her veins as horrible images of Stacy and Adam infiltrated her mind.  “What are you talking about?”

“I had him,” Stacy clarified, allowing herself a moment to laugh in victory.  “You left town and he came running to me, giving in to his desire once and for all.”

“Liar.”  Brynn’s heart raced, a red haze blew through her mind.  It couldn’t be true.

“Oh, please, Brynn.  Do you really think he wanted someone like you over someone like me?  Someone who knows how to pleasure a man.  He didn't want to hurt you, so he denied his own needs.  Once he realized what a lying, little conniving bitch you were, he came to his senses and made a beeline for me.  I just wanted to thank you for leaving and letting the man finally get the pleasure he deserved.”

Stacy laughed again, then turned and left Brynn standing in the parking lot struggling to fight back both tears and bile.  If there were any one woman in the world that she never wanted Adam to be with it would be Stacy Willinger, and he damn well knew it.

But he’d run straight to her, knowing how it would make her feel.  Gritting her teeth together, resisting the urge to cry, Brynn jerked open her car door and slid behind the wheel, thankful she didn’t have access to a shotgun.  At the moment, she understood Nellie Barton a little too well.  

~~~

Adam snapped his cell phone shut and slammed it down on the counter.

“Easy, big guy,” Jamie Lee peered at him from over the rim of her coffee mug.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly, glancing around the diner to check if anyone else had noticed his small tantrum.

Fortunately, it was a slow day.  Only two other customers shared the diner with them, and they were settled into a booth along the far wall.  The waitress who’d served them their coffees at the counter was engrossed in a newspaper, oblivious to their conversation.  “I've been calling her all morning and she hasn't picked up once.  She's avoiding me.”   

“She might be sleeping in, or busy.”

“Busy avoiding me,” he replied grumpily, staring down at his own coffee cup.  He couldn't even drink it.  His stomach was tied in knots.  “I scared her off.  What are you grinning at?”

Jamie Lee's pale face reddened.  “Sorry.  I've just never seen you like this.  You're a nervous mess over this woman.”

“Yeah, well, some things never change.”  He let out a disgusted sigh.

“So I was right.”

“Huh?”

“All those times you'd go on tangents about how she was this evil woman who seduced you, just so she could rip your heart out and laugh in your face.  How you hated her through and through.  I told you those were just the ramblings of a hurt man.  I told you she was your one true love.” 

Adam could feel his own face flushing, recalling the things he'd said about Brynn in anger.  “Yeah, well, how come you never joined in?  You're the one person I know who never had a bad thing to say about her.”

“She was my babysitter.  I knew her, I knew how she felt about you.  I might have been young, but even I could recognize the love in her eyes when she looked at you.  I've always believed there was more to the story.  I'm glad you've finally realized it, too.”  She traced her finger along the rim of the mug.

Adam nodded, recalling the realization which had slammed into him with the force of a speeding train the night before.  “What do you think she was lying about?  Why would she have left with Cal if she didn't love him?” 

“Those are questions you'll have to ask her.”

“I've tried.”  He rested his elbows on the counter and shook his head.

“Then you haven't been asking the right way.”

“Are all women as difficult and confusing as you two?”  He gave Jamie Lee a grin.

“We all aspire to be.”  Jamie Lee batted her long lashes coyly.  “Be patient.  She already confessed that she still loves you.”

“She also said that doesn't change anything.”

“Whatever.  She's a woman in love.  Her mind is fighting against her heart.  It won't work though.”

“You're so sure?”

“I'm a woman, aren't I?”

“Yes, but Brynn is also a mother.”  Adam sighed, the reminder hitting him in the gut.  “I'm not the most important man in her life.”

“This is true.”  Jamie Lee stared at her coffee cup thoughtfully, chewing at her bottom lip a moment before nodding her head affirmatively.  “It'll all work out.  You'll see.”

Adam hoped she was right.  It had taken him hours to fall asleep in his new temporary residence the night before, his mind overactive with thoughts of Brynn, haunted by so many questions.

Why had she left him if she didn't love Cal?  Had his former friend held something over her?  Or was that just wishful thinking?  Maybe it really was cut and dried—she just hadn't wanted him anymore.  But that couldn't be right.  She still loved him after all these years, and had admitted it.  Not that she needed to.  He'd seen it in her eyes, crystal clear.

“You haven't mentioned anything about the case.”

Adam pushed thoughts of Brynn aside for the moment, feeling guilty for not having Zeke at the forefront of his mind.  “I know.  I should be more focused.”

“Hooey.  You're as focused as anyone can be.  There's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself.”  Jamie Lee’s tone was firm.

“His killer needs to be found and put away.  That's the priority, not my love life.”

Jamie Lee nodded, her pretty blue eyes softening.  “So have you and Brynn discovered anything?”