The Fallen One (28 page)

    
Mathias let her
go.
 
With a heavy heart, he removed the
cauterizing iron from the fire and brought it over to Stephen, who had Mathias
and Sebastian hold their father down while he seared the wound.
 

    
Cathlina heard the
howling on the floor above them and smelled the burning flesh.
 
It scared her to death.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

    
Midgy came back the
next morning.
 
Sebastian had been out at
dawn looking for the creature and found him swimming happily in a tidal pool
near the castle.
 
He had come right to Sebastian
when the man had called to him.
 
Sebastian had promptly wrapped the animal up in his rain cloak and
carried him back to the outpost.

    
Cathlina had been
thrilled, of course.
 
He had thanked
Sebastian profusely and then fed Midgy some tidbits of the dried meat.
 
But that wasn’t enough for the otter and when
Stephen, Mathias, and Sebastian broke their fast with the remainder of the
previous night’s stew, Midgy sat up on his hind legs next to the table and had
begged for food.
 
They threw him a few
pieces to keep him quiet. Then, he promptly trotted over to the well and threw
himself in.

    
Cathlina gasped as she
rushed to the well, watching her otter swim around in it about eight or ten
feet down.
 
Mathias and Sebastian got out
of their seats and came over to watch.

    
“Midgy, com out of
there!” Cathlina said as she lowered the bucket. “Get into the bucket!”

    
Midgy only wanted to
play with the bucket.
 
Sebastian shook
his head at the antics and returned to the table while Mathias took the bucket
rope from his wife and began hauling up the playful otter.
 
Cathlina had hardly spoken to him since he
told her of his intentions to send her back to Kirklinton and he didn’t like
the silence.
 
It was their first true
disagreement since they had known one another and his stomach was in knots.
 
He’d hardly slept because of it.

    
Mathias watched his
wife as she removed the otter from the bucket, scolding him, and then running
after him when the creature made a break for the stairs and raced up to the
first floor.
 
Mathias followed.

    
The first floor was
where they had brought Justus after Stephen had finished working on him.
 
They had fashioned a pallet for him near the
hearth to keep him warm and as Mathias mounted the top of stairs, he could see
that the otter was trying to burrow in Justus’ bed and the old man was trying
to kick the animal out.
 
Cathlina was on
her knees beside the bed, grabbing the happy otter and pulling him out by his
hind feet.
  
She apologized to her
father-in-law and the old man waved her off, fighting off a grin.

    
“He will not get any
rest if you do not keep the otter away from him,” Mathias said as he walked up
on them. “I have no idea why that creature likes you so much, but he does.”

    
Justus grunted,
feeling weak and uncomfortable. “For the same reason women do,” he said. “It is
my blinding good looks.”

    
Mathias shook his head
as Cathlina giggled.
 
“Frightening is
more like it,” he said, making a weak attempt to insult him. “How are you
feeling this morn?”

    
Justus grunted as he
shifted around, trying to find a comfortable spot. “Better,” he said. “I will
be on my feet by tonight.”

    
Cathlina cocked an
eyebrow. “I believe it is Stephen who will tell you when you can get on your
feet.”

    
Justus scowled at her.
“I’ll not take orders from that mountain of a man who fancies himself a competent
healer,” he scolded her. “If I want to stand, I will stand.”

    
Cathlina bit her lip
to keep from smiling. “You had better behave yourself or I will put Midgy back
on the ground and let him burrow in your bed.”

    
“I shall throw him out
the window if you do.”

    
Cathlina couldn’t help
the laugh as she turned away, carrying the otter with her.
  
Mathias stood over his father for a moment
longer even though he was cognizant of the fact that Cathlina was mounting the
steps to the chamber they had slept in on the second floor.
 
He waited until she was out of earshot before
crouching beside his father.

    
“How are you really
feeling?” he asked quietly.

    
Justus inhaled
thoughtfully. “Very tired,” he said. “But it will pass. I will heal.”

    
Mathias nodded, his
manner somewhat subdued. “I know you will,” he said. “As you have healed many
times in the past. You are immortal, I think.”

    
Even in his
uncomfortable state, Justus could see by Mathias’ expression that something was
amiss.
 
More than that, he was intuitive
when it came to his son.
 
“What is
wrong?” he asked quietly.

    
Mathias glanced at
him. “What do you mean?”

    
“You are a sullen man
with much on his mind. Why?”

