The Fear of Letting Go (22 page)

And yet, I've seen a side of him that's so beautiful and unexpected. He's a natural leader, but it's more than that. The night of the tornado he could have easily gone back home with his mother, to the safety of their giant mansion, with its decked out storm shelter—probably equipped with a generator that could power half the town and a full suite of games, dvds, and more food than his family could eat in a year—and left the search to us normal folks.

But he didn't. Preston hadn't even hesitated to help. He didn't worry for two seconds about his own safety. He trudged right alongside me in the mud, his mind focused on finding that little girl. And if it wasn't for him, we might not have found her at all.

He was a hero.

And last night at the restaurant, he stood up for me. He listened to every word I said on the beach, without running for the hills when I told him how messed up my family is. And, oh God, the way he made love to me still makes me shiver.

So far, he's made all the right moves. It feels too good to be true.

The deeper we go, the more I start looking over my shoulder for lightning to strike.

I smash my cigarette into the ashtRob and go back inside. I wash my hands and get a stack of delicate papers from the hall closet. I set my workstation up on my kitchen table and turn the radio on. I need to think. I need to get my hands dirty and focus on the details of the folding and cutting. I need to get my mind off the worries and just meditate. Try to find a way to believe in the good things that are happening between us.

I open a plastic bag full of brightly colored strips of paper, and begin folding them in half, dabbing a tiny dot of glue on one end to hold them in place. The work is repetitious, but I fall into a peaceful trance as I go through the motions. Fold. Glue. Fold. Glue. When I have a collection of petals, I arranged them on a square piece of cardboard I've painted a dark gRob.

I create delicate flowers in a variety of colors, folding and arranging the paper until a scene begins to form on the page. I let my mind go blank and fill my lungs with deep, deliberate breaths. After an hour, the beating of my heart has stilled and the demons have slipped away into the shadows.

But thoughts of Preston are still there. How easy it has been to open up to him. How much more we have in common than I ever thought possible.

A tear forms on my eyelash and I blink, letting it run down my cheek as I stare at the scene I've created. A farmhouse made entirely of blue paper takes up a large portion of the left side of the page. A field of bright paper flowers adorns the stretch of farmland to the right. In the center of the field, stands a little girl, her hair in messy blond pigtails. She's wearing a red dress that's slightly too big for her scrawny frame. Her small face is lifted toward a stormy sky, but she has one hand delicately placed on top of a flower petal. It has taken me four hours to create this piece, and it was only after I'd finished that I realized I hadn't created a scene with the little Powell girl at all.

The girl in the field is me.

The scene is a perfect reflection of how I feel. A child standing her ground amidst the storm, trying to see the beautiful things in life. Trying to find the joyful things that hold her feet to this earth.

With a black marker, I sign the lower right corner with my initials—JAL—and on the back, I give the piece a title.

Storm Coming.

I tack this latest creation on the shelf in my bedroom and crawl into bed, thinking it's funny how fate does what it wants sometimes, despite our best efforts to deny it. Like the petals of the flower in my picture, the wind carries us where we are meant to be.

I just hope the storm waits just a little longer before it descends on us. I'm not ready to let him go just yet.

Jenna

“Help me with the zipper?” I ask.

“I would help, but it will take me ten minutes to get out of this chair,” Penny says with a laugh. She rubs her hand across her pregnant belly and smiles.

Leigh Anne stands and comes over to zip the back of my black dress. “I love this dress, is it new?”

I smile, thinking about our romantic trip to Jolene's. I never would have imagined there could be such a thing as romantic thrift-store shopping, but I had the best time.

“I found it at Jolene's,” I say. I bite my lower lip and turn to her. It feels awkward to talk about Preston with her since she dated him for so long in high school, but it feels wrong not to confide in my best friend. Plus, Penny is his twin sister. She probably doesn't want to hear me get all gushy about her brother. “Is it weird if I talk about Preston? Because it feels weird.”

“Don't look at me,” Penny says. “I haven't seen Preston this happy in so long, I can't even remember. You can talk about him all you want to, as long as you don't go into detail about your sex life.”

