THE FINAL FALSON SAYS I DO (4 page)

Janine burst out laughing at the sight of Amos’s face as he studied the figure.

‘You said it was powerful,’ he murmured.

‘He’s the god of the sky, the sun and the moon,’ Jackson explained. ‘I thought you’d enjoy that.’

It was rare for Amos to smile with genuine pleasure, but now he managed a grin.

‘That sounds about right,’ he said.

‘They knew about you all the time,’ Freya teased him.

As the meal ended Jackson drew his father aside to tell him more colourful stories about Egypt.

‘I’m so glad about that,’ Janine told her daughter when they were alone. ‘Amos is really enjoying it.’

‘I wonder how powerful Horus really was,’ Freya mused. ‘Maybe Jackson has exaggerated a bit to please Amos.’

‘Well, good for him if he has,’ her mother said. ‘It was nice.’

‘Yes. He
is
nice, isn’t he?’

The reminder of Jackson’s kindly side gave Freya a feeling of relief. At last she bade them all goodnight and went to bed. There she lay, brooding, wistful, daring to hope that perhaps the wretched memory could be banished into the shadows and their friendship could be restored. At last she fell asleep.

She was awoken by sounds coming from the next room, which she knew to be Jackson’s. He was talking in a sharp voice, as though annoyed. The other man’s voice sounded like Dan.

Rising quickly, she slipped on a dressing gown and went out into the corridor. Jackson’s door was closed but she could hear the angry voices clearly.

‘You should be ashamed of what you did,’ Jackson snapped. ‘And you damned well know it. Running off like that just before the wedding.’

‘Don’t heap all the blame on me,’ came Dan’s voice. ‘You were the one who made it happen.’

‘That’s not true.’

‘Yes, it is. You said it would be better to dump her then rather than later and I took your advice.’

For a moment Freya froze, then she flung open the door.

Jackson was sitting at his computer, confronting Dan, who glared back at him from the screen via a video link. Dan’s face had a self-satisfied expression that she realised she had seen many times before. But it faded as he saw her come to stand behind Jackson. Just for a moment he was taken aback.

‘Surprised to see me, Dan?’ she asked coolly. ‘After all the times you’ve avoided me it must come as a nasty shock.’

Jackson had also received a shock, going by his face as he looked up at her.

‘Freya,’ he said, almost stammering in his dismay, ‘it’s best if we talk later.’

‘I’ll talk to
you
later. I’ll talk to him now.’

‘There’s not much to talk about,’ Dan said.

‘What did you mean about taking Jackson’s advice?’

‘I told him I wasn’t keen on our marriage and he said I should dump you right away. I thought he knew best, so I did. I’ve got to go now, Freya. Goodbye.’

There was a click and Dan vanished from the screen.

Freya clutched her forehead.

‘He’s lying, isn’t he?’ she choked. ‘Tell me he’s lying. You never said anything like that.’

‘He’s twisted my words,’ Jackson said desperately. ‘He said he hadn’t ever wanted to get married. He proposed because Amos tried to scare him off, not because of love. I was appalled that he’d deceived you and let it get so far. I said he should have been honest with you from the start, that he would hurt you more if he married you without love and let you down later.’

‘So you
did
say it?’ she demanded, aghast.

‘Not the way he made it sound. I meant that he should never have planned a wedding in the first place, not that he should back off at the last minute. But he seized on it as a way out. Don’t you see? It gave him an excuse to shift the blame. All right, I was clumsy and stupid, but not malicious. Please, Freya, try to understand. I never intended it to happen the way it did.’

‘What do you mean about him proposing because of Amos?’

‘Oh, heavens!’ He groaned. ‘Amos tried to make him back off, threatened him. Dan lost his temper and—’

‘And that’s why he proposed to me?’ she whispered. ‘That’s all it was?’

‘Yes.’

‘He never loved me at all?’

‘I’m afraid not.’

‘And you’ve known this all the time?’

‘I only found out on the way to the church. If I’d known earlier I’d have warned you, but it was too late.’

‘Too late to warn me, but not too late to make him run for it.’

‘I told you I never meant that to happen. I spoke clumsily.’

‘You’ve deceived me—’

‘No!’

‘
I begged you to tell me why he ran, but you never told me the truth—’

‘I was as honest as I could be, but I couldn’t repeat all the things he said. Have you forgotten the terrible state you were in that day? There was no way I could tell you everything. It would have finished you off, Freya. Please be fair.’

But she was too distraught to be fair.

‘I trusted you,’ she choked. ‘Talked to you, told you things I’d never have told anyone else. And all the time you were laughing up your sleeve at me.’

