The Fine Line (18 page)

Happy 18th

Logan

Oh great, what was he planning?  The bell rang and kids started filtering into the halls.  A moment later, I felt arms squeezing me from behind.

“Happy Birthday, Liv!” Melody chimed.  “Where were you?  Did you miss first period?”

I turned and smiled.  “Did you do this?”  I pointed to the locker decorations.

“Yes, you dork!  I was waiting for you so I could see your face when you saw it, and you never came.”

“I’m sorry, I ran into Tyler when I stopped for coffee this morning.  We hung out for a few minutes.  I just got here.”

Her smile vanished.  I had told Mel everything about the night I met Tyler.  The same night Logan told me how he felt.  The same night I fell asleep in Logan’s arms.  Mel rolled her eyes and started on her locker combo. 

“What’s wrong?” I asked, perplexed by her sudden detachment.

She turned to me, annoyed.  “Are you crazy?”

“No!  Are you?”

She huffed and shook her head.  “I thought that you’d start opening your eyes now that Evan is out of the picture.”

“Mel, I have no idea what you’re talking about.” 

“How is it that you are not seeing what’s right in front of you?”  Her expression changed to pity, which put me on edge.  “You’re not fooling anybody, you know.  I’ve seen the way you look at Logan and how he looks at you.  What are you waiting for?  Why are you messing around with these other guys?  It’s stupid.” 

“Judge much?  Logan’s not exactly Mr. Commitment either you know.  He’s never been in a serious relationship before.  He goes through girls like…” 

“Like you go through boys?  See!  You’re perfect for each other.”

I glared at her.  She knew full well that I had my boundaries.  “I think it’s a little different with him.” 

“Oh please, he’d do anything for you and you know it.  And he hasn’t been with another girl for months.” 

“Not that we know of anyway.”

She smiled at me.  “You might change your mind by the end of the day.” 

“What do you mean?”

Her grin widened.  “Nothing!  Never mind.  I’ve said too much already.”  She slammed her locker closed.  “See ya later!”

Second period AP Psych and third period Spanish dragged on forever.  Since the two classes were on the opposite sides of the building from my locker, I hadn’t had a chance to stop there between periods. 

I stood in anticipation of what I might find inside my locker as I turned the combination knob and opened the metal door.  A women’s camouflage military cap sat on top of my books.  I took the note from the top of it and opened it.

Please tell me that you will never die for your country.  I’d die if I lost you.

Logan

As I stared at his note, grinning like an idiot, reading it over and over again, Mel approached. 

“Having second thoughts, are we?” she said.

I stuffed the note in my pocket, trying unsuccessfully to remove the enormous smile from my face.  I laughed when I saw her entertained expression. 

“You’re behind this, aren’t you?” I asked.

“No, he’s behind it.  I just happen to know your locker combo.” 

I sat through fourth period chemistry, my least favorite class, daydreaming about sunrises and flagging races and yellow Mustangs and almost-kisses in the moonlight, and the feel of his warm skin on mine, and for the first time in years, I entertained the possibility—just the possibility—of changing my mind.  I saw a glimmer of hope.  A potentially attainable light at the end of the dark, phlegmatic, tunnel. 

His words from the club repeated in my head.
“We could be good together.  Don’t you think it’s worth a try?” 
An irresistible urge to do just that overcame me.  For him, maybe I could try.

I watched Mel close my locker door as I approached it after fourth period.  She turned to me with a smile.  “Good timing.  That was close.” 

“You should’ve just left it open for me!” I teased.

After my nervous hands fidgeted with my combo for several moments, I finally opened my locker.  A small red box with a white bow immediately caught my attention.  I pulled off the top box cover and crinkled my face when I saw what it was.  “Nasty!” Mel’s phone clicked as it snapped my picture.  I looked at her quizzically.  “What was that for?”

She ignored my question and peered at the contents.  “What is it?”  Her face crunched up when she saw it.  “Are you serious?”  She looked around nervously.  “Don’t let anyone see that.”

A Skoal chewing tobacco container rested inside the box with a white note sitting on top of it. 

