The Exception to the Rule (32 page)

“Julian, honestly let me see,” I almost pleaded.

He reluctantly revealed it to me again. I gently removed the bandage. It was red and swollen.

 “It’s fine,” he insisted.

“No, it’s not fine,” I said sternly.

He rolled his eyes at me, not wanting to hear what I had to say.

I grabbed his arm and pulled him off the couch and into the bathroom. I cleaned it thoroughly with soap, water, and peroxide. 

“You know, I’m quite capable of doing this myself,” he said sarcastically. This time it was me who was ignoring him. I put some antibiotic cream on it and slapped the bandage on just a little harder than usual.

“Geez, are you this rough with all your patients?” he asked with a boyish grin.

“Only the bad ones that won’t listen.” I was very matter-of-fact. He looked like a zombie; his skin was pale, his eyes were bloodshot and he could barely stand up. “Now go to bed,” I demanded.

“What?” he chuckled at my stern demeanor.

“You should have been resting all day,” I said.

He rolled his eyes again. “I’m not one of your patients.”

“Well if you’re going act like a child then I’m going to treat you like one.” 

I pushed him in the direction of the guest room and turned down the covers. He shook his head. I sensed that he realized he wasn’t going to win this battle.

“Now, Dr. Kiron, can I get you anything else before you go to bed?” I joked.

He was smiling, looking like he was trying hard not to laugh. “Yeah, a new doctor.”

“Oh sorry, I’m the only one on duty tonight.” I gave him a sarcastic grin. “Sleep well, doctor.” He shook his head as I shut the door behind me.

I was super tired but at the same time wide awake. I decided to head out to the living room and watch some TV in hopes of falling asleep. As I walked past Matty’s room something compelled me to go in. I sat down on his bed and grabbed one of his stuffed animals and hugged it tightly. I laid down, breathing in his scent that was still on his pillow. There was nothing in the world that I wanted more than to be cuddling with him right now. I missed my baby boy so much. I felt a lump in my throat thinking about the long journey ahead. I tried remaining positive as I thought of what tomorrow would bring. I took comfort in knowing that Julian was here and Matty had the best doctor in the world caring for him. I closed my eyes and whispered “thank you” to the special angel that I knew was watching over him and would never leave his side – my dad.

Chapter 33

I sat in Matty’s room on the day of his transplant looking at the bag of blood hanging from his IV pole. It was hard to fathom that this was what his life had come to. This was what was going to keep him alive. He wasn’t eating much of anything. Even his usual sweet tooth was curtailed. I was warned that this would happen, but the sight of him turning down a brownie was as painful as watching him lying in the hospital bed. 

It was now a waiting game. The first few weeks were the most critical. The intense regimen of chemo that he received prior to the transplant had crippled his immune system. Julian and I were the only visitors allowed. He was highly susceptible to infection. The transplanted bone marrow had to set up inside his body and start producing normal blood cells. I was taking it one day at a time. Every day he got through without any major complications was a victory. 

My world now consisted of this hospital room. I hadn’t seen Charles and Claire or Tricia and James in weeks. I missed them so much and would call or text them each day with updates. I was even beginning to miss the daily routine of work.

 We were now two-and-a-half weeks post-transplant. Matty had been showing flu-like symptoms, which was common for any patient receiving a transplant. He was weak and irritable, and nothing seemed to appease him. I was amazed by Julian’s diligence to stay by his side. He had totally put work on the back burner, letting his associates temporarily take over for him. I was grateful for this. I wouldn’t have been able to go through this alone. 

Matty picked up his favorite book from the table beside him. “Can you read this to me?” he asked Julian with his gruff little voice now sounding very weak.

Julian sat down next to him with the book and began reading. Matty listened closely, taking extra time to look at the pictures. I watched and smiled, thinking he was finally showing an interest in something. Maybe this was a good sign. As I looked on I began to notice his eyes moving about strangely, then he let out a hoarse cry as his body began to shake uncontrollably. I couldn’t believe what I was witnessing—he was having a seizure. This was another side effect that I was told could possibly happen, although it was very rare. I felt paralyzed as I stood there watching it unfold. I couldn’t move – I was terrorized. Julian quickly turned him on his side to help keep his airway open. Snap out of it! I told myself. I was finally able to move myself over to his bed. The seizure lasted for about thirty seconds but it seemed like forever before he started to come out of it. Julian was comforting him while he got his bearings. He was trembling and crying as he hugged Julian tightly. I sat down on the bed next to him as he began to cry harder when he looked down and realized he had lost control of his bladder.

