The Feud (13 page)

As the jokes and drinks flowed, Eddie stood up and ssshed everyone. ‘Let’s have a toast to our wonderful new family member.’ He smiled at Raymond. ‘I’m gonna change your name for you, boyo. Raymond don’t really suit you, it sounds too wank. From now on, after your performance today, you are officially called Raymondo.’

Raymond laughed as all the men stood up. ‘To Raymondo,’ everybody said, toasting him.

Raymond’s smile lit up the room. He may not have made it as a rock star, but life was all down to fate, and he had certainly made it now.

Jessica did her best to avoid attending Uncle Reg’s surprise party, but Ed was having none of it.

‘Why don’t you just go with the boys and Raymond, Ed? I’ve got a bit of a headache and if we’ve got that party on Sunday, I’ll be shattered.’

Eddie poured himself a Scotch. Jess pissed him off at times. For years, he’d fallen over backwards to entertain her family, yet when it came to his, it was an effort for Jess to give them the time of day.

Knocking his drink back in one, Ed glared at her. ‘You can be such a selfish fucker at times. You’ve gotta come. All my family are gonna be there, and it ain’t gonna look good if I turn up without you. Not only that, I want the kids to be there. My dad, aunts and brothers ain’t seen ’em for fuck knows how long.’

‘But I don’t really know your family that well, and I won’t know anyone else there. It’s all right for you, Ed, you’ll be stood up the bar with the boys all night, while I’m sat alone like a lemon,’ Jess argued.

About to lose his rag, Ed stopped himself. ‘I’ll tell you what, why don’t you ring your mum and dad and invite them. That way, you ain’t sitting on your Jacks. Give us the phone, I’ll ring ’em for you.’

Knowing when she was beaten, Jess reluctantly passed Ed the telephone. She’d never felt comfortable around Eddie’s family. Ed always seemed to get drunk when they had a get-together and Jessica dreaded these odd occasions.

‘Sorted,’ Ed said, as he handed Jess the phone.

‘What did Mum say? Is my dad coming as well?’ Jessica asked.

Eddie laughed. ‘Your mother nearly had a heart attack with the excitement of it all. Your dad’s popped out, but your mum said he’ll do as he’s told. Right, you’d better get your arse in gear, I told me dad we’d be there at seven.’

About to walk out of the room, Jess saw Eddie pour himself a refill. ‘Ed, promise me you won’t get drunk tonight?’

Eddie shook his head in annoyance. ‘Jess, you’re me wife, not me keeper. Do yourself a favour, go and get ready and stop treating me like a fucking moron.’

Harry Mitchell had sworn everybody to secrecy. He didn’t want Reg to clock on, so, instead of holding the party in the Flag, he’d booked the hall in the Marquis of Salisbury. He’d told Reg he was taking him out for a quiet meal with the boys.

‘I don’t want no fucking circus,’ Reg warned him.

‘You’re not fucking getting one. What do you think I’m gonna do? Throw you a big party?’ Harry lied.

Family and friends had been told to arrive at the Marquis at seven, half an hour before Reg was due there.

‘For fuck’s sake, cheer up a bit. You look like you’re going to a funeral,’ Ed hissed, as Jess got out of the cab.

Annoyed with his wife’s demeanour, Eddie ushered Gary and Ricky inside and left Jess to deal with the twins.

‘There you are. I wondered where you’d got to,’ Joyce said, as she spotted her daughter.

‘I’ve had the day from hell. Ed’s been in a bad mood and the kids have driven me mad,’ Jess moaned.

‘Mum, can I have some crisps?’ Frankie asked in a whining voice.

‘You can have some when Daddy comes back from the bar. Now go and sit next to Grandad.’

‘Mum, Mum,’ Joey said, tugging her arm.

‘What’s the matter?’ Jess asked, as she noticed Joey was crying.

‘I think I’ve peed my pants.’

Ed reappeared at precisely the wrong moment. ‘What’s up?’ he asked, handing Jess her drink.

‘Nothing. I’m just going to take Joey to the toilet.’

‘I’ll take him. It’s about time he started using the gents,’ Eddie said, grabbing his son’s hand.

‘No. He thinks he’s had a little accident, Ed. Leave it to me and I’ll sort him out.’

Eddie looked at his son in disgust. ‘What’s the matter with you? You’re not a baby, you’re six years old. Why don’t you ask if you wanna go to the fucking toilet?’

Jessica picked up her sobbing son. ‘Don’t shout at him, Ed. He can’t help it.’

‘He’s a fucking embarrassment,’ Eddie hissed, as he headed back to the bar.

Stanley glanced at Joyce as Eddie walked away. Neither of them had heard the conversation, but both of them got the gist that their son-in-law wasn’t happy.

‘I don’t trust him as far as I can throw him, Joycie.’

