In January Brainard rode on Ayliffe, carrying the Lancaster banner. He was met by an impressive emissary in Lord deFrayne, who rode out to greet him with a substantial troop at his back. Brainard was informed that the castle was already held for Lan
caster and that the king
’
s strictest orders were that no one, friend or family, was to be permitted entry. Brainard foolishly launched an attack and was sent flying down the road by an army twenty times the strength of his own.
Sir Clifton could not resist the urge to give chase, and took a force of two hundred knights in pursuit. He returned a day later, late at night, his cheeks flushed from excitement and the cold, and converged on the countess in the darkness of night to give his report.
Anne sat in her bedchamber and listened patiently while Clif
ton told every detail of a two-day chase that drove Brainard far to the west. She nodded and smiled, more disgruntled than she dared let on.
“
You are my good servant, Sir Clifton,
”
she said. And,
“
We would surely be conquered without you.
”
He rambled on, and she patiently replied,
“
Lord Forbes will reward you well. Get thee food and rest, sir knight. I bless you for your bravery.
”
But still, he rambled on, taking more than an hour of her time, in the middle of the night when the fire had burned low. Before leaving he fell to his knees and kissed the palms of her hands, swearing to keep her safe always. She thought she would never get him out of her bedchamber. Finally, with a heavy sigh, she closed the door behind him and threw the bolt.
The door from the common room slowly opened. Dylan stood shivering in his hastily donned chausses, wearing no shirt. He went to stand near the waning fire to warm himself. He looked over his shoulder at Anne and whispered,
“
Your good and stal
wart knight not only interr
upted my hard-earned pleasures –
he nearly froze me to death.
”
“
Come, my love, and let me warm you properly.
”
Dylan stirred up the fire for the benefit of the bedchamber and by the time he turned away from the hearth Anne was already in the bed with the quilt drawn back. He was pleased to accept her offered warmth. The winter had been good to them. They were careful not to look into each other
’
s eyes when they were in the same room. Dylan rarely even dined with the countess, and kept quarters on the north side of the castle, far away and reserved for guests. During the days he kept his at
tention strictly focused on the knights and Sir Clifton, becoming close to the earl
’
s men and remaining a good comrade to his own. For all eyes he was merely a vassal of the earl
’
s and frankly uninterested in the countess. He was courteous, but distant. He even caused a little gossip by flirting with castlewomen, but he was cautious to stir no jealous, curious blood among the wenches. And late at night, almost every night, he crept through the halls to be let into Anne
’
s bedchamber by Jane.
They lay back against the down pillows, the quilt drawn up high, and Dylan encircled her with his arms.
“
You have so many strong men who would die for you,
”
he teased.
“
And then I have you,
”
she countered,
“
forever sneaking around, appearing in so many disguises, and putting me at grave risk.
”
He laughed low in his throat and gave her a squeeze.
“
The wolf guards the hen. Sir Clifton would explode if he knew.
”
He turned his head and looked down at her.
“
You do know about Sir Clifton, do you not
? You do not fool yourself ..
.
”
“
I know,
”
she said.
“
I try to discourage him as politely as I can, but
I
do know, Dylan. Yet, what am I to do? Without him
I
would reside in danger.
”
“
Just be careful, my Anne. Watch him. Do not allow your dependence on his strength to put you at any disadvantage.
”
“
I will be careful. While he serves me loyally I can think of no reason to replace him with another. There seems to be no more able man in Ayliffe.
”
“
Would that it could be
I
, Anne.
”
“
Do you ever wor
ry, Dylan
--
that we will be ..
. punished for this stolen pleasure?
”
“
Punished? I worry that we will be caught, but punished by
God? By the angels?
”
He kissed her forehead.
“
I have been deep in love with you for a dozen years, and somehow
I
cannot believe
‘
tis the devil
’
s curse. I see it as a gift
–
the only truly important thing in my life. Do I delude myself?
”
“
Nay,
”
she whispered with a smile, snuggling closer.
“
‘
Tis a gift, surely.
”
“
Perhaps I should relieve Cliff and move in here to keep you well for the old earl.
”
“
Lady Raynia might find it amiss,
”
she teased him.
“
Ah, Raynia, poor creature,
”
he sighed, mention of his wife causing him to become serious.
“
Bless her frail little mind, a more odd, unhappy woman has never lived. I cannot even hate her, I pity her so.
”
“
She is no better?
”
“
Worse each year, my love. I shall have to send her back to Calais for at least a long visit. She loathes England, me, every
thing in her sight.
”
He thought for a moment. He had told Anne almost everything, but some things were too private, al
most embarrassing. His ugly little wife still had her ugly little maid.
