The Fight for Us (25 page)

It was a memory—like everything. But this memory twisted the knife in the side of all others. They’d gone away for a long weekend to New York to celebrate their anniversary, and it was at dinner one night that she revealed she was seeing a psychologist. She’d been…struggling she’d said, and with tears that had sat on her lower eyelids, she’d divulged that she’d felt that way for months. He’d listened, he’d even commiserated, but in the end, he’d dismissed it. He supported her choice to go, but he never really allowed himself to see the desperation beneath the surface of what she was saying. He hadn’t wanted to see it. Of course, it was all clear as day now—the image of her partially smiling mouth and glassy eyes watching him over the dinner table.

He opened the jewelry box, touching the earrings he’d given her on that trip and remembering that night, that dinner, and more than anything, that damned expression on her face that he’d simply been unwilling or unable to truly see. When he picked up his wedding ring, he slipped it on the tip of his ring finger. But he didn’t let it slip past his knuckle and into place. He stared at it, remembering what it felt like to wear but refusing to fully put it on.

Something had shifted. Something really fucking important to his happiness, and it was agonizing to think he’d not been aware of it, because it was hurting Joss. He’d felt for such a long time that liking her and wanting her was a betrayal to his wife. Hell, he’d felt like he was cheating on a dead woman. He’d fought against that feeling. He’d fought it, because he couldn’t stop himself with Joss. That fight had most definitely ended.

He was now cheating on Joss with the dead woman.

He slipped the ring back off his finger, staring at it for a moment, and then he dropped it into the jewelry box. He blew out a calming breath of air and slowly closed the lid as though he were closing the door to those memories.

He cleared his throat, sniffing back the tears that he simply wasn’t willing to give into any longer, and then he stood and started pacing. He walked around the room, he stared out the window at the ghostly dark water beyond, and he stared at the fucking pile of Delia on his bedroom floor. He’d fucked up. He’d fucked up by being blind and unwilling to open his eyes. He’d been selfish and consumed by his past, and Joss had paid the price for his refusal to see what was so clearly in front of him.

His focus caught on the two wine glasses that sat on his nightstand and the opened bottle of wine that had gone untouched on top of his dresser. The mere sight of it was a painful reminder of the night before. He could still see Joss’s shocked and wide eyes as she’d stared down at the picture in her hand. It didn’t take much for him to imagine what that must have felt like for her.

Joss had her own smell, her own sweet noises, her own quiet moan of contentment, and her own hang-ups too. She was broken. She’d whored herself to a man who’d never respected her, and it had broken her in some way, and it all left him wanting to put his fist through the man’s face. She didn’t have to know or say that she wanted security for him to understand fully that she was crying out for it. And he didn’t need to make a conscious or calculated decision to know he wanted her to have it, and he wanted to be the one to give it to her.

He was falling in love with her. And her needs just came with the territory as well as her past. He shook his head trying to clear it, trying to set his course in one direction above all others. He knew where he wanted to go. Now, he just needed to figure out how to get there.

* * * *

“Dad?” Natalie sounded worried, and Isaiah sat bolt upright on her bed where he’d fallen asleep. “Dad? What’s wrong?”

He blinked his eyes, forcing himself to wake up. “Nat, what time is it?”

“It’s only seven. Dad, why’s that out?” She was eying the shoebox size wooden box lying beside him on her bed.

“We need to talk.”

Nat looked so nervous as he swung his legs to the floor and she sat beside him. He lifted the box. It was a wooden Lane gift box he and Delia had given her when she was ten. It had a lock, though she’d never used the lock. She’d really never used the box at all. But life was full of little coincidences, and in this twist of fate, he needed her to have something special from her parents, something empty, and something completely her own.

He handed it to her. She opened the box slowly, and when she saw the contents, she froze. She didn’t know what to make of it. She wasn’t shocked. She’d seen it all before. He’d certainly not hidden it—at least not from anyone but Joss.

“I wanted you to have these things. I can’t keep them anymore.”

Her fingers touched the scarf, ran along the frame’s edge, and fingered the perfume bottle and the small intricate pattern on the jewelry box.

