The Fading Trilogy: Fading, Freeing, Falling: Includes 2 BONUS short stories: Hoping and Finding Forever (94 page)

“Me?”

“Are you happy?”

I dig my thumbnail under the damp label on my beer bottle. Nervous reflex. I’m sure she sees it too. We are good at reading each other like that.

“I worry about you,” she says softly.

“You don’t need to worry about me. I’m good. Business is good,” I assure her.

She leans back on the couch and lets out a sigh as she says, “I don’t doubt that work is good, but I wonder how much longer you plan on keeping up like you are. I wonder when you’ll decide to slow down and settle.”

“You know why I don’t settle, Mom.” This is no secret between us. She has always known why I’ve never gotten involved with anyone. She knows my fears. I tell my mother nearly everything.

“You’re nothing like him,” she affirms sternly, and when I look at her, I deny her words.

“I’m a lot like him.”

She doesn’t respond, and I feel bad for cheapening her words. “Sorry.”

“It hurts me to know this is how you think of yourself. I don’t want you to be alone. I want you to find someone that you can be happy with.”

“I want the same for you,” I tell her.

“I know you do, but you’re young. You have time on your side.”

I can’t help but laugh. “God, Mom, you act like you’re a blue-haired lady at the bingo hall.”

She laughs with me and says, “You know what I mean.”

“I know.” Letting out a deep yawn, I take the last swallow of my beer and lean in to kiss her on the cheek. “I’m gonna hit the sack. Tor and I are headed to Indian in the morning.”

“What time will you guys be back?”

“Around ten or so.”

“I’ll cook you kids breakfast.”

I smile at her referring to us as kids and say, “I love you, Mom,” as I stand up and look down at her.

“Love you, too.”

Before the water gets too busy, Tori and I decide to call it and head back to shore. Tossing our boards aside, we sit and take a breather. The morning is cool, and the sun rising behind us casts a glow across the water. People filter in, trying to get as much of the sun as they can before the season changes and the rain and grey haze finds its home for the rest of the year. Personally, I love the darkness.

“I gotta head back tomorrow,” Tori tells me as she unzips her wetsuit and tugs her arms out of it.

I start doing the same, saying, “I thought you were gonna stay for a few days.”

“I was, but Trevor called late last night, and he just got a big case, so he has to go in this weekend.” She digs her feet into the packed sand and shrugs, “Life of an attorney.”

“You gonna talk to him?” I question.

She looks over at me and nods. “I’ll talk to him.”

“Good.”

“So when are you coming back home?”

“I don’t really know. Whenever. For sure Thanksgiving though.”

“Connor was asking if you were going to take him trick-or-treating this year.”

I love her kids. Although they are my cousin’s children, we’ve always just referred to them as my nieces and nephews. I have a lot; three nieces and four nephews. Being an uncle is great, and I take pride in spoiling them rotten despite their parents. “You know it’s always a busy night at the bar, but I’ll see what I can do. Don’t say anything to him though because if I can’t make it back here, I don’t want him to be let down.”

She smiles and says, “I won’t.”

“How is Bailey doing?” I ask about her one-year-old daughter.

“Crazy,” she laughs. “She’s a tiny diva. I look at her, and I know I’m in for trouble in about fourteen years.”

“Well, if she’s anything like you were . . .”

“God, don’t even say it!” she whines.

We both laugh, knowing all too well how much of a partier she used to be when we were in high school.

Recalling a memory, I mention, “I will never forget seeing you hanging over the docks and puking into the water.”

“Ugh! That was awful. I was trying to be cool in front of that guy, Shawn, so that he would notice me.”

“Oh, he noticed you,” I joke, laughing harder. We used to get together in Astoria, where she’s from. We’d meet up with friends late at night and drink on the docks. Every now and then we’d get busted, but it never stopped us from going back.

“You ready?” she asks.

“Yeah, I’m starved,” I respond as I stand up and grab my board. We head up the stairs, off the beach, and to my jeep. Loading everything up, we make the drive out of Ecola Park and back home.

The smell of coffee and bacon fills the house as we walk through the front door. We toss our gear into the laundry room then head into the kitchen where my mom is scrambling eggs.

“How was the beach?” she asks as I pour a mug of coffee.

“Good,” Tori answers.

“Well, it’s a good thing you guys went when you did. It’s supposed to rain this afternoon.”

“You know rain doesn’t stop us,” I say as I walk by and kiss her cheek.

She plates our food, and we all sit to eat.

“Tori has to bail tomorrow,” I tell my mom.

“Oh, no. Everything okay with the kids?” she asks.

“Yeah, the kids are good. Trevor has to go into the office, that’s all.”

“When are you heading back?” she asks me before taking a sip of her coffee.

“I’ll probably stay here for a couple of days. I’m in no rush to get back. Michael should have everything under control.”

Finishing breakfast, I help my mom clean the kitchen before heading to my room to get cleaned up.