‘That isn’t true. I was trying to do my best for you. I’m sorry if I got it wrong, but I meant well. Call me an idiot, if you like, but don’t call me a deceiver.’

‘I believed you,’ she whispered. ‘Relied on you. I thought you were being so kind to me.’

‘I felt terrible about what happened—how I helped to bring it about. I’d have done anything to make it up to you.’

‘Anything except tell me the truth. Be honest, Jackson, if you know how. You’ve been enjoying watching me be an idiot, haven’t you?’

‘No, I swear it. Freya. you’ve got to believe me.’

‘How can I? When I think of some of the things I said—how I trusted and confided in you. What a fool I must have sounded!’

‘No, I was the fool for damaging you so idiotically. But I did my best to help you survive it—all right, it was a poor best, but I tried. Why don’t we talk later, when you’ve had a chance to calm down?’

She had a feeling that a chilly bleakness had settled over the world.

‘You think I’ll see sense, don’t you?’ she said bitterly. ‘You’re wrong. Nothing will change. You won’t ever look different to me from the way you do now. Mean, spiteful, contemptible.’

‘Freya—’ He reached out for her hand but she snatched it away.

‘No, don’t touch me. I can’t bear the sight of you.’

‘Please don’t let this spoil our friendship.’

‘There never was a friendship,’ she whispered. ‘There never could be.’

‘Freya—’

He reached out for her again but she darted away. After a moment he heard her bedroom door shut and the key turn in the lock.

CHAPTER FOUR

A
LONE
IN
HER
room Freya slammed her fist down on the dressing table again and again. A storm had invaded her. Rage, bitterness, disillusion and misery fought for supremacy. They all won. She was trapped in their prison and inside her there was no escape.

But outside she could put distance between herself and Jackson. She hurriedly dressed, slipped quietly into the corridor, down the stairs and out of the door. She had no idea where she was going, except that a million miles away from him would not be far enough.

Once before the world had turned upside down, and she’d survived because of Jackson’s comfort and support. But that had been only an illusion. Instead there was a bleak, arid desert where the rest of her life must be lived.

She lost track of time but she must have walked for hours, because when she finally turned back the dawn was breaking.

Nearing the house, she saw her mother, standing at a downstairs window. As soon as she saw Freya she came to the front door.

‘Come along in,’ she said. ‘I saw you leave. You were running as though the fiends of hell were after you. I was worried.’

‘Sorry, Mum. That was inconsiderate of me, but I was ready to murder someone.’

‘Ah, yes, Jackson got Dan on a video link, didn’t he? I heard his voice. You still want to murder Dan?’

‘No, Jackson,’ Freya growled.

‘What? Did I hear that right? But Jackson’s been so nice to you.’

‘Jackson is a lying, scheming, deceitful louse. And, yes, you heard that right. I said it and I mean it.’

‘But he can’t possibly have done anything to justify that. He’s a fine, decent young man.’

‘I thought so too. That’s why I never realised what he’d really done.’

‘Whatever do you mean?’

‘It was because of him that Dan ran for it. He never wanted to marry me, and when they were heading for the church Jackson urged him to dump me then rather than later. So Dan got out of the car.’

‘Darling, I don’t believe this. Jackson would never do such a thing.’

‘He as good as admitted it. He says it was a mistake, but he doesn’t deny Dan left me because of what he said.’

‘Maybe that’s why he’s been so kind and helpful to you since then.’

‘Don’t try to defend him,’ Freya flashed. ‘He’s deceived me.’

‘But I don’t understand. Why did Dan propose if he didn’t want to marry you?’

‘Because Amos forced his hand,’ Freya said bitterly.

‘Never! He was against that wedding. There’s no way he ordered Dan to marry you.’

‘Of course not. He ordered him
not
to marry me. Dan proposed just to show Amos that he couldn’t be bullied. Then he regretted it, but he couldn’t find a way out. When he and Jackson were in the car Dan told Jackson what had happened, and my brilliantly stupid stepbrother said the one thing that could make it worse. Dan seized his chance and vanished.’

‘Amos
ordered
Dan to keep his distance from you? Surely not.’

‘Why do you say that? Isn’t it typical of Amos?’

‘Darling, I’ve got no illusions about him. He goes through life doing what he wants. But he’s too shrewd to do something so pathetically stupid. And he does have a nicer side. He’s always been fond of you and he wanted to take you into the family—’

‘No, it’s more like claiming property. He doesn’t have a daughter of his own, and he wanted me to “complete the set”, because he can’t bear not to have everything other people have. He didn’t care which one of his sons he tied me to as long as he put his brand on me. When only Jackson was left he went mad because neither of us would give in.’