“Matty, it’s okay,” Julian reassured him.

“I’m scared, I want to go home.” The tears began to stream down his face.

“I know; soon, buddy,” Julian said as he hugged him tightly and kissed his head.

My heart was breaking. I didn’t know how much more I could take. I sat down on the other side of the bed. “Matty, everything is going to be okay, sweetie,” I said, rubbing his back. 

Julian waited until Matty had calmed down a bit before getting up. He looked over Matty’s chart and slammed it on the table in annoyance before heading out of the room. I had no clue what was going on. A few seconds later I heard Dr. Fowler being paged.

I carefully changed Matty into clean clothes. His little body was so frail I was afraid I would hurt him just by dressing him. I offered him some water. He took a small sip as tears streamed down his face.  I rubbed his back until he started to fall asleep. I covered him and watched him closely.

Julian returned with a look of total displeasure on his face. “What’s the matter?” I asked.

“I specifically told Dr. Fowler that I wanted Matty on anti-seizure medication as a precaution. Apparently it was never done,” he said angrily.

I wasn’t sure who he was more upset with, Dr. Fowler or himself for not double-checking his medications. Knowing Julian, it was more than likely the latter.

 “Don’t blame yourself; you’ve been doing everything humanly possible for him,” I reassured him.

“If he had been on this before, this would have never happened,” he said, still upset.

“It’s over with now and he’s okay,” I said, trying to calm him down a bit. I could tell that he wasn’t going to let it go. He sat down in the chair alongside Matty, watching him sleep. He carefully observed every breath he took, almost as if afraid that he was going to seize again. 

“When do you have to go back to Chicago?” I asked, trying to take his mind off of it.

“Next week for some meetings; just for a couple of days,” he said reluctantly.

A sense of alarm came over me. I was so afraid of dealing with this on my own. He must have sensed my apprehension. 

“Call me if you need anything,” he said reassuringly. “I’ll have my phone on me at all times.”

Dr. Fowler entered the room along with Dr. Taylor, another doctor who was assisting with Matty’s treatment. Julian immediately stood up as if all the anger that had just diffused was resurfacing. 

“Why was he not put on anti-seizure meds like I asked?” he demanded.

Dr. Taylor began to explain. “Dr. Kiron, being that there was such a slight chance of a seizure; I felt it would be best to not subject him to any more medications.”

I could see the rage in Julian’s eyes. I sat down quickly next to Matty and prepared myself for what was to come. 

“You felt it would be best?” he asked, his voice getting louder. The last time someone had made a decision on what they thought was best was me - that didn’t go over so well either. 

“Do I have to remind you, I’m overseeing his treatment and I said I wanted him to have it, so it doesn’t matter what you felt was best!” I could see that Dr. Taylor was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

 “He only thought that –” Dr. Fowler tried to speak in Dr. Taylor’s defense, but Julian quickly stopped him.

“Well he thought wrong; my son had a seizure because my request was not followed.” 

I remained quiet and cringed at the fury in his voice. This was a side of Julian that I wasn’t used to. This was the angriest that I had ever seen him. He always remained so calm and cool. Even when he was angry he hardly ever raised his voice, but today that side of him had vanished. 

“The nurse will be in shortly with the medicine,” Dr. Fowler said. 

Dr. Fowler and Dr. Taylor apologized. I gave them a nod of acceptance. Julian said nothing, not acknowledging them at all.

I watched as they both exited the room. Julian walked over to the window and looked outside. 

“Why don’t you go back to my house and get some rest?” I said as I went over to him. “You’re beyond exhausted.”

He immediately shook his head. “This has nothing to do with me being tired,” he said. “One simple thing could have prevented this from happening today.” 