After my shower, I lie down on my bed and call Gavin.

“Hey, man. How’s the beach?” he says when he answers.

“Good. Anything going on Tuesday?” Too many serious conversations yesterday and my head needs an escape when I get back home.

“Whatever you want to go on,” he responds.

Gav and I have been friends for nearly ten years now. Through the years, I feel like our friendship, although it remains constant, has grown a bit superficial. He still parties the way we used to in college. We go out a lot, and he’s into the chicks as much as I am. He’s loud and obnoxious, where I’m more laidback, but he’s my one friend that isn’t tied down.

“Monkey Pub?” I suggest.

“Yeah, that works.”

“I’ll text you later then.”

“All right, man. I’ll catch you when you get back.”

I spent the rest of my time with my mom, hanging out and taking it easy. It’s always good to see her and catch up, although we talk on the phone often. She’s always sad to see me leave. I know she was hoping I would move back to Oregon after I graduated college, but Seattle is my home. I love it.

When I get back in town, I head to Monkey Pub to meet Gavin. The lot is packed as I pull in to park. Walking in, the crowd is thick, and there are a few drunken college girls on stage, murdering a song in karaoke.

“Ryan,” I hear Gavin holler, and when I spot him by the bar, I make my way over.

“Mel, what are you doing here?” I ask, but before she can answer, I catch her husband, Zane. “Shit, man. I haven’t seen you in forever,” I say to him as I clap his shoulder.

“Busy with the band. Things are finally starting to take off.”

“God, don’t get him started,” Mel complains before she downs a shot.

“Fill me in,” I encourage, and he proceeds to tell me that his band has been offered a contract for a recording deal.

“No shit? That’s great,” I tell him.

“Thanks. We’re pretty stoked.”

When I see the irritation in Mel’s eyes, I question, “What’s got you so pissy?”

“Zane forgot to mention that he would have to move to L.A.”

“You’d think she’d be happy, but I can’t get my woman on board to go to California,” he tells me as he wraps his arm around her.

“I love Seattle. All my family is here,” she responds.

“You guys will work it out. For better or worse, or some shit like that, right?” I laugh.

“Right,” she sighs, not happy about the situation.

Turning around, I shout down the bar for a beer, and when the bartender gives me a nod, I take a seat next to Gavin.

“What did you do today?” I ask as he drinks his beer.

“Just work. Shit never ends.”

“Dude, you love work. Don’t give me that crap,” I joke.

He laughs and says, “Not gonna lie, it’s a good gig. I’m gonna go check out a new band the label is showing interest in on Thursday. Wanna tag along?”

“Yeah,” I say as the bartender hands me my beer. Gavin has been working for Sub Pop Records for the past few years, so we hit up a lot of concerts.

He turns to a couple of girls that walk up and stand next to him as they wait to order drinks. Taking a quick look back at me, he shoots me a wink, and I laugh at him. When he turns back to them, he says, in tacky Gavin form, “Hey, ladies.”

I sit back and drink my beer. Mel and Zane are off talking to friends, but when Gavin nudges me and says, “I got one for you,” I turn around to see a tall, curvy redhead smiling at me.

Giving a slight nod, I say, “You go to college here?” Small talk—it’s almost annoying to me because if I do too much of it, it makes me feel like a dick for possibly giving girls the impression that I’m interested in more than just a fleeting hook-up.

“Uh huh. Education major,” she tells me with a thick Southern accent, and I can’t control the chuckle that slips out. “What about you?”

Is she kidding?
“College was a few years back for me.”

As she nods her head, she says, “Oh.” Naïve. “So, what do you do . . .?” she trails off, not knowing my name.

“Ryan.”

“Right.”

God, this is painful.
“I run a bar off campus,” I tell her.

“Cool.”

Looking over at Gavin, he’s staring at the redhead and shaking his head. Yeah, I got the ditz outta the two, that’s for sure.

“You need a drink?” I offer, and when she smiles and nods, I turn to get the bartender’s attention. “What do you like?”

“Vodka.”

“Shots?” I ask.

“Mmm hmm.”

I shoot her a smile, and I know I’m in when she smiles back, biting her lower lip. I order four shots, and we waste little time knocking them back. We sit there as time passes, and she talks my ear off about school and moving up here from Oklahoma. I half pay attention but make sure I nod to give her the impression that I’m keeping up.

Her hand grips my knee when she leans in and begins talking closely into my ear as the bar grows louder the later it gets. Brushing her hair behind her shoulder, I let my fingers graze along her neck, and she shifts to look at me, no longer talking, just staring. When her hand tightens on my knee, I lean in and kiss her, tasting the alcohol and willingness as she moves her lips with mine.

She’s not hesitant, but eager, so when I tug her hair, she moans into my mouth. Dragging her lips to my ear, she whispers, “Wanna get outta here?”

This one seems like she could be clingy. Not wanting to go to my place, and being tired after the drive back from Oregon, I lay it out there for her. “Car?”