Leigh Anne laughs and shakes her head. “Seriously, Jenna. I have no problem with it at all,” she says. “I'm happy you're giving him a chance. You are both my friends, and I want you to be happy.”

She sits back down on my bed and picks up a piece of one of the butterfly projects I've been working on lately. She turns it over in her hands, studying it. “This is really beautiful, by the way,” she says. “You made this completely from scratch?”

I slip on a dangly black earring and nod, watching her in the mirror. “Yeah. I made the paper myself, which took days since I needed so many different colors and weights,” I says. “But I think it's turning out really pretty so far.”

“It's unbelievable,” Penny says. “Hand me one of those. They are so delicate and beautiful. You should sell these.”

I shake my head and wrinkle my nose. “I can't imagine anyone would pay for those little things.”

“I think you'd be surprised,” she says. Leigh Anne takes one of the fifty or so I've made so far out of the box and hands one to her. “I bet you could find hundreds of parents who would love something like this for their little girl's rooms. I know I would.”

“Seriously?” I ask. “I'll make some for the baby's room if you want. What color?”

“I'll pay you for them,” she says. “We've decorated the room in lavender and white and gRob, but have kept it very simple. A cluster of butterflies on the wall above the crib would be gorgeous, don't you think?”

“I think it would be perfect,” I say. “Maybe I'll stop by your place this week and take a look at the colors so I can match them.”

“Anyway, you were saying something about Preston?” Penny asks.

My cheeks warm at the thought. “He did the sweetest thing for me,” I say. “I told him I was uncomfortable with him buying me an expensive dress for this dinner, so he had Jolene open her store for us last weekend so we could have the place all to ourselves. We had such an amazing time. I never knew how much fun he could be.”

“I can't believe you found such a perfect dress at Jolene's. It looks tailored to your body,” Leigh Anne says. “I love it.”

“So you don't think I'm going to look completely out of place at this thing?” As much as I didn't want to walk in there with a thousand dollar dress paid for by someone else, I also don't want everyone at the dinner to look down on me because of what I'm wearing. It's a very confusing set of emotions. “I've never been to something like this before.”

“I think you look lovely,” Penny says. “That's all anyone will notice.”

“Thanks,” I say, still not completely convinced. “You know the best part? Preston is wearing a suit he bought at Jolene's, too. Isn't that cute?”

Penny raises an eyebrow. “He is?”

I nod and dab some sheer gloss on my lips.

“I have never known Preston to show up at an event without a designer suit,” she says. “You must really be getting to him.”

“I think he just wanted to make me feel more comfortable.”

“The fact that he's thinking of how you feel over himself or anyone else is a huge step for him,” she says.

My stomach flutters. I hadn't thought of it like that, but it makes me both nervous and excited.

“I just hope I don't make a fool of myself in front of your parents and their friends,” I say. “I wish you were coming, too, Leigh Anne.”

“No way,” Leigh Anne says. “I've been to enough of those things to last me a lifetime. If it was a dinner for Penny's charity, I'd be there in a heartbeat, but I'm glad to be sitting this one out.”

Nerves zing through me. “Why? Are they usually that bad?”

She wrinkles her nose. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you even more nervous,” she says. “It's not that they're horrible, I just find those kinds of events boring. Plus, I always wondered why charity dinners like this are so popular. Wouldn't it just be better to give the full amount to charity instead of spending a fortune on a dress and dinner just to attend? Half the money goes to putting the event together in the first place.”

“Don't even get me started,” Penny says. “The events really do raise a lot of money in the end, but that's because the tickets are nearly five thousand dollars a person.”

“What?” I spin around, feeling like I'm going to be sick.

“Don't worry, our parents already covered the tickets for all six of us,” Penny says, waving it off like it's no big deal. “I just wish the full amount was going straight to cancer research instead of lobster and champagne.”

I sit down on the edge of the bed, deflated. Five thousand dollars a ticket? I had no idea it was so expensive just for me to attend. And the fact that Preston's parents paid it is making me feel light-headed. I take several deep breaths. It's not like they spent the money on me, exactly. It's for a good cause, most of the money going to breast cancer research. But the realization that I'm going to be in a room full of people who don't hesitate to hand over thirty grand at the blink of an eye, makes me feel completely out of my league.

