The Fine Line (17 page)

A few moments later, the lock unlatched, and the door opened.  Logan stood with his hand on the door, and his tired, annoyed look melted when he saw me. 

“Hey,” he breathed with relief.

He was shirtless, wearing only sweatpants that hung just low enough to see the V of his lower abdomen.  I wanted to run my fingers through his perfectly messed-up hair.  The way he squinted at me from the light in the hallway created an expression that was irresistible. 

“Are you okay?” he asked.

I nodded.  “I couldn’t sleep.”

He continued to stare into my eyes, the way he does, keeping his distance with his hand holding the door and his expression not changing.  I hadn’t planned what I would say and now I wish I had because I was drawing a complete blank. 

“Me neither.”  He mumbled as if he were saying it to himself.  He looked down at what I was wearing and the corners of his mouth turned up slightly.  I hadn’t thought about changing into clothes before I left my house.  I was still in my pajamas.  “Spur of the moment decision, huh?”

I shrugged.

He opened the door a little farther and motioned for me to come in.  He followed me up the stairs and into his apartment.  The stove light from the kitchen and the streetlights coming through the window in the living room were the only things illuminating the space.  I took my coat off and placed it on the arm of the couch as he closed the door, then he walked toward me, stopping a foot in front of me.  We stared at each other for a moment. 

“Nothing happened with Evan,” I blurted out. 

His eyebrows pulled together.  “Okay.” 

“I don’t know why I’m here,” I confessed.  “I guess I just felt like I needed to be here right now.” 

He took a breath.  “Okay.”

It took all my strength to muster up the courage to say the next thing.  “I don’t want to lose you.  If things change.  If we change…”  Tears welled in my eyes at the thought of that very thing occurring.  “It just can’t happen, Logan.”  Being this close to him, and seeing the way he was looking at me, I could no longer control the fear inside of me, and I began to tremble.  I had been able to hold myself together rather well until now.  Something about being near him caused my strength to crumble.  My head dropped as tears trickled out of my eyes.

He pulled me into his arms and held me while I let out everything I had been holding in.  After a few moments, he released me and cupped my cheeks with both hands, bringing my gaze back to his.  His eyes glossed over as his thumbs wiped my tears away.  “Don’t cry,” he whispered.  “It kills me to see you cry.”  He leaned down and kissed my forehead, lingering there for a moment.  Then, he gently kissed my eyelids, one after the other.  My tears ceased, and my breathing became shallow.  His touch felt amazing.

He pulled away and looked at me with a compassionate smile when he saw that I had stopped.  “Let’s talk later.  You’re exhausted.  You need some sleep.” 

He took my hand and led me to his bedroom.  Music played through the speaker on his bedside table.  He sat me down on the bed, then lifted my foot, removed my shoe, and repeated the process with the other foot. 

“This song is beautiful,” I said.

He hesitated.  “It makes me think of you.”  I couldn’t hold back the grin that formed on my face from his words.  When he saw my expression, he relaxed.  “I’d do anything for that smile.” He pulled down the bedding.  “Lay down.  Get some rest.”  He rose up and began walking towards the door, turning to face me just before he exited the room.  “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Where are you gonna sleep?” I asked, confused.

“The couch.  It’s fine.  I don’t mind.”

I knew how selfish I was for what I would say next but I couldn’t help it.  I needed him.  “Please stay here.”

His expression became apprehensive.  “I shouldn’t.”  He sighed and bowed his head, shaking it slightly.  “But I can’t seem to say no to you.”  He looked back into my eyes.  “I don’t want to say no.”

“So say yes,” I pleaded.

As I stared into his brooding eyes and waited for his answer, the song repeated from the beginning and the lyrics shouted an unspoken question.  It asked about the future.  It asked about belonging.  It spoke of everything in the world going away, and finding solace in the person you love.

His expression turned decisive, and he walked back to the bed.  He slowly pulled the covers up and slid under them, next to me.  I nuzzled my head in the soft spot between his chest and shoulder and placed my arm around his middle, sticking my cold hand between his warm body and the mattress.

His heart pounded hard in my ear as his arms folded over me.  Being this close to him…touching him exhilarated me, while at the same time, I became immersed in a feeling of tranquility.  His warmth comforted me and within minutes, I drifted to sleep.