“
She will have none of you? Even after losing her son?
”
“
She does not wish to be burdened with a husband. So ...
I
give her whatever comforts she requests and I allow her sanctuary in the country where she feels safe and left alone. Raynia will not complain that I am too long away.
”
“
And Justin?
”
“
Bless Lady Raynia, she does not deny me that pleasure. She gives him none of her love, but she abides his presence politely. My mother nurtures him well and
I
give him as much time as I can. He will be a strong man one day and carry on this deFrayne family for my brother
’
s sake. I confess, the boy makes me proud. And I am glad that he is too young to understand this business of mine, if he thought me a traitor, it would hurt me deeply.
”
His eyes gazed across the room, his voice became wistful and distant.
“
It is just as well that I do not have a devoted wife, but I cannot pretend that I don
’
t feel cheated. Every man wants a
son.
”
Her heart ached for him.
“
Oh, Dylan, perhaps you can con
vince Raynia ...
”
“
Nay,
”
he laughed, but his eyes were somewhat misty.
“
There will be none of that. I will act as a guardian to my nephew. That will have to do.
”
“
Had you ever given a thought to what might happen if I conceived your child?
”
“
You know I have, minx,
”
he said, giving her a squeeze.
“
We have taken every possible precaution, sometimes to our own displeasure. Thus far no one has noticed how I give thanks to every saint in heaven when you announce the flow of your monthly blood. In two months, we have been fortunate. May our luck continue.
”
He chuckled to himself.
“
What would you do, Dylan, if I came with child?
”
“
Given our present circumstances?
”
he asked. She nodded, looking up at him. She saw his eyes come alive a little. He smiled as he thought.
“
I would pray first that the earl mistook it for his own, but you would have to perform some pretty witchcraft for that, since the earl, God bless him, does not make use of you when he is home. But ... if it could be, if he could believe it was his own child, I would watch you round out, if possible, and wait patiently to hear the news. I would be near if I could, but you are wed to a man boasting ten thousand soldiers, so discretion is the word.
”
He chuckled, in spite of himself.
“
And I suppose I would offer to train the boy, to have some influence. Barring that, I would simply content myself with watching him grow handsome and strong and good in his heart. You would raise him to be good in his heart. He would perhaps inherit Ayliffe, more than I could ever give him.
”
“
You would not like that,
”
she said, her heart beginning to beat wildly.
“
You are too proud to watch a child of yours raised as another man
’
s heir.
”
“
Oh? Think you so?
”
He laughed. It was all only a story to Dylan. She felt herself grow increasingly warm in the cold bedchamber.
“
You are wrong, my Anne. Just to know that a child of mine lived would fill me with uncommon joy. Just to know that you nurtured my seed and brought it to life, that
would be glory. Perhaps when he became a man, if we were friends, I could tell him of my love for his mother, of my devotion, though carefully distant, to him. Perhaps I could convince him that had I claimed him, it would have cost him, and my silence while he grew into manhood was the better part of my love. If he grew to be someone
who could feel love at all ..
. he would surely understand.
”
Hot tears stained her cheeks. He felt the wetness of her tears on his arm.
“
There now, my love, do not weep. It is only a notion, you forced me to become carried away. I will be careful. I know it can never be.
”
“
You almost make me believe you speak the truth, Dylan. I wonder. Perhaps if I birthed you a son, you would begin to speak of flight again.
”
“
Do you think me a coward because I gave up the notion as easily as I did? If I thought something could be gained by running away with you, I would risk it. The danger is too great
–
I cannot, in conscience, subject you to possible death. I know this is not much, my love, but it is a great deal better than we would have by running, hiding. Nay, there is no day of flight ahead. This is the most we are likely to get. And I have resigned myself. I will never have a son.
”
She thought she might choke on her own tears.
“
Is it really so important to a man? Just to know
--
”
“
That a portion of himself will live on? That a man never really dies when a child of his own breathes the air long after he is dead?
”
He gave a little huff of air.
“
What more is there?
”
“
Many nobles have bastard children. There is a country full of pret
ty wenches who would gladly ..
.
”
She could not finish.
“
Ah, yes, the wenches. But, my Anne, my thoughts never fail to turn to you. I want no other woman. Not even my own wife.
”
He squeezed her hard and kissed her brow.
“
Do not weep. I have a little bit of you, I have your love and carry it with me when we are parted. I will manage without a son.
”
“
Dylan, do you speak true? If the earl mistook your child for his own, would it truly please you, yet keep you silent?
”
“
Anne,
”
he said suspiciously,
“
you told me all was well.
”
He sat up straight and held her away from him.
“
Did you lie to me? Do we have some trouble?
”