The Fatal Funnel Cake (22 page)

Recipes

Golden Buttermilk Pie

1 deep-dish pie shell

½ cup (1 stick) butter

1 cup granulated sugar

3 eggs

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

3 tablespoons all-purpose flour

Pinch of salt

1 cup buttermilk

½ teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg

Instructions

Preheat the oven to 400°F. Bake the empty deep-dish pie shell for 5 minutes. To keep the pie crust from bubbling, put a piece of parchment paper or aluminum foil large enough to cover the whole pie and add pie weights, or dried beans, or even clean coins can be used as pie weights. Allow the crust to cool.

Cream the butter and sugar together until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition; then add the vanilla.

Sift the flour and salt together and add to the batter, alternating with the buttermilk; beat until smooth.

Pour the buttermilk filling into the lightly baked pie shell and sprinkle the grated nutmeg on top. Nutmeg can be grated on top of the pie if you can judge how much ½ a teaspoon is. Loosely cover the crust with strips of aluminum foil to keep it from burning. Bake for 10 minutes, reduce the heat to 350°F, and bake for 50–60 additional minutes.

The pie should turn a nice golden brown and a knife inserted should come out clean.

Let the pie cool to room temperature before cutting. Hot pies tend to crumble more.

Serves 6–8.

Maple Pecan Funnel Cake

3 eggs

¼ cup granulated sugar

2 cups milk

3
1
/
3
cups all-purpose flour

½ teaspoon salt

2 teaspoons baking powder

1 cup finely chopped pecans

1 teaspoon maple extract

Vegetable oil for frying (Phyllis likes corn oil)

Maple syrup

Instructions

Beat the eggs and sugar together in a large bowl. Add the milk slowly, continuing to beat until incorporated. Add the flour, salt, and baking powder and beat until the batter is creamy. Stir in ½ cup of the pecans and the maple extract.

Pour 2 inches of oil into a large cast-iron pot. Heat to medium hot. Place a funnel cake metal ring in the middle of the pan; you'll use the ring to keep the batter from spreading out all the way to the edges of the pan.

Pour the batter into a funnel, using your finger to plug the hole. Make sure the funnel has a hole wide enough for the batter to go through without clogging. Test the funnel by letting the batter flow back into the bowl to see if it flows. If necessary, you can always use a cup with a spout, or even a plastic bag with a corner cut off.

When the oil is hot, put the filled funnel over the oil and remove your finger so the batter can come out. Move the funnel around to make designs.

Brown the batter until it's a golden color. Use tongs to remove the metal ring and turn the funnel cake. When the cake is brown on both sides, remove and drain well. Let the finished cake sit on a paper towel for a minute to remove even more of the oil, and then transfer it to a plate.

Top with a drizzle of maple syrup and the remaining ½ cup chopped pecans.

Note: The pecans need to be chopped fine enough to get through the funnel easily. If you want a coarser nut to top the funnel cake, chop them separately.

Makes 6–8 funnel cakes.

Butterscotch Sandies

1 cup (2 sticks) butter, softened

½ cup granulated sugar

2½ cups all-purpose flour

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

½ cup finely chopped cashews

½ cup butterscotch chips

Instructions

Beat the butter and sugar until creamy. Gradually add the flour, beating just until blended. Stir in the vanilla, cashews, and butterscotch chips.

Divide the dough in half, and shape each portion into logs about a foot long. Wrap in parchment paper, cover with plastic wrap, and chill for 1 hour, until firm.

Preheat the oven to 325°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper. Cut the logs into ¼-inch-thick rounds and place ½ inch apart on the prepared baking sheet. Bake for 18–20 minutes, until lightly golden. Cool on the baking sheet for 5 minutes. Transfer to wire racks to cool completely.

Makes 7–8 dozen cookies.

