The essential writings of Machiavelli (47 page)

R
ULES FOR AN
E
LEGANT
S
OCIAL
C
IRCLE

“Rules for an Elegant Social Circle” stands out among Machiavelli’s preserved works for its biting satire of Florentine mores of the early sixteenth century. It is uncertain when Machiavelli wrote this piece, but as Michelangelo’s statue of David is mentioned in the text, it would have been after 1504, which was the year the statue was erected in the Piazza della Signoria
.

—

A circle of ladies and gentlemen would gather for soirees where they often did amusing things, but often dull things as well. They had not found a way to make the amusing more amusing or the dull less tedious, for though they sometimes thought up little pranks, they never made the effort to carry them out. Finally a quick-witted member of the circle who had some experience in the ways of the world took it upon himself to organize—or I should say codify—some rules for these soirees, so that everyone could contrive this or that diversion for the amusement of a lady, a gentleman, or perhaps even both, but then also execute it. It was therefore decided that the circle would submit to the following rules, which were agreed upon by common consent:

No gentleman under the age of thirty is to be admitted to the circle, though ladies of any age may attend.

The circle will have a leader—either a lady or a gentleman—who will hold office for eight days. Gentlemen serve as leaders in descending order, from the gentleman with the longest nose to the one with the shortest, while ladies will serve in ascending order, from the lady with the smallest foot to the one with the largest.

Any gentleman or lady who does not within a day broadcast everything said or done at one of the soirees will be punished in the following manner: A lady transgressor will have her slippers nailed in a prominent place for all to see, with a note bearing her name; a gentleman transgressor will find his hose hung prominently inside out for all to observe.

Members of the circle must make a point of speaking badly of one another and revealing one another’s sins to any and every stranger, trumpeting said transgressions without restraint.

No gentleman or lady of the circle may go to confession except during Holy Week. Should a lady transgress, she will be obliged to convey the leader of the circle to the confessional, and should a gentleman transgress, the leader of the circle will convey him there whenever he sees fit. (A blind confessor ought to be chosen, and if he is hard of hearing, too, even better.)

On no account must any member say a good word about another, otherwise he or she must submit to the above punishment.

If any of the gentlemen or ladies deem themselves uncommonly good-looking, and two witnesses can be found, the lady will be obliged to reveal her leg up to four finger widths above the knee, while the gentleman will have to reveal whether he is sporting a handkerchief or the like in his codpiece.

The ladies will be obliged to go to the church of the Friars of the Servi
¹
at least four times a month, or at any other time members of the circle tell them to go. Should they fail to do so, they will have to go twice as often.

If a lady or gentleman launches into an anecdote and the other members of the circle do not interrupt them, these other members will be condemned to a punishment devised by the lady or gentleman who was not interrupted.

All decisions in the circle will be reached by a minority of votes. The smallest number of votes will always win.

If a member of the circle has been told a secret by a brother or close friend and has not revealed the secret to the ladies and gentlemen of the circle within two days, the transgressor will have to do everything backward without hope of ever being absolved from this punishment, directly or indirectly.

The members of the circle cannot and must not ever allow a moment of silence. The more a gentleman or lady chatters, the higher the commendation. The individual who is first to pause will be shunned by the rest of the company, so that he or she can ponder this transgression.

No member of the circle can or may render any kind of favor to anyone—but if compelled to do so, this favor must be executed in such a way that it will ultimately turn against the suppliant.

Each lady or gentleman shall be obliged to exhibit envy at any benefit enjoyed by another, and must act spitefully. Should any member of the circle not seize the opportunity to act with malice in such a situation, the transgressor will be punished at the pleasure of the circle’s leader.

Should a lady or gentleman at any time or in any place encounter someone laughing or spitting or the like, they must imitate this action under pain of being compelled to do whatever is asked of them for a whole month.

So that all are content, every gentleman and every lady must undertake to sleep unencumbered by a husband or wife for fifteen days out of every month, under pain of having to sleep with said husband or wife every single night without respite for two months.