I rubbed his arm lightly as he continued to stare out the window. I could tell he was upset with himself and I wanted to comfort him so I wrapped my arms around him, giving him a hug.

“Kat, just stop,” he said as he pushed me away.

“I’m sorry,” I said, confused by his harsh reaction.

“You can’t just think that a hug is going to make everything better” 

“Julian, I only thought –”

“Matty had a seizure because I let my guard down and didn’t double-check his chart,” he said.

I was afraid to respond, afraid that I would only be cut off again. “Julian, he’s fine now, he’s going to get the medication that he needs and it won’t happen again. It’s not your fault,” I said gently.

“Yes, it is Kat – this is why I can’t stop thinking like a doctor for even one second. Because God knows you sure as hell aren’t,” he said coldly.

I was furious and hurt, both at the same time. I shook my head in disbelief. I could tell that he sensed my feelings as he ran his hand through his hair and looked away to prepare for what he had coming to him.

“You are the most pompous, insensitive ass that I have ever met!” I shouted.

“Really Kat, he was having a seizure and you just froze up. What if I wasn’t here, what would you have done, let him choke on his own vomit?” He was using the same harsh tone now with me that he had with Dr. Fowler and Dr. Taylor.

I began to cry, which was the last thing I wanted him to see. “I honestly don’t know how I ever had a child with someone like you – I hate you!” The tears were rolling down my face. He was emotionless, as if he were unaffected by my words or my tears before he walked out the door. 

I sat by Matty’s bedside, trying my best to stop crying but I couldn’t. Why did I let him get me so upset? The nurse came in with Matty’s medicine. I quickly dabbed my eyes with a tissue, knowing that it was a lost cause. My eyes felt like they were swollen shut from all of my crying.

“Are you okay, Dr. Vallia?” the nurse asked.

“Yes, just an emotional day,” I responded.

She looked at me sympathetically. “What’s the medication that you’re giving him?” I asked.

“Diazepam, five milligrams,” she clarified.

“Diazepam? Why didn’t he order Gabapentin instead?” which was always my first choice in anti-seizure medication.

“I believe Dr. Fowler said that the Diazepam is what Dr. Kiron had requested,” she said. 

“Oh,” I said, rolling my eyes.

 “I could double-check with Dr. Fowler if you’d like,” she said.

“No, that’s fine – I’m okay with the Diazepam.” I didn’t want to start a whole new argument by questioning Julian’s judgment.

Julian was gone for quite some time. When he returned, I didn’t acknowledge him in any way and just focused my attention on Matty, who was still sleeping. Julian sat down in the chair next to me as I continued ignoring him.

“I’m sorry Kat.” 

I continued looking straight ahead until he took my face in his hands and turned my head forcing me to look at him. “You’re a great mom and a great doctor.”

“Why do you have to be so mean?” I asked. “I was only trying to make you see that it wasn’t your fault that this happened. I didn’t know it was going to make you so upset.” 

“I know and I shouldn’t have blown up on you like that. I was just so angry at myself that I took it out on you,” he said in a gentle tone.

“It’s okay,” I said as he handed me a tissue to wipe away a stray tear that rolled down my face. “And I’m sorry for what I said to you.” 

“That’s okay, you’re not the first girl to tell me they hate me – I’m used to it,” he joked. I shook my head and gave him the best smile that I could manage.

Matty finally woke up around dinnertime, not taking one bite of his food. “Matty, you have to try to eat,” I pleaded as I tried giving him a spoonful of applesauce.

“How about some ice cream?” Julian asked. Matty shook his head. “That’s okay; maybe tomorrow you’ll feel like some,” Julian said as if trying to put both Matty’s and my mind at ease.

We spent the rest of the night watching movies that Matty picked out. Matty remained quiet the entire night, falling back asleep around ten o’clock. The room that he was in now was a lot larger than his other one. There was a pullout sofa so the parents could stay overnight. Julian and I had been taking turns staying with him. Tonight, Julian was adamant that he stay with him. I wasn’t going to put up a fight. I knew that he would be much better with handling another seizure in the middle of the night than me. I decided I would leave. Julian looked exhausted. 

“Are you sure you don’t want me to stay instead?” I asked.