Pumpkin Oatmeal Cookies

½ cup (1 stick) butter, softened

1 cup packed light brown sugar

1 cup granulated sugar

½ cup applesauce

1 cup pure pumpkin puree

1 large egg

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 cups all-purpose flour

1½ cups old-fashioned oats

1 teaspoon baking soda

2 teaspoons pumpkin pie s
pice

½ teaspoon salt

1 cup white chocolate chips

1 cup dried cranberries

Instructions

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Spray a half sheet pan with oil.

Beat the butter, brown sugar, and granulated sugar in a large mixing bowl until light and fluffy. Add the applesauce, pumpkin, egg, and vanilla; mix well.

Combine the flour, oats, baking soda, pumpkin pie spice, and salt in a medium bowl. Add the flour mixture to the pumpkin mixture; combine until all ingredients are incorporated. Fold in the white chocolate chips and dried cranberries.

Pour the batter into the half sheet pan.

Bake for 18–20 minutes, until lightly browned. Cut while still warm, but allow to cool completely in the pan before removing.

Makes 24–28 squares.

Dark and Nutty Nutella Cookies

½ cup (1 stick) butter, softened

½ cup granulated sugar

½ cup firmly packed brown sugar

½ cup Nutella

1 egg

½ teaspoon vanilla extract

1½ cups all-purpose flour

½ teaspoon baking soda

¼ teaspoon salt

1 cup dark chocolate chips

1 cup chopped pecans

Instructions

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Have ready an ungreased baking sheet, or line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

Beat the butter with the sugars and Nutella at medium speed. Add the egg and vanilla and beat until creamy.

Stir together the flour, baking soda, and salt in small bowl. Add the flour mixture to the butter mixture and beat until blended. Stir in the chocolate chips and pecans. Drop rounded tablespoons of the cookie dough 2–3 inches apart on the baking sheet.

Bake for 13–14 minutes. Cool on the baking sheet for 5 minutes. Transfer to a wire rack to cool completely.

Makes 3 dozen cookies.

Sam's Texas-Style Spam Sushi

2 cups sushi rice

2½ cups water

4 tablespoons rice vinegar

3 roasted-seaweed sheets

3 ounces cream cheese

1–2 tablespoons chopped green onion

2 slices bacon

1 (12-ounce) can Spam luncheon meat

1 avocado, sliced

Sliced jalapeño peppers

Instructions

Rinse the rice until the water is clear. Put the rice in a rice cooker. Add the water and stir. Turn on the rice cooker. When the rice cooker switches off (after 15–20 minutes), let the rice sit for at least 10 minutes. Transfer the cooked rice to a nonmetallic bowl. Add the rice vinegar and mix well.

Cut the seaweed sheets in thirds. You'll have a piece left over; put it back in the bag to use later.

Mix the cream cheese and green onion in a small bowl.

Fry the bacon in a large frying pan. Set the cooked bacon aside to use another time. Cut the Spam into 8 rectangular slices approximately ¼ inch thick. In the large frying pan with the bacon grease, fry the Spam slices until brown and slightly crispy. Remove from heat, drain on paper towels, and set aside. The grease will pop while the Spam is frying, so be careful.

Spread the cream cheese mixture evenly on the Spam slices.

Place some water in a small bowl to use as a sealer for the ends of the seaweed wrapper; set aside.

Place a cut sheet of seaweed on a plate. Position a sushi form on top of a sheet of the seaweed so the length of the form is in the middle of the seaweed. The form should be a little bigger than the slice of seaweed. Spread approximately ¼ cup cooked rice across the bottom of the form, on top of the seaweed. Press the rice down with the bottom of a spoon until the rice layer is ¼ inch thick.

Place a slice of Spam on top of the rice, with the cream cheese mixture on top. Layer sliced avocado and jalapeño peppers on top of the cream cheese mixture. Cover with an additional ¼ cup cooked rice; press until the rice layer is ¼ inch thick.

Remove the form by lifting it while pressing down on the layers inside. Fold one end of the seaweed over the rice and Spam layers and press lightly onto the rice. Wet the remaining end of the seaweed slightly with water, and then wrap it over the other piece of seaweed; press down. The seaweed wraps are a little smaller than the Spam and rice layers, so some of the filling will stick out past the seaweed on both sides. Repeat with the other 7 Spam slices. Serve hot.

