The Field (20 page)

“What kind of trouble could he possibly cause? All the remote viewing has made you think you know more than you really do. That was totally out of line back there. You embarrassed me in front of my friends, and you have no right to tell me what to do.” I can't believe how pissed off she is about this. I may have gotten angry at Miles, but I didn't think it was that bad. Then she says, “I'm going to go back to dance with my friends the rest of the night.” She emphasizes
my friends
. “Maybe you
should go ahead and go home.” Now I really can't believe what she's saying. I feel like a giant weight's been placed on my shoulders.

“You want me to leave?” I ask, not wanting to accept that this is happening.

“I'm just going to stay with the people I came with and you can hang out with your soccer friends. I'll talk to you tomorrow.” Then she turns and walks back to Anna, Emily and Miles, leaving me standing there, alone in the middle of the sea of students. I feel a dull ache in my heart. Miles is looking at me, and I could swear he's giving me a sneer of triumph.

I look away from him and turn my gaze skyward. I think about following Renee, but I don't want to make a scene in front of everyone, and she did say she would talk to me tomorrow. Maybe she won't be as upset by then. The next band is playing now, and all around me people are moving to the beat, jostling me as I stand in what feels like an island of stillness, numb. Then the pain starts radiating out in waves in my chest, and I can't catch my breath because it feels like a hand is squeezing all the air out of my lungs. Is this what heartache feels like? I turn and push through the crowd toward the exit. I don't have a clear idea of what I'm going to do. I just want to get out of there. Meeting up with Tyler and Paul isn't an option since I'm in no mood to talk to anyone, and they're bound to ask me what's wrong. It's only a couple miles to my house, so I'm thinking I'll just walk home.

I have to zigzag past groups of people to get to the back. The crowd thins out as I get closer to the booths where people are milling around and paying less attention to the band. I stop for a minute to get my bearings on where the exit is and over to my left I see Will out of the corner of my eye. What catches my
attention is that his hair has fallen over his eyes and he does the familiar gesture of pushing it back with his hand. He's with the same crowd he's been hanging out with lately and is obviously having a good time. Great. Another thing that sucks about my life right now. I look the other direction and see the exit gate to my right. When I pass the woman at the ticket table she says, “There's no re-entry to the concert once you leave.”

“Thanks. I'm not coming back.”

I walk quickly across the parking lot. Once I leave the lights of the field and the parking lot behind me, I'm plunged into darkness. I'm grateful for the anonymity of the night. It's gotten windy, so I zip up my jacket, put my hands in my coat pockets and hunch my shoulders against the chill. How did everything get so crappy? Will is being wild and acting like a jerk most of the time, I have to compete for the starting keeper spot and prove myself in every game so every time I let in a goal I feel like I've blown it, and now my girlfriend is mad at me. I'm working so hard trying to figure out the collective consciousness stuff, and I can't seem to get it. Maybe Renee's right, and I don't really know anything. That seemed like a betrayal coming from her, especially after Will attacked me with the same thing. If she doesn't believe in it, why should I? Did I do better in the goal before I tried to focus on knowing where the shots were going to go? I'm probably over-thinking it. I don't know. It doesn't seem to be working, that's for sure.

My footfalls make a rhythmic sound on the sidewalk as I trudge along and an occasional leaf crunches under my shoe. It's still a little too early for the leaves to change, but fall is definitely here. There's a crispness in the air and the sweet fermenting smell of decaying summer plants. I stop at a corner and wait to
cross until a car passes. My ribs are really aching now. The ibuprofen wore off a long time ago.

Finally, I turn the corner onto my street. The walk hasn't done much to improve my mood. I feel pretty useless—the guarded excitement I had the other day about the astral viewing with Drew and connecting to The Field with Dr. Auberge has turned to apathy and disbelief. I just want to go to bed and forget everything. My house is shrouded in gloom because no one's turned on the outside lights and the light at the end of the driveway is off. I gratefully reach the driveway and just when I step under the street light, it abruptly lights up, shining into the darkness and illuminating me in a circle of light.