“What is he thinking?”  I asked, disgusted.  Then I remembered one of his suggestions for an eighteen-year-old’s rite-of-passage and smiled.  Chewing tobacco never crossed my mind.  I took the note and opened it.

I wish I could be there to see your face. Hopefully Mel is on top of that.  Don’t worry.  Open it. It’s not what you think.

I twisted the lid off the Skoal container.  It was empty except for another white note, and…something else.  A picture of something.  Wings and a halo.  Was it a sticker?  Laughter escaped my throat when I picked it up and realized it was a temporary tattoo.  I placed it back in the box and read the note.

You’ll always be an angel to me.

Logan

P.S.  I am SO there when you want to do this for real.

After sixth period, in my locker waited a Powerball ticket and two scratch-offs with a note that said:

Don’t forget about me when you win it big.  God knows I’ll never forget you.

At the end of the day, Mel watched closely as I opened my locker for the last time.  By her enormous grin, I knew it would be something good.  The hallways bustled with kids packing their backpacks to leave for the day. 

My favorite coconut caramel chocolate bar rested on top of my books with a bow on it and a single red rose placed next to it.  My smile immediately faded.  And there it was.  Fear.  A red rose had meaning.  A meaning which I immediately realized I wasn’t ready for.  I took the note and opened it.

I know this has nothing to do with you turning 18.  I also know how much you love this chocolate—you can’t get enough of it.  And I’m happy when you’re happy.  Come over. I’ll wait for you.

Logan

Come over?
My heart began to race.  Why did he want me to come over?  What did he expect to happen if I came over?
Crap!
 

“I thought you’d like that for sure!” Mel said, surprised at my reaction.  “You look like you’re going to be sick.”

“I do like it.  I’m just a little overwhelmed, I guess.”  I handed her the note.  “He wants me to come over.”

She read it and looked at me, still confused.  “What’s the big deal, you go over there all the time.” 

“I know, but…He’s never done anything like this for me before.”  I held up the chocolate bar and rose.  “It’s like he’s making a declaration or something.  What if…What if…”  I sighed.  “I feel like if I go over there…I just don’t want to.  I don’t want anything to change.” 

Mel rolled her eyes.  “You can’t live your life based on ‘what-ifs,’ Liv.  And change is inevitable.  It’s the one thing you can always count on.  Stop worrying about what might or might not happen and follow your heart.  How can you expect to ever be happy if you don’t?”

We closed our lockers and began walking down the hall.  “Besides, don’t you think everything has already changed?”

“No,” I lied. 

Mel huffed.  “Ugh!  You are impossible!”

Chapter Nineteen

I stared blankly at the steering wheel, contemplating my next move, as my car idled in my driveway.  Do I get out and walk into my house?  Or go to Logan’s?  I had been so deep in thought during my drive home that I barely recalled how I got here or how much time had passed since school let out. 

I glanced at the digital clock on my dash to see that it was already 5:18PM.  Logan knew I had the night off work, since I had told him I requested off for my birthday.  I hated the fact that he was waiting for me.  I took my phone out of my jacket pocket and began a text to him. 

Thank you

My finger hit the send button.  Then my palm smacked my forehead. 
Shit!  After everything he did for me today, that’s all I could say?
  With my phone still in hand, I crossed my arms on the steering wheel and rested my head on them, as I inwardly scolded myself.  My hand buzzed, indicating an incoming text.

Welcome

That’s it?
  I supposed I shouldn’t have expected much more after the brief, heartless text I sent to him, but for some reason, his response infuriated me.  Then I realized my fury had nothing at all to do with his text.  I hated this awkwardness.  Was this how it was going to be between us from now on?  All I wanted was my friend.

The thought occurred to me to give in, but if I did, it knew would be the beginning of the end.  And I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him.  Suddenly furious and determined, I put my car in reverse, backed out of the driveway, and headed to Logan’s. 

My phone buzzed on my way to his place and without looking to see who it was, I answered.  “Hello?”

“How was your birthday?  Did you get everything you wanted?”

“Tyler?”  I looked at my phone and saw that it was him.  “Um…Yeah…It was good.  How was the trial?”