Makes 8.

Note: You can buy a Spam
musubi
press or cut the bottom of an empty Spam container to make a sushi form. You can also make one out of cardboard cut to the size of a Spam container. It shouldn't have a top or bottom and needs to be just large enough for the Spam slice to fit inside.

Louisiana-Style Muffuletta

16-ounce jar pickled mixed vegetables

1 clove garlic, minced

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 loaf unsliced French bread

6 romaine lettuce leaves

3 ounces thinly sliced salami

3 ounces thinly sliced ham

3 ounces thinly sliced turkey

3 ounces thinly sliced provolone

3 ounces thinly sliced mozzarella

1 or 2 medium tomatoes, thinly sliced

Black pepper (optional)

¼ cup sliced black olives

Instructions

Drain the jar of pickled vegetables, reserving 2 tablespoons of the liquid. Chop the vegetables, removing any stems. In a medium bowl, mix the chopped vegetables, reserved liquid, garlic, and olive oil.

Split the bread horizontally.

Top the bread with the lettuce, meats, cheeses, and tomato; sprinkle with black pepper if desired. Mound the vegetable mixture on top of the tomato, and sprinkle with the black olive slices. Put the top of the bread over the black olives. To serve, cut into 6 portions.

Serves 6.

Note: If you want to give this sandwich a little Tex-Mex zing, add a few jalapeño peppers with the black olives.

Author's Note

 

 

The State Fair of Texas, held every fall in Dallas, is one of the oldest and biggest celebrations in Texas. The official website of the State Fair of Texas is www.bigtex.com, and it contains a wealth of information about the fair. I've taken a few minor liberties with the setting for dramatic purposes, but for the most part I've tried to paint an accurate picture of this annual get-together that draws millions of visitors every year.

One of the perils of writing fiction is that occasionally something unexpected happens in real life that affects your story. Just as I was finishing this book, an electrical short inside Big Tex caused this iconic figure to burn down to its metal framework. Following this catastrophe, State Fair of Texas officials immediately assured the public that Big Tex would be rebuilt, bigger and better than ever. I was able to take this into account while making the final revisions on the book, and it's my hope that if any of you decide to visit the fair in the future, Big Tex will be there to welcome you.

Just don't go with Phyllis Newsom and her friends. We all know how dangerous that can be.

Livia J. Washburn
has been a professional writer for more than twenty years. She received the Private Eye Writers of America Award and the American Mystery Award for her first mystery,
Wild Night
, written under the name L. J. Washburn, and she was nominated for a Spur Award by the Western Writers of America for a novel written with her husband, James Reasoner. Her short story “Panhandle Freight” was nominated for a Peacemaker Award by the Western Fictioneers. She lives with her husband in a small Texas town, where she is constantly experimenting with new recipes. Her two grown daughters are both teachers in her hometown, and she is very proud of them.

Christmas Eve

“O
h, my, look at all the cars,” Phyllis said as Sam Fletcher drove his pickup along the block where they lived. “I didn't think people would start showing up this early. They've blocked off the driveway, Sam.”

“Yeah, I see that,” Sam said. “Tell you what. I'll stop in front of the house and you can get out and go on in. I'll find a place to park down the street and walk back.”

“That's not fair. You live here, and these people don't.”

“Yeah, but that means they won't be stayin'. They'll all leave when the shower's over. I can bring the pickup back down then.”

“Well, I suppose so,” Phyllis said. “I just hate to put you to any more trouble after everything that's already happened today.”

“You mean that killer we caught?” Sam asked with a smile. “Or that you caught, is more like it. Heck, I'm gettin' used to that. How many times does this make?”

“Don't even think about it,” Phyllis told him as a tiny shudder went through her. “I want to put all that behind us. This is Christmas Eve, after all, and it's Eve's bridal shower, too. I think that's plenty to keep us busy the rest of the day, don't you?”