The lady or gentleman of the circle who can say the most while meaning the least will be held in highest esteem and honored above all others of the company.

Every lady and gentleman must attend every single feast, church fête, and pardoning in the city, as well as every afternoon gathering, soiree, spectacle, dinner, or other entertainment arranged in people’s houses. A lady who fails to attend any of these must submit to being locked up with monks, and a gentleman in a nunnery.

The ladies of the circle will be compelled to spend three-quarters of their time standing by a window or a door—behind or in front, as they please—while the gentlemen of the company must parade before them at least twelve times a day.

No lady of the company may have a mother-in-law. Should one of the ladies still be inconvenienced by one, said lady will have to dispose of her within six months by a purgative or some such means, which may also be used against a husband who does not fulfill his obligations.

The ladies of the circle may not wear crinolines or other such impeding undergarments, and the gentlemen must not lace and bind their underdrawers, which they must instead pin together, a practice strictly prohibited the ladies under pain of their having to inspect the David on the piazza through glasses.
²

In order to appear in a better light, the ladies of the circle as well as the gentlemen will be forced to boast of things they do not own and do not do. Should any individual speak the truth about straitened circumstances and the like, they will be punished at the pleasure of the leader.

No one must show an inner state through any outward sign. In fact, quite the opposite: The lady or gentleman who can conceal true feeling best will deserve the highest commendation.

The greatest part of a lady or gentleman’s time must be spent in dressing and preening. Any member of the circle who contravenes this rule will do so under pain of not being glanced at a single time.

A lady or gentleman who dreamily recounts what he or she did or said the day before will have to kneel with his or her bottom up for half an hour while everyone administers corrective measures.

Anyone attending Mass who does not keep looking around, or seat himself in a prominent position to be admired by all, will be punished for the sin of lèse-majesté.

No lady or gentleman, particularly those wishing to have children, must put a shoe on the right foot first under pain of having to walk barefoot for a month, or longer if the leader of the circle decrees it.

No one lying down to sleep will be allowed to close both eyes at the same time. The lady or gentleman must close one eye first and then the other—which is in fact the best method for conserving one’s eyesight.

The ladies will have to walk in a way that will not show how much of their foot is revealed by their shoe.

No one may blow his nose while observed, except in an emergency.

The ladies and gentlemen of the circle will be obligated to scratch when it itches, under pain of a fine to the Florentine Office of Finances.

Fingernails and toenails are to be cleaned every four days.

In order to appear taller, the ladies of the circle will be compelled to put something beneath them whenever they sit.

A doctor no older than the age of twenty-four must be chosen for the social circle, so that he will be able to administer first aid to all the members without succumbing to exhaustion.

1.
In
Mandrake
, act III, scene 2, Lucrezia stopped going to the Friars of the Servi because she was molested by one of the friars.

2.
Michelangelo’s statue of David had recently been placed on the Piazza della Signoria in Florence.

T
HE
P
ERSECUTION OF
A
FRICA

O
N
K
ING
H
UNERIC OF THE
V
ANDALS, IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 500, COMPOSED BY
S
AINT
V
ICTOR
, B
ISHOP OF
U
TICA

In “The Persecution of Africa,” Machiavelli paraphrases and recasts the opening chapters of Saint Victor of Utica’s poignant three-volume Latin
Historia persecutionis Africanae provinciae
(The History of the Persecution of the African Province), creating a compelling piece of literature. It describes the persecution of the Roman Catholics of the North African Roman provinces by the invading Vandal kings, Gaiseric and Huneric, fanatical Arian Christians who followed the teachings of the fourth-century Alexandrian presbyter Anus. The Church in Rome rejected the Arian Christians as heretics, but as Saint Victor demonstrates in his book, and Machiavelli reflects in this piece, the Christians of Africa saw the Vandals as brutal pagans: “Those churches the Vandals did not destroy […] were transformed into temples of their religion.”

It is unclear when Machiavelli worked on this piece
.

