The Fall of Gods (A Welcome to the Underworld Novel, Book 2) (35 page)

They sat facing each other, Tae Hyun in one direction and Yoori in the other direction. The pace of the swings they were sitting on had since slowed as the alcohol began to resonate through their bodies. Allowing one leg to draw a line in the sand, Yoori brought up another big bottle of vodka to her lips even though she had just complained about drinking too much. Guzzling the contents like she was drinking water, she drank until she was fully quenched. The air was cold but it wasn’t cold enough to penetrate through the warm fort her alcohols of choice had formed over her body.
 

Her swing creaked when she cast a gaze over to Tae Hyun. He was
still swinging back and forth slowly. He had just finished guzzling his fifth bottle of vodka and was already starting on his sixth. 

For the past two hours or so, they had been drinking stubbornly with the sole intention of getting the other drunk. The first hour started off with rowdy jeering that consisted of Tae Hyun calling Yoori a "genetic freak" and Yoori calling Tae Hyun a “closet light weight”. Unfortunately, the rowdiness died down when they realized that both didn’t seem to even be remotely close to getting drunk. If anything, it appeared that both were closer to becoming “tipsy emos” – or Yoori anyway.
 

“What’s on your mind, assistant?” Tae Hyun asked
, taking inventory of the fact that she had grown unusually quiet and despondent. “Are you still upset about the movie thing? If you’re that upset with it, I’ll take you to watch it again…” 

“No, it’s not that,” she appeased slowly, finding it hard to keep her eyes opened. The cold wind continued to swim around them. She wished she was still hung up over that but she had since moved on to something a bit more depressing – something she had been trying to avoid talking about for quite some time now.
 

Yoori’s eyes turned into quick slits when she realized that he had just addressed her by the wrong name. Her week as his boss was ending
but it hadn’t ended yet. 

“Sorry, I meant,
‘boss,’” he amended, hiding back a smirk when he saw her playful glare. “Come on,” he urged her with that warm, encouraging voice of his. “You’re unusually quiet and I know you have a lot on your drunk mind right now. Whatever we talk about on this playground stays here.” 

Now what girl with some emotionally pent up issues and more than enough to drink could say no to that offer? If it were anyone else, then she would’ve kept her mouth shut. But because it was Tae Hyun, the words that flowed out of her lips came as easily as water from rain clouds.
 

“I’m not drunk,” she quickly corrected before going further into any conversation with him. She just wanted to put up that disclaimer because she hadn’t lost to him yet.
 

He rolled his eyes at her perseverance and gave her a bitter nod as confirmation that she wasn’t drunk.

Satisfied with this, her eyes roamed around the creaking merry-go-round, the monkey bars, and the slide beside them. After gathering up her nerves to open up to him, she gave a sigh and began. 

“I get jealous, you know?”

Her eyes were firmly solidified on the slide while she spoke. Her voice pulsed with raw emotions that she had kept pent up for the whole week, only to be released when she drank too much and was no longer able to control her inhibitions.

“When people talk about what they were like when they were kids, I get really jealous because I want to do the same.”
 

She momentarily closed her eyes. Another gust of wind blew past them.
 “In the past, I’ve often wondered what I was like when I was a kid. I always imagined that I pretty much just ran around the playground, swung on swings, slid down slides, and hung onto monkey bars when I was younger. But the past week, since everything became confirmed that I was Soo Jin in my past life, I’ve been thinking about all of this more and more.” Her eyes moved onto the merry-go-round. “I wonder if I played with dolls after they trained me to kill someone. I wonder if I had ice cream as I watched people die. I wonder what they did to me to turn me into the person I hated the most. I wonder what they did to me to make my life so horrible that I ended up committing ‘suicide’ 3 years ago.” 

Her words were met with a haunting silence that bothered her.

She flickered her gaze onto Tae Hyun, whose eyes were still gentle on her.

“What was your childhood like?”

“It was…busy,” he answered slowly.

She recalled what Ji Hoon shared with her in regards to the typical training of an Underworld Royal. “When did you start your training?”

“10.”

“What was that like?”

He sighed, taking a moment to stare up at the sky. His expression was stoic when he said, “It was agonizing.”

Yoori gazed at him surprisingly. She did not expect such a blunt answer.

He went on, his reminiscent eyes still on the sky. “My training was different from the rest of the Royals. Whereas many others were sent to a specific country to train, my father decided that he wanted his second born son to have a more well-rounded education. While Royals like Ji Hoon were getting comfortable in neighbor countries like China, I was never allowed to get comfortable. Once I was done learning the things I needed to learn from a specific mentor, I was to leave as soon as possible to become trained by another mentor. It was a cycle that seemed never ending.” He swallowed roughly. “I still remember my first night of training like it was yesterday. I was sent to a rural area in Laos and as my first initiation, my mentor decided that it was best to introduce me to the sight of death as soon as possible. As soon as I stepped on his estate, he threw me into a ditch filled with corpses and ordered me to sleep there for the night.”