    
Mathias averted his
gaze, pausing a moment before answering. “I told Cathlina that I am going to
send her back to Kirklinton,” he said, his voice lowered. “She is
understandably unhappy but I feel it is the right thing to do. With the
impending battle march on the horizon, I must send her someplace safe and she
would not be safe if she remained here at Kinghorn. Most importantly, I am at a
loss as to who to send with her as an escort.
 
You cannot go, I should not go, Stephen will not go, which leaves
Sebastian.
 
He will not want to go.”

    
Justus sighed heavily,
feeling pain in his chest as he did so.
 
“She must leave immediately,” he said. “Based
on the viciousness of the Scots we saw yesterday, the longer she remains here,
the greater the danger.
 
I would not send
her with a big contingent of men, however.”

    
Mathias shook his
head. “Absolutely not,” he said. “It would attract too much attention.”

    
“One knight should be
sufficient.”

    
“Who, then?”

    
Justus shrugged as
much as his stiff body would allow.
 
In
the glow of the weak fire, his swollen eyes glittered at his eldest son. “You,”
he said softly. “You should take her. You would worry endlessly if it was
anyone else no matter how much you trust them. Moreover, you must face her
father with what you have done.”

    
Mathias pursed his
lips wryly. “He may very well throw me in the vault and you would never see me
again.”

    
“Then take her to
Carlisle and let de Lara escort her back to her family.

    
Mathias liked that
idea. “A better option.”

    
“When are you
leaving?”

    
“Tomorrow before
dawn,” he said as he eyed his father. “It will take us at least six or seven
days to reach Carlisle and five to return if I am fortunate and the weather
holds. I can move much faster alone.
 
I
will be gone two weeks at the most but hopefully less.
 
There is a lot that could happen while I am
away.”

    
Justus knew what he
meant. “We will ably defend the outpost in your absence,” he said. “And if the
ships from Yorkshire arrive, we will send you word.
 
Will you be returning the way we came?”

    
“Aye.”

    
“Then we will send
someone to find you along that route should it come to it. Meanwhile, remove your
wife. She is not safe here.”

    
Mathias thought on
that a moment longer before nodding his head and patting his father on the arm.
 
“Your advice is sage,” he said as he
stood up. “My thanks.”

    
Justus watched his son
head for the narrow stairs that led to the second floor.
 
He was such a proud and powerful man, and
Justus had always been wildly proud of him, but he couldn’t have been prouder
of him at any time in his life than he was at this moment. The sometimes selfish
and always arrogant knight he had seen through Mortimer’s days had grown a
heart in the last year and a half, but it was none more apparent than at this
moment.
 
Justus knew that the lovely Lady
Cathlina had a good deal to do with that. She had made his son more than just a
knight; he was a man now, and a good one.

    
Justus closed his eye
and attempted to go back to sleep, ignoring the gentle argument that was now
gaining steam over his head as Mathias explained to his wife he way of things
from now on.
 
As Justus tried to ignore
the increasingly loud voices, he felt something
 
around his feet.
 
Lifting his
head, he could see something moving in the covers, heading towards his chest.
He wasn’t surprised when Midgy appeared, grunting happily as he gave scratchy
kisses to Justus’ chin.

    
“Settle down, you
silly beast,” Justus said, positioning the otter so he wasn’t lying on his
wound. “Settle down if you want to stay here.”

    
Midgy did.
 
When Mathias descended the stairs an hour
later, the first thing he saw was his father and the otter, all wrapped up in
blankets, sleeping peacefully next to the fire.

    
They were both
snoring.

CHAPTER TWENTY

    
The trip south seemed
oddly faster than the trip north.
 
Perhaps it was because Mathias was moving much quicker than he had on
the ride north, as if he was being trailed by Scots and was working as hard as
he could to put distance between his wife and danger.

    
Whatever the case,
they left her brown palfrey behind and rode double astride his muscular silver
charger because Mathias didn’t want to have to worry about his wife on a
separate horse. He wanted her with him, and on an animal he trusted.
 
But most importantly, they kept the otter
bottled up so he could not escape and run off, costing them valuable time.
 
Cathlina had him swaddled up like a babe in
her arms, and the otter rode fairly contentedly that way.

    
No amount of pleading
or arguing could convince her to leave Midgy behind.
 
Mathias had tried, Sebastian had even tried,
but ultimately she refused to leave her pet.
 
She was upset enough that Mathias was taking her hone and, in truth, he
didn’t have the heart to forcibly remove her from her pet, so he let the beast
come along purely to keep her happy.

    
 
But Cathlina wasn’t happy.
 
She was miserable at the thought of being
separated from Mathias, especially since he was evidently heading towards a
massive battle, Scots against Scots, with the English participating purely for
their own benefit. Mathias, her sweet Mathias, was in the middle of it.
 
