The Final Arrangement (31 page)

###

Doug Stanwyk’s rockin’ bachelor pad turned out to be a two-story house in the middle of a suburban cul-de-sac.  The grass on his front lawn was gray-green with large patches of dead yellow splotches covering all the corners.  A couple of overgrown dwarf pine trees stood poor watch on either side of the front porch, where empty beer bottles and cans surrounded the legs of a couple of plastic lawn chairs.  Yard work was not a priority for this household.  It looked as if fancy cars were, though.  The bright yellow Hummer, Derrick’s Porsche and a couple of other sports cars I didn’t recognize were parked on the street and in the driveway.  The garage door had been left open, leaving visible all the junk piled and crammed into every available nook and cranny.  Tools and motorcycles and snowmobiles were recognizable forms amongst the rest of the flotsam.

I reached to knock on the door but K.C. interrupted me with a nudge from her elbow.  She opened her purse and showed me the taser, winked and patted the purse then nodded at the door, giving me the go ahead. 

I might have rolled my eyes at this in the past, but currently I wasn't feeling so cavalier about the danger we might be bringing upon ourselves.  I knocked then stood back.

The door was opened slowly by a shirtless man in boxers with his hair sticking out all over his head. 

“Come in ladies,”  he said.

“Are you Doug Stanwyck?” I asked.

“The one and only.  Come on in, I was just popping open a brewski, you want one?” He held a brown bottle aloft.

“Um, don’t you want to know who we are before you ask us into your house?” I asked.

“Not a couple of hot ladies like you.  Why would I question my good luck?”

I glanced sideways at K.C. with her goddess hair.  She shot a look of disbelief back at me and my eggplant-colored eye socket.

“Well don’t just stand there, you fine young buck, show me to that brewski you were talking about.”  K.C. said.  I looked at her and raised my eyebrows.  “What?” she whispered as she walked past me into the house.  I shrugged and followed her in.

The furnishings had seen better days.  At least the blinds were open to let in some light, but a smell pervaded the entire place.  It was the aroma of unwashed sheets mixed in with sweaty gym clothes chucked into a pile in the corner to cover up the last week’s uneaten pizza. 

“Good thing you ladies came when you did,” he said, “I just finished a mega workout session in my gym downstairs.”  He looked over at his flexed right arm and kissed his bicep, then repeated on the left side.  “You two wanna see my gym?”

No, but thanks for clearing up the mystery of the smell.

“No, thank you.  Actually, my name is Quincy, and this is my partner K.C.”  I wanted it to sound like we were private investigators. 

Doug perked up and sat up straight.  “You two are lesies?  I knew it.  This is so hot.  I had a dream about this last night.  It’s coming true.”  He waggled his eyebrows.  “When are you guys gonna kiss?”

“Um, we're not those kind of partners,” I explained.

“Damn.” Doug deflated like the blow-up doll that was probably in the corner under the clothes and the pizza box.

“We’re investigating the death of Derrick Gibbons, and we were told that the two of you were good friends.”

“Yeah, Derrick and I were amigos since high school.  We were on the wrestling team.  The only loss he ever had was to me, and the only loss I ever had was to him.  We were an even match.  We competed ‘til the day he died.”

“You mean you still wrestled each other?”  K.C. said.

“No man, I mean in everything.  We kind of had this competition.  He would snag a hot chick, so I would.  He got a sports car, so then I got one.  We shared the cars most of the time.” That explained why I saw Derrick’s Porsche at the mortuary after he had been found dead.  “We even competed in business deals.”

“What kind of business deals?”  K.C. asked.

“Oh, all kinds of—wait, I shouldn’t be telling you guys this stuff.”

“Why not?”  K.C. tapped Doug on the knee.  “We’re just friends getting acquainted.  We heard about two cool dudes who like a good time, and we thought we would investigate.  That’s all.” 

Doug looked at K.C.’s hand, still on his knee then looked up at me and winked.  “Aw what the hell.  Chicks are always gossiping with each other.  If there’s one thing I know my way around, it’s chicks and how to get what you want from ‘em.  I’ll tell you what you want to know.  Just get ready to return the favor.”  I looked at K.C. and cringed.  She just shrugged.

“So, did Derrick live here too?”