—

It has been sixty years since the cruel Vandal race entered the lands of Africa, crossing the straits that separate Africa from Spain. Short and tall, young and old, more than eight hundred thousand of them came, as they themselves asserted, so that our people, frightened by their number, would relinquish any thought of defending themselves. Finding Africa peaceful and calm, filled with riches and great abundance, the Vandals indulged in every violence, as much against men as against the earth. Wherever they trod they torched, ravaged, robbed, and slaughtered, taking men prisoner and forcing them to die in dungeons under every kind of torture. Nor did the Vandals withhold their cruelty from trees and plants. What was worse, they left neither church nor saint’s tomb unscathed, torching and devastating them all. People tried to hide themselves and their possessions in valleys, forests, and caves, but to no avail, for wherever they hid they were found, robbed, and slaughtered. The Vandals attacked the churches of God and the houses of men with the greatest hatred and most fervent persecution, and wherever they found buildings locked, they hacked and hewed at them with axes as the oaks of the forest are felled, so that one could quote the verse from the Scriptures: “They behaved like men wielding axes to cut through a thicket of trees. They smashed all the carved paneling with their axes and hatchets. They burned your sanctuary to the ground.”
¹

How many illustrious bishops and noble priests were tortured to death, unwilling to reveal where they kept their gold and silver! And if they relinquished what they had, this only convinced the Vandals that there was more they could give. The greater the riches the persecuted surrendered, the greater the torture. Some had foul-smelling mud poured down their throats, others were forced to drink seawater, still others were given vinegar, dung, the pungent dregs of wine, and other foul-smelling liquids. The merciless Vandals bloated their victims like wineskins, nor did they have pity on girls or women. They respected neither nobility nor learning and showed no reverence to the priesthood; in fact their spirits became more feral, and the Vandals unleashed their fury most, wherever they found nobility and rank. How many eminent men of the Church, how many illustrious gentlemen, were forced to carry burdens like camels and donkeys, driven on by the Vandals with goads and prods to quicken their pace, many dying under the strain. Neither youth nor age moved the Vandals to pity, and countless infants were torn from their mothers’ breasts, sent into captivity, grabbed by their feet and dashed on the ground before their mothers’ eyes, or were even held by their legs and sliced in half. This verse could have been cited at every instant: “You will kill their young men with the sword, dash their little children to the ground, and rip open their pregnant women.”
²

Buildings too immense to succumb to fire the Vandals ravaged and defaced, so that today no trace remains of the ancient beauty of many of our cities. Scores of towns are now inhabited by few, or are empty. The theaters and churches of Carthage, Celestial Avenue, and many fine buildings were destroyed, and those churches the Vandals did not destroy, like the Basilica that holds the bodies of Saint Perpetua and Saint Felicitas, were transformed into temples of their religion.
³
Wherever they came upon a castle or fortress they could not besiege, they slaughtered countless men from the surrounding areas and laid them outside the walls, so that those inside were forced to surrender or die of the stench.

Countless saintly priests were tortured and killed, among them the venerable Papinianus, bishop of our city, who was scorched with burning blades of steel. Mansuetus was burned at the gates of Fornitana. The city of Hippo was besieged, whose bishop was Saint Augustine,
⁴
a man deserving the highest praise because the stream of his eloquence flowed through all the fields of the church: but in those adverse times that stream dried up and the sweetness of his speech turned into bitter absinth. David’s words proved true:
Cum consisteret peccator adversum me, obmutui et humiliatus.
⁵
Saint Augustine had written two hundred thirty-two books, innumerable epistles, and a thorough exposition of the entire Book of Psalms and the Gospels, which are usually called homilies, the number of which is vaster than the mind can grasp.