“If you say so.” Sam brought the pickup to a smooth stop in front of the big old two-story house he shared with Phyllis, Carolyn Wilbarger, and Eve Turner, two more retired teachers.

They wouldn't be sharing it with Eve for much longer, though. Another week and she and Roy Porter would be married. Eve and Roy planned to come back here to the house after their honeymoon and stay temporarily while they continued looking for a place of their own, but that wouldn't be the same.

But then, nothing ever stayed the same, Phyllis mused as she got out of the pickup. Like it or not, life-altering changes came along every few years. She had become a teacher, gotten married to Kenny, given birth to their son, Mike, continued teaching while they raised him into a fine young man, seen him marry and have a son of his own, retired . . .

And then Kenny had died, leaving her to rattle around alone in that big old house. Dolly Williamson, the former superintendent and a longtime friend, had suggested that Phyllis rent out the extra bedrooms to other retired teachers who were on their own, and once Phyllis had done that, she'd believed that from then on, life would settle down into a serene existence without the upheavals of youth.

Well,
that
hadn't worked out, had it?

People had come and gone in the house. Mattie Harris, one of Phyllis's oldest friends, had passed away. Sam Fletcher had moved in. Now Eve was getting married and moving out. That was inevitable, Phyllis supposed. Although she didn't know the details because Eve hadn't lived in Weatherford at the time, she was aware that her friend had been married several times. Really, Eve had been without a man in her life for longer than Phyllis had expected.

Then there were the murders . . .

But as she'd told Sam, she didn't want to think about that, so she didn't. As she stepped up onto the porch, she didn't allow herself to remember the body she had literally stumbled over there not that long ago. She didn't glance at the house next door, where she had found another body a few years earlier. And as she stepped into the house and saw all the people crowding into the living room, she told herself sternly that nobody was going to try to poison her guests at this get-together.

They'd better not, anyway.

Carolyn Wilbarger spotted Phyllis and quickly came over to her, smiling and nodding to some of the ladies along the way. Still smiling as she reached Phyllis, she said in a tight-lipped whisper, “Oh, my word. I didn't expect this many people.”

Smiling as well, Phyllis replied, “Neither did I.”

“When you called from the police station and said you didn't know how long you'd be, nobody had shown up yet. But then . . .” Carolyn shook her head. “That other business . . . ?”

“All settled,” Phyllis told her. “I'll fill you in on the details later. Right now . . . well, this is Eve's day.”

Eve certainly appeared to be enjoying it, too. She sat in the big armchair, beaming at the guests and the pile of presents that surrounded her. There had been some talk about how she shouldn't expect a bridal shower at her age and with numerous marriages in her past, but it was true that she had been living here with Phyllis for several years and didn't really have all the things she would need to set up housekeeping again. From the looks of it, after today she would.

The house was extravagantly decorated for Christmas because it had been part of the annual Jingle Bell Tour of Homes a couple of weeks earlier. Phyllis and Carolyn had added a few things to celebrate the upcoming wedding, including tables for the gifts covered in blue tablecloths with silver trim. They had decided to go with white roses since the cloths were blue and they looked great in the silver vases. Still, the theme remained overwhelmingly Christmasy. In a couple of days, when Christmas was over, they would take down all those decorations and start getting ready for the wedding, which would take place here on New Year's Eve.

Eve, Eve, Eve,
Phyllis thought. There was no getting away from it.

“Phyllis!” Eve said, seeming to notice her for the first time. “Come here, dear.”

Phyllis kept the smile on her face as she made her way across the crowded room to Eve, who stood up and hugged her.

“Thank you so much for this,” Eve said. “I know you've had a lot of other things on your mind, but despite that you've given me the best bridal shower a girl could ever want!”

Phyllis patted her lightly on the back and said, “You're very welcome. I'm glad we were able to do this for you. We're all going to miss you once you've moved out.”