‘Stanley, just drink your drink and shut your cakehole,’ Joyce ordered.

Uncle Reg arrived at quarter to eight.

‘Surprise!’ everyone shouted, as he shuffled in, embarrassed.

‘Fuck you, Harry. You know how I hate anything like this.’

Sylvie, Harry’s lady friend, had spent the morning decorating the hall with balloons, banners and old photographs of Reg.

‘Oh, for fuck’s sake,’Reg said as he clocked an enlarged image of himself as a spotty-faced teenager wearing an old army helmet.

Ed stood up the bar with Raymond, Ronny and Paulie. All four of them were in the mood for a party and were knocking the Scotch back like it was going out of style.

‘Where’s Jess?’ Ronny enquired.

‘Dunno, probably mollycoddling the fucking kids, as usual,’ Ed replied arrogantly.

Seeing Gary and Ricky nick someone’s beer, Eddie smiled. They were boys to be proud of. Not once had they ever shown him up by pissing themselves in public.

Stanley was frozen to his chair as he spotted Harry Mitchell strolling towards him with a bottle in his hand.

‘Joyce, Stanley, lovely to see you again. And how are my beautiful grandchildren?’ Harry said, patting the twins on the head.

Noticing Stanley flinch, Harry held up the bottle and smiled. ‘Champagne, anyone?’

‘Yes, please. I do like a drop of champers,’ Joyce said, in a silly posh voice.

Harry poured her a glass and then turned to Stanley. ‘And would you like a drop of the finest, Stanley?’

‘No, not for me,’ Stanley said, as he bolted to the toilet.

Frankie and Joey nudged one another as the strange man sat next to them.

‘This is your grandad, Harry. Say “hello, Grandad Harry,”’ Joyce said in a stupid, childlike voice.

Frankie giggled. She’d been in a naughty mood all day. ‘My brother has peed his pants,’ she said proudly.

‘No, I didn’t,’ Joey shouted.

‘Stop it, Frankie. She’s only joking,’ Joyce awkwardly informed Harry.

‘No, I’m not. Joey always wets himself.’

As Joey burst into tears, Joyce burst into false laughter. ‘Kids, eh? Say the funniest things don’t they, Harry?’

Not sure what planet Joyce or his grandchildren were on, Harry stood up. ‘Excuse me, Joycie. I have to answer a call of nature.’

‘Bye Harry, lovely to see you again,’ Joyce yelled, as he walked away.

Seeing Stanley hovering nervously by the doorway, Harry pretended not to notice him. He knew full well why Stanley was shit-scared of him. Harry never forgot the face of a victim or their friends, and he knew Stanley was the geezer who had been in the pub with Roger Dodds on the evening he’d unfortunately taken his eye out. Harry had recognised Stanley on the night of Eddie’s wedding. He’d had him checked out afterwards, just to confirm that his mind was as sharp as ever. Harry smiled. The look on Stanley’s face when he’d waved the champagne bottle towards him was a picture of pure fucking fear.

Auntie Joan and Auntie Vi were in their element. Harry had booked a duo, one singing and one on the piano, that were playing every war song that Joan and Vi had sung down the shelters.

Gee, it’s great after bein’ out late
Walkin’ my baby back home
Arm in arm over meadow and farm
Walkin’ my baby back home.

Eddie interrupted Joan and Vi’s sing-song by plonking himself in the middle of them. ‘How’s my two favourite aunties?’ he asked cheekily.

‘Oi, go and get your bleedin’ own,’Vi said, as he nicked a sausage roll off her plate.

Joan squeezed his hand. ‘It’s a wonderful evening, Eddie. Thoroughly enjoying ourselves, me and Vi are. Mustard this duo, ain’t they?’

‘Bit old hat for me. I prefer The Who or a bit of Rod Stewart meself,’ Ed joked.

‘Your mother loved all these songs, Eddie. There was no telly in them days, and we’d sit round your mum’s coal fire singing these songs. Kept us amused, they did, especially when the sirens went off and we were stuck down them bloody shelters for hours on end,’ Joan told him.

Eddie was overcome by emotion. ‘I wish I could remember more about me mum. I can picture her face, but that’s about it.’

Vi smiled at him. ‘She was a kind, wonderful woman. Had a heart of gold, didn’t she, Joan?’

Joan nodded. ‘Give you her last ha’penny, she would. She was one of life’s gentle souls.’

Aware that his eyes were starting to well up, Eddie stood up.

‘Where’s the little ’uns? We’ve seen Gary and Ricky, but we ain’t seen the twins yet, have we, Vi?’ Joan said.

‘I’ll tell Jess to bring ’em over in a minute,’ Ed said, as he walked away.

Bowling over to the table where his wife was sitting, Ed could see no sign of her. ‘Where’s Jess?’ he asked Stanley.

