The Fan Man (16 page)

“One, two, hut, two… .”

Right on through the bushes, man. The cat doesn’t need a fan, man. He’s cool already. He has his own army. Pretty soon, man, the mayor will be pulling Piña-colada in a little white hat on One-Hundred-First Street and Amsterdam Avenue, man. You watch, man. The Puerto Ricans, man. Taking over, man. It’s coming, man. Any day now. RUN TO THE HILLS, MAN!

“Alright, gentlemen, pack it up. Roll in those cables. Great show, Father. The kids sang beautifully. How’d you get them into line?”

“By making dinosaur faces.”

“OK,
hombres
, let’s hob some more drum!”

BUM BUMP BUM BUM BUM

BUM BUMP BUM BUM BUM

“Hello, Horse, hello, man, can you read me, man. The concert came off OK, man, whenever you are.”

I’m passing through bushes, man, into the great open soccer field of Van Cortlandt Park, man, where the Puerto Rican soccer players are kicking the ball around, somebody’s head maybe, and the sky, man, is cloudy, and a gentle wind is blowing up. I’m coming out into the big green expanse of lawn, man, and am heading back toward the subway. I have circled the park, man, picking up vital energies from the earth of my childhood, man, and I am prepared for a tremendously sensitive rehearsal, man, in which I will pull together the last little delicate subtle modalities of the world’s greatest music.

And dig, man, I feel a raindrop.

“This is Horse Badorties, man, making a specially recorded weather report on tape, man. It is raining, man, at last. I have been carrying this gigantically heavy umbrella around for weeks, man, day in and day out, and now the time has come, man, TO OPEN IT!”

Opening the great Hot Dog Umbrella, man, pushing up the ribs along the center pole and spreading it out over my head, man, in a tremendous expanse of red white and blue cloth.

“It is up, man. It is up and over my head. Listen, man, to the raindrops beating down on it. The soccer players are running for cover, man, in the bushes, but I’m covered already, man. I am slowly heading across the huge green lawn toward the subway, man, satchel in one hand, umbrella in the other, stepping through puddles. Everything is cool, man, beneath the great umbrella. Horse Badorties is ready for the monsoon.”