“Yeah, most of the time, when he wasn’t hanging out with a chick.  He didn’t like to live alone though.  He liked to have someone around in case.”

“In case of what?” K.C. asked.

“Oh, in case he took too much insulin, or not enough.  Especially when he would work out.  If he wasn’t real careful with his diet, he could have problems.”  I wondered what affect all the steroids had on his diabetes.

“So, didn’t Derrick own a flower shop?” I asked.

“Yeah, when I got my job, he had to have his own place too.”

“You mean he opened the flower shop just to compete with you?” I asked.

“Yeah, pretty much.” 
  

“I got a gig running a mortuary for my step-dad’s company, so Derrick figured he needed to do the same thing, only he didn’t have any money and his old man cut him off from any funds, so I gave him the money to start it up.  It was going great until they kicked me out of my job.”

“Now, why would they kick you out?” K.C. asked with mock disdain.

“I know.  Right?  They didn’t like us owning a flower shop, especially since I didn’t ask their highness’ permission.  But I got back at them.”

“How’d you do that?” said K.C.

“I let them know that I knew what they were up to and I got a little somethin’ extra on the side.  You know?”

“No, we don’t know,”  I said.

“My step-dad was always kissing that politician’s ass because he pulled some favors for them.”

“What kind of favors?”  I asked.

“You ladies aren’t going to tell anyone what I tell you right?”

“Of course we won’t—Dougie.”  K.C. said.

“You girls are all right.”  He took a swig from his beer.  “Powell got his friends in the legislature to swap some land rights.  So my uptight step-dad got his precious cemetery for dirt-cheap on some land that was supposed to be part of some nature preserve or something.  My step-dad must have something on the guy.” 

The secret cemetery.  Landon Powell broke the rules for the Hansen Mortuary using his political power.  Doug was right; Greg Shilling must have had some real damaging information on Mr. Powell.

“How were you involved?” I asked.

“I could show you now if you’re into it.”  He stuck his tongue out and circled the top of his beer bottle with it.  It was meant to be seductive, but it was in fact, disgusting.

I glanced over at K.C.  She appeared to share my sentiments about Doug’s tongue action, looking as if she were suppressing a gag.  “I’m scared to ask, but what do you mean?” I said.

“I seduced his wife.  Seduced, that’s a cool word.  I heard it in a movie.”

“You seduced Landon Powell’s wife,” I said, “and did he know about it?”

“Oh hell no.  But my step-dad sure did.”

“And Derrick had to do the same thing for the competition.”  K.C. said.  “He seduced Powell’s mistress, Camille.”

Doug got a smile on his face, “Yeah.  Seduced.  She had huge knockers.”

“Yeah, she told me that Derrick paid for those huge…um for those," I said.  "I thought he didn’t have any money.”

“He didn’t for a while, but he was getting paid for the funeral flowers by people referred by the mortuary.  Then the mortuary paid his rent and didn’t know it.  And then he was getting money from that little boyfriend that he had, and Powell was paying him.  Powell’s girlfriend came last.”

“Wait a minute.  Hold on there,” K.C. said.  “He was doing the horizontal tango with Powell’s mistress and getting paid by him?  That doesn’t make sense.” 

“He wasn’t getting paid for her,” he said as if we were stupid, “Powell was paying Derrick to keep his mouth shut about the land deal.  Derrick knew some things, thanks to me, that Powell was willing to pay for not sharing them with anyone else.”

“Ooh, that’s smart Dougie.”  K.C. said.  Doug looked at her and pursed his lips in a fake kiss.

We had to get the rest of the facts quickly before Dougie’s advances became more intense.  “What about the boyfriend?”  I said.  “Was Derrick really bi-sexual?”

“Who really knows, dude?  I don’t think that he was though.  That kid just needed someone to hang out with.  He was lonely.  Derrick told me the kid inherited a bunch of money from some old guy but he had almost spent it all by the time Derrick met him.  Derrick just let him cry on his shoulder until the money was gone.  Then it was time to move on.  The dude took it kind of hard I guess.”

“Yeah, you could say that.”  Doug’s description of Derrick’s callousness angered me.  I could see why Irwin would want to kill Derrick.  But, Derrick obviously had so many other enemies with their own strong motives.  “Well, Doug you’ve shared a lot of information with us.  And we do appreciate it,” I said.  “But, we’ve got to get going now.”