When they had come north, she knew why and
she knew that he would be involved in military operations, but she had no idea
the reality of it.
 
A concept was one
thing but the reality was quite different.
 
The knowledge of it all was overwhelming her.

    
Mathias knew this and
it ate at him.
 
Cathlina had become increasingly
distant from him since they had left Kinghorn to the point where they would
ride for hours and not speak to one another. He tried to break the ice, to
engage her in conversation, but she would barely answer him or not at all. She
was nothing like the adorable chatterbox he had come to know.
 
She was sullen and withdrawn no matter what
he tried to do to break her out of it.
 
Her behavior was tearing him all to pieces.

    
On the fifth day on
the road to Carlisle, they entered Langholme near sunset.
 
The river was flowing softly by the familiar town
and the smells of cooking fires hung heavy in the air.
 
It was the magical time of twilight and
Mathias headed for the same inn where he and Cathlina had stayed on their way
to Edinburgh.
 
He hoped it would break
her from her mood with only good memories associated with it.
 
At that point, he was willing to give
anything a try.

    
The man at the tavern
remembered them and rented them the same cottage for the night.
 
Mathias ordered a meal to be sent to them as
Cathlina took her satchel, and the otter, and headed for the cottage down the
narrow path towards the river.
 
Midgy,
smelling his home, leapt from her arms and immediately dove into the muddy river,
swimming happily.
 
Cathlina watched him
for a few moments as Mathias unlatched the cabin door and took their
possessions inside.

    
As Mathias started a
fire, Cathlina remained outside, watching the otter play.
 
There were other otters around, now coming
out to join in the fun. As Cathlina stood there and observed, Mathias came out
of the cottage and walked up behind her.

    
“You must be
exhausted,” he said softly. “Come inside and rest awhile. Our meal should be
down shortly.”

    
Cathlina shook her
head, watching Midgy play.
 
“I am not
tired,” she said.

    
Mathias sighed
faintly. “Cathlina,” he murmured. “Love, it has been days since you have spoken
civilly to me.
 
I realize you are upset;
I am upset, but I do not want to spend my last few days with you in tense
silence.
 
Please do not shut me out. I
cannot bear it.”

    
Cathlina’s gaze was
still on the otter but she could feel his words like stabs to her heart.
 
Her eyes began to fill with tears and before
she realized it, they were pouring down her cheeks.
 
Pain filled her, such as she had never known.

    
“This has all happened
so fast,” she whispered, lips trembling. “We have been living a fool’s dream,
Mathias; we married hastily, we ran from my father to Scotland so that you
could restore your honor as a knight, and now we are returning home again, only
I will be returning home in shame and you will be returning to Scotland to
fight for glory. You have no right to take me home and leave me there alone to
bear the shame for what we have done. It is cowardly.”

    
Mathias’ jaw ticked as
he struggled not to become overwhelmed with emotion. “I am taking you home for
your own safety,” he said. “How many times do I have to tell you that? Would
you rather stay in Scotland where your life would be in danger every minute of
every day?”

    
“Why not?” she whirled
on him, shouting. “Why
not?
Your life
is in danger every minute of every day, so why not mine? You married me because
you wanted to share your life with me, but you are not. You are casting me
aside like so much rubbish because you do not want to be bothered with me. Your
glory and your restoration of honor are far more important; I was convenient to
you until a few days ago, until you learned what de Beaumont wanted from you,
and now I am inconvenient so you are returning me where you found me.”

    
He looked at her,
horrified. “Is
that
what you think?”
he asked, incredulous. “That I find you convenient or inconvenient depending upon
my whim?”

    
“Aye, I do,” she said,
now in his face and matching him outrage for outrage. “There could be no other
reason for taking me back to England. While you are at it, you should pin a
note to my chest that says how sorry you are for taking me without permission
but now that you are on your way to being a great knight again, you no longer
have need of me.”

    
He was pale with bewilderment
and anger. “That is a horrible thing to say.”

    
Cathlina wouldn’t back
down; the tears were falling with a vengeance. “I was a comfort and companion
to you when you were just a smithy,” she sobbed. “You loved me and found me
charming, and all was well. But now that you are a soldier again, you no longer
have need of me.
 
I wish you were just a
smithy again, Mathias; I hate the selfish warrior who loves battle more than he
loves me.”

    
He stared at her,
astonished.
 
She couldn’t have done more
damage than if she had stabbed him through the heart. Perhaps that physical
pain would have been preferable to the emotional pain he was feeling at the
moment.