“But why don’t you want her things?” She glanced at him, and he saw hurt in her eyes.

His breath hitched as he inhaled, and his chest tightened. “Because…I need to make room for someone else in my life.” His eyes were tearing over already, and at the sight of it, Nat’s did too as a quiet whimper escaped her. “I can’t hold onto these things and let go of her at the same time, and I need to let go if I’m going to give myself to someone else.” He held his breath as he let those words sink in. He was horrified at what he was saying to his own daughter. He sniffed, and she did too.

“Joss?”

He nodded. There was so much more to say than just nodding his head like a coward, but he waited, allowing himself to cower as she processed his words. Her head slowly nodded, but her tears started to fall regardless. Part of him thought she understood him completely in that moment. The other part of him thought he was breaking her heart.

“I’m falling in love with her.” He couldn’t even look at his daughter when he said it, and his eyes were warm and wet with tears.

When she reached for his hand, clasping it in hers, his tears fell and hers did too. She said nothing, but even through it all, he caught the slow and subtle nodding of her head.

* * * *

“Hi, Steph.”

“Isaiah? It’s almost ten.” She sounded worried. Who wouldn’t be? It was almost ten after all.

After Nat had fallen asleep that night, he’d wandered aimlessly in his living room wanting so much to see Joss it was almost impossible to keep himself from grabbing his car keys and his coat. He’d eventually walked back to his bedroom. He’d nearly forgotten about the quilt, and he grabbed it from the box it was still folded in and walked it back to Nat’s bed, leaving it folded at the foot of her bed where she was sound asleep. When he returned to his room, he poured himself a glass of the opened bottle of wine, and he looked around.

He studied the room for a moment. He looked at the bed, he looked at the four-season room, and he paced some more. Then he’d grabbed the phone and called information to get Steph’s number.

“Isaiah, you’re worrying me. What’s wrong? Is Joss okay?”

“Yeah. She’s fine. Listen, I need a favor.”

Chapter Twenty-One

An hour after Harper left with Steph to do some Christmas shopping on Sunday there was a knock on the door. Joss’s pulse quickened just at the sight of Isaiah standing on her porch, but there was just as much nervousness as there was excitement.

“Hi.” She took a deep breath, trying to loosen up.

He smiled warmly. “Hi. How are you?”

“I’m fine.” That was a stretch. She was not nearly as fine as she wanted to be.

She stepped back from the door, and he entered, shrugging out of his coat and hanging it on the wall rack. “Is Harper here?”

“No. She’s shopping with Steph.”

His brow wrinkled. “Didn’t she just go shopping with you last night?”

“Yeah. But she’s Christmas shopping
for
me, so I’m not allowed to go. Kind of a joke, really. I hand money and a list of household items I need to Steph, and on Christmas morning I open up laundry detergent and toilet paper.” She was rambling, but his lips were pulling up the more she talked.

“I see.” His expression returned to the same uncomfortable look he’d had yesterday. The same discomfort she’d been feeling since Friday night. “I’m glad she’s not here. There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

Her heart was suddenly beating in a panic, and it became nearly impossible to keep her face calm. Instead of trying to manage herself and speak at the same time, she stared. He stepped toward her, and he grasped both of her hands in his, looking down at her. The panic that was barely contained built even further as she braced for something painful. His expression was unreadable, and her eyes flit away for a moment before she could stop them.

“Why are you trembling?” His voice was suddenly concerned, and his expression had softened.

“I’m not.” Her voice was a whisper.

“I’m holding your hands. Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m fine.”

He cocked his head, chastising her with his expression. “Hmm… Well then…” He studied her for a moment longer. “I want you to go to Duluth with me Friday. I know it’s the day after Christmas, but Steph said she’d take the—”

She shook her head, and he instantly stopped talking for a moment.

“No? I thought—”

“No. I mean, yes.” Her heart started speeding again, but the anxiety was dissipating, and the excitement she usually felt around him was finally getting a foothold.

“Why did you shake your head?”

“I was just…confused. I’d expected you to say something else.”

“Like what?”

Like hell she was going to answer that question. “It’s nothing. Yes. I’ll go.”