Stanley shrugged. ‘Joyce has took the kids to the toilet, but I’ve no idea where Jess is.’

Eddie’s eyes scanned the hall. He wasn’t happy with Jessica’s behaviour tonight. How could she not take the twins over to say hello to his two old aunts? She was out of fucking order.

Unable to see hide nor hair of Jess, Eddie walked back to the bar.

‘What’s up?’ Paulie asked him.

‘Nothing,’ Eddie said, as he urged the barman to leave a bottle of Scotch on the counter.

Spotting Raymond chatting up a bird, Ed walked over to him. ‘Where’s Jess? You seen her?’

Raymond shrugged. ‘She was sitting with me mum and dad. Don’t worry, she won’t go far without the twins. I’m gonna make a move now, Ed. This is Jane and we’re going back to mine.’

As the singer took a toilet break, Ed smiled when his dad leaped on the stage and began one of his infamous speeches.

‘Everyone knows why we’re here tonight. We’re celebrating the retirement of the oldest swinger in town. Reg, where are you? Now, I might be his brother, but I ain’t giving you no old flannel. He was a horrible fucker when he was a kid. At six years old he . . .’

As Ed spotted Jess all cosied up with some good-looking geezer, he lost track of his father’s speech. Fuming, Ed marched towards her, grabbed her arm, and pulled her away. ‘Whaddya think you’re fucking doing?’

Jessica looked at Eddie in horror. ‘I beg your pardon. Are you drunk, Eddie? Don’t embarrass me, please.’

Eddie sneered at the bloke. ‘Who’s that cunt?’ he asked Jess.

‘Lee Jones. You remember my old schoolfriend, Mary?
Well, Lee’s her older brother. Please don’t start, Ed. We’re catching up on old times, that’s all.’

‘I am not a happy man, Jess. My aunt Joan and aunt Vi are sitting on that table near the door. You ain’t said hello or fuck all to ’em. Asking me if the twins are here, they were. I want you to take the kids over to ’em, now, before I lose my temper with yer.’

‘I’ll take them over in a minute. Please don’t show me up in front of Lee, Ed. I’d hate any bad stories to get back to Mary.’

Ed sneered. ‘Fuck Lee and fuck Mary. I’m your husband and you’ll do as I say.’

As Ed stormed back to the bar, Jess made her excuses to Lee and went off to find the twins. Sometimes her husband’s temper was like a ticking time bomb and she would hate to create a scene.

‘Who was that geezer Jess was all over? Got bored of you already, has she?’ Ronny joked.

Eddie pushed Ronny up against the wall. ‘Shut it, else I’ll punch your fucking lights out.’

Ronny was taken aback. ‘I’m only mucking about, Ed. I didn’t mean it, honest I didn’t.’

‘What’s going on?’ Harry asked, pulling Eddie away.

‘Nothing, Dad. It’s him, he’s off his fucking head,’ Ronny said, feeling brave now his father had appeared.

Harry had a quiet word with Eddie. ‘Look son, I don’t know what’s bugging you, but leave it tonight, eh? This is your Uncle Reg’s party and I want him to have a good time.’

Eddie nodded. ‘I’m fine, Dad. Ronny just needs to learn when to shut it, that’s all.’

‘Come on, twins. Say goodbye to Auntie Vi and Auntie Joan,’Jessica said, searching for her husband out of the
corner of her eye. As she dragged the twins away, she clocked him. Ed was standing at the bar only yards away from Lee and his friends.

Jessica hadn’t seen Lee Jones for years and was surprised to see him at Reg’s party. Apparently, he was best friends with Ed’s Uncle Albert’s son, and he’d invited him. Jessica’s heart was in her mouth as she sat back down with her parents. Unbeknown to Eddie, Lee had been her first love. She’d met him through his sister, Mary, and she’d had a crush on him for well over a year before he’d finally noticed she existed. They’d dated for two years on and off and Jess had lost her virginity to him. The relationship had ended when Jess had left school. It had run its course and both she and Lee amicably decided to go their separate ways.

Aware that Lee was talking about Jessica, Eddie edged towards him. Albert’s son, John, had his back to Ed, otherwise he’d have warned Lee to shut up.

‘Jess was always good-looking when we were kids, but she’s a fucking stunner now. What a shame she’s married. I wonder if she’s up for a bit on the side? I’d give me right arm to fuck her again. You never know, she might even dump her husband for me,’ Lee joked.

Like a madman, Eddie lunged towards Lee. ‘That’s my wife you’re talking about. I’ll kill you, you fucking cunt!’ Ed shouted, as he rammed Lee’s face repeatedly against the wooden bar post.

As Jessica screamed and ran towards the bar, Stanley felt the colour drain from his face.

‘Stop it, Daddy, stop it,’ Frankie cried, as she followed her mum from the table.