    
“You once told me that
you did not care if I was a smithy, a dishonored knight, or the bloody King of
England,” he said softly. “All you cared about was that we were man and wife.”

    
She jabbed a finger at
him. “I said that all I cared about was that we were together,” she said.
“Mathias, when you take me back to England, we will not be together. You will
achieve your knightly redemption without me by your side.
 
Is this really what you intended all along?”

    
Mathias sincerely
didn’t know what to say to her.
 
He
didn’t want to admit that some of her words made some sense. He didn’t want to
acknowledge it.

    
“I love you,
Cathlina,” he said hoarsely, looking lost and defeated. “I am so sorry you feel
this way, but it is not the truth. I swear to God, it is not the truth.”

    
She wept painfully,
turning her back on him.
 
“Take me home,
Mathias,” she wept bitterly. “Take me home and then return to Scotland. But
when your battles are over and your glory is restored, do not come for me. I do
not want you to.
 
I will never be the
thing you love most in this world; your vocation and your world as a knight
will. I will always come second."

    
Mathias could hardly
breathe for the pain in his heart.
 
In
fact, he put a hand over his chest as if to hold in the anguish.
 
He simply couldn’t believe what he was
hearing.

    
“What can I do to
prove to you that you are the most importantly thing to me?” he begged softly.
“Tell me what to do and I will do it.”

    
Cathlina wiped at her
face, clearing room for the new tears that were falling. She shook her head.
“You will not do it.”

    
“You cannot know that
unless you tell me what it is.”

    
She sniffled. “Do not
go back to Scotland,” she said. “Come back with me to Brampton and resume your
life as a smithy. Forget you were ever a knight and let us live simply and
without violence. Let us go back to those first days of our acquaintance when
the world was so new and bright, and there were no battles to interfere in our
world.
 
I want it to be like that,
always.”

    
He sighed heavily and
hung his head, mulling over her statement. “Is that what it will take?”

    
“Aye.”

    
“You are asking me to
leave my father and brother and friend behind, men who are depending on me to
do what I said I would. They are depending on me to fight with them.”

    
“I am depending on you
to be my husband.”

    
“I cannot do both?”

    
“You can if you take
me back to Scotland with you so we are not separated.”

    
“I will not put you in
danger.”

    
“Then you have a
choice; give up de Beaumont’s wars and return with me, or go fight for the
Scots and forget you ever had a wife.”

    
Mathias found himself
weak with emotion, with the overwhelming stress of what she was saying. She was
giving him no choice at all.
 
He couldn’t
understand why she didn’t see that.

    
“Before I took my
wedding vows with you, I took another oath,” he muttered, feeling despondent
even as he said it. “I took an oath of the code of chivalry.
 
I became a knight long before I ever became a
husband.
 
You are asking me to choose
between you and a timeless code of honor that has become the very fabric of my
being.
 
As much as I love you, and I love
you more than any man has ever loved a woman, I have an honor within me that
cannot be undone, not even by you.
 
I
will not leave my father and brother and friend in Scotland, fighting a war
that I dragged them in to. You know why I had to do this; I thought you
understood a knight’s heart,
my
heart, but I see that I was mistaken. All you can see is what you want to see and
demand that I prove my love to you as if my word and actions are not good
enough.
 
I find that uncommonly selfish
and petty.
 
Tomorrow, I will take you
back to Carlisle Castle and I will return to Scotland to do what I said I would
do.
 
When it is over, make no mistake
that I will return for my wife, and we will be together until the end of my
life.
 
If you want to hate me for doing
as I must, then I cannot stop you. I am sorry it has come to this.”

    
 
With that, he turned and went inside the
cottage, leaving the door open so she could follow.
  
Cathlina, however, didn’t follow; she stood
there, staring at the spot she had last seen him standing, wondering how the
situation had turned so terrible. She loved Mathias; she loved him with all of
her heart and, deep down, she knew he loved her too.
 
She understood the chivalric code, but she
also understood her own wants; her husband with her, safely, and not off fighting
Scots who threw their axes into men’s chests.
 
It was a reality she couldn’t accept and at the pinnacle of it was her
terror that Mathias would never make it back to her.
  
She was terrified that she was going to lose
him.
 

Breaking down into painful sobs, Cathlina collapsed
right there on the river bank with Midgy frolicking several yards away.

    
When Mathias came out
of the cottage an hour later to look for her, he found her sleeping the sleep
of the dead on the cold river bank.
 
Sweeping her into his arms, he hugged her tightly as he took her back to
the cottage.
  
When they slept, it was in
each other’s arms.