M
R
. O
GLE LEADS
us to a door at the end of the science hallway that I never paid attention to before. He stops in front of it with his hand on the handle and says, “It's worth repeating that you must
stay away from the edge of the roof
. If one of you falls, that will be the end of classes getting to go up here, not to mention being very painful for you.” He inserts a key into the lock, opens the door and climbs the stairway going up to the roof. The students file in behind him.

Will, Cole, Renee and I have formed an awkward group at the back of the line. Awkward because Will isn't really associating with us except for during class and on the soccer field, and because things are still tense between me and Renee. I tried to explain to her on Sunday why I was concerned about Miles, but she just thinks I'm jealous and don't trust her. We're not exactly fighting, but it's not the same between us. Cole isn't helping matters by simply being Cole and making snide remarks.

“Eric, don't you feel a draft in this hallway? It could be a bit of cold shoulder, if you know what I mean,” he says low enough that only I can hear him. I'm not sure if he means Will or Renee. Probably both.

“Shut up, Cole. It's bad enough without your sarcastic comments.”

I climb the stairs behind Renee and pass through the doorway at the top and onto the roof of the school. The wind whips across the wide open expanse; catching the tails of my shirt and making them flutter. The roof is tarred and covered with pebbles which crunch under my shoes as I follow the rest of the class over to the solar panels. There are three rows of panels with eight sections per panel.

“The student environmental club runs the paper, plastic and aluminum can recycling program here at school and uses the proceeds to fund its activities.” Mr. Ogle is standing to the side of the panels and is turned toward the class. He has to speak loudly to be heard over the humming of giant fans positioned at intervals across the roof. “Every year the students in the club set aside money to go toward different environmental programs they support. A portion of the funds is also earmarked for purchasing solar panels for the school, so when enough money has accumulated, we get new panels.”

“What do the panels power?” A boy towards the front asks.

“With a building this large, three panels can't do too much, but the energy generated from these panels is able to heat the water used in the cafeteria. The energy gathered over the summer when the cafeteria isn't used, is sold back to the utility, which gives the school energy credits to use during the school year.”

I'm standing behind Renee and I have to stop myself from putting my hands on her shoulders and pulling her against me. Her hair is blowing around her head, and strands of it fan across my face. I don't try to push them away. It's not that I think she wouldn't want me to touch her, it's just that this isn't really the
place. But I've only seen her alone once since Sunday because of soccer practice and Sectional games this week. Now that the tournament has started, I don't have much free time between soccer and homework to see her. We studied together at the library on Tuesday, but there wasn't much opportunity to be alone. She just gave me a quick kiss goodbye when I dropped her off. It feels awful that things aren't right between us, and I miss being with her. I don't know what I can do to make it better. Especially since I still don't like her hanging out with Miles and I can't say anything.

Will elbows me in the side to get my attention. “Nice shut out against Winchester last night. Now it's just Regionals and Semi-State to get to the Final. Think we can do it?”

“Thanks.” Soccer's the only thing we talk about now. I played a decent game against Winchester, but there wasn't really much for me to do. And I was playing more by rote than by instinct. I've been questioning the whole collective consciousness stuff, and it's making me over-think everything in the goal. Fortunately, our defense did its job, shutting down Winchester's offense so I only had a few big saves to make. And I did save them. It wasn't much of a contest—we won four to nothing. “Bloomfield's our next match and they're tough, but yeah, I think we can do it. We've got the players … I think we definitely have a chance at State this year.”

Mr. Ogle is still talking. “I'm sure you're aware that the high school doesn't have a lot of windows.” Some of the kids up front nod in agreement. “What you may not know is that it's because the school was renovated and expanded back in the 1970s during the energy crisis. Not having windows was an attempt to lower energy costs. But it's like going to school in a box. No natural light.”

“Totally!” someone shouts out.