‘This is terrible.’ Janine groaned. ‘But if Dan really only proposed for such a reason he’d have been a terrible husband. Jackson was stupid, but maybe he did you a favour in the long run.’

‘Don’t you dare stand up for him!’ Freya cried. ‘When I think of these last few weeks, how I’ve trusted and relied on him, and all the time he was hiding the truth.’

‘Because the truth would have hurt you even more. How could he do that to you?’

‘How could he have let me make such a fool of myself?’

‘He probably wasn’t thinking straight,’ Janine said wryly. ‘Men tend to do what they imagine will sort the problem today without realising that it might make it worse long-term. It obviously didn’t occur to Amos that his threats would have exactly the opposite effect to the one he wanted.’

‘I often wonder why you put up with him. Don’t tell me it’s for the money.’

‘No, if anything his money has been a disadvantage. It looms so large in his life that it leaves no room for anything else.’

‘Then why do you stay with him?’

‘He needs me, my dear. He’s vulnerable in ways he doesn’t realise.’

‘He’d never admit that.’

‘No, he likes to see himself as powerful. That falcon god that Jackson brought back from Egypt has really sent him onto cloud nine. The trouble is, that’s the side of him I find hardest to live with.’

‘Does he know that? No, of course not. It would never occur to him that he doesn’t come up to standard. I’d like to see his face when you tell him that you know what he did to Dan.’

‘I’m not sure that I will tell him. And please don’t you say anything.’

‘All right, I’ll leave it to you. How you handle your horrible husband is your affair.’

‘Forget about Amos. This isn’t about him. It’s about Jackson. Don’t condemn him too much for keeping quiet. He did it because he was feeling his way forward, moment by moment. He didn’t ask himself what would happen when you found out later.’

‘He never meant me to find out at all. He wanted to rule the roost all the time—just like Amos. Like father, like son. Haven’t you noticed how alike they are? You don’t see it at first, because Jackson can seem so charming, but every now and then you’ll catch an expression on his face that makes him the image of Amos.’

‘That’s true,’ Janine mused. ‘I remember Dan telling us that producers were always getting annoyed because Jackson kept insisting that his way was best. He said it laughingly, but—yes, I can imagine.’

‘So can I,’ Freya said cynically. ‘I don’t think it ever crosses Jackson’s mind that he might be wrong.’

Janine stared. ‘Darling, what’s got into you? You’re even more upset than you were when Dan betrayed you.’

‘I’m not upset, I’m furious,’ Freya said quickly.

‘It’s more than that. This has hit you hard—even harder than Dan.’

‘No! Of course it hasn’t—it’s just different. Please, I don’t want to talk about it any more. And I think it’s time I went back to London, got another job and made a new start.’

She didn’t say that she wanted to delete Jackson from her life, but no words were necessary. Each knew what the other was thinking. They hugged, and then Freya left the room to head upstairs.

Neither of them saw the man standing back in the shadows, where he’d hastily retreated to avoid being discovered. Amos knew he needed time to consider everything that he’d overheard. And that perhaps all the time in the world would not be enough.

* * *

There was a flight to London later that morning and Freya secured a seat. When she appeared for breakfast she was already dressed to depart. She found Jackson at the table alone.

‘We need a nice long talk,’ he said to her in a low voice.

‘I’m afraid not. I’m leaving in an hour.’

‘What? Freya, you can’t leave things like this. We have to sort it out.’

‘There’s nothing to sort. I’ve seen the truth about you now, and I don’t like it. This is where it ends. You should be glad. I won’t be a nuisance to you any more.’

He turned away and strode around the room, tearing at his hair.

‘No, I’m not accepting this,’ he said, returning to stand before her.

‘I don’t care what you accept. I didn’t ask your permission,’ she said furiously. ‘I’m returning to London and I don’t want to see or talk to you again.’

‘You’d do this because I made one little mistake?’

‘You treated me with contempt and I don’t see that as a “little mistake”.’

‘Why must you be so unforgiving?’ he demanded. ‘I was wrong, I’ve admitted that. Now I want to put things right.’

‘But they can’t be put right. Ever. And that’s final.’

Jackson stared at her as though seeing her for the first time. Or as though someone else had appeared in her place.

‘I can’t believe this is really you,’ he breathed. ‘I’ve never known you like this before—so hard and unforgiving.’

‘I’m not hard. I’m just someone who’s been pushed around and manipulated enough and I’m not going to put up with it any more. You think this isn’t really me? It’s the me I am now. She’s different to the old one. Don’t mess with her.’

Jackson met her eyes, trying to look deep inside and rediscover the woman he knew. But she’d vanished into thin air, leaving behind an enemy. There was a stab of pain in his heart, but at the same time his temper began to rise.