“And I'm going to miss you, too,” Eve said. She lowered her voice. “I didn't expect this many people to be here. I put everyone I could think of on the guest list because I thought a lot of them wouldn't be able to come, what with it being Christmas Eve and all. But it looks like practically everyone showed up!”

“Yes,” Phyllis said, “it does.”

In fact, there were so many ladies in the room that it was starting to seem a little claustrophobic to her, as if they were sucking down all the air and she couldn't breathe. She knew that feeling was all in her head, but that didn't make it seem any less real.

“I think I should go out to the kitchen and check on things,” she went on. “You just sit down and have a good time.”

“Thank you, dear.” Eve leaned closer and added, “I owe you. Big-time.”

Phyllis waved that off and headed for the kitchen, motioning with a slight movement of her head for Carolyn to follow her.

When they were in the kitchen by themselves, with the door closed, both of them said, “Whew!” at the same time, then laughed at the identical expression.

“Refresh my memory,” Phyllis said quietly. “Did even half of those people out there RSVP to let us know they were coming?”

“They most certainly did not,” Carolyn said. “And it certainly would have helped if they had.”

“But all too typical these days,” Phyllis muttered as she looked at the trays of snacks spread out across the kitchen counters.

There were warm sweet bacon crackers fresh out of the oven, nutty caramel pretzels, and cheddar garlic palmiers. Phyllis knew from the smell in the air that the stuffed mushrooms were warming in the oven. There was a zesty cheese ball softening on a decorative silver plate with a matching knife. And in the refrigerator, waiting to be brought out, was a tray filled with mini curried turkey croissant sandwiches. Enough food to feed an army, as Sam might say, but that was good because they practically had an army in the living room.

The back door opened, and Sam walked into the kitchen. “Hope it's all right I came around this way,” he said. “I didn't particularly want to run the gauntlet out there.”

“I don't blame you,” Phyllis said. She frowned. “I just remembered . . . Weren't you and Roy supposed to go bowling this afternoon?”

Sam's eyes widened. He slapped himself lightly on the forehead and said, “D'oh! I forgot all about it, what with catchin' killers and all.” He took his cell phone out of his pocket. “I'll call him right now and tell him I'm on my way.”

“Yes, that would tend to distract a person,” Carolyn said.

Sam grinned and waved as he went back out the door with his cell phone held to his ear.

“I'm glad Sam and Roy have become friends,” Phyllis said. “I'm sure it's been tough on him, being in a strange town where he doesn't have any friends or family.”

“He didn't put a single person on the guest list for the shower or the wedding,” Carolyn said.

“I know. But he seems to be all right with it. As long as he's got Eve, I think he's happy.”

“He should be. She's a fine woman. He's lucky to have her.”

Phyllis smiled. Carolyn and Eve had squabbled quite a bit over the years, but Phyllis knew that they really cared for each other. Carolyn could be a little on the prickly side sometimes. It had taken her more than a year to get used to the idea of Sam living in the house.

“What still needs to be done?” Phyllis asked, putting her mind back on the matters at hand.

“The chocolate chocolate chip cupcakes are already on the table along with some cookies and the vegetable and fruit tray, and the punch is in the punch bowl. Eve suggested that we spike it, but I vetoed that. The last thing we want in the living room is a bunch of tipsy teachers.”

Phyllis laughed. She had to agree with that sentiment.

“Everything seems to be under control,” she said. “We'll wait a while before we bring the rest of the food out. Eve wanted to play some games first and then open presents, so it'll be a while before anyone's ready to eat.”

Carolyn's eyes narrowed. “I swear, if anyone brought any of those perverted gag gifts—”

“I'm sure everyone will be the soul of decorum,” Phyllis said.

Actually, she wasn't sure of that. The retired teachers, the ones from the generation she and Carolyn and Eve belonged to, were all ladies, raised to observe the proprieties. But some of the younger ones, the ones who were still teaching . . . well, you couldn't ever be a hundred percent sure of what they might do.

But even so, the last thing she would have expected to hear as she and Carolyn started along the hall toward the living room was voices raised in anger.