As Yoori covered her mouth in horror, he went on. “Needless to say, that scared the shit out of me. After that, I trained endlessly. I was pitted against other kids, fully grown men and murderers alike. I can’t tell you how many times I was a breath away from death and how many lives I took during my training. There were some nights where I was tempted to put a bullet in my own mouth because I was so miserable.”

Yoori could scarcely voice her next words. “What kept you going?”

“My father,” he stated simply. “He assured me that it would all get easier. He told me that this agonizing moment would pass. He said that this was a debt all Royals must pay if they wanted to be free of human weaknesses. He said that one day, when all of my weaknesses are gone, I would become better than human.” He smiled desolately. “He was right. Slowly but surely, as the years passed, this violent life became easier. Every time I killed, I felt more and more powerful. Every time anyone kneeled before me, I felt more and more like a God. Yet, no matter my current state in life, it doesn’t change the fact that my childhood wasn’t a pleasant one.” He finally turned to her. “You said you wondered what your childhood was like but you should know that Soo Jin wasn’t just any other Royal. She was different. She was the protégé of the three most powerful Advisors in the Underworld. She was trained at Ju Won’s mansion her entire childhood. At least I got to see different parts of the world growing up – she did not have the same freedom.” He smiled. “It is an excruciating road to become a God in this world. Perhaps it is your blessing that you do not remember your childhood. It is a rarity for Underworld Royals to have good childhoods – we are too busy losing our souls.”

Yoori smiled sadly at Tae Hyun. Only her crime lord boss would recollect unpleasant memories of his past to make her feel better. 

“You know, you never asked me anything about being Soo Jin,” she stated wearily. She looked at him as she continued to swing listlessly. “You’re not curious about how much I remember? You’re not curious about my inner turmoil?”
 

He knew enough, which was that Soo Jin wanted to commit suicide and she had asked her brother to help her. He also knew that Soo Jin somehow became Yoori. He knew all the important stuff she shared with him but he never once asked to know more about what was going on in her mind. She had always wondered if he was ever curious or if he was just being considerate.

“Of course, I’m curious,” he admitted, his eyes never straying from her attentive ones. “Who wouldn’t be?” He shrugged. “But I figured if you wanted me to know more, when you’re ready, you’d tell me.” 

She liked his answer. He always gave good ones and he was always genuine about them. That was his charm: he was straightforward. Whet
her it be in-your-face straightforward or subtly straightforward, he always gave the answer he truly felt and she appreciated him for that. 

“I have two questions for you,” she continued, knowing that Tae Hyun would be the best person to go to for advice. “There are a couple of things I can’t seem to figure out myself and I think you may be able to help me figure them out.”
 

His attentive silence prompted her to continue.
 

“I can understand that something occurred in that club massacre that shook her to her core. There was a trigger and she snapped. What I
 don’t understand is why she tried to kill herself. I mean…Soo Jin was a trained killer…surely killing those people in the club wouldn’t merit her losing her mind. She’s killed in the past…what made these people so special that she actually felt remorse for them?” 

Tae Hyun took a few seconds to ponder the question.
 “Would you feel guilty if you killed five ants at once?” 

Yoori shook her head.
 

“How about if you killed two cats at once?”
 

Yoori slowly understood the point Tae Hyun was making.
 

He went on, the gentle wind ruffling the short strands of his hair. “In the Underworld, the lives of humans differ in value. Generally, killing other gang members would equate to killing ants. You’re taking lives away but it has no effect on you because you’ve been trained to kill them. It demands
no guilt from you because they are trained to kill you too. So it’s kinda like survival of the fittest. On the flip side, killing innocent families or kids hold a higher value in our world. That was why the club massacre incident was so well-known in the Underworld. It’s not so much that Soo Jin would dare to kill, but it was more along the lines that she would go so far as killing people who were not a threat to her whatsoever. It’s a complicated value in the Underworld that gets mixed up together. Some people, when they’ve killed enough, feel that they can withstand the weight that comes with killing families and kids.”

He gazed at Yoori warily, already knowing the outcome of Soo Jin’s fate. “Judging from her desperate need to end her life, it seemed that killing the latter wasn’t as easy as she thought it would be.”
 

Yoori nodded understandingly.
 That made sense. She ventured into her second question. “In my dreams – my memories – I see her kneeling in front of her brother…” She shifted uneasily. “My brother. She was begging him to end her life. This…this is so odd to me. I…I don’t understand why she couldn’t just kill herself. Why did she give him the needle instead? Why did she need her brother of all people to kill her?” 

“She is bound to him by oath.”
 

She was thrown off by his answer.
 “Bound by oath?”