What more can I say? After much cruelty, Gaiseric
⁶
besieged and conquered the great and beautiful city of Carthage, reducing to servitude its ancient liberty, so forthright and noble, and all its senators to slaves. Gaiseric decreed that the people had to bring him all their gold, precious stones, and rich vestments; in a short time he deprived them of all that their fathers and grandfathers had left them. Gaiseric divided the provinces among his generals, keeping the most important ones for himself. The emperor Valentinian managed to defend and hold on to some of the provinces, but Gaiseric seized them after Valentinian’s death.
⁷
At that point Africa was his, as were the islands that lie between Africa and Italy—Sicily, Sardinia, Majorca, and Minorca—which he occupied and defended with his customary arrogance. Nevertheless, he later ceded Sicily to Odoacer, the king of Italy, in exchange for a tribute.
⁸

As Gaiseric had power over Africa, he commanded that the Vandal chiefs expel all the bishops and noblemen from their territories. This order was carried out, and many distinguished men of the cloth and noblemen became Vandal slaves. Quotvultdeus, the bishop of Carthage, and a great number of men of the church were robbed of everything, put on ships, and sent away from Africa. By the mercy of God they made their way to Naples in Italy, while Gaiseric converted to his own religion the Restituta Cathedral, where their bishops had always officiated, plundering all the other churches inside and outside Carthage, particularly two beautiful cathedrals of Saint Cyprian the Martyr,
⁹
one where his blood was shed, the other where he was buried, in Mappalia. Who can remember without tears how that cruel tyrant ordered the bodies of our saints to be buried without solemn psalms? And while these things were being done, the men of the church who had not yet left for exile from the African provinces that he had divided among his generals decided to meet with King Gaiseric, to beg him to show compassion. They gathered and went before the king, who was in the land of the Massyli,
¹⁰
and beseeched him to allow their Christian people to stay in Africa and eke out a living there. To this the king replied: “I am resolved not to leave a single man of your name and tribe in this land, and you have the impudence to beg for mercy?” He would have thrown them all immediately into the sea, but his barons pleaded that he refrain from such an evil act.

Despondent and miserable, the men of God retreated, and began secretly administering the divine rites whenever and wherever they had the opportunity.

1.
Machiavelli quotes Psalm 74, lines 5–7, from the Vulgate in slightly altered Latin:
Quasi in silva lignorum securibus consciderunt
[Vulgate:
exciderunt] ianuas eius
[Machiavelli adds:
in id ipsum], in securi et ascia deiecerunt eam, incenderunt igni sanctuarium tuum
.

2.
Machiavelli quotes II Kings 8:12 in strongly altered Latin:
Dixit inimicis incendere se fines meos, interficere infantes meos et parvulos meos elisurum ad terram
.

3.
Saint Perpetua, a young Carthaginian noblewoman, and her slave Felicitas were martyred in 203 CE during the Roman persecution of Christians and were among the foremost martyred saints of the North African Roman provinces. The Vandals were ardent Arian Christians (followers of the doctrines of the Alexandrian presbyter Arius), who differed in doctrinal matters from the Roman Catholic Church, particularly regarding the divinity of Christ.

4.
Saint Augustine (354–430
CE
), one of the Latin Fathers of the Church and a leading Christian theologian, died during Gaiseric’s siege of Hippo Regius (in today’s Algeria).

5.
Psalm 39:1 (Vulgate 38:2): “I will keep my mouth with a bridle while the wicked is before me. I was mute with silence.”

6.
King Gaiseric of the Vandals (d. 477
CE
) crossed the Straits of Gibraltar in 428
CE
and conquered a large part of Roman North Africa.

7.
Roman Emperor Valentinian III (419–55
CE
). Saint Victor of Utica writes in
The History of the Persecution of the African Province:
“They then divided the conquered provinces among themselves, Gaiseric keeping Byzacena, Abaritana, as well as Gaetulia and part of Numidia, while he gave his army Zeugitana, or Proconsularis. Emperor Valentinian still held the other provinces that Gaiseric had tried to assail, but after Valentinian’s death all of Africa was his.”

8.
King Odoacer (c. 433–93
CE
) was the first barbarian king of Italy, the beginning of whose reign in 476 CE is considered the end of the Western Roman Empire.

9.
Saint Cyprian (200–58
CE
). AS Bishop of Carthage he was a major spiritual leader during Rome’s persecution of North African Christians. After his execution he became the first bishop-martyr of Africa.

10.
A dominant Numidian tribe to which King Massinissa of Numidia had belonged.