The Exception to the Rule (13 page)

I finished dressing. I gave him a huge hug as he kissed me on the forehead. We said our goodbyes. I was just about to walk out the door when I remembered that I had forgotten to say something to him. I turned back around looking at him standing there looking the same exact way that he did last night, with the exception of the spark that was now in his eyes. “Please don’t ever second-guess yourself as a doctor again,” I said in a very serious tone.

 “As long as you don’t ever second-guess your feelings,” he answered. I smiled, not saying a word. I had a feeling he knew exactly how I felt about him. I took a few more steps toward him and stood on my tippy toes to kiss him softly on the lips. I walked out and closed the door behind me. I was unable to wipe the grin from my face. I knew Charles was right; this would probably end with heartache. I didn’t care; I couldn’t control the immense feelings that I had for him. Being ecstatic was nice for a change and I wouldn’t trade what I was feeling for anything. For once in my life I wasn’t thinking of the future, I was just reveling in the present - and it felt good!

Chapter 11

I was still beaming by the time I got back to my room. I didn’t even care that I would have a lot of explaining to do to Tricia about where I had been all night. I was a tad bit relieved to find an empty room when I arrived. I knew I would have to deal with that later, but I didn’t care. I showered and dressed, deciding to take everything at a little slower pace today. I tried relaxing without much success. I began to gather my dirty clothes to take down to the laundry room. There was a light knock on the door and I immediately felt butterflies, thinking that maybe there was some off chance that it was Julian. I tried hard not to show the disappointment on my face when I opened it to see Charles on the other side. He had a serious look of concern about him. The only thing that popped into my head was that he knew—somehow James must have found out and told him. I was playing the scenarios over so quickly in my head. I still couldn’t imagine how he could have possibly found out so quickly. I was getting ready to plead my case when he took me by the hand, signaling for me to sit down on the bed. I knew that he was here for another reason and it was something much more serious. I could tell by the look on his face.

“What’s the matter, Charles?” I asked with apprehension.

“Kat—your dad—he’s in the hospital,” he said, sounding shaken.

“What?” I felt the deep pit in my stomach begin to open.

 Charles sat down next to me and explained. The last few times that Claire had checked up on him, he wasn’t there. She was finally able to reach him on his cell phone. It was then that he admitted to her what was going on. He had been diagnosed with a rare form of intestinal cancer that had now spread to his lungs. He had begged Claire not to tell me, but she told him she had to. Charles said that he spoke to the doctor taking care of him and he had suggested that I come home right away.

“How long does he have?” I asked.

“About two months,” he said regretfully.

My whole world had come crashing down in a matter of seconds. I tried to pull it together, half-paying attention, when Charles said that he would make all the arrangements for a flight home as soon as possible. He said that he was planning to come home with me so I didn’t have to be alone.

 “I’m so sorry, Kat,” he said as he embraced me tightly. He must have sensed that I wasn’t fit for company as he exited the room.

I burst into tears as the door closed behind him. This just wasn’t fair; I had lost my mom at such a young age and now my dad. He was all that I had left, the one person whom I could always depend on, to whom I could share all of my deepest secrets. The one person who mattered most to me and I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

I sat on my bed just staring at the cinderblock walls. I was in complete shock, hoping this was just a horrible nightmare that I would wake from soon. I didn’t even acknowledge Tricia’s presence as she walked into the room. She sat down on my bed next to me and hugged me tightly. I couldn’t even hug her back—I was completely numb. She began to tell me that I had to be ready to leave in a few hours. Charles was able to get a flight out tonight. I was unable to respond, still staring at the wall. My head felt like it was about to explode from crying all morning long. 

Tricia began to clear out my drawers, placing everything into my suitcases. I wanted so much to tell her thank you but I just couldn’t get any words out. I had never felt so helpless in my life. She finished packing my stuff and walked into the bathroom, returning with a cold damp rag that she placed on my forehead. She handed me a bottle of water along with two aspirins. 