“Long.  I’m still at the office and probably will be for a while, but I’ve got the night off tomorrow.  I’m planning on seeing a band with some friends.  You should come.”

“Oh.  Yeah.  Okay.  Where is it?” 

“Eagle’s Ballroom.  You’ll like them…at least I think you will.  It’s a local band.  Do you like rock?”

“I do.”

“Then you’ll have a good time.  They start at eight.  Do you want me to pick you up?”

“How about I meet you there?  I can call you when I get there.”

“Sounds good.  See you tomorrow.”

“Okay.  Bye.”

I pulled into the lot of Tanner Automotive as I hung up the phone.  The momentary distraction that Tyler provided caught me off-guard, but I hadn’t lost my focus.  I parked my car and stormed through the open overhead door of the shop.

The mechanics that I had grown so close to welcomed me with a friendly, masculine greeting.  Half of them howled a low grumbling “Liiiivvvv!” while the others gave a single nod.  I waved a hello and headed up to Logan’s apartment and knocked on his door.  A moment later, it opened.

“You came,” Logan said.

His alluring hazel eyes immediately compelled my attention.  The way they gazed into me with such intensity weakened every part of me, and I hesitated.  Freshly showered, his messy, still damp hair glistened while the faint smell of shampoo mixed with aftershave—and seeing him—took my breath away.  He caused my heart to speed up.  The V-neck of his long-sleeved hooded grey t-shirt showed only a small portion of his collar bone and chest, but it was just enough to remind me of the warmth underneath it.

I took a deep breath, in an attempt to slow my heart, and I stormed past him into his apartment, forcing myself to stay focused on the reason I came. 

“Stop making things weird between us!” I demanded.

“I don’t want things to be weird either, but we can’t keep…”

“I’m not your girlfriend, Logan!”

He sighed, getting frustrated.  “You don’t think I know that, Liv?!”

“I told you what I have to offer.  I thought you—of all people—would understand.”

“Trust me, I do, but something changed…”  He stared directly at me.  “I changed the second I met you.”  He took a step toward me.

“No!” I didn’t want to hear any more.  “Why can’t you just be my friend?!”

His face reddened and twisted into anger as he stepped toward me. 

“Because we’re not friends!” he yelled. “We were never friends!  And we can never BE just friends!  What the hell is it going to take to make you understand that?!”

“WHY?!” I screamed, shocked. “You promised me!”

He growled and ran his fingers through his hair.  Then, he took me by the shoulders and stared at me, furious, with his face inches from mine.  “Isn’t it fucking obvious?!  I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU!  And I’m pretty damn sure you love me too.”

My mouth dropped open as he let go of me and took a step back.  He seemed to be surprised at what he had just said.  The deep aggression in his voice startled me but not as much as the meaning behind it.  My cheeks burned as my anger quickly intensified, and before I knew what was happening, my hand struck his face with so much force that I had to immediately hold on to it with my other hand to ease the stinging sensation on my palm.  His face turned to the side from the force of my hit, then it slowly returned to me with a shocked expression. 

He stood still and watched me silently as he calmed himself before he spoke.  His chest lifted with each hard breath he took.  “I don’t care how much it pisses you off, Liv.  It’s time to stop pretending.”  He cautiously reached out to take my hand, but I pulled it away and took a step back.

Every possible emotion flowed through me, and they were all led by fury which was a thousand times easier than sadness or fear.  “No.  I’m not pretending.  The only reason you want me is because I’m the only one you can’t have.  And you just ruined everything!” 

I stomped past him towards the door.  I yanked it open, then slammed it shut behind me and hurried down the stairs.  My pace quickened when I heard his footsteps behind me.  I bursted through the side exit door and sprinted to my car, relieved when I was able to get in and lock the door before Logan caught up. 

“Liv, stop!” Logan’s muffled voice shouted as he pounded on my window and pulled on the door handle, trying to get in.  “Just wait!  I’m sorry!”  I started the ignition and put my car in reverse, making sure not to look in his direction.  “Goddammit!” he shouted with one last bang on the window. 

My head turned so that I could see where I was backing up, and I saw Logan running to his car. 
Oh shit, he’s going to chase me!