*

“Liv, wake up,” Logan whispered softly.  A hum came out of my throat as I shifted off his shoulder and turned away from him, burrowing my face in the cool pillow beside us.  The soft fabric smelled like Logan.  I took one more deep, heavenly breath in.  How long had I been asleep?  Based on my current comatose state, not long.  His hand casually brushed up and down my arm.  “You’ve got to see this.” 

Intrigued, my eyes cracked open, just enough to see the blurry orange and purple hues reflect on the bare walls of Logan’s bedroom.  His fingers brushed my hair off my face and behind my ear. 

“Open your eyes, baby.  It’s beautiful.”

He called me baby.

I turned to face him as I opened my eyes, confused and unexpectedly delighted by his term of endearment.  When my eyes finally focused and saw his beautiful face lit up by the colors of the sunrise, my bewilderment grew incredibly.  His eyes glowed as he studied me.  I had never seen him look this peaceful and content.  He smiled at my expression then huffed out a single laugh. 

“It slipped,” he said as if he read my mind.  “Get over it.” 

He moved off the bed and leisurely walked to the window, placing his wrist on the window frame above his head and his other hand on his hip, as he gazed out with a more contemplative expression.  Then he turned to face me and the corners of his mouth turned up slightly.  He extended his hand, motioning for me to join him. 

I didn’t need to see the sunrise.  The beautiful man that stood before me, bare chested and painted in colors was enough.  I couldn’t take my eyes off him.  His smile faded as he dropped his arm to his side, and he stared at me for a moment.  Slowly, as the melancholy grew in his eyes, his breathing became heavier.  “I don’t know what the hell to think when you look at me like that, Liv.  Everything about that look says you want me.  That you need me, like I need you.  But something tells me you’d freak if I tried anything with you right now.  I’ve never been so fucking confused in my life.”

Shit.
  I tried to snap myself out if it, but I still couldn’t look away.  I was being unfair to him.  He deserved so much better than me, so much more.  He deserved the world.  He deserved something I couldn’t give him.  I sat up with my feet dropping down to the floor.  He deserved an explanation. 

I stood and walked towards him, resisting the urge to throw my arms around him and give in to the passion he ignited in me.  Instead, my fingers found his, and we laced them together.  “There are no happy endings, Logan.  Someone always gets hurt.  It’s inevitable.”  I fought the lump in my throat with an artificial smile.  “The only way to prevent the hurt…is by not starting.  It can’t end if it doesn’t start, right?”

His fingers grazed my cheek, “Don’t you think it’s too late for that?  It already started, Liv.  It started the day I laid eyes on you.  How can you not see that?” 

Tears welled in my eyes.  When he saw my expression, he dropped his hand to his side and let out a breath through his nose.  “I would love to get my hands on the asshole that hurt you.” 

I finally gazed out the window.  I had never seen a sunrise like this one before.  It was magical.  The blue shade of the industrial buildings contrasted the orange sun peeking out above them.  The orange was surrounded by a dark pink dome, with a deep purple sky above. 

I gazed up at him.  "This is perfect,” I breathed.  “Please tell me it won't end.  Promise me."   I knew I was forcing him to make a promise he couldn't keep.  I didn't care.  I wanted to hear it.

"What are you talking about?  Promise you what won't end?"

"This…
us
…Just promise me it will stay like this."

I saw the resistance in his eyes.  He took my face in his hands.  "I promise I will do anything to make you happy, Liv."

"This makes me happy.  The way we are right now." 

The distress in his face intensified.  After a moment, he pulled me to him, enveloping me in his arms.  He kissed the top of my head.  "Then yes, I promise, it won't end." 

I knew it was a lie.  Everything ends in one way or another, but I didn't think he knew it yet.  It didn't matter because right now, at this very moment, it was what I needed to hear, in exactly the way I needed to hear it.

Chapter Eighteen

The door chimed as I entered the coffee shop down the road from school.  I hadn’t gotten much sleep lately, and I needed the caffeine to get me going this morning.  It had been a few days since the night I stayed with Logan, and although we still talked every day, I couldn’t help but feel there was something missing.  There was an obscure distance between us that we couldn’t seem to shake.