After a while, the aspirins started kicking in and the pounding in my head subsided, just enough to make it somewhat bearable to think. I was so angry at myself for not making an effort to call him last Sunday when I was sick. I realized that it wouldn’t have made a difference; he would still be dying. I couldn’t believe how quickly the day had changed from the euphoria I was feeling this morning to the pain I was in right now. Something made me think of Julian. I was leaving in a few hours, we didn’t have a few months, and I would probably never see him again, which only added to my sadness. 

Tricia looked like she was in shock when she finally heard me talk for the first time in hours. “Tricia, do you have a piece of paper and a pen?” I asked. 

She fumbled around looking for both, trying to appease my wishes. She left the room as I began to write. I could hardly see, my eyes were almost swollen shut from crying as I began to pour out my letter.

Dear Julian,

I am so sorry that I didn’t get to say goodbye to you in person. I wish that I didn’t have to leave, especially under these circumstances. I want to thank you for making this place a lot more bearable for me, even if you didn’t realize it - you did. Please take care of yourself.

Love Always,

 Kat

There was so much more that I wanted to say to him but I couldn’t. I folded up the letter and walked down the hallway to his room, sliding it under his door.

The taxi arrived at 4 p.m. to take us to the airport. I hugged Tricia goodbye as Charles loaded up the bags in the car. I wasn’t much company for Charles on the long plane ride home. I didn’t say much of anything. When we finally touched down at the airport, it became clear that November at home was different than November in Africa. I stepped off the plane in my cut-off denim shorts and flip-flops. The only thing I had keeping me somewhat warm was my favorite black hoodie. I was daydreaming as I watched the luggage going around on the conveyor belt, almost missing mine. Charles grabbed the larger of my two suitcases, looking like a pack rat, carrying my bags and his. 

I immediately smiled at the sight of Claire standing by the entrance waiting for us. She was such an attractive woman at fifty seven-years-old; she didn’t look or act a day past 40. She took such good care of herself, eating healthy and exercising, and it clearly showed. She had a petite frame, always managing to keep up with the latest trends with her keen sense of fashion. I would sometimes find myself raiding her closet for a last-minute event that I had to attend. She had dark brown hair with auburn highlights cut in a short asymmetrical bob. She had warm brown eyes that always looked so comforting. I ran over to hug her and began crying. All of the emotion that I had bottled up the whole plane ride home was now coming out. She embraced me tightly, trying to console me. She handed me a tissue and then greeted Charles with a kiss. She wrapped her arm around me as we walked to the parking lot.

I wanted to go straight to the hospital, but it was only 6 a.m. visiting hours didn’t start until 10 a.m. I knew that I could go anytime, since he was at my hospital, but Claire had said that he had some testing to get done this morning. I decided I would hold out until 10. I sat in the back seat trying to make conversation the best that I could. I couldn’t wait to get home and be alone in my house; the most comforting place in the world. 

A flash of happiness overcame me as we pulled into the driveway. Charles and Claire walked me in. I assured them that I would be fine as they walked out the door. I stood in the kitchen looking around and taking everything in. It seemed strange to me that I had to readjust to my own home after being away for so long. I put on a pot of water for tea to try and warm up. I went into my bedroom, turning on the light. My room was exactly how I left it. I took off my shorts, replacing them with my heaviest pair of sweats. I walked into the bathroom to wash my face, turning on the light to reveal the beautiful terracotta tile. The tears began to pour from my eyes once again as I ran my hand over one of the smooth tiles on the wall.

I inattentively stood in the bathroom studying the tile. I was broken from my trance by the sound of the whistling tea kettle. I ran my fingers one last time over the tiled walls before exiting. I reacquainted myself with everything in the kitchen. As I opened the drawer, looking for a spoon, I noticed that every piece of silverware was meticulously placed in its spot. I laughed to myself; it drove my dad crazy when I would unload the dishwasher and throw the silverware haphazardly in the drawer. 