Is this what our relationship is going to be like? This past week has been all about the two of us, mostly hanging out at the beach or at my apartments, but tonight is the first time I'll really venture into his world. I can't ask him to stop donating money to charity or giving parties on his father's yacht. I can't expect him to stop driving nice cars or wearing designer clothes. If I'm truly going to give this a shot, I'm going to have to learn to deal with his level of wealth in a way that doesn't have me running to the bathroom every five minutes to throw up.

“Are you okay?” Leigh Anne asks. She puts a cool hand on my forehead. “You look like you're going to pass out or something.”

I shake my head and take another deep breath. “I'm going to be,” I say. “I feel so stupid for letting this get to me. I'm just not used to being around people who have that kind of money.”

“You're going to be fine,” Penny says. “Honestly, you'll be sitting at a table with Preston, Mason and me. We'll eat, dance and have some fun, and then maybe we'll head back to the house to go swimming or something fun. I don't want to stay out too late. I've been feeling off all day.”

We both turn to look at her, our eyes wide with worry.

“I'm fine,” she says. “I'm just nine months pregnant is all.”

“Just a few more weeks,” Leigh Anne says, smiling at Penny. “Hard to believe there will be a tiny baby in our lives so soon.”

“I know,” Penny says. “I can't wait to see what she looks like, and hold her in my arms.”

I smile over at Penny, trying to remember that this is the most important thing. Time spent with friends who love you no matter what you have in your bank account or who you were before you came into their lives. Growing up, I never really had a family I could love and trust, but somehow, here in Fairhope, I've created my own little family.

I try to concentrate on that thought as the limousine pulls up outside.

“That's our ride,” Penny says. She stretches out her hand and Leigh Anne and I both rush to her side, helping her up from the chair in the corner. “Thanks,” she says with a laugh. “Come on, Jenna, let's go have some fun.”

Leigh Anne kisses my cheek and follows us outside. “Have a good time tonight,” she whispers in my ear as she pulls me in for a hug. “You really do look beautiful.”

I hug her back and go to help Penny down the stairs.

Preston

“What are you wearing?” my mother asks when I climb into the limousine.

“It's a designer I've never worn before,” I say, a secret smile playing on my lips.

“I thought you were going to wear your Versace,” she says. “The material on that suit doesn't look nearly as nice. Where on earth did you find it?”

I consider for a moment whether it's worth the argument if I tell her the truth. I decide to take a page out of Penny's book and stop worrying so much about what my mother thinks.

“Jolene's,” I say.

She thinks on it a moment, and then her eyes grow wide. “Here in town?” she asks. “Are you talking about that awful thrift store on the corner of Main and Hunter?”

“Yes, that's exactly what I'm talking about,” I say. “But it's not awful. She has a lot of really nice things in there.”

“Used clothing, Preston,” she says. “Lord knows who wore that suit before you did. Please tell me you had it cleaned.”

“Jolene has everything cleaned before she puts it out on the floor, Mom,” I say. “And while it's just the two of us, I'm going to ask you to be nice to Jenna this evening. It would mean a lot to me.”

She gives a dramatic sigh and pours herself a gin and tonic. “I am trying to be supportive of both you and your sister,” she says. “Even if I don't completely agree with your choices when it comes to romance.”

“Thank you,” I say.

“I do hope you'll reconsider giving Piper Hendricks a call, though,” she says. “She's a much better match for you.”

“Mother, don't you think I'm a better judge of that than you are?”

“I'm not so sure about that. I loved Leigh Anne for you, of course, and Bailey was precious, but Jenna Lewis? Do you even know the first thing about her family? She has nothing, Preston. Girls like that are only after guys like you for one thing.”

I grit my teeth and count to three before I speak. “I know you believe what you're saying, but you have to trust me on this,” I say. “For the past several months, I've been going out with the type of girls you want me to be with—pretty, polite, good family upbringing—and I've never been so bored in my entire life. Did you know that the last girl spent exactly thirty minutes with me before she started suggesting places she wanted me to fly her to in our private jet?”