‘Right,’ he said. ‘Then I won’t mess with her. She’s cold-hearted, ill-natured—well, never mind the rest.’

‘Cold-hearted?’ she echoed in fury. ‘You
dare
call me cold-hearted after everything that’s happened? I’m the one who’s been knocked down and kicked around by people I trusted. But perhaps you’re right. It’s time I became cold so that it can never happen again.’

‘And you think you can protect yourself from pain for ever?’

‘Yes, because people who feel nothing can’t be hurt.’

‘That’s the coward’s way out. I never thought I’d see it in you, but if you can’t find it in your heart to forgive a mistake from someone who’s truly sorry then you’re not the woman I thought you were. Just who you are is something I won’t stick around to find out. But I’ll say this. Heaven help anyone you meet in future. Heaven help the man who’s fool enough to fall in love with you. Because you’ll kick him in the guts the first time he gets muddled.’

‘That’s all you think it was? A muddle? Oh, no! You just thought you knew better than anyone else.’

‘Yes, I believed I was doing the right thing,’ he shouted. ‘Is that a crime?’

‘It can be.’

‘You’re saying I was wrong to try to protect you from more pain? I failed, but I still think I was right to try.’

How like Amos he looked, with his face set and unrelenting.

‘You’re so sure you know best,’ she challenged.

‘That’s why people do things. Because they think it’s right at the time.’

‘But some people
always
think they’re right. Look, we’re never going to agree. Let’s leave it there.’

‘Freya, why are you so determined to think the worst of me?’

‘I don’t have any choice.’

‘Of course you do. Something’s making you attack me far more than I deserve.’

‘I’ve just reached a turning point, that’s all. You said it yourself—there’s another side of me coming out.’

‘Then banish her fast, or she’ll haunt you for ever.’

‘Good. She’ll keep me safe.’

‘She’ll destroy you.’

‘That’s my decision. And this time I know best. So let’s get that clear and draw a line under it.’

His face grew even more tense, and she thought he was about to say something else, but the sound of Janine’s voice outside startled them both and made them turn away from each other.

‘There you are,’ she said, entering the room. ‘Have you seen Amos?’

‘He’s out there,’ Jackson said, pointing through the window to where Amos could be seen sitting in the garden, staring out over the bay.

He was very still, unlike his normal restless self. They all watched him for a few moments, but he didn’t move.

‘It’s time I was going to the airport,’ Freya said.

‘Perhaps Jackson could take you.’

‘No!’

They both said it, speaking so swiftly and sharply that Janine was silenced.

Freya slipped away to collect her bags and went to wait in the garden. Amos was still there, still with his eyes fixed on the sea. Before approaching him she stood back, seeing him in a new, hostile light.

This was the man whose bullying had caused Dan’s proposal, thus sowing the seed for the disaster that had followed. This was the man who had made Jackson what he was.

Slowly she approached him.

‘I’m going back to England this morning,’ she said.

‘I hope you have a good journey. Is my chauffeur taking you to the airport?’

‘No, I’ve called a taxi,’ she said. She had no wish to accept favours from him. ‘I’ll say goodbye now.’

Reluctantly, it seemed to her, he turned his head to look up at her. But there was nothing in his eyes. They were as empty as a desert.

‘Goodbye,’ he said.

‘Goodbye.’

When the taxi arrived mother and daughter hugged each other.

‘Goodbye, Mum, I’ll call you when I get home.’

‘Goodbye, Freya,’ Jackson said.

‘Goodbye, Jackson.’

There was no hug between them. They exchanged brief nods, not letting their eyes meet. Both understood that this was goodbye in more than words.

As the taxi pulled away she didn’t look back.

From now on Jackson would be out of her life and out of her mind. But still he haunted her on the flight back to London. Their last terrible quarrel thrummed inside her head, throwing up questions and possible answers.

He’d asked why she was so determined to think the worst of him. It was because she’d once thought the best, and now, from somewhere deep inside her, a protective armour was forming. It would prevent her from ever thinking the best of him again. And that was good. It would save her from a lot of pain.

On that she was resolved.

She would have to reorganise her life in more ways than one, since she had no job and nowhere to live.

As soon as she landed in London she checked into an airport hotel and called her mother.

‘Are you all right?’ Janine asked anxiously.

‘I’m fine. Tomorrow I’m going to sign on with that private nursing agency I worked for once before.’

‘The one that sends you to nurse people in their homes?’

‘That’s right. Then I’ll solve my accommodation problem as well—at least until I’ve made some long-term plans. What’s the atmosphere like there?’