“This world, as ruthless as it is, still heavily values loyalty and honor. You may not give it to your enemies, but you give it to your family – your Underworld family. When you join crime syndicates in the Underworld, it’s like joining a Kingdom of sorts. You not only go through the ‘blood in’ initiations
, but you also take an oath. Your life is sworn to your King, which means that you either die protecting him or die serving him. Committing suicide is considered a betrayal to your gang—to your Underworld King. An Soo Jin was the underboss of the Scorpions gang. If she wanted to die without betraying the oath she took, then she would need his permission…she would need him to kill her.” 

“This world has a lot of bylaws, doesn’t it?” commented Yoori.
 

“Merely guidelines that people live by,” Tae Hyun answered. He regarded her with hesitancy. “You…you’re not starting to feel suicidal
, are you?” 

“What?” she practically shrieked. “No, of course not!”

She didn’t like that she was Soo Jin but there was no way she would kill herself. 

“Good.” He exhaled in relief. “‘Cause I don’t care who the hell you were 3 years ago. I’ll
 kill you if you kill yourself.” 

She gave him a blank look. “Well
, that was a stupid statement.” 

“Don’t be stupid and kill yourself and I won’t make a stupid statement like that.”

“Okaaaaaay, buddy,” Yoori promised, finally letting out a giggle. She took another swig of her alcohol. She gave props to Tae Hyun for saying the most random things to show that he cared.

“I am curious about something that deals with you being Soo Jin,” he said quietly, commanding her attention again.
 

“Go ahead,” she prompted, though she was wary of what he may ask.
 

He drank out of his bottle and began slowly. “It seems that if there’s only one person that holds the key to everything…it would be your brother.” His eyes locked with her curiously. “Why aren’t you more insistent with trying to find him so you can find out more about your past? If it was me, I’d be searching all ends of the world for the one person who could shine some light on my situation and pull me out of the darkness.”
 

“I don’t even know where he is…” Her argument was futile and she knew that. It wasn’t so much that she didn’t want to find him. It was something else she was afraid of.
 

“Ask me to help you and I’ll find him for you.” He paused. “Do you even want to find him?”

It was then that she knew Tae Hyun wasn’t curious about whether or not she wanted to find her brother. He already knew that she didn’t want to find An Young Jae. He was curious as to 
why
 she didn’t want to find him. 

Yoori took a long moment to think about her answer before she gave it to Tae Hyun. She gave him the raw, unfiltered answer that she had never voiced out – even to herself.
 

“Truthfully speaking, I’m not one of those people who
have
 to know where they came from. When I woke up in the hospital 3 years ago and my adoptive family fed me all the lies about me hanging out with a bad crowd, I never once tried to find out who I was. I never once tried to find that bad crowd to find out what I was like in my ‘previous’ life. I’m not one of those brave people who have to know who they were and where they came from at all costs. I’m really weak and spineless like that. I always run away from my problems and that’s the only thing I’m really good at. The only thing I care about is being happy. For as long as I can, I just want to be happy. I don’t want to find Young Jae. I don’t want to learn more about my past. I don’t want to be out of the dark. I like things as they are now—especially right now. I’m really happy right now.” 

Her gaze went over to Tae Hyun. Though there was a gentle warmness in his gaze, Yoori knew that in many ways, even if he wouldn’t admit it to himself, he loved her answer. He loved her answer because what would the world be like if there was no more Tae Hyun and Yoori?
 As long as Soo Jin was out of the picture, they would always be together.

Yoori laughed. “You knew I was going to say all that, huh?”
 

“Slightly,” he admitted, holding back his smile.
 

Yoori smiled before venturing into another set of thoughts. “How do you feel about all of this? Me being
her? I know you’re used to killings and all but I think killing kids and families is a different level – a level that may be too vicious and barbaric for the Underworld itself. Why aren’t you disgusted?” 

“She regretted everything enough to want to make things right by killing herself. I don’t think anyone can truly be disgusted with that.” He tilted his head at Yoori, his eyes holding nothing but an affectionate gaze for her. “Plus, she’s you. You may get on my nerves at times but you could never disgust me.”
 

Yoori frowned at the subtle insult he added in yet chose not to delve deeper into it. She was happy with his answer. This led her to her next random question.

“Would you cry if I died?” 

“No,” he answered without a moment’s hesitation.
 

What
?!

Did the fool drink too much alcohol to speak so irrationally?

He sure knew how to kill a nice moment. 

“You’re
not
going to cry?” she asked belligerently, nearly having a heart attack from the shock she was experiencing. 

“Why would I?” he asked blithely, taking another gulp of his alcohol. His eyes were firmly solidified on her enraged ones as he did this.
 

“What the hell,
 jerk-face? Why 
wouldn’t
 you cry if your best friend dies?” 

“
Best friend?” He nearly choked on his drink. “How the hell did you become my 
best friend
?” 

“Well
, we are, aren’t we?” 

He made a rude noise. “Shouldn’t you get my permission before you label yourself as my best friend? I mean…I didn’t even want you to be my friend in the first place. Why the hell would I want you as my
 
best friend
?” 

She was beside herself now. “There you go again, you Snob, always thinking that you’re better than me.”