In a zombie-like state, I wandered to the end of the line to wait for my turn.  I vaguely noticed the man ahead of me move forward a step, and I instinctively followed.  The door chimed again.  Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the man in front of me turn around to peer at the door.  Then, I felt his eyes on me.

My gaze traveled from his dark tailored pants, up to his black wool button down coat.  A white collar and tie stuck out the top.  Then I noticed a familiar white dimpled smile and light brown hair tucked behind his ears. 

“I see your lip is better,” Tyler said smoothly.

I nodded, still in shock that he was here.  I couldn’t get over how his long-ish hair perfectly contrasted his business-like style.  It should be completely out of place, but for him, it worked.  “Yeah, it was no big deal, really.”

After a momentary awkward silence, he continued playfully.  “You never called.”

“Oh, yeah, sorry, I lost your card.”  That was a reasonable excuse, wasn’t it?

He glanced around at our surroundings.  “Looks like we have a chance to get that coffee, if you’re interested.  Are you in a hurry to get to work?”

He had no idea how young I was.  I thought for a moment.  “You mean school.  And no, I have a few minutes.”

We ordered our coffees and then sat down at a table by the window.

He stared at me for a moment, leaning with his forearms on the table and both hands around his coffee cup.  “I’m sorry I walked out on you at Rain that night.  I had a bad feeling after leaving you with that…guy.”

“Logan’s a good friend.  He’d never do anything to hurt me.”  I gave him a reassuring smile.

He nodded.  He didn’t seem to believe me, but he let it go.  “So, what’s your major?”

Oh crap.
  I looked around nervously, as I tried to decide how to tell him I wasn’t majoring in anything.  I leaned back in my seat and met his stare.  “I go to high school, Tyler.  Right up the street.”

  His eyes widened but only momentarily.  He leaned back, crossed his arms, and let out a chuckle.  “Are you shitting me?”

I shook my head.  “I’m not joking.  I’m missing first period at the moment.”  

He huffed out a laugh.  “I’m going to assume that you weren’t held back four or five times.” 

I shook my head again and grinned.  “Nope.  Sorry.”

“Well, you’re full of surprises, aren’t you?” he asked, still shocked, but with a hint of amusement in his tone.  He leaned towards me.  “Exactly how old are you?”

“As of today, eighteen.” 

“Today’s your birthday?”

“It is.”

“And I didn’t even buy your coffee.  I feel like a jerk.”

I smiled.  “What about you?  You look like you’re living in the ‘real world.’  Are you some big company hot shot?”

“No, just an intern at a law firm.  I’m sitting second chair in a trial today.  Trying to look the part.”   

“Well, you look very handsome.”

He smiled, then pulled his buzzing phone out of his pocket.  His face dropped when he read the text.  “Shit, I have to go.”  He looked back up at me and shook his head.  “Eighteen, huh?” 

I shrugged. 

He placed his phone on the table and slowly slid it over to me.  “Can I call you?”

I smiled.  “That depends.  You’re not thirty are you?  ‘Cuz that would be weird.”

He shook his head.  “Twenty-two.” 

“That’s not so bad, is it?”  I took his phone and programmed my number into to it.  Then, I called myself so that I could save his number and would know it was him if and when he called.

*

I arrived at school towards the end of first period.  When I approached my locker I stopped in place.  A ridiculous smile formed on my face when I saw the outside of it wrapped in wrapping paper, balloons, and streamers.  I would have to thank Mel when I saw her. 

When I opened it, a white envelope with a purple bow on top caught my attention.  I could tell when I picked it up that there was something inside of it, distorting it. I slipped my finger under the fold and ripped it open.  Inside the envelope was a slip of paper and a pen.  Taking the white pen in my hand, I examined it and laughed when I saw the Chippendale shirtless man on it.  I clicked it, and his shorts came off, leaving him wearing only a G-string.

Instinctively, as if there would be anyone in the hallway in the middle of class, and as if they could see something so small, I looked around to make sure nobody could see what I was looking at.  I took the slip of paper out of the envelope.

Since you won’t play hooky today to go to the strip club (and other shenanigans), I figured it would all have to come to you.