“I think solar panels are a much better energy saving program, as they allow the school to create its own energy. The roof is the perfect place for solar panels because it's flat and tall and they can't be seen from the ground.”
Yet another alternative to burning fossil fuel
. Why wouldn't you embrace these other energy sources? It just requires the initial investment. I guess change is hard for people. I know there are tax credits for green energy, but maybe if there were stricter penalties for polluting that were actually enforced, there would be more incentive to change. Mr. Ogle continues talking about solar energy for another few minutes and then we go back to the classroom where he finishes the lecture.

Instead of sitting in the back where he and Will usually sit, Cole takes the seat across the aisle from Renee. When the bell rings and everyone starts gathering up their stuff, he leans over to her and says, “I reiterate my offer of an evening out if you ever want to dump this guy here.” He jabs his thumb in my direction. “He can act pretty stupid sometimes.”

Renee looks quizzically from Cole to me, probably wondering what I told Cole about our fight. I haven't actually told him anything. He's just perceptive enough to pick up on the tension between us. Maybe he's trying to be funny, or maybe he's trying to help in his screwed-up way, I don't care. I just know that I have to keep it light and not get pissed at him even though I want to strangle him at the moment.

“Thanks, Cole, I'll, ah, keep that in mind,” Renee says in a way that's nice, but also totally blowing him off. I let out a breath of air that I didn't realize I was holding in.

“I'll see you later, Cole,” I say pointedly. But what I really mean is—leave now.

“Don't forget—applications for the internship have to be turned in by Monday,” Mr. Ogle calls out. “Interviews will be scheduled after fall break.”

I take a step closer to Renee. “Maybe we could go to a movie or something tonight,” I ask her. “Are you coming to the Regional game tomorrow?”

“Do you know if you're starting?”

“Coach Swenson hasn't actually said that he's going with me in the tournament, but so far I've started two games in a row. I hope you can come.”

“Yes, I'll be there. And I'd like to go to a movie tonight, too.”

“Great!” I breathe a sigh of relief. I was half afraid she'd say no. Maybe everything doesn't totally suck.

I
PUSH MY
chair back from the table and take the electrodes off of my forehead. Tonight I'd been able to light up the second bulb on the panel for over five seconds; the longest time yet. Steven is at my side in an instant checking the data records on the computer.

“That was great, Eric. You're getting the hang of it for sure.” It's just the two of us in the lab tonight. “Do you want to try again?”

“No, I'm done for the night. I've had soccer every night this week and I'm wiped out. I was only able to stop by tonight because Coach gave us the day off. We won our first Semi-state game last night. Our next game is Saturday. If we win, we're in the state Final.” I say this without much emotion because it's not like I think Steven is a fan or anything, but he surprises me.

“That's fantastic! You're the keeper, right? Dr. Auberge is pretty into soccer and he's been telling me that you might be tapping into collective consciousness when you play. Of course, the whole town knows about it too.”

“They do?” I say, slightly alarmed.

“Not about the collective consciousness stuff,” he says quickly. “About the team winning in the tournament. You guys are like local heroes.”

“Oh, right. One of the benefits of living in a small town.” I pick at a frayed piece of black electrical tape on the edge of the table. “So what do you really think about all this?” I gesture to all the equipment in the room.

“You mean the experiments?”

“That, and the whole collective consciousness and The Field, all of it. Do you think it's really real?”

“Well, yeah, I do. That's why I'm here, but unfortunately, I haven't developed any heightened ability. Why, don't you think it's real?”

“When I'm here in the lab, I do, but back in my real life, it's hard to believe or to trust myself. Even here, I'm just lighting up light bulbs and making meters move and logging random thoughts into the computer. Nothing all that amazing. When I'm with other people, I'm just getting odd, unexplained feelings about things and half the time no one takes it seriously. I even feel like I've lost it in the goal because I'm thinking about it so much. I'm still a good keeper, but the extra spark isn't there anymore.”