He watched her curiously for a moment. “Did you think I was going to tell you I didn’t want to see you anymore?” He sounded offended, and when she didn’t react, he dropped one of her hands and raked his hand through his hair. “I’m kind of obsessed with you. You realize that, right?”

She looked down at the floor between them, feeling humiliated and elated all in one breath. “I’m sorry. Things have just been kind of off with us, and I just thought…” She shook her head in frustration.

“Come on then.” He pulled her toward the stairs.

“What? Where are we going?”

“Upstairs. Your bedroom.”

“Why?”

He stopped midstride, turning back to her. “Because obviously you need more convincing, and I’m not going to run the risk of getting caught eating your pussy in the living room. Certain things are inappropriate when you have children, and that’s definitely one of them.” He turned back to his path, pulling her along with him and saying nothing else.

Her body instantly flooded with want and desire as she stumbled to keep up with him. The moment he stepped through the door to her bedroom, he turned on her, clutched her face with a hand to both cheeks, and attacked her mouth. He pulled her toward him, kicking the door shut as he went, and he backed up to the bed, never once letting go of her lips. When he sat down, she leaned toward him. He thrust his tongue into her mouth, and she moaned as he stroked her tongue with his own.

She didn’t necessarily need the encouragement to straddle him, but when his hands left her cheeks, they instantly moved to the back of her thighs, gripping harshly and pulling her to him. It was either straddle or topple, and she lifted a knee, planting it at his hip as he dropped back to the bed and she climbed up his body. He stripped off her shirt over her head, and tossed it to the floor as she sat up straight and he looked at her. She wasn’t wearing a bra, and he smirked.

He fondled, squeezed, and pinched the sensitive skin of her breasts, and she arched her back. When he leaned up to suck one nipple into his mouth, he let her pull his shirt off over his head. Joss ran her fingers through his hair as he hummed with a mouthful of her flesh. His fingers dug into the skin of her back as he pulled hard with his mouth. The intensity was almost overwhelming, and when she gasped and whimpered, he moved to the other side, glancing up at her quickly. By the time he was done, her skin felt bruised but so completely innervated that every touch sent a shiver through her body.

He finally lay back, looking up at her. He looked too serious as he studied her, but she loved that penetrating attention. But however serious he might look, his arousal was hard and fighting to get out of his pants. The moment she reached for the waist of his jeans, his hands stilled her.

“Oh, no you don’t.” He sat up, bringing his face right up to hers. “Only if time permits. Besides, I’m convincing
you
. Not the other way around. When I need convincing, I’ll tell you exactly how to do it.” His lips met hers again, tugging and sucking at them. He was incredibly good with his mouth, and as the thought passed through her mind of where his mouth was headed, she shivered. This was going to be good.

He rolled her under his body, letting his groin press against her sex. She was only wearing yoga pants, and she could feel the pressure and hardness of him right on the bud of her clit. She twitched every time he moved even fractionally, and when he intentionally ground his arousal against her, she cried out as her nails dug into his shoulder. He winced as she sank her claws in, but rather than stopping, he pushed harder, staring at her eyes.

“How long has it been since you’ve been tasted?”

She gasped at the sound of his voice. Not because she didn’t know he was capable of speaking, but she was tranced out to some other world, focusing on the building and tingling pulses of pleasure traveling out from between her legs.

“Pay attention please.” His voice purred out to her.

Fuck, he was saying please again. Why that word sent a rush of want coursing through her body was beyond her, but she loved it. Her breath caught in her throat as he pressed against her again. He had a thing for driving her crazy, and she’d found her way right back to crazy town with him in no time—regardless of how strained the past two days had been.

“Oh, fuck. I can’t.”

“Well, if you dig any deeper into my shoulder I’m going to need skin grafts.” He chuckled, but as it died away, he rolled his hips, and she cursed again. “Now, answer me please.”

“Years. Todd wouldn’t—”

His hand moved and instantly covered her mouth, cutting off her words. “I’m not the least bit surprised to hear that, but don’t say that name again in this bedroom or mine.” He licked his lips as he looked down at her, finally uncovering her mouth. “Well, I better not keep you waiting. Just relax.”