It actually seemed weird to be watching TV after not having one for the past five months. I flicked through the channels and finally decided on the news. I was still freezing, so I lit the gas fireplace and watched the flames dance as I began to recap exactly what had just happened in these past twenty-four hours. Yesterday at this time, in my world my dad was not dying of cancer, I had just spent the night with the man of my dreams, and I was turning over a new leaf of not obsessing so much over the future. It amazed me how much could change in such a short period of time. I thought about Julian and wondered if he had gotten back and got my letter yet and if it really even mattered to him that I was gone. I looked down at my watch that was still set for Nigerian time; it was 1:10 p.m. there. The clock on the mantle displayed 7:10 a.m. and it made me realize that Julian really was a world away. I curled up in a blanket closing my eyes. I was finally in my favorite place in the world - my happy place, only I wasn’t feeling very happy at all.

The chiming of the mantel clock began to draw me from my sleep, chiming ten times. When I was finally awake enough to realize that it was 10 a.m., I jumped from the couch straight into the shower. Ten o’clock was the start of visiting hours and I had planned on being there first thing, but my plan was foiled by over-sleeping. I tried to shower as fast as possible but couldn’t help but take a few extra minutes. It felt so nice to be showering in my own bathroom with water that didn’t smell like sulfur and turn everything brown. I rinsed off quickly, getting ready to just throw my wet hair back into a ponytail but quickly pulled out the blow dryer remembering that I wasn’t in 90 degree weather anymore. When I was finally satisfied that my hair was dry enough, I slipped it back in a ponytail and quickly dressed. It felt weird putting on jeans for the first time in months. I realized they were a little loose on me from my lack of eating the horrible food over there. It would only be a matter of time before they were fitting back to normal now that I was back and would be eating real food.

I gave myself one last look in the mirror before heading out the door, grabbing my coat on the way out. I was realizing that there were a lot of things that you had to get re-acclimated with after being away from them for several months. Driving was one of them, as I stepped on the gas a little too hard backing out of the driveway and almost crushed my neighbor’s garbage can. I was fortunate to have not hit any traffic and hardly any red lights on my way there.

The fact that my dad was admitted to the same hospital that I was affiliated with was good and bad. Good because I was able to park in the staff parking lot and didn’t have to drive around forever looking for a parking space, that always were few and far between. But also bad because there were too many people who worked there that knew. I was supposed to be away until February and the last thing I felt like doing was taking the time to explain to anyone why I was back. I hurriedly made my way to the fourth floor without being noticed. When I entered my dad’s room, he was lying in bed, half asleep, with the television blasting. I startled him as his eyes opened wider taking a minute to realize it was me, but as soon as he did a huge smile appeared on his face.

“Look, who’s here!” he said as I bent over to hug and kiss him. 

He didn’t look sick to me, he had lost a little more weight but fortunately he looked a lot better than I had been expecting. 

“Dad, why didn’t you tell me?” I asked, starting to fill up with tears.

“I don’t want to talk about that right now,” he said in a very dismissing tone. I didn’t want to upset him so I decided to obey his wishes.

“I want to hear all about what’s been going on, how was Africa, how is your oncologist friend?” He tapped the chair next to his bed for me to sit down.

“Africa was depressing; you wouldn’t believe all of the sickness over there, Dad, it’s just devastating.” 

I decided to tell him about the good parts, the beautiful waterfall, the little kids in the village, and I saved the best for last: Julian. I told him about how he took such good care of me when I was sick, how there was just something about him besides his good looks that I immediately fell for and lastly, how I would probably never see him again.

“Oh, why is that?” he asked.

I explained to him about Julian’s work ethic and how his career came first and foremost, not leaving any time for a relationship.

“Well, Kat, if you really care about each other, then you make time for a relationship,” he said, taking my hand.

I knew he was right and if that had been the only hurdle in the way, then maybe it would be something we could get past. But the fact that he would never be around and even when he was home, he would be in Chicago and I would be in New Jersey, which is still quite a distance for a relationship to overcome. The biggest red flag was that he didn’t want children and that was just something I wasn’t ready to give up for any man. I had always known that I wanted children from a very young age, and now facing the loss of my dad it made me want them even more.