“Wait up.  I gave you what you wanted, now it’s your turn to give back to the Dougster.”  He shaped his hands in a “V” and pointed them down to his lap.

“Yeah, about that…”

“Dougie, we are so sorry, but we have to go now.  Maybe another time,”  K.C. said.  “We promise we won’t tell anyone what you told us.”

“Who cares, you’re chicks.  What are you going to do about it?  No one will take you seriously.” 

“Good point,” I said as I grabbed K.C.’s wrist before she could hit him. 

“Hell, you know you’re just turned on by my sophistication,” he said, then bit his bottom lip in an attempt to look like a male fashion model.

“Did you hear that one in a movie too you little twerp?”  K.C. growled. 

“Well, we’ve got to be going now,” I interjected.  “We’ve got girly pedicure appointment’s to get to.”

“Chicks,”  Doug said.  “When are you coming back for some Doug love?”

We were out the front door before K.C. had a chance to answer. 

“Boss, I’m surprised he wasn’t in the coffin with Derrick.  The line up of people who had good reason to rid the earth of the plague named Derrick is getting longer and longer, but I don’t think Doug did it.  He needed someone to brag to about his conquests." 

“I think you’re right.  Blegh, I feel like I need a shower after being in the same room with Doug.” 

“Oh I don’t know Boss, if it doesn’t work out with Fred, I might go get myself some Doug love.”

“Ugh.”

###

When I got home I thought I would check on the health of my hydrangea plant.  Even though it reminded me of Alex, it also reminded me of Aunt Rosie and Grandma so it
wasn’t completely unpleasant.  I looked around my yard and realized what a mess was left after all of the microbursts we’d had lately.  Broken branch tips and loose papers from the neighbor’s garbage cans had collected in the corners against the fence.  I walked around and gathered them.  A multi-colored square caught my attention.  I picked it up and felt the weight of heavy card stock.  It looked like a greeting card, decorated with a floral print.  I turned it over.  My name was written on the other side.  I opened it and read:

“Dear Quincy McKay, I’ve only known you for a few days, but I have a serious question to ask:”

Beneath the words, two little squares were drawn, the word “yes” written above one of them and the word “no,” written above the other. I smiled at the memory of such notes passed around in elementary school.

“Do you like me? Check Yes or No,”
was written below the boxes.  I drew my hand to my mouth as I let out a giggle just as when I received one of these notes in school.

“Sorry, I haven’t written a note to a girl since the third grade so I had to go with what worked in the past.  I hate to tell you I have to leave for a special assignment and I won’t be able to talk to you until I get back, so please try not to get into any trouble while I’m gone.  I’ll be thinking about you the whole time. I can’t wait to see you and your orange-striped tube socks again.  Be safe!!
Like
, Alex”

So he hadn’t lied about the note and the plant.  But that didn’t mean it wasn’t all part of the act.  I didn’t know anything about him, really.  Only what he’d told me about his family and his past.  I knew that he was good, very good at his job.  He was good at other things too.  I mean, cleaning up my porch, mountain hikes with dinner…making out under the trees...  So good. 

I felt someone watching me from behind and looked up.  My suspicions of Alex took a back seat to the more immediate danger.  I turned and looked up the street but didn’t see anyone.  No one was hiding behind the sunset orange rose bush growing against the front fence.  I crept around the corner of the house to make sure nobody waited for me on the back patio.  I walked to the other side of the house and peered across the driveway at Sarah's kitchen window.  Her sunflower yellow curtains flapped in the breeze, but she wasn't there. 

Everything looked normal in the neighborhood.  Down the street, I noticed the silver car that had been parked in front of the Ragsdale’s house for the last week, but Mrs. Ragsdale had mentioned her sister was coming in from out of town to help with the new baby.

I guessed I wasn’t being watched, I was just feeling paranoid.  Hard to imagine why. 

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

The desktop printer whirred, filling my soul with joy as it printed the invoice I would send off to the conference center.  I took a celebratory swig of my Coke and enjoyed the sweet burn as it traveled down my throat. The payment for that invoice couldn’t come too soon, and I said a little prayer that they would pay it before the due date.  One can always wish. 

K.C. skipped in from the back entrance of the store whistling a happy tune.

“What makes you so chipper today?”  I asked.